[MEN] You MUST stand up for yourself & what you truly want after a break up!

[louxor]

It is so often that we see someone who gets dumped agreeing to be ‘friends’ with the person who leaves them, only to find themselves still unable to move on after weeks or even months after the break up. Why is this? Because you don’t actually want to be their friend, you still want them to be your romantic partner, but you are agreeing on this ‘friendship’ because you believe it will somehow make them want you again. It won’t.

 

This is because by agreeing to be their friend after they have essentially cut you down as a man, you are basically saying to them “I am too weak and pathetic to leave when I find myself in a position I don’t want to be in, but pretty please take me back!” - Women don’t want a weak man, they want a man who knows what he wants, and a man who knows what he wants will move on to somewhere else if he isn't getting what he wants in his current position.

 

So what do you do when she breaks up with you but she still wants to be friends? You tell her how it is, truthfully - “You know I have feelings for you, I want to be with you in a romantic way, not as your friend - Friendship will just simply not work for me. If ever you change your mind on how you feel about me, call me!”. Then you wish her all the best and you walk away and don’t look back. It’s that simple.

 

You have left the ball in her court, you don’t have to do anything from here on in except live your life to the fullest as an individual. If she calls you down the road, great! - Set a date and meet up with her (if you still want to). If she doesn’t call you, who cares! You have become a strong man, you know what you want and you will not settle for anything less.

 

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So how do I know this is the case? I have just been through it:

 

My gf of 2.5 years left me because she no longer ‘felt the same way’ about me. So what did I do? I agreed to be friends with her after the break up. BAD decision. It took me about a week and a half of reading and thinking to finally understand that hey, you know what, I don’t want to be this girls friend, I want to be her lover or her nothing. I had only agreed to being her friend because that’s what she wanted and I was so used to getting on my knees and doing whatever she wanted. I was so used to prioritising her over myself. This is NOT an attractive trait.

 

So I sent her a message - It basically highlighted that after having this time to think, I want her to be happy, however I don’t believe that us being friends is going to work for the time being. I then wished her the best of luck in finding what she wanted. Also note that I added at the end that I was sending this letter with no expectation or assumption towards getting a reply from her.

 

3-4 days later, guess what happened? She replied to me - despite me claiming that I was not searching for a response. This is important to note when I make the point about how women want strong men.

 

In her reply, she basically said “If this is what you want, then I will respect that. However I am disappointed that you don’t even want to try to be friends”.

> How did I interpret this? She was probably pissed - Why? Because she was so used to getting her way with me and all of a sudden I've come along and stood up for what I wanted. At the same time, she was probably also intrigued - He is standing up for what he wants, this is new, this is interesting. The final bit about being disappointed, that was a test. It was a test from her to see if I will be true and stick to my guns, despite knowing that I am going against what she wants (which I usually never did), or if I would give in and go back to being the weak little boy who gave her all she wanted without thinking about himself.

 

My reply was short and simple. I waited a few days then got back to her. I said something along the lines of: “I still have feelings for you, so a friendship will not work nor is it what I am looking for. I have nothing against you, I am just doing what is best for me. If ever you change your mind on how you feel about me, give me call and we’ll go from there. All the best.” And that was that, I sent it and haven't looked back.

 

I cannot begin to explain how much better it feels to know I have taken control of the situation, stood up for what I want and placed the ball in her court. I don’t know if she’ll ever get back to me, and I don’t really mind either way. I have become the man I wanted to be, the man who knows what he wants and will not settle for anything less. Women will notice this, and they will like it.

 

So men of LS, stand up for yourself and what you want after a breakup. Be the man who can walk away when he doesn't get what he needs, not the boy who is too afraid to go against her needs because he might upset her.