Author Sports123 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 OP she may be testing you to see if you like her enough 'as is' stubble and all. Keep in mind that her greatest 'flaw' could go away over night if she makes a decision to try other treatments. It's very unusual in my experience for a young beautiful woman not to take care of facial hair in a more advanced way. Not wrong, just unusual. But if you do dump her, send her my way. I love me some hairy women. Yea, well i'm not sure if she knows it bothers me. It seemed like she thought I was just curious. Yea, I wish she would take care of it a better way. It didn't seem like the roughness was going anywhere though, she said she tried a lot of stuff already. Yea, i've never been in a situation like this before with other women I've dated. You would date her, knowing her neck/jawline is rough?
Author Sports123 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Probably not, no. It's noticeable, but she has blonde hair, so it's not pronounced. That said, I did stop seeing someone in the summer who had hairy arms, but she was a bit overweight too, so I guess that's shallow too. I meant would you bring it up to her if it was more than peach fuzz. haha, you broke up with a girl over hairy arms and bec she was alittle overweight?I thought you said since you are older looks don't matter as much as personality. I guess you didn't have a connection with her as well? I mean would you have continued to date her if she didn't have hairy arms?
ManyDissapoint Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Yea, well i'm not sure if she knows it bothers me. It seemed like she thought I was just curious. Yea, I wish she would take care of it a better way. It didn't seem like the roughness was going anywhere though, she said she tried a lot of stuff already. Yea, i've never been in a situation like this before with other women I've dated. You would date her, knowing her neck/jawline is rough? If the rest of her exudes femininity and we have good chemistry, absolutely. I would let her know that although I don't mind her facial hair, I would really enjoy it if I could experience her gorgeous face occasionally without it. I don't see a big deal. My ex girlfriend never wanted me to have a beard, and because I enjoyed doing things that made her gush over me, I would shave and she would love my clean shaven face. Incidentally my last ex was a bit on the hairy side, sides / back of the neck was more fuzzy than 'normal'. I loved that. She waxed and eppellated her moustacio, neck and god knows where else. She didn't really let me see her get to the point of stubble but I kinda liked knowing that she was a human like the rest of us. I enjoyed the cycle. I dunno if that makes sense. 2
pinkpositive Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I keep seeing people viewing this, why aren't people responding? Dump or keep, anyone?? K-E-E-P HER. > If you really like her you should accept her for who she is. > If you like someone because of her attitude then that's already love BUT if you will only like her because of her physical appearance then that's LUST. > No One is perfect.
Lois_Griffin Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Well, I think you should be honest with her. Admittedly, it sounds like she's got an excuse for not using just about every other method available to her that doesn't leave stubble. Years ago, my now ex-husband had told me about a lovely girl he'd met that was just the sweetest thing, and he started dating her (before we met and married). On their first date, as the day progressed (they went on some day trip to a local attraction) he said by the time evening rolled around, this gal had a '5:00 shadow' and he just couldn't get past it. He didn't say anything of course, but tried one more time to go out with her a week later - meeting up around 6pm for dinner after they both were done with work. Again, there was that 5:00 shadow as she'd worked all day and had come right from work. He said he just simply couldn't get past it and much as he felt bad because she was such a doll, he just didn't ask her out again. He felt guilty about that and never told her why. You sound like you're on the fence - you could fall for her OR you could dump her, as you keep asking if you should. The issue isn't going to go away. I find it hard to believe that she refuses to use other methods that don't include shaving and having 'man stubble.' I'm kind of floored by that. I still HIGHLY recommend that she start using a facial depilatory which leaves your skin baby soft and certainly leaves no stubble. Surely she hasn't tried every single depilatory the market and has 'issues' with every single ONE of them?
