Has anyone gone from being really down on relationships without having a good one.

[Mrlonelyone]

I have had relationships but they haven't been great ones. I have never had a relationship where the person I was with was so proud of being with me that they did not care who knew. I am to the point of thinking that it is unreasonable to expect that. (I am transgender male to female, a person of color, and into science. I chose Mr because I was here to ask about women, men are easier to cipher and lonelyone because I was lonley and there is an old song like that.)

 

The main thing that got me to reconsider women was a therapist who was a lesbian suggesting to me that perhaps women could be more accepting than men. Wrong.

 

The best I have done so far is a woman who while she has never deceived me she has deceived people about me.

 

Not a great experience base for relationships. I am now mid life, as close to 70 as I am to being a kid. So I have had experiences... all disastrous.

 

 

My question is: Has anyone ever gone from feeling just unexcited by the prospects of a new relationship to being excited about the idea of a new relationship without first meeting someone new?

 

I ask because I know a relationship is what I want deep down but I just don't feel motivated to go through all that crap again. Getting to know somoene new, only to be a dirty secret, or totally ejected.

[Stage5Clinger]

I think this boils down to being positive. If you approach anything positively you're going to have a better outcome. If you don't really feel positive you should fake it until you believe it.

[Gloria25]

I call it being "practical"...

 

After I've sorta "been there, done that" with certain situations and things I have had to deal with in getting a guy to accept me - as complicated as I am, I realize that it probably ain't gonna happen.

 

So, it's hard for me to get excited about the prospect of meeting someone cuz from past issues, rejection, etc I sorta know how its gonna play out already.

 

I've tried to limit what I disclose/tell - but when I see the RL getting serious, I feel they have a right to know and yep, down the tubes it a goes.

 

I mean, I haven't lost all hope but yes, sometimes when I'm warming up my OLD profile and/or getting mentally prepared to put myself out there again, sometimes I get a sort of euphoria/excitement I guess hopeful of a new RL - even though there's no one lined up.

[RedRobin]

It has been a long time since I have been in a really good relationship. I am dating someone now, and it has its good points, but I don't see us building a life together. It takes me awhile sometimes to get to that conclusion. it is often around the one year mark or so. I get to the point where I just stop initiating calls and then more or less fade away until I get the 'what happened, I haven't seen you in a few days' phone call. I am not one to chase after some guy. If I don't see it progressing, or I feel I am being taken for granted, I just lose attraction. My roommate said 'that must be hard for you'. I think. Funny. Not really. Somehow I just wake up one day and say 'meh, I'm done'. That's how it was with me and my exH too.

 

I am not looking forward to putting myself out there again. OTOH, I am now living in a place that has many more men than women... And I can see that and sense that... So I am holding out some hope that my experience here will be much better than in NY. I like the culture in my new home much better...even without the whole dating thing. The Pacific NW is just me... And I am confidant I will be happy here regardless.

 

Hopefully you can find some solace in friends and family. That's the only thing that has really gotten me through most of life's challenges.

[d0nnivain]

It depends on your headspace I suppose. Sometimes a bad relationship just takes it all out of you & you need some alone time before you feel ready to tackle the world again.

 

 

You have the unenviable position of being a member of several groups that have historically be subjected to ridicule & being ostracized. That can't have been easy & I suspect you found more people who did not understand than you found acceptance.

 

 

As naïve as this sounds because I really don't know much about the transgender community, Caitlyn Jenner's TV show sometimes mentions groups where members of the community can get support. Have you checked out any such groups near you?