Should I dump her??

[kpl]

The way she handled this conversation, if I were you, I would be more turned on! I am in my 30s and that kind of openness and confidence I have learned can be hard to come by. I don't think bringing up again is bad, if you chose to stay with her. Maybe one more time, suggest an economical solution that may have been mentioned on this thread. She really sounds like a catch though, so if you want to move on soon you should get to it and let her find someone else.

[GemmaUK]

OP, you have asked the question 'should I dump her?' more times that I could be bothered to count. I made it to 7.... You sound like a parrot!

 

I didn't get time to post much earlier but I totally agree with others that this young lady is pretty damn amazing going by how she handled that conversation.

She is mature beyond her years, sensible and fun too, she is also not a drama queen and knows her own value. Good for her!

 

You sound immature in comparison. Sorry to sound harsh but the constant 'should I dump her?' question sounds like a toddler wanting sweets.

 

You are also not even willing to be mature enough to suggest another option to her. Because you maybe don't want to take any responsibility? If I know a fix to try for someone for something I'll let 'em know.

 

But anyway, you sound like you are dead set on not offering another suggestion and also dead set on that you want to dump her.

 

Maturity levels wise though I honestly have to say I believe you two are incompatible. She is much more mature than you and at your age I find this thread pretty shocking. I figured you were in your teens.

 

I think you should dump her for those reasons.

[autumnnight]

This, for me, after reading the whole thread, is not really about facial hair.

 

If you cannot make a definitive, independent decision about a girl you have been seeing for 5 weeks, that would be a red flag to me as a woman that you are wishy-washy, indecisive, and not at all the leader type.

 

Which would NOT work for me.

 

Do you generally lack confidence?

[craw]

So what do you do about your facial hair, since laser wasn't the answer?

Did your ex dump you because of your facial hair?

 

Sorry I didn't see this until now.

 

No, he's not shallow. 5+ years relationship. He never once said anything to me. He's Canadian.

 

I wax/thread with a great lady whonputs aloe vera on me afterwards. So I don't break out in tiny disgusting pimples.

[Sports123]

She did handle the conversation mature and her confidence showed even with her condition.

 

I just really don't like the roughness, I don't have a solution on how to fix it and neither does she.

If I bring it up again I am concerned I'll make her feel bad, I mean I don't think she knew it bothered me, just seemed like I was curious.

 

I don't lack confidence and I think I'm a catch too.

 

How would all you like fooling around with someone and getting scratched?

 

If she didn't have this, everything would be great.

[Sports123]

Sorry I didn't see this until now.

 

No, he's not shallow. 5+ years relationship. He never once said anything to me. He's Canadian.

 

I wax/thread with a great lady whonputs aloe vera on me afterwards. So I don't break out in tiny disgusting pimples.

 

How often do you do to get waxed?

[autumnnight]

How would all you like fooling around with someone and getting scratched?

 

I admit this made me chuckle because any woman who has dated a man capable of growing facial hair deals with this.

[StocksnBlondes]

She did handle the conversation mature and her confidence showed even with her condition.

 

I just really don't like the roughness, I don't have a solution on how to fix it and neither does she.

If I bring it up again I am concerned I'll make her feel bad, I mean I don't think she knew it bothered me, just seemed like I was curious.

 

I don't lack confidence and I think I'm a catch too.

 

How would all you like fooling around with someone and getting scratched?

 

If she didn't have this, everything would be great.

 

Dude ...happens all the time! I'm a woman with delicate skin. After a good moshing session my face is numb and red and I start peeling a few days later. It's like a free microdermabrasion treatment lol. But it makes me think of him long after

[StocksnBlondes]

Okay, so I just came home from our date. We had an amazing night, she is a great person.

 

So, I was kissing her and I was like, hey I don't want to come off rude or anything, just was wondering if you shave your jawline/neck? She just laughed and said yea, don't tell anyone.

 

I was like oh is everything okay with you, do you have a condition or something.

She said yea, she has suffered from facial hair since she was a teenager. She shaves it with a little electric razor and puts makeup to cover the shadow. She didn't seem upset or taken back, just very natural and comfortable talking about it.

 

She said she thinks it looks good, but she knows it's rough and she apologized.