Disconnect Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) OP, you're clearly not going to be happy until she decides to remove the hair in a way that leaves no stubble. So, what are you going to do? Put up or shut up, although, FGS be sensitive about it. I get the feeling you don't really read other people's posts in this thread, you will just keep parroting the same thing over and over. Your post about 'putting up a poll saying dump or not to dump' was woefully immature and just... dire. Actually, I can't even really be bothered to give advice on how best to approach this roughness issue, because I feel she deserves better than you. Sorry, you are not a catch. Edited October 8, 2015 by Disconnect Typo 3
JasmineJones Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 During the course of a lifetime people can easily end up with appendix scars, caeasarean scars, hair loss etc. These things can happen to any of us at more or less any time. It's amazing that people can justify being so shallow as to allow such things to be a deal breaker. Perhaps men will advocate dumping your girlfriend after she gets a bunch of stretch marks from a pregnancy or an ugly caesarean scar that you just cannot bear to have to look at during sex. What if your partner gets involved in a car crash and winds up with ugly scars? What then? Force her to wear a paper bag over her head, yeah? 3
katiegrl Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) Well, I think you should be honest with her. Admittedly, it sounds like she's got an excuse for not using just about every other method available to her that doesn't leave stubble. Years ago, my now ex-husband had told me about a lovely girl he'd met that was just the sweetest thing, and he started dating her (before we met and married). On their first date, as the day progressed (they went on some day trip to a local attraction) he said by the time evening rolled around, this gal had a '5:00 shadow' and he just couldn't get past it. He didn't say anything of course, but tried one more time to go out with her a week later - meeting up around 6pm for dinner after they both were done with work. Again, there was that 5:00 shadow as she'd worked all day and had come right from work. He said he just simply couldn't get past it and much as he felt bad because she was such a doll, he just didn't ask her out again. He felt guilty about that and never told her why. You sound like you're on the fence - you could fall for her OR you could dump her, as you keep asking if you should. The issue isn't going to go away. I find it hard to believe that she refuses to use other methods that don't include shaving and having 'man stubble.' I'm kind of floored by that. I still HIGHLY recommend that she start using a facial depilatory which leaves your skin baby soft and certainly leaves no stubble. Surely she hasn't tried every single depilatory the market and has 'issues' with every single ONE of them? Last paragraph, yeah I agree. It boggles the mind she is so closed off to other, better options. Perhaps if you DID dump her, and told her why, that would be the red light going off telling her dark stubbles on neck are a turn off! If it were me, I would not care how much it hurt, I would do anything and everything to get rid so my skin is smooth. Not too mention, over the counter depilatories DO NOT hurt. And they DO leave skin soft and baby smooth. Shaving is easier and faster for sure. BUT what she doesn't realize is that shaving will actually cause the hairs to grow back thicker! Same with tweezing. She is only 23, in ten years her hair will be so thick, she will be able to grow a full beard just like a man. Edited October 8, 2015 by katiegrl
kpl Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Last paragraph, yeah I agree. It boggles the mind she is so closed off to other, better options. Perhaps if you DID dump her, and told her why, that would be the red light going off telling her dark stubbles on neck are a turn off! If it were me, I would not care how much it hurt, I would do anything and everything to get rid so my skin is smooth. Not too mention, over the counter depilatories DO NOT hurt. And they DO leave skin soft and baby smooth. Shaving is easier and faster for sure. BUT what she doesn't realize is that shaving will actually cause the hairs to grow back thicker! Same with tweezing. She is only 23, in ten years her hair will be so thick, she will be able to grow a full beard just like a man. i got the impression she wasn't closed off. While OP's approach was calm and he addressed the issue, he didn't express his concern. She seems mature and vocal and comfortable with herself. OP is not comfortable enough to really express himself and keeps blaming not wanting to make her self conscious. You are not that powerful she will feel what she feels. I think this is an excuse honestly.
