grokcahsevol Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 First, to recap of what happened. - We were together for 9 years. - Before her and I, she was with a girl for about two years. - She was 15, I was 17 when we got togther. - Her and that girl ended up talking and going to a concert and they decided they should go at it. I myself have been doing very well, this email has not set me back or anything. I have told my self, if she reaches out maybe we can try things, but she is still obviously with this girl. This girl played a huge emotional part of her teenager life and also played a slight role in my exes parents divorce. Here is what she sent me I know that you told me to only reach out if it was to get back together. I just am so sad Shan. I don't know what I did to myself. As the days go by I can't believe I haven't seen or talked to you. Everything reminds me of you. I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is that I want to be with you at the end of all of this and all I can say right now is that everything happens for a reason. Just know I'm thinking of you and I'm figuring out what to do. I'm sorry if this ****s your head up. Just know I think about you every day and every second. I cry almost everyday. I just need to get this off my chest. I haven't responded back because and didn't plan on it. I know many of you will tell me not to respond and move on, HOWEVER as I said, I would like to try things out even if we just end up being friends, and part of me would really love to be just friends. I am a bit lost, but I will tell you guys now, this has not set me back one bit, so please don't say "Don't email her back, because it will take you to square one" trust me, it won't. The reason why I have not respond back is because of 1) I have no urge to. 2)The email seems like it's her trying to get approval from me. Meaning, in the back of her head, she wants to ride this out as long as possible with the girl then come back to me, but she wants to know that I am still here if everything fails, which may be very soon. Since NC, her mom reached out to me to see how I was and asked about a few things that I had at her house. I would love the advice from LS, but please, I don't want the "F*ck her, move on." advice lol I myself have been keeping very busy with business, the gym, trying new things, concerts, and have had a good amount of hookups, but nothing serious as I didn't want anything serious. I'm just hanging out, having fun and hooking up.
CarrieT Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 You can't be friends because you still have romantic feelings for her. If you feel compelled to answer her, let her know that contact with her still hurts and unless she is ready to go all-in with you again, to let you alone.
Apparition Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 People cannot tell you what to do here, man. We can only advise you and form our opinions of your relationship because of what you tell us. If you want to be friends and can handle that, sure, go be her friend. However, ask yourself this; are you still in love with this girl? If so, she holds that power over you where she can hurt you. That alone will bring you back to square one. If you want her back and she hasn't said she wants YOU back, then do not respond to her until you hear that from her. With that said, her contacting you has given you some form of power right now; don't be stupid with it and use it wisely. She states in her e-mail that she "just needs to get it off her chest" - if I was you, I would ignore it for a couple days and then send a short sentence. Do not tell her how YOU feel. Esp about her. Let her wonder about that and perhaps she'll ask straight-out. 1
Author grokcahsevol Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 I appreciate it guys. I don't think contact with her would hurt me. Also, She just messaged me on facebook saying "Hi I was wondering if you got my email?" I'll be honest, I'm not shocked that she has emailed and messaged me, I knew it would happen within the year, but didn't think it would be this quick. I know if I don't answer, she will probably text/call me @Apparition You're right, that's what really confused me honestly just needs to get it off her chest 1) If it's bothering her and "crying" every day.. then why not just end it and try again with me? 2) Maybe she wants me to chase her, which I absolutely won't do. I somewhat do have the ball on my side of the court and don't wan't to do something stupid.
dumbass2 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 "I know that you told me to only reach out if it was to get back together" My response to her after a few days would be, "I asked that you not contact me unless you were done and over your current relationship and were committed to giving us another chance. I'll only say this one more time and only because it currently still works for me, please do not contact me again unless you are 100% over your current relationship and committed to giving us another chance. Take care" Done You now never respond to anything other than "I want to get together and talk about a future with you" or something to that effect. You cannot just be friends with her, so please get that out of your head. You'll see that as a way to get back romantically with her. Don't kid yourself. 3
Xidion Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 You guys were together for 9 years.. that's a lot of memories. She stated she is "figuring out what to do". I'll be honest, it seems as if she had a moment of weakness. Picture her thinking about things, thinking about you, crying, and impulsively decided to send you an email. If she wanted you, she would have asked for some sort of reply and that she would like to talk to you if you're willing, which she didn't. Be careful... don't let this shake you too much. If I were you, I would ignore it.. if she wants to try again, she will reach out again with a more aggressive message. Her saying "I just wanted to get this off my chest" implies that she felt it would make her feel better if she sent you that message. Maybe she is also dealing with some feelings of guilt as well, and if you were to reply and give her some sort of sympathy, it would also make her feel better. If she wants you, she will break down doors to do so, and she hasn't done so.