 

I said yea, it does look good, I didn't notice until we got close.

 

She said she can't do anything else about it at this time. She needs it to look good, but getting it smooth is harder.

 

She said she has gotten laser, but she got bad headaches from it and it only reduced the hair growth for less than a month anyway.

 

She has thought about electrolysis, but is worried about the pain and is currently looking into natural medicine, she doesn't want to go on any other medicine at this time because she is worried about side effects.

 

I just listened and was happy she opened up to me.

 

I'm glad we had this talk, just disappointed the roughness is here to stay.

 

She was wondering when I was going to bring her facial hair up actually.

 

She didn't seem upset or embarrassed by it, she just said everyone has things and this should be the worst of her problems.

 

She then switched to a new topic.

 

I just don't know what to do now that the roughness is here to stay. I mean how can I dump her now, she will know why.

 

I feel bad for her, but I don't think she realized I am turned off by it. She is really nice and pretty though and I really do care about her.

 

 

OP ...you handled this very kindly and maturely:)

[craw]

I'm crazy about her, she is someone special. My family loves her too. I just think the facial hair is a concern. Like if I see her without doing it one day I could freak.

 

She is really sweet and when I had a cold two weeks ago she brought me soup.

 

Doesn't anyone see where I am coming from?

 

You've already introduced her to your family and you're still unsure of her?

 

You're a horrible person. Youre exactly the type.of guy who leads a girl on and then dumps her out of nowhere only to leave her wondering why.

[clia]

 

How would all you like fooling around with someone and getting scratched?

 

If she didn't have this, everything would be great.

 

Lol! Do you shave your face? Maybe you are scratching her, too. Most women out there have experienced being scratched by their guy's face while fooling around, so I doubt you'll get much sympathy.

 

I think you should break up with her, though. She deserves someone more mature.

[JasmineJones]

OP, apologies if somebody else already asked you this question and you've answered it but..... are you an Adonis like physical specimen without any flaws? Is your face perfect and God-like? Is your hair luscious, full and healthy? Are your teeth as white and perfect as pearls? Is your body gym honed, exquisitely proportioned and covered in 100% flawless skin? Are you 6ft 2 or above? Do you have a huge bank balance? And to top it all off do you have an amazing personality, an amazing amount of natural talent, a perfect family, a PhD, athletic prowess and an IQ above 150?

 

I'm asking because you seem to demand perfection in a woman so I'm just checking that you yourself are also perfect.

[kpl]

She did handle the conversation mature and her confidence showed even with her condition.

 

...really? ok...OP

[katiegrl]

How often do you do to get waxed?

 

Sports, after reading all your new posts and how you approached your girlfriend with this.... I don't think you're shallow at all.

 

 

I think there is a big difference between expecting perfection like another poster alluded to....and being a bit turned off by dark facial stubbles on your girlfriend's face and neck.

 

 

I don't think you should break up with her though and this is why.

 

 

After everything you have written here, it is obvious, at least to me, that you really care about this girl. You don't want to break up with her, but the heavy facial hair and stubbles turn you off and you are concerned.

 

 

A good male friend of mine went through the same thing when he started dating his now-fiancé... except his issue was tattoos. She had like 15 of them all over her body, and a chick with tattoos was actually one of his dealbreakers!

 

 

He was so attracted to her... but he just could NOT get past the tattoos!!

 

 

He too, went on a message board just like this, and asked for advice and everyone advised NOT to break up with her -- that somehow he should work this out within himself, because in all other respects, this woman was actually the woman of his dreams!

 

 

But those damn tattoos! He was struggling.

 

 

Anyway, long story short, he did not break up with her, he fell in love with her, and now they are engaged!!

 

 

The tattoos do NOT bother him one bit anymore.

 

 

Back to you. I suspect IF you break up with her because of this, you will regret it. You are going to miss her.... I can tell, because it sounds like, in all other respects except for the facial hair, she might be the woman of your dreams as well.

 

 

If the way she responded to your inquiry about the hair is any indication, she certainly sounds absolutely awesome!! You would be a fool to break up with such a woman, especially since you seem to have such a great connection!

