Arun1910 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I wonder if you guys can help me. In July I was dumped, we were okay with each other for a while but then went NC for 2 months. She then contacted me 2 weeks ago to this day and every day since then she has started contact. She will initiate contact about 3 times a day (due to me cutting it off), joke around, laugh, old inside jokes. Even on Thursday she phone called me and we had a really fun light hearted chat. Through these 2 weeks she told me she still got panic attacks and self harmed once, unfortunately. But she said these so randomly that she must have wanted me to know what shes going through. However on Thursday, the day of the phone call, she was really down and self harmed later that evening. A bunch of her friends were asking me on advice on what to do and I ended up talking to her, however she just pushed me away. A few days after she told me to stop caring so much... I don't understand this at all. She specifically says "stop caring so much, Leave me.", to which I replied "You self harmed twice in one week and have really low depressive like moments that YOU have openly told me. Why would I not?". Why is she telling me about these self harming/panic attack periods that she says to keep a secret if when I try and help she pushes me away? Every time she speaks to me we are fine until I try and show care and then she turns into a different person. After her telling me to stop caring, I feel like I'm obliged too. It's horrible to know my care isn't good enough, yet she lets others help her.
Christos Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 My internal BPD spider-sense is tingling... Tread lightly. Self-harming means she has serious issues, whether she is truthful or not. 1
Author Arun1910 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 My internal BPD spider-sense is tingling... Tread lightly. Self-harming means she has serious issues, whether she is truthful or not. I know she has issues, she's had them before, difference is I could always talk her round to not doing this. Do you really think she has BPD? Normally when an ex comes back to you, initiates contact all the time and jokes around and whatnot thats a good thing. Doubly so if they open up to you. So why when I show care towards the things she's telling me she pushes me away and gets pissed?
Itspointless Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 She will initiate contact about 3 times a day (due to me cutting it off) [...] the day of the phone call, she was really down and self harmed later that evening. [...] Why is she telling me about these self harming/panic attack periods that she says to keep a secret if when I try and help she pushes me away? She is manipulating you. Self harm is not a good sign. Self harm also is a sign of borderline disorder among others. The desire to self-harm is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a symptom of borderline personality disorder. However, patients with other diagnoses may also self-harm, including those with depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, and several personality disorders. [wikipedia] You might better take some distance from her and inform her parents about the self harm. That does not make you popular with her though. 1
Christos Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) I know she has issues, she's had them before, difference is I could always talk her round to not doing this. Do you really think she has BPD? Normally when an ex comes back to you, initiates contact all the time and jokes around and whatnot thats a good thing. Doubly so if they open up to you. So why when I show care towards the things she's telling me she pushes me away and gets pissed? Well, i am not a professional, and even if i was, i wouldn't be able to diagnose her from here obviously... BUT, those are danger signs and red flags you listed there... Bordelines, switch between love and indifference quite frequently, self harm, try to manipulate you etc. What you described is TYPICAL Borderline behaviour. That doesn't mean she is a Borderline of course. But it is something you need to keep in mind. Normal people don't act like this. Edited October 5, 2015 by Christos 1
Author Arun1910 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 She is manipulating you. Self harm is not a good sign. Self harm also is a sign of borderline disorder among others. You might better take some distance from her and inform her parents about the self harm. That does not make you popular with her though. We did inform her parents, not me, but one of her friends text her mum about it that night and she knows about what she did now. Well, i am not a professional, and even if i was, i wouldn't be able to diagnose her from here obviously... BUT, those are danger signs and red flags you listed there... Bordelines, switch between love and indifference quite frequently, self harm, try to manipulate you etc. What you described is TYPICAL Borderline behaviour. That doesn't mean she is a Borderline of course. But it is something you need to keep in mind. Normal people don't act like this. Yeah, its a shame really. I'm starting to wonder if its because im her ex. Not the entire situation, but the getting angry at me when I show care part. I feel like I should just disappear for a while :|
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