Should I dump her??

[kilgore]

You think if I dump her, I will be shallow?

 

You think there are guys out there that will be ok with it??

 

I think there are guys who will love her without all the angst. So if you don't then get out of the way

[kpl]

I am into her, so you think I'm just over reacting?

 

I do not think you are over reacting I just think you need to decide what you want. Do you want to be with her, be with her and make it work. This is a bump in the road of issues Especially if everything else is great. If this is someone you could marry, this physical stuff shouldn't carry that much weight especially if it is possible to fix.

 

I sense you want to bail but don't want to feel like a baad person and you are looking for some confirmation that what you are adoring is okay.

[Grumpybutfun]

Release her kindly without saying a damn word...she knows and she is doing what she can to minimize it... So don't be an jackwad and put your shallow crap onto her...she deserves better.

 

Every human being on this planet has something imperfect about them...every single one. Photoshopping and media has made people idiots. Slight stubble is a fact of life for some women. No wonder guys complain about not getting dates if this is how they treat other human beings...like some mannequin that must not have any blemishes or flaws.

 

This is not really an issue......alcohol abuse, gambling problems, kleptomania, or BPD are issues. This is a preference you are staking a possible future relationship on and quite frankly, as preferences go, this one is pretty lame. My wife has a huge mole on the small of her back that she thinks is hideous. I don't like it, but it is part of her and so I'm pretty good at not basing our entire life and relationship in it. I'm just deep like that! If you are so fixed on her maybe one day not being perfect looking or not checking your boxes physically or not conforming to the standards of society or people on an Internet forum, that is your issue, not hers.

Also, what makes you doubt your own judgment so much that you would throw a relationship away with a great girl if strangers whom your have never met told you to?

FFS,

Grumpy

[kilgore]

And don't you think you have imperfections she is overlooking?

[neowulf]

So, what should I say the reason is I'm dumping her?

 

She will be shocked because we have so much fun together. She has everything I'm looking for in a girlfriend and potential wife. We have been on day trips together and have really built something special. We are supposed to be going to my cousin's wedding in NYC in two weeks. She is so pretty and nice. It just is always something with people I like.

 

So, if I dump her will I regret it? Will I be superficial and shallow?

Or is this a legit reason and most guys would dump her?

 

In the end man, this is all part of the journey of life.

You are the one in control. The one at the wheel. We're not the ones dating her. You are.

 

You don't need to give details about why you're breaking up. You could well say "I'm sorry, but i'm just not feeling it".

 

Will you regret breaking up with her? I don't know. If she's amazing and you guys are having a great time together? Most probably.

 

But that's all part of growing up.

 

There is only one "Legit" reason to breakup with someone. You don't want to be in a relationship with them anymore. Everything else is simply "details". Us telling you you're being superficial won't make a lick of difference.

 

Either you have real feelings for this girl and feel a strong connection with her. Or you don't. That's OK too.

 

What ever choice you make, own it man. Be willing to own your decisions and the consequences.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, I have researched it and if a girl has more then a little peach fuzz it probably is hormonal.

 

Google is not your friend here. I didn't/don't have a hormonal imbalance.

 

Seriously, she's trying her best to cover it up. If you haven't seen her without makeup yet, she's probably dreading the day you do. She's well aware of the issue; don't make her feel worse about it.

[RazzberryGirl]

See, THIS is my worst nightmare....I've struggled with excessive facial hair for a decade now. I was married for most of it & my husband was fine with it. Then he passed away and now I'm 41yo & back on the dating scene with this "curse".

 

I feel for this girl you are dating. I really truly do. I know what it's like to live with this problem when you're gorgeous woman otherwise. God, I hope most of the men out there don't feel the way you do about it.

 

I think the last guy I was seeing for 2 months most likely ended things because of it, but of course he's not going to tell me that (thank goodness). I never ever let him see me without makeup & we never spent an overnight together.

 

Please, do NOT dump this amazing girl just because of her facial hair issue. Us women who deal with this nightmare are constantly worried & afraid that a new guy will be freaked or grossed out & RUN.

 

Trust me, if I could afford laser then I would! I hate living my life with this issue. You owe it to her to not let this break your relationship apart.

[h0000]

You think if I dump her, I will be shallow?

 

You think there are guys out there that will be ok with it??

 

Of course there will be guys who are Ok with it. There are also guys loving other guys does that mean you need to be gay now? What do their preference have anything to do with you?

 

 

But to answer your original question yes some people won't mind it.

[neowulf]

Please, do NOT dump this amazing girl just because of her facial hair issue. Us women who deal with this nightmare are constantly worried & afraid that a new guy will be freaked or grossed out & RUN.

 

No... see, this is a mistake.

 

She deserves a man who'll love her, FOR HER. Not who's trying to suppress the fact he's turned off by her facial hair.

 

He deserves to be with someone he can love and be attracted to, BY DEFAULT. Not someone he's busy trying to talk himself into, which he's clearly trying to do here.

