Berna Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Hello everyone. Long time no see. Three years after my break-up, I've started seeing a guy. We met through mutual friends, we went hiking together a couple of times, and one night it just happened in a camp, we slept together. I really missed the sex and I liked him a little, so I said to myself, why not. As I said, we have mutual friends, so we met afterwards. One night he drove me home, and we just spent the whole night talking about small nothings. Fast forward five months, we have been seeing each other, always in a group of our friends first, then we would drive someplace else and have sex and sleep together. I also had a terrible stress during the past 2 months. My sweet dog who I love a lot was hit by a car. Thankfully, he survived. That guy was with me all the time, he helped my both psychologically and practically since he drove us to the vet every single day for two weeks. Now, here's the thing. Except when we meet with our friends and since he is no longer driving me and my dog to the vet's (thankfully, my dog is recovering) we don't talk. Like at all. He doesn't call me. I tried not to call him either. I actually asked my friends to ask him out so we could see each other. After 5 months, I am perplexed by his lack of initiative, although sometimes I think he may care. He is otherwise busy with work, sports etc etc. We haven't really talked about our relationship status. I don't expect big things (because I am not certain myself, the lack of initiative is bothering me somewhat), but I would really like if we could see each other more often and without a group of friends, or at least talk on the phone when life gets busy. What do you think? Time to talk? He seems like he is not certain of what he actually wants. Will anything come out of it? Thanks.
Toodaloo Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Why don't you just phone him and ask. It could go either way with what you describe and we are strangers so have no clue... Do you want him? If so its time to step up and tell him so. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Normally I'd say don't bother chasing, if he hasn't asked you out by this point or taken you on proper dates he just sees you as a friend and fk buddy... But I guess in theory he could think the same of you and moved on. So why not ask him? It'll put your mind at rest. However, these are not the actions of a man falling in love or angling for a relationship. I don't think he wants more. In the future make sure you have this discussion much earlier on to avoid wasting months on someone who isn't interested in anything serious. At least if you ask him how he feels about you you can move on safe in the knowledge that you didn't just 'miss the boat', you'll know he's not interested. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 You're his friend with benefits, OP. There's no relationship status to ask about, per se. If you'd like to see him outside of a group setting, you could suggest meeting up for a coffee or lunch or another non-sexually-charged outing (ie. not a drink at a bar) See how he responds to you. I have a feeling it's not going to develop into something beyond a FWB situation, though. He probably already would've hinted at more if he'd wanted it. 2
kendahke Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Three years after my break-up, I've started seeing a guy. We met through mutual friends, we went hiking together a couple of times, and one night it just happened in a camp, we slept together. I really missed the sex and I liked him a little, so I said to myself, why not. We haven't really talked about our relationship status. What relationship status? There is no relationship---involvement, yes; FWB, possibly, but no relationship. That requires a declaration of intent. You two sound like fbuddies... did you have any kind of talk about what you both were looking for in a partner and if the other was amenable to keep going with what you two had started? I mean it's great he helped you out with your pup, but that isn't a contract to anything. Sex isn't a contract to anything, either. Don't put your friends in your business. Keep things as uncomplicated as possible. Call him and talk to him directly about what's going on. If you trusted him enough to let him into your body, you should be able to talk to him about him vaporizing on you and about you wanting a little more involvement from him. 1
xUnknown Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I see you both being each others FWB. He doesn't make effort to talk to you, and you don't do the same to him. He is probably under the impression this is what you want and is going along with it. Ask him out, this isn't high school where you have to have your friends ask him out for you - is it? If you're interested in dating him - tell him. 1
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