Maverick11 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Hello! So here it goes : He was my first boyfriend we started dating when we were both in school, we were best friends since kindergarten then finally he asked me out and we dated for around 3 years in school then one day he went on an exchange programme and came back with rumours about him and this other girl in school, I loved him very much but I must have been 17 and very naive and I didn't exactly believe the rumours but I saw a change in his behaviour and I just told him to stop talking to that girl that was because she was in my class and she acted too pricey and I started getting too jealous, he didn't listen to me and I broke up with him and after 3 months he started dating the same girl. I was devastated. I was miserable that year in school but during the last year I made it a mission to do well academically for a good college and I did achieve that. He left the country for a college and he broke up with that girl after 2 years or so. I did my graduation from my country and dated another guy from school who really loved me and prob still does, I dated him for a year and then broke up with him just because he was too much into me and I felt like I'm not doing justice to him, we're still good friends and I didn't date anybody else because i know how that feels and I didn't want him to feel that way because I really cared for him, I was glad when he finally hooked up with somebody else The thing is the guy I first dated came back over holidays and I met him and I felt like nothing has changed, it took me less than a minute to fall for him but all my friends say he's a jerk, and rightly so since he kept on talking about the number of girls he has screwed or dated and has this kick ass life in the country he is studying during these three years I sort of agreed for a friends with benefit thing after him being too persistent but that just turned out to be a sham since all he wanted were nudes and stuff, though I was feeling weird I didn't let him know how I felt then recently he asked to hook up with me and clearly stated that it will be nothing more than just sex since he doesn't see me that way. I politely refused. We're friends now. My issue is it has been so long and I shouldn't be caring about him, he's so happy in his life but I miss him and want him so bad, I feel like I over reacted back in school and I wish I would have been more patient. I just obsess over him too much. What should I do?
Shock148 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Hello! So here it goes : He was my first boyfriend we started dating when we were both in school, we were best friends since kindergarten then finally he asked me out and we dated for around 3 years in school then one day he went on an exchange programme and came back with rumours about him and this other girl in school, I loved him very much but I must have been 17 and very naive and I didn't exactly believe the rumours but I saw a change in his behaviour and I just told him to stop talking to that girl that was because she was in my class and she acted too pricey and I started getting too jealous, he didn't listen to me and I broke up with him and after 3 months he started dating the same girl. I was devastated. I was miserable that year in school but during the last year I made it a mission to do well academically for a good college and I did achieve that. He left the country for a college and he broke up with that girl after 2 years or so. I did my graduation from my country and dated another guy from school who really loved me and prob still does, I dated him for a year and then broke up with him just because he was too much into me and I felt like I'm not doing justice to him, we're still good friends and I didn't date anybody else because i know how that feels and I didn't want him to feel that way because I really cared for him, I was glad when he finally hooked up with somebody else The thing is the guy I first dated came back over holidays and I met him and I felt like nothing has changed, it took me less than a minute to fall for him but all my friends say he's a jerk, and rightly so since he kept on talking about the number of girls he has screwed or dated and has this kick ass life in the country he is studying during these three years I sort of agreed for a friends with benefit thing after him being too persistent but that just turned out to be a sham since all he wanted were nudes and stuff, though I was feeling weird I didn't let him know how I felt then recently he asked to hook up with me and clearly stated that it will be nothing more than just sex since he doesn't see me that way. I politely refused. We're friends now. My issue is it has been so long and I shouldn't be caring about him, he's so happy in his life but I miss him and want him so bad, I feel like I over reacted back in school and I wish I would have been more patient. I just obsess over him too much. What should I do? You cannot handle being friends with him because you are not over him. I suggest you do limited contact with him that will in time turn into NC. Refuse any flirting he might do to you and just tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable because YOU don't feel that way about him (even if it's a lie). The only way to cure an obsession is to move as far away from what you are obsessed of as possible. In your case, like I said earlier, do limited contact with him and gradually build it up to NC. Why would you still want to be with a man who goes around telling you how many girls hes slept with and he just wants to sleep with you not because he cares about you but because it will be another vagina he banged recently under his belt? Move on. 1
Marco Valerio Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Maybe you miss him as a platonic love, because he was your first one, your first heart break. It amazes me how everything changes, at first you're naive and innocent, an after your first love and first break up, you become a very different person. Some times for better and others for worse. In your case, if I must say, his change of behaviour could mean that something was going on. If he cheated on you, if that was the case, you shouldn't be wanting him back in your life. I can assure you, you wouldn't be happy. Nothing is ever the same once there's history together. He was your first, that left a mark on you, no doubt of it. But maybe that's your mark line, from which you should start a new life, expecting the best from someone new. I wish you all my best =) 1
Shock148 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I do know how you feel as well. I hung out with my first love 2 weeks ago and we had a great time. I don't want to be with her but I did start having old romantic feelings for her the days that followed. I told myself why would I want to go back to that after all the bs that we went through? It is human nature to always have some type of love for your first, but I decided to just not contact her unless she contacts me first and if she does, just keep it cordial and friendly. 1
Author Maverick11 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 Maybe you miss him as a platonic love, because he was your first one, your first heart break. It amazes me how everything changes, at first you're naive and innocent, an after your first love and first break up, you become a very different person. Some times for better and others for worse. In your case, if I must say, his change of behaviour could mean that something was going on. If he cheated on you, if that was the case, you shouldn't be wanting him back in your life. I can assure you, you wouldn't be happy. Nothing is ever the same once there's history together. He was your first, that left a mark on you, no doubt of it. But maybe that's your mark line, from which you should start a new life, expecting the best from someone new. I wish you all my best =) Thank you for your wishes! I guess you're right, I do miss the platonic love or the best friend which I had, but it's just that I regret it too much at times and he has no idea, I was just hoping to find a way that I don't have to think about him or obsess over him so much.
Author Maverick11 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 I do know how you feel as well. I hung out with my first love 2 weeks ago and we had a great time. I don't want to be with her but I did start having old romantic feelings for her the days that followed. I told myself why would I want to go back to that after all the bs that we went through? It is human nature to always have some type of love for your first, but I decided to just not contact her unless she contacts me first and if she does, just keep it cordial and friendly. Well, that makes absolute sense! Thank you for sharing your experience. And about your first post, I'm not sure if I can handle not being friends with him. I'm too sensitive, he's had an impact on me and I can't just delete him from my life even if that's how it should be.
Shock148 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Well, that makes absolute sense! Thank you for sharing your experience. And about your first post, I'm not sure if I can handle not being friends with him. I'm too sensitive, he's had an impact on me and I can't just delete him from my life even if that's how it should be. Well then definitely be friends with him, but if romantic feelings were to arise, please take a step back and think about the relationship you had with him and all the bad times that were involved. Take time to reflect on it and then make your decision accordingly. 1
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