BC1980 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 "It's a good thing the breakup happened before you married him." 3
Author singme2sleep Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 "Move on". (It just happened yesterday, WTF?!) "You can do better" (this comes from people who didn't even know my ex). "There's plenty women out there" (Yes, I know, which is why this makes it harder because despite those billion people out there, we chose this one). "If you were meant to be together, you'd be together" (god, I want to punch you). "You are young, you still have time to find the right one". "It's for the best" "Time heals all wounds" (I am left with a scar) "You'll get over it" "You can do better ALWAYS seems to come from people who didn't know the ex. And just because they broke up with you, doesn't mean they're a bad person. Mine broke up with me due to depression. The other one that really gets me is "you're still young you have plenty of time..." Actually I'm 28 so that's not so young if you want to have kids someday. Tick tick tick goes my biological clock as I write this. Plus I don't think it's easy to find another person you can fall in love with, it's not like buying new shoes.
Apparition Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 "You can do better ALWAYS seems to come from people who didn't know the ex. And just because they broke up with you, doesn't mean they're a bad person. Mine broke up with me due to depression. The other one that really gets me is "you're still young you have plenty of time..." Actually I'm 28 so that's not so young if you want to have kids someday. Tick tick tick goes my biological clock as I write this. Plus I don't think it's easy to find another person you can fall in love with, it's not like buying new shoes. They broke up with you because they were depressed or because you were depressed? Try not to look at things as a time-frame, I know that's much more difficult said than done but you will just put yourself under more pressure when you're already going through so much - grieving a loss. Do what I'm doing, get out a bunch of movies and sit and watch them all. Comedies are sometimes the best if you're depressed.
BC1980 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Plus I don't think it's easy to find another person you can fall in love with, it's not like buying new shoes. Meeting someone and falling in love is usually a complete fluke. It's all down to luck in the end. Sure, you can do things to make yourself more attractive, and you can socialize and put yourself out there more. But in the end, it's all random. Also terrible is people saying, "You'll meet someone else. Your time will come." Really? Like, you know that? You can tell the future? The fact is that no one is guaranteed anything in life, and you may very well never fall in love again. You may also fall in love many more times. Who knows? 2
Author singme2sleep Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 Meeting someone and falling in love is usually a complete fluke. It's all down to luck in the end. Sure, you can do things to make yourself more attractive, and you can socialize and put yourself out there more. But in the end, it's all random. Also terrible is people saying, "You'll meet someone else. Your time will come." Really? Like, you know that? You can tell the future? The fact is that no one is guaranteed anything in life, and you may very well never fall in love again. You may also fall in love many more times. Who knows? Exactly! I thought my ex was The One, I thought our love was everlasting. Everything about him felt so right to me, from day one he swept me off my feet. I'm still in shock that it's over. I don't think I'll ever love someone else the way I love him.
Apparition Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 "You can do better ALWAYS seems to come from people who didn't know the ex. And just because they broke up with you, doesn't mean they're a bad person. Mine broke up with me due to depression. The other one that really gets me is "you're still young you have plenty of time..." Actually I'm 28 so that's not so young if you want to have kids someday. Tick tick tick goes my biological clock as I write this. Plus I don't think it's easy to find another person you can fall in love with, it's not like buying new shoes. Exactly! I thought my ex was The One, I thought our love was everlasting. Everything about him felt so right to me, from day one he swept me off my feet. I'm still in shock that it's over. I don't think I'll ever love someone else the way I love him. This reminds me of a quote I like; "There are all types of love in this world, but never the same love twice." 2
Author singme2sleep Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 I want him back. I know people on here will jump all over me for saying that but I do. And maybe it's foolish but I have hope, due to the nature of our breakup. I'm not going to give up on him, he's my best friend. 2
Samuel_22 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Well I did not try to be funny to begin with. So no there is no need to laugh, there is nothing to laugh at to be honest. what I was trying to say was that we hear repetitive things, because we have to hear these things, and that was the whole story. I knew where this thread was headed when I woke up in the morning and saw the thread, and here we are just like what I had anticipated. You perhaps thought I was over my ex, and was singing and dancing, and rapture was my name. I had one of those dire days at school myself, I am a teacher and I am glad I managed not to cry in the middle of my classes, 56 days have passed since my BU and I am still grieving. When we say we may never fall in love again? true, when we say you can't experience the same love twice? true... But how are these things supposed to help us? We are in a situation we have no control over, Did we really want this? We are thrown out of the party and now we have got into a bar fight... the fight for survival...the fight for a future... If we continue thinking, we might not fall in love anymore...We will lose...We will throw our towels, we will cry oceans, that will drown us... So what is the point in living you may ask.... You say you want him back...Does anyone dare say, '' I don't want you back.'' while looking in his/her ex's face... That's why we are here, but what can we do when our exes even told us, ''You want sympathy, look in a dictionary between sh** and syphilis.'' Believe me If someone had told me where my life was headed 6 months ago, I'd have ordered a double of what they were drinking, drunk it, and blown my head out. But to me there are two types of people, those who try to build the past, and those who try to build the future. There are ifs and buts, but should we really stop trying?