 

 

Re the hair, waxing is an idea. It's like once every couple of weeks and there will only be a stubble for a few days before every waxing session.

 

 

Or electrolysis is another idea.

 

 

Or using a depilatory -- ANYTHING is better than shaving for heaven's sake!!

 

 

So she has options there, and frankly I am surprised she had not thought of them herself, because they are all very common procedures.

 

 

I think you will REALLY miss her if you break up with her and will regret it big time!!

 

 

Anyway, FWIW that is my two cents.

 

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Edited October 7, 2015 by katiegrl

[Timshel]

Really Katie? Always love your advice and enthusiasm but this guy is 25. Going in, you think he should have this much revulsion? I mean, it doesn't get easier......dude is fairly distracted by this....already....and he's 25. This should be the 'I'm singing in the rain' time, yes?

 

I think the lady deserves better.

[neowulf]

Really Katie? Always love your advice and enthusiasm but this guy is 25. Going in, you think he should have this much revulsion? I mean, it doesn't get easier......dude is fairly distracted by this....already....and he's 25. This should be the 'I'm singing in the rain' time, yes?

 

I think the lady deserves better.

 

Yeah, I'm with Timshel on this.

 

Something everyone needs to understand;

 

People can't not use reason to remove an emotional response. You can't "reason" yourself into feeling something, nor can you "reason" yourself into not feeling it. You can, at best, try and change your interpretation of a feeling.

 

It doesn't matter how wonderful this girl is. She sounds like an amazing young woman. I'm sure out there is a man who'll find her irresistible, JUST AS SHE IS.

 

I dated a woman once who was an absolute catch. She was kind, funny, beautiful and caring. We got on wonderfully. Communicated well. She was class A marriage material. Yet, from the very first time we kissed, I felt NOTHING. No spark, no tingle, nothing.

 

I told myself it didn't matter, because she was PERFECT for me and we were great together.

 

Except of course, that was COMPLETE DELUSIONAL BULL****. AFter two years of angsts, therapy and heart break we *finally* break up. I shouldn't have wasted that poor woman's time. Because I *just wasn't that into her*, no matter how badly I wanted to be.

 

This guy is facing the same situation. His girlfriend has a feature that turns him off and it's not changing. She's already taken steps to manage it. It's about as good as it's going to get.

 

Him deciding to break up with her doesn't *lessen her*. They're simply not a good match. I think they should both be free to find someone they can be naturally attracted to, without the hangups.

[katiegrl]

Really Katie? Always love your advice and enthusiasm but this guy is 25. Going in, you think he should have this much revulsion? I mean, it doesn't get easier......dude is fairly distracted by this....already....and he's 25. This should be the 'I'm singing in the rain' time, yes?

 

I think the lady deserves better.

 

I dunno Timeshel, after reading his later posts, I am not sensing he is repulsed. I am sensing he cares about her, and is struggling trying to find a way past this.

 

 

I mean every time someone advises to dump her, he comes back telling us how great she is, how they click, how they always have such an awesome time and have such a great connection.

 

 

That doesn't sound like repulsion to me.

 

 

Plus, I am remembering my friend who was, at first, so TURNED OFF by his now-fiancé's tattoos. And he eventually got past it, and fell in love with her, and are getting married in December.

 

 

But hey you could be right. I am not always right, I acknowledge that... lol

 

 

I would like to know what the OP thinks of my post though... and what I said about him missing her....and regretting it IF he did break up with her because of this.

[Timshel]

He will regret it, of course. What else is there to do with youth?

 

Anyway....things like this should not be long and draaaaawn out. OP should be decisive; in or out. He acknowledges that she is special, at the least, he should make up his mind and at best, be a gentleman. A gentleman does not straddle a fence, he hops it and lands two feet on the ground.

 

Side: Who loves who more post, melting heart Katie, congrats rascal!

[katiegrl]

He will regret it, of course. What else is there to do with youth?

 

Anyway....things like this should not be long and draaaaawn out. OP should be decisive; in or out. He acknowledges that she is special, at the least, he should make up his mind and at best, be a gentleman. A gentleman does not straddle a fence, he hops it and lands two feet on the ground.

 

Side: Who loves who more post, melting heart Katie, congrats rascal!

