PC96 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Hey guys, this is just a letter to my ex that I wanted to get out of my system. I'm not sending it so don't worry. I also am sticking with no contact because there is no need to be friends. It will only lead to pain and anguish. If you guys could just give me some comments on what you think so that I can talk to it about someone, that would be really nice. If any of you actually think I should send the letter, let me know too. Possibly send it a month or two later? I'm spilling my heart out to you all. Hey, I'm glad we got to end it on the note that we did. I hope I didn't piss you off that much the first few days when we broke up. I just want to let you know that I really didn't mean any of the stuff I said to you the day we broke up. I said that you don't deserve me and that you don't appreciate me. That is not true. You deserve to find the love of your life. I know now that I am not the one for you and you are not the one for me. You asked me one time if I believed in soulmates. I think I'm starting to grasp the concept. It's really helping me get through this. I realized that I had a nagging feeling that you weren't the one as soon as we started dating. That's why I broke up with you those first two times. I just couldn't handle the initial pain and I'm sorry that I dragged you back into it. I kept going against my gut and forcing myself to love you when I knew you weren't the one. You can see how that can be mentally traumatizing. I know you know that I'm pretty bad at letting things go. I'm sorry I put you through all that. This last time we broke up, you finally realized that I wasn't good for you and you stuck to it. Thank you for that. I'm sure it caused you some pain because I know you loved me. What you did helped me learn so much. More than anyone can understand. I genuinely wish nothing but the best for you and I hope you have a life filled with happiness because you deserve it. You really deserve it. I miss you a lot of the time, but I know that it is normal to miss someone you cared about. But just like you, I don't want to get back together. There's no need to deny incompatibility. Anyways, thank you for everything. I will never forget the time we spent together. You were my first and I'm glad it was you. Sorry I had to make things so difficult. Everything is so much clearer in hindsight.
drseuss Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 i think you could send it , ide love to get a letter like that off my ex , if she is dwelling on any kind of reconsiliation it will make things very clear to her and also shows her your not a total ass if you were nasty when you broke up with her
David87 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 i think you could send it , ide love to get a letter like that off my ex , if she is dwelling on any kind of reconsiliation it will make things very clear to her and also shows her your not a total ass if you were nasty when you broke up with her No need to send the letter, the op got some stuff of his chest, its time to move on. 1
drseuss Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 There is so many people with such severe tunnel vision on here that are die hard about not showing any kind of emotion to people you love, Your not trying to get her back so sending the letter is not damaging , if its something that will help your recovery then do it , there is no chance of rejection because your not asking for anything . A letter like this off my ex would be nice and apriciated , and your ex may well aprictae it. Every rs and bu is differnet 1
Christos Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Yeah, NC is kind of a religious thing on this forum... In truth, depending on the relationship and the break up, it will do much more harm to keep NC, without trying to reconcille at first, and getting things out, speaking to other person and opening your heart. NC in my opinion, is only for nasty break ups. 1
ScienceGal Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) NC in my opinion, is only for nasty break ups. I disagree. My most recent breakup was not nasty at all. NC is necessary in order for me to move on though. I don't want a letter from him explaining anything because I don't need that in order to heal; in fact, that would actually set me back in the healing process. The relationship before this one was also not a nasty breakup, but again, no contact was necessary. Now, years later, I can speak with that ex as a friend, but it took completely moving on before that could happen. The person who hurt you cannot be the one to heal you. In my opinion, NC during the healing process should only be broken by the dumper if they want reconciliation, REAL reconciliation. As in, they're serious about committing to fixing the problems and repairing the relationship together. Edited October 5, 2015 by ScienceGal
ScienceGal Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Hey guys, this is just a letter to my ex that I wanted to get out of my system. I'm not sending it so don't worry. I also am sticking with no contact because there is no need to be friends. It will only lead to pain and anguish. If you guys could just give me some comments on what you think so that I can talk to it about someone, that would be really nice. If any of you actually think I should send the letter, let me know too. Possibly send it a month or two later? I'm spilling my heart out to you all. Hey, I'm glad we got to end it on the note that we did. I hope I didn't piss you off that much the first few days when we broke up. I just want to let you know that I really didn't mean any of the stuff I said to you the day we broke up. I said that you don't deserve me and that you don't appreciate me. That is not true. You deserve to find the love of your life. I know now that I am not the one for you and you are not the one for me. You asked me one time if I believed in soulmates. I think I'm starting to grasp the concept. It's really helping me get through this. I realized that I had a nagging feeling that you weren't the one as soon as we started dating. That's why I broke up with you those first two times. I just couldn't handle the initial pain and I'm sorry that I dragged you back into it. I kept going against my gut and forcing myself to love you when I knew you weren't the one. You can see how that can be mentally traumatizing. I know you know that I'm pretty bad at letting things go. I'm sorry I put you through all that. This last time we broke up, you finally realized that I wasn't good for you and you stuck to it. Thank you for that. I'm sure it caused you some pain because I know you loved me. What you did helped me learn so much. More than anyone can understand. I genuinely wish nothing but the best for you and I hope you have a life filled with happiness because you deserve it. You really deserve it. I miss you a lot of the time, but I know that it is normal to miss someone you cared about. But just like you, I don't want to get back together. There's no need to deny incompatibility. Anyways, thank you for everything. I will never forget the time we spent together. You were my first and I'm glad it was you. Sorry I had to make things so difficult. Everything is so much clearer in hindsight. OP, I think it's great you were able to write this out. I don't recommend sending it though, ever. Everything in the letter is about you sorting and making sense of all your thoughts and actions. She is doing the same, so let her do it in her own way. It's clear she wasn't "the one" since the relationship is over. She doesn't need to get a reminder about that. If I received your letter, I'd find it immature and selfish. Just leave her alone.