Samuel_22 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 "You can do better ALWAYS seems to come from people who didn't know the ex. And just because they broke up with you, doesn't mean they're a bad person. Mine broke up with me due to depression. The other one that really gets me is "you're still young you have plenty of time..." Actually I'm 28 so that's not so young if you want to have kids someday. Tick tick tick goes my biological clock as I write this. Plus I don't think it's easy to find another person you can fall in love with, it's not like buying new shoes. You can do better, because the ones that left us, did not love us, so yes we can do better, being better is subjective, do we prefer to live with people who dumped us like a pair of worn out shoes, because they are attractive, because they are beautiful, because they are handsome or famous or rich!!! Nah I prefer to live with the ugliest woman in the world, but the one who adores me, the one who respects me, the one that cares for me... That is BETTER...without any doubt... the problem with you people is the way you look at things... too mundane, too materialistic....but hey beauty will fade away one day, when wrinkles takes away the softness and smoothness of your skin... Money is not everlasting, you can become bankrupt over a night... I think we need to wash our eyes, look at things from the right prespective
Author singme2sleep Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 You can do better, because the ones that left us, did not love us, so yes we can do better, being better is subjective, do we prefer to live with people who dumped us like a pair of worn out shoes, because they are attractive, because they are beautiful, because they are handsome or famous or rich!!! Nah I prefer to live with the ugliest woman in the world, but the one who adores me, the one who respects me, the one that cares for me... That is BETTER...without any doubt... the problem with you people is the way you look at things... too mundane, too materialistic....but hey beauty will fade away one day, when wrinkles takes away the softness and smoothness of your skin... Money is not everlasting, you can become bankrupt over a night... I think we need to wash our eyes, look at things from the right prespective I understand what you're saying, but you can't say that every dumper is no longer in love when they leave. My breakup circumstances were and are different than what a lot of others on here seem to be going through. Why did your ex dump you? 1
Samuel_22 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 I understand what you're saying, but you can't say that every dumper is no longer in love when they leave. My breakup circumstances were and are different than what a lot of others on here seem to be going through. Why did your ex dump you? What I wrote down there was something in general, and for people who think better means physically better, better means financially better.... well when people tell you, you deserve better, they are not talking about the appearance, fame, reputation of our exes nor do they mean you will find a tycoon this time...because they have not seen our exes at all As for you, I don't mean to be harsh, I remember when people were harsh towards me on the initial days of my BU, I wanted to punch them in the face, but what does love have to do with depression, if love is there, you get more depressed once your love is not around, the counter theory is not true. And anyone who can prove it otherwise, will be rewarded with a gold medal, I promise. Love is not a toy, is not inhibited to circumstances, time, conditions....love is love All I am trying to say is that some times holding on does more damage that letting go... He might regret what he did, on 2nd thought he will regret what he did... somewhere in his life, he will understand that he lost a gem...He may come back, or it might be too late for him to come back... You have to live your life, improve yourself, and expect the worst case scenario, that never hurts...
Hope87 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 It's quite simple. Why do some people take maybe six months to see and feel progress, while others come on with "Yelp! It's been 2 years, just saw him/her with a new squeeze, feel so low now!" Because 'Time' has nothing to do wioth it. All 'time' does, is pass. There are two types of Time (simplifying things greatly). Chronological Time and Psychological time. Chronological time is the one we see on clocks, calendars, diaries, time tables, schedules, agendas... It's what we use to measure our days: appointments, anniversaries, birthdays, significant dates (Independence Day, Thanksgiving....) We need chronology to put things in order, to keep things running smoothly. Psychological time is the bat of an eyelid, or the progress of a snail. Why waiting for a holiday seems endless, and being on holiday takes no time at all before we have to go back to work... Psychological time is what we need, to get over heartbreak. Chronological time is the (mistaken) yardstick we use to measure our progress towards healing. People take different 'times' to get over heartbreak, because for them, psychologically, it depends how quickly they can permit themselves to heal. And some can do it in "the bat of an eyelid". Others make "The progress of a snail". In the meantime, both sorts come in with "We broke up on <....> ,it's now been XX weeks/months, I'm on XX day of NC...." Because they measure their progress on a calendar, not on what their mind is doing. I never thought of it that way. Makes perfect sense. Thanks for breaking it down like you did. 1
dyna85 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 'Move on' 'He was a jerk' 'You need to force yourself to get over it' ...and just the fact that no one ever seems to understand... except for my loveshack peeps. I hate how if you're not over it within like a week or two, society acts like there's something wrong with you. Uh, hello, the heart takes time to heal. My heart, specifically, is the SLOWEST healer of all time, I swear to God. It's so annoying. 3
Author singme2sleep Posted October 5, 2015 Author Posted October 5, 2015 'Move on' 'He was a jerk' 'You need to force yourself to get over it' ...and just the fact that no one ever seems to understand... except for my loveshack peeps. I hate how if you're not over it within like a week or two, society acts like there's something wrong with you. Uh, hello, the heart takes time to heal. My heart, specifically, is the SLOWEST healer of all time, I swear to God. It's so annoying. Mine is too, my heart never loved anyone as much as him.
guest569 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Why do people say things like "he was probably cheating" or "he probably found someone else/someone better" it hurts so much.
