sas22 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 I've been seeing this guy for a little over a month (6 dates) and yesterday was the first time we've heavily made out. He started moving lower and was about to eat me out which surprised me because he hasn't even touched a boob yet lmao. I told him to stop and he did and was very nice about it but I didn't tell him that I stopped him because I was scared. He said it took him a lot of courage to try that because he's shy. I told him that I wanted him to do that, just "not right now." I haven't said that I'm a virgin and all that but I think he can probably assume by how awkward I am.. Anyway no one has ever done that to me before and I really want it to happen but I'm just so afraid of that level of intimacy. Even cuddling makes me anxious..This guy is the first person I've done any of these things with so I know that's adding to it and making me feel worse. (I'm 22 btw). My parents always showed me affection growing up so I don't know where this is coming from other than my social anxiety and lack of experience. How can I get the confidence to be more intimate or affectionate? I know he likes me, and I really like him, but I just can't help but feel extremely insecure. If I'm this scared of him doing these things to me, I can't imagine how long it'll take before I'm confident enough to return the favor. We also haven't discussed what we're looking for so I don't know if he just wants sex, but I feel that if that's all he wanted he would've tried to make a move much earlier than that. However I really want to ask him what he's looking for because I think some of the insecurity is coming from me not knowing if I'll be dumped as soon as he gets it or that he'll get tired of waiting (which I know means he wasn't the right guy anyway but I can't help it). I'm extremely attracted to him and I trust him, the problem lies solely with my confidence. Help?
Photofinish Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 However I really want to ask him what he's looking for because I think some of the insecurity is coming from me not knowing if I'll be dumped as soon as he gets it or that he'll get tired of waiting (which I know means he wasn't the right guy anyway but I can't help it). I'm extremely attracted to him and I trust him, the problem lies solely with my confidence. Help? Why jump into bed with him so quickly if you're scared and a virgin? If he gets tired of waiting then he probably isnt a good person and isnt interested in getting to know you. You're not ready for sex if you're feeling these emotions.
Author sas22 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 Explain shy are you afraid of having sex? I'm worried I won't be good at it/I won't know what to do. I know it should be a natural thing and I should just go with the flow, but that's hard when all you can think about are your insecurities. I'm also worried that he won't like my body. Which is extra annoying because I thought I loved my body but now that I'm in a situation where a guy might see it, I've lost that confidence.
Ami1uwant Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 I'm worried I won't be good at it/I won't know what to do. I know it should be a natural thing and I should just go with the flow, but that's hard when all you can think about are your insecurities. I'm also worried that he won't like my body. Which is extra annoying because I thought I loved my body but now that I'm in a situation where a guy might see it, I've lost that confidence. At your age ( I'm assuming you are 18-24) you likely wouldn't be getting dates if you weren't attractive. Having sex for the first time in a relationship is almost always nerve racking on both, unsure what the other likes or expects.
JasmineJones Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 It seems a bit unusual that he's trying to go down on you when he's not even touched your breasts yet.
Hopeful30 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 I'm in the same boat girl. I complain that I don't have a man to be intimate with, yet as much as I want intimacy, it scares me man. I honestly can't give you any advice, because I'm trying to figure that out myself. Then again, if I meet a man who respects that I have uncertainties and fears about it, then somehow the fear of intimacy becomes less. For some reason when someone understands your fears and allows you to experience them, they make it easier to move away from those fears. Something about being accepted with your fears makes it so much easier to overcome them. At least for me.
Author sas22 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 I'm in the same boat girl. I complain that I don't have a man to be intimate with, yet as much as I want intimacy, it scares me man. I honestly can't give you any advice, because I'm trying to figure that out myself. Then again, if I meet a man who respects that I have uncertainties and fears about it, then somehow the fear of intimacy becomes less. For some reason when someone understands your fears and allows you to experience them, they make it easier to move away from those fears. Something about being accepted with your fears makes it so much easier to overcome them. At least for me. I completely get what you mean! You're so right. He seems like the type who would go slow if I told him to and would do what he could to make sure I was comfortable. Part of me feels like maybe I'm not ready for it then if I'm so scared? Then again that makes me think I should face that fear if I feel comfortable with him and maybe that will put my fears at ease. I don't even know.
Author sas22 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 It seems a bit unusual that he's trying to go down on you when he's not even touched your breasts yet. Exactly what I thought, maybe he just really likes going down on girls? Who knows but next time I will tell him to slow down.
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