 

You deserve the same. Don't be freaked out that some men will be turned off. There are loads of men out there who won't care. The trick is finding one of them, not trying to convince those who *are* bothered to some how look past it.

 

It's only a brand new relationship. This isn't a marriage, or a long term commit we're talking about here. He's BARELY started dating her.

 

I'd rather they both find people who are a better match, then drag things out for the poor girl.

[Sports123]

I do really like her. Yes, it's a new relationship, but we became exclusive three weeks ago. It will be our 6 week anniversary Wed.

 

She is an amazing person and I don't want to dump her. She has really been there for me through my cold and my dog dying. I could see this being something special.

 

I just dislike the roughness. I guess when I see her tomorrow, I will say ouch or "oh" kidding like when my face rubs against hers. It's not rough when we just kiss, more when i kiss her neck or my face rubs against hers. I will just play the whole thing very casual, wish me luck.

[Toodaloo]

I really think you just need to talk to her and save for the lazer hair removal.

 

If you like her enough to do that...

 

Razzberry don't worry. None of us is perfect and some day a guy will meet you and adore you just as you are (and will probably help you get that hair removal so you can feel good about yourself rather than because he wants it...)

[RazzberryGirl]

I just dislike the roughness. I guess when I see her tomorrow, I will say ouch or "oh" kidding like when my face rubs against hers. It's not rough when we just kiss, more when i kiss her neck or my face rubs against hers. I will just play the whole thing very casual, wish me luck.

 

Do NOT, I repeat do NOT even bring this up to her. She will be mortified! I know I would be! She already KNOWS she has this problem, you do not need to point it out to her. Just don't do it. Us women are VERY sensitive with this issue...especially with men.

[Toodaloo]

Do NOT, I repeat do NOT even bring this up to her. She will be mortified! I know I would be! She already KNOWS she has this problem, you do not need to point it out to her. Just don't do it. Us women are VERY sensitive with this issue...especially with men.

 

I am a bit the other way.

 

I got some of my dogs medicated shampoo on my face a few times. I tell you that stuff can cure baldness because ever since I have a small beard... Problem is I don't look in a mirror much so I rely on people to tell me when the thick black ones grow so I can grab those suckers out with the tweezers. And yes I am sensitive about it!

[Toodaloo]

Do NOT, I repeat do NOT even bring this up to her. She will be mortified! I know I would be! She already KNOWS she has this problem, you do not need to point it out to her. Just don't do it. Us women are VERY sensitive with this issue...especially with men.

 

I am a bit the other way.

 

If my partner were to approach it properly, with sensitivity and grace then I would like to get it off my chest and talk about it... Would make my fears easier to deal with if I knew someone else had my back and accepted me the way I am warts and all...

[SugarLips72]

So when you say her face is rough is it prickly like she has whiskers or 5 o'clock shadow? Either way if she happens to shave she is eventually going to need laser or electrolysis. Even if a woman has some facial hair it doesn't turn to stubble unless she shaves. You didn't respond to my reply above. How old is she ?

[Sports123]

So when you say her face is rough is it prickly like she has whiskers or 5 o'clock shadow? Either way if she happens to shave she is eventually going to need laser or electrolysis. Even if a woman has some facial hair it doesn't turn to stubble unless she shaves. You didn't respond to my reply above. How old is she ?

 

It's rough like 5 o chock shadow. You can sometimes see a little shadow in good lighting.

 

It seems to be on her neck/jawline.

 

I am seeing her in an hour, so I guess I'll bring it up jokingly and see how it goes.

 

She's 23 years old.

[Sports123]

Okay, so I just came home from our date. We had an amazing night, she is a great person.

 

So, I was kissing her and I was like, hey I don't want to come off rude or anything, just was wondering if you shave your jawline/neck? She just laughed and said yea, don't tell anyone.

 

I was like oh is everything okay with you, do you have a condition or something.

She said yea, she has suffered from facial hair since she was a teenager. She shaves it with a little electric razor and puts makeup to cover the shadow. She didn't seem upset or taken back, just very natural and comfortable talking about it.

 

She said she thinks it looks good, but she knows it's rough and she apologized.

 

I said yea, it does look good, I didn't notice until we got close.

 

She said she can't do anything else about it at this time. She needs it to look good, but getting it smooth is harder.

 

She said she has gotten laser, but she got bad headaches from it and it only reduced the hair growth for less than a month anyway.

 

She has thought about electrolysis, but is worried about the pain and is currently looking into natural medicine, she doesn't want to go on any other medicine at this time because she is worried about side effects.

 

I just listened and was happy she opened up to me.

 

I'm glad we had this talk, just disappointed the roughness is here to stay.

 

She was wondering when I was going to bring her facial hair up actually.

 

She didn't seem upset or embarrassed by it, she just said everyone has things and this should be the worst of her problems.

 

She then switched to a new topic.

