What do you do when you want to break NC (dumper)

[foxy2013]

I am the dumper and broke up with my ex about 6 months ago. Only 2 weeks ago I decided to really give NC a go.

Last week I broke NC and asked how he was doing, he didn't seem interested to talk so I didn't reply to him after a few texts.

Today I really wanted to break NC but thinking he probably wouldn't be interested in talking to me so I stopped.

I am getting on with my life ok, keeping myself busy, doing new things, socializing a lot, and talking to other boys. But when i am alone at home, feeling tired and can't really do anything else apart from mopping around, I feel sad and have strong urge to break NC. I blocked him on social media but do always expect him to contact me.

How should I avoid breaking NC???

[Lost220]

Not sure really I'm kinda in the same boat I recently got dumped as well. I have moments where i wanted to contact him. U basicslly have to convince ur self not to.

It wont make u feel better might even make u feel worse. There's no reason to unfortunately u have to accept its over.

Its not going to change anything. Might just leave u wanting more or regretting it. If he wanted to talk to u he would. I know u may not like this answer but its true.

Unfortunately u have to go thru it. Its almost like a withdrawal. Be strong and don't contact him

[Blanco]

I am the dumper and broke up with my ex about 6 months ago. Only 2 weeks ago I decided to really give NC a go.

Last week I broke NC and asked how he was doing, he didn't seem interested to talk so I didn't reply to him after a few texts.

Today I really wanted to break NC but thinking he probably wouldn't be interested in talking to me so I stopped.

I am getting on with my life ok, keeping myself busy, doing new things, socializing a lot, and talking to other boys. But when i am alone at home, feeling tired and can't really do anything else apart from mopping around, I feel sad and have strong urge to break NC. I blocked him on social media but do always expect him to contact me.

How should I avoid breaking NC???

 

You avoid breaking NC by remembering that you are the one who ended things, and thus, you are not entitled to rely on this person when you are feeling lonely or bored or in need of companionship.

 

You avoid breaking NC by realizing how inconsiderate of your ex's feelings it would be to chronically call upon him when you have no desire to be in a relationship with him.

 

You avoid breaking NC by accepting that when you end a relationship with someone, you are possibly ending any association with this person, because they cannot give you friendship when they want more.

 

You avoid breaking NC by knowing that you cannot end a relationship and then continue to take the parts of the other person that you like. You either take it all or you get none.

[Stage5Clinger]

This is upsetting and confusing for those of us who have been dumped.

[sparkles_and_me]

I'm confused. Why would you want to talk to him if in the first place, you dumped him?

 

He should be the one having that problem since he was the one who was dumped.

 

Remain NC and do that guy a favor. He is already moving on with his life without you after you dumped him.

[foxy2013]

I'm confused. Why would you want to talk to him if in the first place, you dumped him?

 

He should be the one having that problem since he was the one who was dumped.

 

Remain NC and do that guy a favor. He is already moving on with his life without you after you dumped him.

 

I had to dump him cause he was a lost cause. We had fights loads and had lots of relationship issues which I don't want to go too much into detail (because Im taking NC very seriously this time and don't want to feel more upset )

I thought he would be happy to work on things. I made a lot of plans but he didn't cooperate with me. He never thought about how we should improve things. I tried to break up a few times before cos I was semi-convinced that there is no future. He always managed to 'woo' me back. He also managed to make a long record of our arguments and mistakes that I made. He said he'd look at it and can tell himself not to feel sad if i dumped him again :lmao: how ridiculous?? He basically said how much he loved me and wanted me in his life everyday before NC but was doing all these stuff to push me away.

Whenever we discussed our issues, he didn't know what to say and was basically just like "everytime will be ok, just leave it". He didn't want to go to see the counselor with me either

[Shock148]

I had to dump him cause he was a lost cause. We had fights loads and had lots of relationship issues which I don't want to go too much into detail (because Im taking NC very seriously this time and don't want to feel more upset )

I thought he would be happy to work on things. I made a lot of plans but he didn't cooperate with me. He never thought about how we should improve things. I tried to break up a few times before cos I was semi-convinced that there is no future. He always managed to 'woo' me back. He also managed to make a long record of our arguments and mistakes that I made. He said he'd look at it and can tell himself not to feel sad if i dumped him again :lmao: how ridiculous?? He basically said how much he loved me and wanted me in his life everyday before NC but was doing all these stuff to push me away.

