DirtyBerty Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Hi all. Background: Broke up with my ex 6 weeks ago. We were together for 7 years but always had doubts and thought about ending it a few times, but never had the balls and was scared of being alone. After the break up I felt terrible and was really bad for 2 weeks. Felt a bit better for the next 2 weeks, then the last 2 weeks I've felt close to normal. Feel like I'd reached acceptance and was getting over it. Problem: Because I've felt good, been really active, got fitter and lost weight I felt like I was over the worst of it. I'd been chatting to a couple of girls on tinder recently and last night plucked up the courage to ask one for a date (next Friday). I've been ok this morning then started to feel really bad and a bit freaked out. It's my first date in 7 years. The bad feeling from the first few weeks is back and I think it's cos of the date. Does anyone have any advice or know why I'm feeling like this? I was close to calling my ex about 20 minutes ago but not sure why. Just had a massive pang of loneliness out of the blue. Did this happen to anyone else? Should I cancel the date?
drseuss Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 You probaly feel guilty about seeing someone else , I almost felt like I had cheated when I slept with someone after my break , but it's just part of moving on and this step is a big on after being with someone for so long Go out enjoy it , this is a potential for new life , growth and happiness
Author DirtyBerty Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 You probaly feel guilty about seeing someone else , I almost felt like I had cheated when I slept with someone after my break , but it's just part of moving on and this step is a big on after being with someone for so long Go out enjoy it , this is a potential for new life , growth and happiness Yes I think guilt was a big part of it. I started to think too far ahead and was imagining the second and third date. What would happen if we were together. What would life be like. That sort of thing. Then started to think about my ex and then started to freak out. Can't believe I wanted to call her tho. I've been really strong and NC was really working up until that point. But as soon as I started to feel bad I wanted to be with her again and for her to take the bad feeling away from me.
Author DirtyBerty Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 Does anyone else have some advice or experience in this? I'm feeling really bad right now and could do with some help
ExpatInItaly Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Maybe you're just not ready to date others yet. 6 weeks isn't very long, particularly after a 7-year relationship. Going on a date really nails the coffin shut on the previous relationship which you might not be prepared to process just yet. For what it's worth, a few years ago I ended a 7.5-year relationship. I didn't really start dating again for 6 or 7 months after, simply because I knew I wasn't ready yet. Everyone is different, of course, but you may just need to give yourself more time.
Itachi Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 You need to go out there and meet new people!! You don't need permission from your ex or anyone... This is part of moving on and finding that person that will love and accept you for who you are. Have a great time!
Author DirtyBerty Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 Has anyone else got any stories of their first dates after a break up? Could really do with hearing about some. Good or bad. This has set me back quite a bit so just trying to understand what's going through my head a bit better. Any advice or similar stories?
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