Gaeta Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 If they had been in a relationship and he did this, I would stand on him harder for sure. Dating 3 months is not a relationship?
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Well...I got to work and there were flowers on my desk from him with a card. He wants to go to dinner (to a swanky Hollywood restaurant I might add lol) and talk when he gets back. I think it's very sweet of him to do that, esiecislly when he's on another coast. I am open to going to dinner and talking. I know there are always people that can turn something into negative but for me, I will give him credit for doing this. It was a nice gesture. He wants to talk? The other girl dumped him, only explanation he is coming back like a bulldozer. He's over doing it.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 He carries your purse for you, wants to go shopping w/you, and doesn't want to have sex when you stay at his place. Are you sure he's straight? But to be honest, the guy sounds like a bit of a drama queen and really high maintenance. Instead of communicating and acting like a mature adult, he just runs off and hides ignoring you. This isn't the type of guy you want to be in a long term relationship with IMO. 1
Author LoveLady Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 He wants to talk? The other girl dumped him, only explanation he is coming back like a bulldozer. He's over doing it. Lol sorry you're wrong. He's has been on the east coast and we only went 6 days with it being "weird". But you can think that bc it seems like that would make your day lol good luck to whoever tries to date you lol Wow. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Dating 3 months is not a relationship? It wasn't three months of steadily seeing each other. And, no 3 months is not a relationship. It's hopefully exclusive. It's not a relationship until they have declared it so and are sharing on an emotional level and involved in each other's lives. It's not how long a couple is seeing each other, it's about how involved they've become emotionally and whether they each are viewing it as an established relationship. They weren't on this page yet.
Author LoveLady Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 He carries your purse for you, wants to go shopping w/you, and doesn't want to have sex when you stay at his place. Are you sure he's straight? But to be honest, the guy sounds like a bit of a drama queen and really high maintenance. Instead of communicating and acting like a mature adult, he just runs off and hides ignoring you. This isn't the type of guy you want to be in a long term relationship with IMO. Well I'm actually over people trying to over judge a person on a few paragraphs. Most offered sound advice but there are always a few that take it too far. Everyone's different. I'm not saying we will end up perfectly happy but I'm Applauding the effort. My guy friends actually said his actions were "normal" or "typical" Good luck to you too. Lol
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 It wasn't three months of steadily seeing each other. And, no 3 months is not a relationship. It's hopefully exclusive. It's not a relationship until they have declared it so and are sharing on an emotional level and involved in each other's lives. It's not how long a couple is seeing each other, it's about how involved they've become emotionally and whether they each are viewing it as an established relationship. They weren't on this page yet. * I have been dating a guy for 3 months. * wants to hang out all the time * When I would stay the weekend with him *even offering to buy me new clothes for work the next day. They hang out all the time, spend weekends together, he buys her clothes and it's been going like this for 3 months but it doesn't look like a relationship? If I spent that much time with a man and spent my weekends with him I would consider myself in a relationship.
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Well I'm actually over people trying to over judge a person on a few paragraphs. Most offered sound advice but there are always a few that take it too far. Everyone's different. I'm not saying we will end up perfectly happy but I'm Applauding the effort. My guy friends actually said his actions were "normal" or "typical" Good luck to you too. Lol I am offering a different perspective. I see things differently it doesn't mean I am judgmental. I see facts and I interpret them as per my experience with dating and men.
fitnessfan365 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Well I'm actually over people trying to over judge a person on a few paragraphs. Most offered sound advice but there are always a few that take it too far. Everyone's different. I'm not saying we will end up perfectly happy but I'm Applauding the effort. My guy friends actually said his actions were "normal" or "typical" Good luck to you too. Lol Well your post was a page long, not a few paragraphs. But speaking as a guy, I can tell you that his behavior is not healthy or typical. He's got emotional issues from his last relationship and carrying that baggage around w/him. Since he doesn't know how to deal with it, he just closes himself off and hides from you. When a guy is truly into a woman, he won't play hide and seek or make her second guess. He'll want to be in her life and make her feel secure. 5
Redhead14 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 * I have been dating a guy for 3 months. * wants to hang out all the time * When I would stay the weekend with him *even offering to buy me new clothes for work the next day. They hang out all the time, spend weekends together, he buys her clothes and it's been going like this for 3 months but it doesn't look like a relationship? If I spent that much time with a man and spent my weekends with him I would consider myself in a relationship. I would consider myself in a relationship -- that's fine. It'd be wise to make sure the guy you're seeing feels that way too. Lots of women go down a road with a guy thinking that only to find out he likes her a lot but doesn't want a "relationship".
Author LoveLady Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 I am offering a different perspective. I see things differently it doesn't mean I am judgmental. I see facts and I interpret them as per my experience with dating and men. thank you for your time and willingness to try to help.