Whenever we discussed our issues, he didn't know what to say and was basically just like "everytime will be ok, just leave it". He didn't want to go to see the counselor with me either

 

well then he didnt care about you enough to change for the relationship or for you and save the relationship did he? Why care about him?

[foxy2013]

well then he didnt care about you enough to change for the relationship or for you and save the relationship did he? Why care about him?

 

Before going NC I always had false hopes. I guess I was just very heartbroken by the fact that what I dreamed about this relationship will never come true.

I am making good progress today. Today is the first time ever that I feel like i dont want to talk to him ever again. However I do still feel very sad and not sure how i will feel in a week's time

[Helz87]

I've been here and trust me it isn't pretty. For your own sanity do not contact your ex you cannot use someone else's body and mind for your own unfulfilled yearnings otherwise this is going to come back and bite you in the ass hard when the guilt kicks in! Learn to be alone and truly work on yourself and let him do the same in a few months time if it was meant to happen it will but you need to let go of your past relationship.

 

NC isn't easy because contact with an ex becomes an addiction see it as that and realise that it isn't good for you and you need to quit just as you would cigarettes if you where a smoker.

 

X

[foxy2013]

Lost cause? Then why are you chasing lost causes around?

 

Do this poor loser a favor. Lose his number.

 

It will be good for you too.

 

Blocking his number means it has to be saved in my block list. I chose to block his number.

[foxy2013]

I've been here and trust me it isn't pretty. For your own sanity do not contact your ex you cannot use someone else's body and mind for your own unfulfilled yearnings otherwise this is going to come back and bite you in the ass hard when the guilt kicks in! Learn to be alone and truly work on yourself and let him do the same in a few months time if it was meant to happen it will but you need to let go of your past relationship.

 

NC isn't easy because contact with an ex becomes an addiction see it as that and realise that it isn't good for you and you need to quit just as you would cigarettes if you where a smoker.

 

X

 

 

I think there is a major misunderstanding. By talking to other boys I mean literally just keeping my options open and willing to consider a new relationship if i am certain that it is right for me

[quattrob]

OP, I kind of get what you are feeling but like you said he just didn't care enough to make the changes or improvements and he definitely didn't love you like the way he says he does. Go by actions not by words.

 

 

I don't see why you're still upset or bothered about this? Seems like this is good for you, I know you put a lot of effort and tried really hard to make it work with this guy but he obviously didn't care about the relationship too much.

 

 

You'll find someone else that will treat you right and would listen/understand you but only when you can let go of this past relationship. You're acting like you're the one that got dumped and perhaps you did because he probably wanted out of the relationship to begin with.

 

 

Anyways the sooner you can forget about this guy the better it will be for you. If he cared, you'd know by now.

[Stage5Clinger]

How should I avoid breaking NC???

 

I think we've ragged on you enough.. but there is a lot of helpful suggestions about NC all over this website.

 

Personally, I think the gym combined with doing other things to make you feel good about yourself (and socializing) is really the only approach that works. That and realizing that contacting someone who is toxic only hurts you in the end.

[TaraMaiden2]

If people read the OP's posts attentively, they will finally get that she was the "dumper-by-proxy".

 

He ex left her no option but to finally call it a day and stop banging her head against the wall.

He put her in an lose-lose situation, one that was untenable. She had two choices: Either to carry on in a relationship where she was loved, after a fashion, but not as she needed to be loved - or finally put a lid on it, and end it.

 

She didn't really want to choose either option.

She gave her ex- opportunities to work together to fix what wasn't working, and he refused to play ball and meet her in the middle.

 

This particular dumper - is actually a 'dumpee in disguise'.

 

I get it, it's happened before....

[William]

This thread closed for review ~Thank you

Edited October 6, 2015 by William