 

 

Thanks girl.... YOU next!! :love:

[chapter44]

Have you tried getting her a subscription to the Dollar Shave Club?

[Sports123]

You've already introduced her to your family and you're still unsure of her?

 

You're a horrible person. Youre exactly the type.of guy who leads a girl on and then dumps her out of nowhere only to leave her wondering why.

 

She has met my parents once, not formally or anything, just ran into them when we were on one of our dates. My parents liked her.

 

I don't want to lead her on, that's why I am taking this issue seriously, so I don't waste time.

[Sports123]

Sports, after reading all your new posts and how you approached your girlfriend with this.... I don't think you're shallow at all.

 

 

I think there is a big difference between expecting perfection like another poster alluded to....and being a bit turned off by dark facial stubbles on your girlfriend's face and neck.

 

 

I don't think you should break up with her though and this is why.

 

 

After everything you have written here, it is obvious, at least to me, that you really care about this girl. You don't want to break up with her, but the heavy facial hair and stubbles turn you off and you are concerned.

 

 

A good male friend of mine went through the same thing when he started dating his now-fiancé... except his issue was tattoos. She had like 15 of them all over her body, and a chick with tattoos was actually one of his dealbreakers!

 

 

He was so attracted to her... but he just could NOT get past the tattoos!!

 

 

He too, went on a message board just like this, and asked for advice and everyone advised NOT to break up with her -- that somehow he should work this out within himself, because in all other respects, this woman was actually the woman of his dreams!

 

 

But those damn tattoos! He was struggling.

 

 

Anyway, long story short, he did not break up with her, he fell in love with her, and now they are engaged!!

 

 

The tattoos do NOT bother him one bit anymore.

 

 

Back to you. I suspect IF you break up with her because of this, you will regret it. You are going to miss her.... I can tell, because it sounds like, in all other respects except for the facial hair, she might be the woman of your dreams as well.

 

 

If the way she responded to your inquiry about the hair is any indication, she certainly sounds absolutely awesome!! You would be a fool to break up with such a woman, especially since you seem to have such a great connection!

 

 

Re the hair, waxing is an idea. It's like once every couple of weeks and there will only be a stubble for a few days before every waxing session.

 

 

Or electrolysis is another idea.

 

 

Or using a depilatory -- ANYTHING is better than shaving for heaven's sake!!

 

 

So she has options there, and frankly I am surprised she had not thought of them herself, because they are all very common procedures.

 

 

I think you will REALLY miss her if you break up with her and will regret it big time!!

 

 

Anyway, FWIW that is my two cents.

 

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

Thanks for the advice. I do really like her and interesting story about your friend.

 

She told me she was worried about the pain of electrolysis and she didn't mention the other stuff. She said she tried a lot of things to get her face smooth, but she had issues with them.

 

She just thinks shaving with her electric razor and covering it up with make up is what works for her. I wasn't going to argue or press the issue further.

[Sports123]

I just wish her jawline and neck were soft. I guess I will keep seeing her, but maybe try and bring it up again.

 

She is really sweet and we get along great. I am attracted to her, just not to her facial hair.

 

I am extremely concerned about seeing her without her makeup on though and after one day of not removing the hair. We are going away for the weekend to NYC for a wedding next weekend, so I have no clue what to do about that.

 

I really like her and do agree I will regret dumping her, but on the other hand I don't want to make her self conscious of her problem.

I mean I might be staring without even knowing it.

 

I guess i don't have to kiss her neck, then the problem would be solved. Her face is soft when we just make out, it's mainly when I kiss her neck or touch her face a certain way.

[ManyDissapoint]

Have you tried getting her a subscription to the Dollar Shave Club?

 

I laughed. Are those razors any good? I hear about them only on Bill Burr's podcast. I'm in Europe anyway.

[ManyDissapoint]

OP she may be testing you to see if you like her enough 'as is' stubble and all. Keep in mind that her greatest 'flaw' could go away over night if she makes a decision to try other treatments. It's very unusual in my experience for a young beautiful woman not to take care of facial hair in a more advanced way. Not wrong, just unusual.

 

But if you do dump her, send her my way. I love me some hairy women.