MidwestUSA Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) FWIW I completely understand her reluctance to go another method right now. For any other method, other than a cream depilatory, there has to be enough hair to grab - whether it's by wax, an epilator, or even laser. IIRC, you need one eighth to one quarter inch of growth. If it's very evident hair, she's going to have a tough time getting started. What to do? Lock yourself away? And then you have growth cycles. Not all hair is on the same cycle. She could bleach it blonde as it grows out, but she'd be bleaching everyday. And that would rule out the laser, and make electrolysis difficult, because you can't see the hair entering the follicle. I've had electrolysis, and it's kind of barbaric (compared to laser). One session with the settings too high, and you'll wish you had hair instead of scars. She's at a tough crossroads. I've been there and am completely sympathetic. Edited October 8, 2015 by MidwestUSA
StocksnBlondes Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Hey OP Hope your wedding weekend plans go well with this gal. Truly seems like a mistake to throw this one away because of something such as a little extra hair in a normal place. Last year was the first time I dated a guy with back hair ...yikes!! But I got over the initial repulsion because of how much I liked so many other qualities he possessed. This year I dated a guy who had weird long toes ...I like nice feet. Again ...after processing the initial repulsion I just didn't think about it except for thinking how lucky I feel being born with cute feet. His became cute too after a while ...in their own weird way. It's the total package but hair and toes aren't on my deal breaker list. Also ...when a guy gently holds a woman's face in his hands ...he doesn't grab her by the jaw ...his thumb gently graces her cheek and the rest of his hand holds the back of her head ... Focus on her eyes and cheeks:) 1
Author Sports123 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 FWIW I completely understand her reluctance to go another method right now. For any other method, other than a cream depilatory, there has to be enough hair to grab - whether it's by wax, an epilator, or even laser. IIRC, you need one eighth to one quarter inch of growth. If it's very evident hair, she's going to have a tough time getting started. What to do? Lock yourself away? And then you have growth cycles. Not all hair is on the same cycle. She could bleach it blonde as it grows out, but she'd be bleaching everyday. And that would rule out the laser, and make electrolysis difficult, because you can't see the hair entering the follicle. I've had electrolysis, and it's kind of barbaric (compared to laser). One session with the settings too high, and you'll wish you had hair instead of scars. She's at a tough crossroads. I've been there and am completely sympathetic. Yea, she didn't seem like she was complaining about what she uses to remove the hair, I don't usually see any hair. What have you been doing to get rid of your facial hair and did electrolysis work?
Author Sports123 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 OP, you're clearly not going to be happy until she decides to remove the hair in a way that leaves no stubble. So, what are you going to do? Put up or shut up, although, FGS be sensitive about it. I get the feeling you don't really read other people's posts in this thread, you will just keep parroting the same thing over and over. Your post about 'putting up a poll saying dump or not to dump' was woefully immature and just... dire. Actually, I can't even really be bothered to give advice on how best to approach this roughness issue, because I feel she deserves better than you. Sorry, you are not a catch. I am reading everyone's posts and I appreciate all the responses. I just thought of people didn't have time to explain they could just say dump or keep.
Author Sports123 Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Last paragraph, yeah I agree. It boggles the mind she is so closed off to other, better options. Perhaps if you DID dump her, and told her why, that would be the red light going off telling her dark stubbles on neck are a turn off! If it were me, I would not care how much it hurt, I would do anything and everything to get rid so my skin is smooth. Not too mention, over the counter depilatories DO NOT hurt. And they DO leave skin soft and baby smooth. Shaving is easier and faster for sure. BUT what she doesn't realize is that shaving will actually cause the hairs to grow back thicker! Same with tweezing. She is only 23, in ten years her hair will be so thick, she will be able to grow a full beard just like a man. Ok, what depilatories would you all recommended, maybe I could say my sister uses it and says it's great. Remember she has stubble not peach fuzz. And do these creams get under the skin, how can they get closer than shaving? If they leave faces soft, why don't guys use them?
Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) Is this a joke? Dump her and find a gal with major Alopecia. I have never heard of a woman having a beard and stubble, this is why I do not know if it is a joke or not. If it is for real, then it seems you cannot get over the issue. A bit embarrassing for her I am sure. If I had a guy writing all this about me, I would really wish he had moved on already. Edited October 8, 2015 by Celeste.Carol Add 1
MidwestUSA Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Yea, she didn't seem like she was complaining about what she uses to remove the hair, I don't usually see any hair. What have you been doing to get rid of your facial hair and did electrolysis work? Electrolysis was painful and tedious, but worked. I finished most of the rest off with laser. Anything that pops up now and then gets tweezed (one or two isolated hairs here and there).
neowulf Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 The bit that concerns me is the message I keep getting from the OP; "I like you, I'd like to stay with you IF YOU'D JUST CHANGE THIS ONE THING ABOUT YOU" Whether or not she decides to do something further about her hair is her decision to make. It really has nothing to do with the OP. The fact that she could do more isn't hte point. The point is you shouldn't be dating someone and trying to figure out how to "mold" them to be a better fit for you.
katiegrl Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I think at some point, she will realize it's in her best interests to get the hair removed permanently... no matter how much it hurts to do so. As I said before, as she continues to shave, the hair will grow thicker....she might end up needing to shave twice a day to avoid that stubble and 5:00 shadow thingee. I would imagine that could become quite tedious. She is only 23, unless the OP marries her, they will break up at some point, after which she may find men are turned off by the stubbles and shadow, causing her to become quite self-conscious about it. I know I would be but everyone is different.. she may not care.