Author grokcahsevol Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) Why did she end the relationship? I was given an entire list of reasons at first, eventually she told me she was confused, the spark was gone and that we were too comfortable with each other... which I thought a relationship you should be. Confused as in her sexuality... or confused as in if she wanted to be with me or her... I have no idea. "I know that you told me to only reach out if it was to get back together" My response to her after a few days would be, "I asked that you not contact me unless you were done and over your current relationship and were committed to giving us another chance. I'll only say this one more time and only because it currently still works for me, please do not contact me again unless you are 100% over your current relationship and committed to giving us another chance. Take care" Done You now never respond to anything other than "I want to get together and talk about a future with you" or something to that effect. You cannot just be friends with her, so please get that out of your head. You'll see that as a way to get back romantically with her. Don't kid yourself. Thanks for this. The reason why I feel like we could be friends as I've thought about it a lot and part of me feels like I may have moved on from her in a romantic sense. I guess I wouldn't really know unless I saw her. HOWEVER, I know some would go against this but since that email... I checked out her instagram and facebook and I wasn't phased at all. You guys were together for 9 years.. that's a lot of memories. She stated she is "figuring out what to do". I'll be honest, it seems as if she had a moment of weakness. Picture her thinking about things, thinking about you, crying, and impulsively decided to send you an email. If she wanted you, she would have asked for some sort of reply and that she would like to talk to you if you're willing, which she didn't. Be careful... don't let this shake you too much. If I were you, I would ignore it.. if she wants to try again, she will reach out again with a more aggressive message. Her saying "I just wanted to get this off my chest" implies that she felt it would make her feel better if she sent you that message. Maybe she is also dealing with some feelings of guilt as well, and if you were to reply and give her some sort of sympathy, it would also make her feel better. If she wants you, she will break down doors to do so, and she hasn't done so. This is exactly how I decoded the entire message. However, theirs the other part of me thinking she's "preparing" to end the relationship and wants to know if I'm still interested. Also, on another note, she hasn't deleted our pictures off of facebook after 3 months. Edited October 5, 2015 by grokcahsevol
dumbass2 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 "I checked out her instagram and facebook and I wasn't phased at all." did you see her hugging and kissing another person? Did you see her all lovey dovey with another person. Did you see one of those "two couples in love" type pictures? Would those make you feel anything if you saw those?
Shock148 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Honestly like stated above you made it very clear to her to only contact you when she was over her girlfriend and ready to be with you or talk about giving you two another chance. Clearly he email, at least to me, felt like I thought about you, felt guilty for whatever reason, and sending you think will make me feel better. There was no indication in that email that implied she wanted to be with you and give it another chance. Also, YOU want to be with her, you will only talk to her if she wants to be with you. That means, no matter how you feel now, you still have romantic feelings for her and for that, you really cannot just be friends with her. Being friends with an ex ONLY keyword ONLY works when you are completely over her and don't have any desire to be with her again. Other than that, if you are friends with her and she starts talking about other girls or guys and checks them out or whatever, you will feel a little bit hurt inside. I would ignore the message honestly for a couple of days, maybe a week. Then send her a message stating that you appreciate her words but it is like you said earlier, if you want to give us another chance and are not with your current girlfriend and are completely over her, then please respect my wishes and do not contact me until that happens.
greenleaves54 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) Good job ignoring it. I think that was the best choice. Don't give her anything back, unless she wants you back for real. As you said yourself, she's probably making sure she still got you as a back-up plan if her current relationship fails. As for her asking if you got her email, you could just answer her with a simple "Yes.". That will hopefully drive her crazy. But ignoring that is fine too. I also liked "dumbass2"'s version of a reply above. As for being friends... don't. I guess it could work after many years when all feelings are COMPLETELY gone. But is trying a friendship really worth it even then? Surely there are many other great friends to get to know in the world. Edited October 5, 2015 by greenleaves54 1
dumbass2 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 (edited) "The reason why I feel like we could be friends as I've thought about it a lot and part of me feels like I may have moved on from her in a romantic sense." You are in total denial if you think you could be friends right now or time in the near future. I would put it at 0% chance with how you feel about her and want back into a romantic relationship with her. Please, do not do this to yourself. Your best and only hope, imo, is if she comes to you with what I mentioned previously. She knows exactly what you want. You've done everything you can and you CANNOT FORCE someone to want you back. They have to come to you on their own or it will not work. You're doing fine, just stay in NC and ignore unless you get something worth your time and you haven't yet. If you absolutely have to send anything I would send her what I suggested. It tells it flat out like it is, but only works if you hold to it going forward. Again, #1 best thing is to ignore and only if you really really need to, send her that message. Edit: Actually the #1 best thing, after re-reading all your past posts is to ignore, block everywhere and move on with your life and don't think about giving her a second chance. You are wasting valuable time on her. Edited October 5, 2015 by dumbass2
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