Author PC96 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 So a little back story to help clear things up. I would love some full feedback as the responses have been very sporadic haha. So I broke up with her twice during the relationship and both times I asked for her back. This 3rd time was mutual and I couldn't handle the pain again and asked for her back. This time she said no and told me to move on. Then I proceeded to tell her that I understand I just wanted to ask you to not exclude the possibility that something could happen between us a few years down the road, when we've both changed some and experienced more. She didn't respond to that until 5 days ago asking if I still wanted a response. I responded with
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Post incomplete. In any case.... How's that working for you....?
Author PC96 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 I replied with "It's okay. I was just being overemotional. I know I said we could be friends but I don't think that's a good idea. I just want respectfully ask you not to contact me anymore because I want a clean break and make sure I don't have any hope. I might contact you one day when I'm sure I'm indifferent towards you. I hope the way I reacted didn't taint the way you see me or made you regret anything. I sincerely hope you have a amazing time in college and find fulfillment in life. Thanks for everything That was 5 days ago and also the point where I chose to let go internally. After that, things became a lot easier and I've realized so many things. But I don't think I should send it as I'm reiterating a lot and I just sent something that was "closure" like a few days ago. I don't want to play games or anything. I just want both of us to move on with clear heads and no resentment towards each other. Which I believe is where we are at now.
ScienceGal Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 For the love of God, leave this girl alone. You've treated her like a yo-yo long enough.
Author PC96 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 Science gal you are right. I won't send it. The least I can do is leave her alone. Do you think I should ever apologize for treating her like a yoyo?
Shock148 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Science gal you are right. I won't send it. The least I can do is leave her alone. Do you think I should ever apologize for treating her like a yoyo? That would be nice for her to hear if you apologized to her. At least she won't look at you in a negative light too much in the future. However, that should really be the last message you send her. Tell her you apologize and then break off contact.
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 if you want top keep treating her like a yo-yo, yes. The point of NC is to stop all contact. Apologies, recriminations, explanations, clarifications - everything. Leave her alone.
ScienceGal Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 That would be nice for her to hear if you apologized to her. At least she won't look at you in a negative light too much in the future. However, that should really be the last message you send her. Tell her you apologize and then break off contact. No, you should not apologize. Cease all contact immediately. Let her go. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 post #14 and ^^^this^^^. (ScienceGal's last post!!)
greenleaves54 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Yeah, NC is kind of a religious thing on this forum... In truth, depending on the relationship and the break up, it will do much more harm to keep NC, without trying to reconcille at first, and getting things out, speaking to other person and opening your heart. NC in my opinion, is only for nasty break ups. I'm kind of thinking it works the other way around. If the break-up was nasty, then I think it might serve some use to send a "I'm sorry for the things I said in the heat of the situation. I didn't mean them. I now realize breaking up was the best decision for both of us. Have a good life!" And then to disappear forever. If the break-up was friendly however, why would the dumpee try to reconcile? That will most likely only worsen any chances of reconciliation. The only path for the dumpee is to accept how things are and move on. There isn't really any reason for him to keep contact. Or maybe I misunderstood you, Christos.
