SoFrustrated Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Hey everyone, I've been dating my 32 year old partner for over one year. I am 29. I'm supposed to be moving in with him next week, but now I'm not sure what if this relationship is for me. He drinks every weekend. He went out last Saturday night for 9 hours drinking and on Sunday night, he went out for 12 hrs and didn't get home till 3am. He has been vomiting all day today - so much for our beach plans. He has told me in the past that he won't drink as much. Nothing has changed. He believes that because he doesn't drink everyday, there isn't a problem. I like the odd night out, but I am ready to start settling down. I want weekends to consist of fun things together - not drinking every weekend. I've told him that I want to settle and he tells me that he does too. I'm not seeing that though. Am I being reasonable? I'm so frustrated
warshaw Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 If nothing has changed despite promises he's made in the past, why the heck would you be moving in with him? Do you think it's going to suddenly get better? If anything he'll become even more complacent and you'll feel trapped and find yourself seriously regretting your bad decision. Call off the move and tell him it won't happen until and unless he changes his ways.
Popsicle Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Have you told I'm how you feel? Especially the settling down part.
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Don't move in with him just yet. Instead start attending al-anon meetings. Al-anon is a group for people who love alcoholics. After you learn more about the dynamics of your relationship with an addict, you can make intelligent decisions about your future.
Guyouthere Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 It isn't a good sign. The fact he is drinking like this will bring you into a VERY serious situation if you do move in with him. The abuse of alcohol is not something conducive for a normal or happy relationship, and WILL make your life hell. 1
BetrayedH Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 He's going to have to feel like this is truly a dealbreaker issue, or he's not going to change until he's personally ready. He may not change at all. I think a delay on moving in would send the message. Then the ball is in his court to either compromise, or lose you.
PinkInTheLimo Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 He's an alcoholic and needs to get treatment NOW! Don't move in with him, you will give the message that you are OK with this behaviour. This kind of drinking behaviour is problematic at any age but certainly if he is already 32. Does he have a job? Does he regularly miss work because his drinking made him sick? Believe me, by getting together with him you will make yourself very miserable. You're 29, plenty of other options.
Fletch Lives Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Vices like alcoholism can be a dealbreaker for some people.
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Delay moving in. Tell him you want him to get some help for his drinking as a condition for you moving in and the relationship proceeding. It's irresponsible behaviour, fine for once in a while but not on a regular weekly basis! I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who spend half of the weekend out of their mind drunk and half unwell. I want to do fun stuff like go out for the day or go hang with friends. Plus it seems pretty weird to me at his age to be out for SO many hours drinking... who is he with, and where does he go? We have the occasional wild girls night but I'm talking once or twice per year, all of the rest of the time we go see friends as a couple. I mean going to the clubs can be fun now and then but all of the people I know who go out drinking so heavily so frequently are doing so because they like chasing men/women, you can only have SO much fun in a nightclub with your friends before looking for additional stimulation, when it's so frequent. And yes, look into al-anon. They helped me greatly when I was losing my Mom to alcoholism. They can help give you support through this. That's if you actually want to go to that much effort and he's willing to change, however... if you haven't been together years and don't live together yet and he's been doing this often, it might be a better idea to cut your losses and run.
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