JonasHaman Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I'm a 21 year old man and I recently broke up with my (ex)girlfriend who is 19. We (mostly she) broke up the other day after deciding it was for "the best". We met this summer by the end of July and things were amazing. She's always had a dream of becoming a doctor and by the end of august, she was approved to a medical program in another City to become a doctor. I takes approx. 1h with train to go between the cities. At the time she moved there, things were amazing and both of us were really sorry and she said that she would apply for the medical program in our city so that she could move back by the end of the year (a couple of monhts later). That was the plan. As we are both students, we were not able to see eachother that much during the first couple of weeks. She was supposed to come back on the weekends to get together. By the first weekend, she became sick, and we decided it would be best not to see each other in order for me not to get sick aswell. So we met the following weekend (2 weeks after she moved). We had been skyping and texting each other a lot during this time. We got together that weekend and things got back to normal for a day or two, and it was once more amazing. The she left again and I went back to take care of my buisness. We would see eachother the next weekend. That was the plan. At this point, I hadn't got any clue of what was lying ahead. I'm glad I didn't knew what was coming to be honest. So the days rolled by, an we were gonna se eachother the next weekend. However, during the week, she got sick again. This time very sick. We talked and she said that there were just so much stress and that she didn't knew how to handle it. It is reasonable to expect a lot of stress if you are a young girl that's moving to another city for the first time and also attending a medical program. She said she had been crying alot and that she didn't know how to handle the stress. We talked alot I tried to be supportive. After that weekend, she did not get better. When the next weekend came, she told me that she still didn't feel good enough to come back. So we continued talking and skyping. So three weeks after seeing eachother the last time (when things were as amazing), we finally got to se eachother. However, something was not right. I could tell by the first night (friday) that she wasn't like normally would be. I thought that it depended on the stress and the fact that she still was a bit ill. The following day (saturday), we went to the movies with her sister and her boyfriend (really good friends of both of us). However, all of us three could tell that something was serioulsy wrong. me and my girl got home at about 01.00 am and we grabed something to eat quickly and went to bed. I started to cuddle with her but I could feel the something was wrong. It had been all weekend. So I asked her to say whats on her mind and tell me everything. She explained there was so much stress and the she did not know how to handle it all. And she started crying. She told me the she felt like we were slowly being pulled away from eachother. I agreed, i had felt it to, but I still had very strong feelings for here. She told me that she were not sure of how we were gonna make our relationship work. I tried with all my heart to find out the thruth and she revealed a very important fact that need to be highlighted. She felt like the overall impression she had got during our relationship, was that I did not care enough for her. This killed me. I started crying uncontrollably because I knew that I did in fact care for her, but she insisted that we were too different to be together. That night was the worst night of my life. I litterally cried the whole night beside her because I knew that this would be our final night together. She would not give me a chance to improve myself, as I was feeling willing to sacrifce all to be with here. The following morning we talked for hours and eat breakfast at approx. 12am. I was devastated. She was not crying. Maybe becuase she had already been crying the past couple of weeks. That's probably the reason why she got sick. What upsets the most me is the fact the she never explained to me in the first place how she felt, and how she wanted me to show her more that i care for her. If she would have told me this earlier, I would have done everything in my power to show her my feelings. But she decided to tell me this before she had already made up her mind. She has explained that when she had been with me, she had been feeling like she hadn't got any response or confirmation from me, that I truly had feeling for her. She explain that all the time she felt more and more torn and the she evetually felt worthless. When I heard that, It destroyed me. It felt like a blade slicing through my stomach. It made me realize how bad of a boyfriend I had been. But at the same time, I had only been myself. If I were to change, then she would not love me for who I am. i did have feelings for her, I'm just not that good at showing them. However when the cards were dropped and She wanted to breakup, I felt like I really was not ready for it. She broke my heart. What I did not know was that I had been breaking her heart all the time. So right now, I don't feel very well. She had always been treating me perfectly, and right now I feel like I have made a huge misstake, and I feel incredibly sad. The last time I saw here