Cora Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 "it's their loss" Really? Because he dumped me and has a new girl...I'm sure he doesn't feel like he's lost anything. I'm the only one who feels they lost something. So it's my loss....not his.
SandraTempleton Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Ooo this line seems to be my parents' favorite: "I never liked him anyway"... Gee thanks, wish you would have told me much sooner than this! What if I had married the bastard? Were you planning to keep that a secret forever? Followed by some variation of "You deserve better" or "He's not good enough for you"... Mostly my family meaning well but in reality making it all that much worse. Luckily my grandma tells it like it is: "You're on the wrong side of 20 (insert real name here) Sandra.
Christos Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 "it's their loss" Really? Because he dumped me and has a new girl...I'm sure he doesn't feel like he's lost anything. I'm the only one who feels they lost something. So it's my loss....not his. No, it is always their loss. Dumping a faithful and loving partner, is always a loss for the dumper. He or she might never find that kind of love anywhere else. True love is hard to come by, especially in those modern times... On the other hand, the dumpee, might have lost the sex and the companionship, but didn't lose true love FOR SURE. Guaranteed 100%, the best proof that a person never loved you, is when they dump you. So, you earned the chance to find someone who WILL love you back. That is a lot... 2
StocksnBlondes Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 "You can do better ALWAYS seems to come from people who didn't know the ex. And just because they broke up with you, doesn't mean they're a bad person. Mine broke up with me due to depression. The other one that really gets me is "you're still young you have plenty of time..." Actually I'm 28 so that's not so young if you want to have kids someday. Tick tick tick goes my biological clock as I write this. Plus I don't think it's easy to find another person you can fall in love with, it's not like buying new shoes. Sorry for your BU singme. I was so in love with someone when I was your age ...thought he was the only one for me ...the love of my life ...had a sad BU. I went on to have a few other loves ...got married and didn't have kids till my mid 30s. There is plenty of time for a family so try not to compound your sadness on this account. It is hard to see down the train tracks of where your life's journey will take you but for now you've stopped at a sad place ...stay there for a while if you need to but get back on that train! There I hope you don't wind up hating that phrase 1
Author singme2sleep Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 I guess I'm still in shock because it still feels weird to use the phrase "breakup" and refer to him as an "ex" now. I really can't believe all of this happened to me...
Author singme2sleep Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 No, it is always their loss. Dumping a faithful and loving partner, is always a loss for the dumper. He or she might never find that kind of love anywhere else. True love is hard to come by, especially in those modern times... On the other hand, the dumpee, might have lost the sex and the companionship, but didn't lose true love FOR SURE. Guaranteed 100%, the best proof that a person never loved you, is when they dump you. So, you earned the chance to find someone who WILL love you back. That is a lot... I think it's more like they didn't love you enough to stay, and that's a bitter pill to swallow.
Christos Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I think it's more like they didn't love you enough to stay, and that's a bitter pill to swallow. Love is binary, you either love someone, or you don't. There is no too much or too little love... You can have other feelings, sometimes mistaken as love, but love either exists or not. And if it exists, they will never hurt you or leave you.
Author singme2sleep Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 Love is binary, you either love someone, or you don't. There is no too much or too little love... You can have other feelings, sometimes mistaken as love, but love either exists or not. And if it exists, they will never hurt you or leave you. I'm sorry I just don't believe it's that black and white, life is full of grey areas. We'll just have to agree to disagree.
Christos Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 I'm sorry I just don't believe it's that black and white, life is full of grey areas. We'll just have to agree to disagree. Life may be, love is not. You can't quantify love. But it's ok to disagree
mightycpa Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Christos! If this is true:Love is binary, you either love someone, or you don't. then this cannot be true: No, it is always their loss. Dumping a faithful and loving partner, is always a loss for the dumper. He or she might never find that kind of love anywhere else. True love is hard to come by, especially in those modern times... On the other hand, the dumpee, might have lost the sex and the companionship, but didn't lose true love FOR SURE. Guaranteed 100%, the best proof that a person never loved you, is when they dump you. So, you earned the chance to find someone who WILL love you back. That is a lot...Here's the thing... if someone loves you romantically, and you don't love them back, it doesn't feel valuable. If you let them go, you don't feel like you've lost anything, except for maybe a burden you were carrying. Love never works when it is a one-way street, whether you're giving or receiving. What the dumper wants, and what the dumpee wants, is the same thing. A mutually loving relationship. They just want it with different people, that's all. If you think through your assumptions, and what that must mean about relationships, you'll see that your conclusions about dumpers are completely wrong. 1
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