Author LoveLady Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 Well your post was a page long, not a few paragraphs. But speaking as a guy, I can tell you that his behavior is not healthy or typical. He's got emotional issues from his last relationship and carrying that baggage around w/him. Since he doesn't know how to deal with it, he just closes himself off and hides from you. When a guy is truly into a woman, he won't play hide and seek or make her second guess. He'll want to be in her life and make her feel secure. I understand but you're assuming all guys are the same and they are not. I have guy friends and coworkers who think his actions are "normal" so that right there prices everyone is different. I don't think there's anything wrong with hearing what he has to say at dinner. I'm not sure how old you guys are but it may be an age gap thing too. Guys aren't like they used to be. They're kind of babies now a days lol
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 thank you for your time and willingness to try to help. I am not against you. I'm in your corner. You remind me a bit of my daughter when she asks me for advice. I tell her what I see and her reply to me is practically always: Mom that's not what I want to hear. So I ask her: Hon, you want my opinion OR you want my support, not the same. Lovelady, I don't think you came on here for support but for opinions. So, at risk of being called a men hater again :-) I think he will take you out on a nice dinner and he will end up telling you how he's busy, he's not the type to open up, blablahblah, so in other words he will be warning you he is disconnected and to not expect him to connect. Also, I want to warn you about interpreting his spending money on you as a show of affection. Shutting you out, fading on you, then sending flowers from across the ocean and paying you dinner to replace affection...meh. Don't let it 'work' on you. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) I understand but you're assuming all guys are the same and they are not. I have guy friends and coworkers who think his actions are "normal" so that right there prices everyone is different. I don't think there's anything wrong with hearing what he has to say at dinner. I'm not sure how old you guys are but it may be an age gap thing too. Guys aren't like they used to be. They're kind of babies now a days lol I never said that all guys are the same. Of course everyone is different. But when you meet a guy that acts like a "baby" or that has traits which make him a bad dating choice, you don't act naive and ignore the obvious. People are who they are, and show it with their actions. The mistake many women make is wanting to be patient because they feel they can change and mold a guy into a "better version of himself". But it never works out that way. In the end, he doesn't know how to communicate, has emotional baggage, and left you hanging. There isn't any part of that recipe that screams great dating choice. Edited October 7, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author LoveLady Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 I am not against you. I'm in your corner. You remind me a bit of my daughter when she asks me for advice. I tell her what I see and her reply to me is practically always: Mom that's not what I want to hear. So I ask her: Hon, you want my opinion OR you want my support, not the same. Lovelady, I don't think you came on here for support but for opinions. So, at risk of being called a men hater again :-) I think he will take you out on a nice dinner and he will end up telling you how he's busy, he's not the type to open up, blablahblah, so in other words he will be warning you he is disconnected and to not expect him to connect. Also, I want to warn you about interpreting his spending money on you as a show of affection. Shutting you out, fading on you, then sending flowers from across the ocean and paying you dinner to replace affection...meh. Don't let it 'work' on you. I don't care about the money thing at all. I have my own and a dad who can give me what I need if I can't lol but I thought the gesture was nice. I have never gotten flowers from a guy before. Like ever. Usually chocolates or something. I feel like if he was going to say he's busy he would've just kept silent. I gave him the out so why send flowers and go to dinner to say "Im Busy"? I'm genuinely asking not trying to be a smart ass. The reason I'm giving him a little slack is because im also kind of reserved and know what it's like to have ppl call u emotionless or s robot when you really do care for them but just don't know how to show it all the way. I grew up with a family that would buy me whatever I wanted but affection was rare. (I'm actually tearing up, at work lol) so I lind of know where he's coming from. And I did let him know that I undersrood where he's coming from but will talk about it more in depth at dinner. This is why Im being kind of soft. I have gotten a little better but know how hard and scary it can be to open yourself up. More so for a guy I would assume. Thanks.
joseb Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 He carries your purse for you, wants to go shopping w/you, and doesn't want to have sex when you stay at his place. Are you sure he's straight? But to be honest, the guy sounds like a bit of a drama queen and really high maintenance. Instead of communicating and acting like a mature adult, he just runs off and hides ignoring you. This isn't the type of guy you want to be in a long term relationship with IMO. I meant to post similar before. The carrying your bag, buying work clothes - i found that very odd. Like he is overcompensating for something. Regarding the not wanting sex, are you guys sleeping together yet?
Author LoveLady Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 I meant to post similar before. The carrying your bag, buying work clothes - i found that very odd. Like he is overcompensating for something. Regarding the not wanting sex, are you guys sleeping together yet? Yes. We have sex a lot. Just not every single time we hang out. So now I have to be concerned with a guy trying to be a gentlemen by holding my bag some (it was a bag with a blanket in it bc we were going to have a picnic after the tour and a purse) while we were on a 3 hour tour and him offering to buy me with clothes bc he wanted me to stay over? Wow. I give up on dating then. I just don't have it in me to be suspicious of every nice gesture. I give up.