Disconnect Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) Shaving is the worst possible method she could be using. It just makes the hair come back thicker and stronger, and more of it than ever before. If she doesn't want salons / expensive treatments, just get an epilator, you can do it at home. Sure, it hurts a bit the first time you use it, but so what? I use an epilator on my legs, it pulls the hair out at the root, so it doesn't come back for a quite a long time and when it does, it's weaker and softer than before. In the UK, epilators are sold in supermarkets and chemists everywhere and only cost £50 or so, America is bound to be roughly the same. They come with various attachments, including one for the face. Edited October 8, 2015 by Disconnect Typo
katiegrl Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Sports said this doesn't bother her, her response when he mentioned it was cool, which is good in a way, but she did not seem at all concerned about it. I was thinking if that were me and my boyfriend brought the subject up, I would probably ask him if it bothered him or turned him off. At which point, knowing my bf, he would say it did, at which point I WOULD become concerned about it and want to do something about removing it permanently. But I am guessing, at such a young age (23), she has not had to face any serious consequences (like a guy she likes breaking up with her), but if Sports were to break up with her, and tell her why (which he should if he goes that route), perhaps she might change her tune about that, and begin thinking about permanent or longer lasting removal. Like I and the above poster said, shaving is the WORST thing to do!! The absolute worst!
MidwestUSA Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I'm going to repeat myself, but any permanent method would require her to grow the hair out. I know I wasn't comfortable doing that, and while the epilator is cheap enough, she may not want to walk around with hairs of varying lengths showing. She won't do any permanent damage by shaving. It's a myth that more hair grows in. What does grow back seems coarser, simply due to the shaved end of the hair. 4
RazzberryGirl Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Depilatory creams do NOT remove the dark super coarse hair on a woman's chin or neck. None of them are strong enough. I've tried quite a few myself. I WISH I could afford laser, but I just cannot. Plus, there's NO WAY I would be able to grow the hair long enough for those treatments outside of my home. I'm just stuck with this curse. I hate it, hate, hate, hate it. It's ruined me as a person cause I feel like Cinderella having to be back home after 8hrs due to my "shadow" showing under my makeup. Reading about men's opinions about it is just making me feel worse. 3
MidwestUSA Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Depilatory creams do NOT remove the dark super coarse hair on a woman's chin or neck. None of them are strong enough. I've tried quite a few myself. I WISH I could afford laser, but I just cannot. Plus, there's NO WAY I would be able to grow the hair long enough for those treatments outside of my home. I'm just stuck with this curse. I hate it, hate, hate, hate it. It's ruined me as a person cause I feel like Cinderella having to be back home after 8hrs due to my "shadow" showing under my makeup. Reading about men's opinions about it is just making me feel worse. Just know that you're not alone. I've been dealing with this for forty years, ever since my brother had to point out to my fellow grade schoolers that I had a mustache. Hugs. 1
Author Sports123 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 Is this a joke? Dump her and find a gal with major Alopecia. I have never heard of a woman having a beard and stubble, this is why I do not know if it is a joke or not. If it is for real, then it seems you cannot get over the issue. A bit embarrassing for her I am sure. If I had a guy writing all this about me, I would really wish he had moved on already. I wish it was a joke, but sadly it's not. I have heard of women growing facial hair, but I never thought I would be dating one of them. My old high school teacher had gray hairs coming out of her neck, I was repulsed back then. Thankfully, my gf doesn't let hers grow out.
Author Sports123 Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 I think at some point, she will realize it's in her best interests to get the hair removed permanently... no matter how much it hurts to do so. As I said before, as she continues to shave, the hair will grow thicker....she might end up needing to shave twice a day to avoid that stubble and 5:00 shadow thingee. I would imagine that could become quite tedious. She is only 23, unless the OP marries her, they will break up at some point, after which she may find men are turned off by the stubbles and shadow, causing her to become quite self-conscious about it. I know I would be but everyone is different.. she may not care. Well, it didn't seem like she didn't care about her facial hair problem. She did seem frustrated by it, but it also seemed like she just accepted it and was learning to just manage it. She was grateful this was the worst of her problems and there are makeup and electric razors that are able to somewhat fix her issue.
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