before the break up was when things were amazing, and I had been longing to get together ever since. It was yesterday that we woke up together for the last time, eat breakfast and said goodbye. When we said goodbye, she started crying, but not to the extent that I had been crying. I cried the whole day. So today (break up took place yesterday) I just wanted to share my experience Don't make the same misstake I did. Show your partner how important she is for you. Make sure that she feels loved. I thought that she was feeling loved due to the way she was treating me and the way she behaved when we were together. I turns out she was holding back her emotions because she was afraid to hurt me. This eventually lead to the break up. I told her in the early stages of the relationship that if you ever feel like something is wrong, let me know so that we can work those things out. She never gave me a clear indication that something in fact was wrong. She had in fact been giving me small hints like jokingly saying "you're so hard to read" etc. but not to an extent that I actually realized how she felt. However I think that, in the end, we were in fact very different. And I do believe that sooner or later, it would have ended. Maybe this contributed to my feelings not being expressed properly. But right I feel like this wasn't the right time to break yp, especially for me. But what can I do? I just gotta keep going forward, without thinking about us, even though I still feel willing to try again. I just hope that no one ever have to go through what I am going through. Knowing it's over because of you, unintentinally, broke you partners heart, is overwhelming. But I will make it.
Winterina Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Sorry that you are going through this. You have learned something from this ordeal. It is important you don't repeat your mistakes again in your next relationship. Could you share what concretely was it that she complained about? Also, I do not see why couldn't she just talk to you if something bothered her that much. So that she tells you that you are hurting her feelings and gives you guys a chance.
coryreply Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Sorry you're hurting, bro. Break-ups are tough. Hang in there!
mightycpa Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 It sounds like bull****. I think she just didn't want to tell you that you don't really float her boat anymore, but Mr. New Guy in New City floats her boat really good, and now you're fired. She's a coward, and you are her patsy. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Ah, the old "I'm not feeling well" routine. My ex pulled this right before dumping me. My guess is she was getting filled with new drills. F*ck her, dude. Get gone and stay gone. 1
Author JonasHaman Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 Sorry that you are going through this. You have learned something from this ordeal. It is important you don't repeat your mistakes again in your next relationship. Could you share what concretely was it that she complained about? Also, I do not see why couldn't she just talk to you if something bothered her that much. So that she tells you that you are hurting her feelings and gives you guys a chance. I'm not quite sure to be honest, what it was the she complained about. All I know is the she felt more and more torn throughout the relationship and that she finally felt worthless. She couldn't take it anymore. She felt like she did not get any response from me, proving that I did infact care for her. That's all I know. And she told me this when It was to late. Now that we have separated she says, when I ask, that there is no point in telling me why because it's to no use. She just wants to move on. She does not want to meet and speak (I've asked if I could come up to her in her new city and speak to her face-to-face to sort things out), but she insists no. She really does not want this to continue. I do know her very well, and also my bestfriend is together with her sister, that's how we met. I would be very, very suprised if it turned out she was dating someone else, because that's just not her, she is not like that. Her sister agrees with me on that point. She's never had a boyfriend before. But then again why wouldn't she be willing to give me a chance and why does she really want it to end? She has always had a dream of becomming a doctor, and now she's met so many new people that share her ambitions. She said that she has realised things about us, and that this was for the best. I don't blame her, we do have very different interest and all. She feels like if she moves back, she would lose everything she has come to love in her "new life", and since we don't match very good, it's best to move on. I honestly do not blame her at all. She is young and she is still discovering things about herself. She's that kind of person that thrives to become the best. She needs to be accepted. I don't think it is time for her to bound to someone just yet, she needs time to live her life and follow the path of her heart. I can live with that. Or she is just "getting new drills" so to speak (if you understand me). That would suck. I would not forgive her.
Christos Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 She found another man. As simple as that. She will NEVER admit this, not even with medieval torment. Move on.
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