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Yes. We have sex a lot. Just not every single time we hang out. So now I have to be concerned with a guy trying to be a gentlemen by holding my bag some (it was a bag with a blanket in it bc we were going to have a picnic after the tour and a purse) while we were on a 3 hour tour and him offering to buy me with clothes bc he wanted me to stay over? Wow. I give up on dating then. I just don't have it in me to be suspicious of every nice gesture. I give up. Why are you passive aggressive now? His question and comment were legitimate.
Author LoveLady Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 Why are you passive aggressive now? His question and comment were legitimate. And I answered it.I'm Done with this thread. Thanks for the help but I feel like there are many bitter Betty's on here. I trust myself to handle it from here. I was just confused if it was the end by the conversation I originally posted about bc I wasn't clear. To me analyzing saying it was odd he wanted to carry my bags to try to be sweet is too much lol
Gaeta Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 And I answered it.I'm Done with this thread. Thanks for the help but I feel like there are many bitter Betty's on here. I trust myself to handle it from here. I was just confused if it was the end by the conversation I originally posted about bc I wasn't clear. To me analyzing saying it was odd he wanted to carry my bags to try to be sweet is too much lol People thought you meant your purse. Good luck with your dinner. Let us know how it goes so you can stick your tongue out at all those bitter Bettys ;-)
Versacehottie Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 So, at risk of being called a men hater again :-) I think he will take you out on a nice dinner and he will end up telling you how he's busy, he's not the type to open up, blablahblah, so in other words he will be warning you he is disconnected and to not expect him to connect. Well, something I can agree with! OP, yay! Flowers and dinner. Very good. Like redhead said, listen carefully to what he says (and then later watch what he does). I agree with Gaeta to listen for warnings though I have no prediction that he will give you any. In these sorts of discussions about status and progression of relationship, listen to what people are telling you. Sometimes some of the things are actually "warnings" of what they can't or won't do. His general vibe should be one of these are the things I want for us and want to work on these things that are difficult for me. He shouldn't really be "negating" anything that would be healthy to a normal relationship. Sometimes they slip these into convo really easily. So my advice, keep your ears open and your mouth relatively shut. Also he shouldn't know that he's back in so easily--you should "consider" what he's said. Gaeta, while I agree with the sentiment of looking for warnings--that a good thing for anyone to protect themselves and can even be because incorporating past bad experience. But it is because you come to some forgone conclusion as if it applies to all guys and is a sure thing is where I'm getting an idea about your belief system about guys is messed up. You know I like you--AND i don't think of you as a negative person at all. I won't say it aloud again but those sentiments aren't very friendly to a whole group of people and are negative. It's hysteria and a knee=jerk reaction. I know you are smarter than these blanket statements
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I was not making a blanket statement. I have a different opinion. I read everyword of her thread and made my assessment based on my experience with dating which is considerable. Lets wait for the update.
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) I won't say it aloud again but those sentiments aren't very friendly to a whole group of people and are negative. First that you actually spend time talking to a group of people backstage about me a long time fellow member, second that you tell me such a thing in public as if it's some type of warning or something that is suppose to worry me? My opinion is different. I have supported my opinion with explanation. I have expressed my opinion with respect using proper language. I have not judge or accuse anyone while delivering my opinion. If I had the moderator would have taken care of it. My opinion happens to be different and I don't care much if it fits 'your group of people'. Edited October 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Eighty_nine Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 OP, it's a tough crowd around here. the thing is this board is a wealth of knowledge and spending some time reading through it can be VERY enlightening. My take is that a lot of veteran posters treat new posters like DUH, you should know what these "signs" mean... But the truth is, dating is very complicated and it takes age and maturity and knowledge (like reading these boards!) to just "know" what people around here think may be common sense. Anyway, many new posters end up feeling the way you do after their first quest for advice around here. Don't feel too bad. 3
angel.eyes Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 LoveLady, I agree with your and your guy friends' assessment. It's a stretch to jump to the conclusion that he's relegating you to the back burner or cold kitchen counter or dumping you at this point. I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He's making an effort. He's acknowledged your perspective and has responded to try and remedy things. He's trying to be romantic even though he's a great distance away. Guys trying to break up with you don't typically send you flowers or take you to a fancy, expensive restaurant that might impress you. They take you to Starbucks for the breakup discussion.. I personally would be appreciative of his efforts. Jumping to conclusions is partly how you landed in this dilemma. So go on the date. Be your usual cute, fun, carefree self. Recognize his efforts. Listen carefully to what he has to say. If the situation warrants it, explain that you would like to be there to support him. He's welcome to share what's going on in his life with you. Also, the discussion will be an opportune time to discuss what he wants out of dating in general and where he thinks you guys are in your relationship. It doesn't have to be a "heavy" discussion...I'm big of on humor to keep things light...but you should walk away from the date clear on those two things. Whether it works out or not, you have the right attitude--if it works out...great. If not, as you said, you're cute and will find another guy. Best of luck. Let us know how it goes. 3
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