 

I just don't know what to do now that the roughness is here to stay. I mean how can I dump her now, she will know why.

 

I feel bad for her, but I don't think she realized I am turned off by it. She is really nice and pretty though and I really do care about her.

Edited October 7, 2015 by Sports123

[GemmaUK]

Tell her about electric epilators.

 

It hurts a little but you get used to it.

Regrowth is soft and the hair gets finer as time goes by.

 

You can get specific facial epilators too btw.

 

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dhpc&field-keywords=epilator&rh=n%3A3760901%2Ck%3Aepilator

[Sports123]

Tell her about electric epilators.

 

It hurts a little but you get used to it.

Regrowth is soft and the hair gets finer as time goes by.

 

You can get specific facial epilators too btw.

 

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dhpc&field-keywords=epilator&rh=n%3A3760901%2Ck%3Aepilator

 

Well it didn't seem like she was looking for advice or complaining about how to get rid of the hair.

 

She seemed happy about what she uses and is happy she is able to remove it.

 

She doesn't seem to be too concerned about the roughness because most people don't go around feeling her face.

 

I mean she said she is working on always improving it, but I don't feel comfortable bringing it up again.

 

Do you think I should end things?

[CalvinM]

Dude, my gf has more than peach fuzz. Is your gf's face rough when you rub against it or when you kiss her neck?

Not rough, no. I barely notice it.

[Sports123]

Not rough, no. I barely notice it.

 

Okay, well lets say your gf had more than peach fuzz, like some stubble and it was rough, would you dump her?

[CalvinM]

She's not my gf, yet. Only been on two dates.

 

But absolutely not. We have a lot in common and I'm very comfortable being around her and there's a high level of attraction.

 

She isn't what I would generally consider my type, but shes kind, smart, caring and has a great personality. That's more important at this point in my life than aesthetics.

 

Edit. I'm 34, btw. I'm guessing I have at least 10 years on you. When you get to my age, looks are less important than who they are as a person.

Edited October 7, 2015 by CalvinM

[Sports123]

She's not my gf, yet. Only been on two dates.

 

But absolutely not. We have a lot in common and I'm very comfortable being around her and there's a high level of attraction.

 

She isn't what I would generally consider my type, but shes kind, smart, caring and has a great personality. That's more important at this point in my life than aesthetics.

 

Edit. I'm 34, btw. I'm guessing I have at least 10 years on you. When you get to my age, looks are less important than who they are as a person.

 

That's good. Yea, I hear you, my girl is great too, but I just get hung up on stuff I guess.

 

Yea, I'm only 25.

 

I guess you wouldn't have brought her facial hair up to her either?

[CalvinM]

That's good. Yea, I hear you, my girl is great too, but I just get hung up on stuff I guess.

 

Yea, I'm only 25.

 

I guess you wouldn't have brought her facial hair up to her either?

Probably not, no. It's noticeable, but she has blonde hair, so it's not pronounced.

 

That said, I did stop seeing someone in the summer who had hairy arms, but she was a bit overweight too, so I guess that's shallow too.

[sagamore]

Okay, so I just came home from our date. We had an amazing night, she is a great person.

 

So, I was kissing her and I was like, hey I don't want to come off rude or anything, just was wondering if you shave your jawline/neck? She just laughed and said yea, don't tell anyone.

 

I was like oh is everything okay with you, do you have a condition or something.

She said yea, she has suffered from facial hair since she was a teenager. She shaves it with a little electric razor and puts makeup to cover the shadow. She didn't seem upset or taken back, just very natural and comfortable talking about it.

 

She said she thinks it looks good, but she knows it's rough and she apologized.

 

I said yea, it does look good, I didn't notice until we got close.

 

She said she can't do anything else about it at this time. She needs it to look good, but getting it smooth is harder.

 

She said she has gotten laser, but she got bad headaches from it and it only reduced the hair growth for less than a month anyway.

 

She has thought about electrolysis, but is worried about the pain and is currently looking into natural medicine, she doesn't want to go on any other medicine at this time because she is worried about side effects.

 

I just listened and was happy she opened up to me.

 

I'm glad we had this talk, just disappointed the roughness is here to stay.

 

She was wondering when I was going to bring her facial hair up actually.

 

She didn't seem upset or embarrassed by it, she just said everyone has things and this should be the worst of her problems.

 

She then switched to a new topic.

 

I just don't know what to do now that the roughness is here to stay. I mean how can I dump her now, she will know why.

 

I feel bad for her, but I don't think she realized I am turned off by it. She is really nice and pretty though and I really do care about her.

 

Congratulations on having found a truly mature, grounded, self-confident young woman. The way she handled this conversation is very impressive. I have every confidence that if you choose to dump her over this hair issue, she will move on and be just fine in life.

 

Not for nothing, but...there's no way this woman would take an online poll to see whether she should dump you over some minor cosmetic issue. Instead she would just talk to you about it and form her own opinion. You could learn a thing or two from her.