Author PC96 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 Hey guys. I'm sorry I went against your judgements. This is what I sent "I wanted to apologize for treating you like a yoyo by breaking up with you and pulling you back so many times. I'm sure I hurt you a lot. I'm very sorry and I can't do anything to make up for it except leave you alone. I know I already apologized for this but that was because I was trying to make amends and work things out. This apology is coming from someone who cares about you but is not trying to reconcile. We are just too different. I was clouded by my emotions. Thank you for sticking to your decision and not taking me back this last time. You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were. You deserve to find your soulmate and the love of your life. I hope you do. I wish you nothing but happiness. Even if I don't end up a part of your life in the future. I just want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart and in my history." My philosophy is that there is a beauty in words to explain things and get things off your chest. I sent that with a good heart and good intentions. I'm sure she doesn't want to be with me anymore and I feel the same way. I think that this is good closure. Let me know what you guys think! 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 .... I think that this is good closure. Let me know what you guys think! What I think would get me banned if I wrote it. 1
Shock148 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) Hey guys. I'm sorry I went against your judgements. This is what I sent "I wanted to apologize for treating you like a yoyo by breaking up with you and pulling you back so many times. I'm sure I hurt you a lot. I'm very sorry and I can't do anything to make up for it except leave you alone. I know I already apologized for this but that was because I was trying to make amends and work things out. This apology is coming from someone who cares about you but is not trying to reconcile. We are just too different. I was clouded by my emotions. Thank you for sticking to your decision and not taking me back this last time. You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were. You deserve to find your soulmate and the love of your life. I hope you do. I wish you nothing but happiness. Even if I don't end up a part of your life in the future. I just want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart and in my history." My philosophy is that there is a beauty in words to explain things and get things off your chest. I sent that with a good heart and good intentions. I'm sure she doesn't want to be with me anymore and I feel the same way. I think that this is good closure. Let me know what you guys think! This is exactly what I would have done. Apologized, let her know you do care about what went down and end the last kind of communication on a positive note. I have done this before with exes and whether they do not respond or do, at least in my mind I know that I personally feel good about myself for letting them know I did care about them and they were important to me. Obviously now you follow this with NC. Whether the ex thinks its full of **** or they find it sincere does not matter. I know it is sincere and if they do not contact me again oh well what did I lose by sending that to them? Nothing. I gained my own personal closure in some form or another. Especially when you let them know that it is good NOT to be together anymore and you respect her decision and wish her well in her future and hopes she finds hapiness with another man. Why would this be a bad thing? I dont understand. Edited October 5, 2015 by Shock148
dumbass2 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Hey guys. I'm sorry I went against your judgements. This is what I sent "I wanted to apologize for treating you like a yoyo by breaking up with you and pulling you back so many times. I'm sure I hurt you a lot. I'm very sorry and I can't do anything to make up for it except leave you alone. I know I already apologized for this but that was because I was trying to make amends and work things out. This apology is coming from someone who cares about you but is not trying to reconcile. We are just too different. I was clouded by my emotions. Thank you for sticking to your decision and not taking me back this last time. You didn't deserve to be treated the way you were. You deserve to find your soulmate and the love of your life. I hope you do. I wish you nothing but happiness. Even if I don't end up a part of your life in the future. I just want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart and in my history." My philosophy is that there is a beauty in words to explain things and get things off your chest. I sent that with a good heart and good intentions. I'm sure she doesn't want to be with me anymore and I feel the same way. I think that this is good closure. Let me know what you guys think! Though I would have strongly urged you not to send anything at this time, the highlighted is what I would have left out. It didn't need to be in there and she will take most of that as you putting up a good front, but not meaning those things. It comes off really really nice. Too nice imo. She will see right through it, especially after what you sent to her just a short time ago. You are showing her by continuing to send things, even after you swear you are done and moving on, that you are not close to moving on. It hasn't been long since the break up and you're still not in a good place emotionally to be thinking clearly. Now that you sent that how do you feel? Anxious, awaiting a response? What kind of response would you hope for? What if she says she wants to try again? You just told her you agree with the break up and you are two different people and you're not wanting to reconcile. What then?
Author PC96 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 No haha. I honestly don't want to get back together. If she asked again, I would probably say something like "Thank you for your honesty. I said everything that I needed to say and I meant it. We just aren't right for each other." I don't feel any anxiety nor feel the need for a response. In fact, I would prefer if she didn't respond lol. I actually deactivated my account and plan to leave it like that for a while. I feel so ****ing relieved lol. My last message to her was a little mean lol and that's not the last impression I would like to give. I don't want to toot my own horn or anything but she thinks I'm one of the nicest guys in the world. I'm a pretty nice guy if I do say so myself. So I don't think she'll think the message was insincere. When I sent her the last message, I finally chose to let her go on the inside. I realized some of the mistakes I made that really hurt her. I just wanted to apologize to get it off my chest. But I also realized that our breakup was because of our differences, not solely because of me. Realizing that she was not someone I would want to be with the rest of my life and fully accepting it internally has helped me take leaps and bounds in the path of moving on.
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