Apparition Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 This question is for people who started comparing others to their ex when they started dating or simply just did it when they would meet someone. I have noticed myself doing it when I see an attractive female on the street. I will say to myself, "she's pretty, but not -insert ex name-". I am not ready for a relationship at all and I do not want one at all for a long, long time. I do not understand why I am doing this, though, it's not like I am going to even talk to these females, so why is my brain doing this to me? Did yours go away and if so, how long?
minimariah Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 i did. & the first time i met a man and spent an entire evening with him (& it was amazing) and DIDN'T compare him to my ex at all, not once - THAT was the moment i knew i was 100% moving on. it took me about a year and a half to move past my longterm partner. 1
Cora Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Yes, I did it a lot with my last ex before this most recent one. The guys I met or went on dates with could be 100% perfect, but there was just one thing wrong with them....they were not my ex. I'd always compare them no matter what even if they had better qualities than my ex, I'd still find something my ex had that they didn't. It took me a long time to get over that ex. I was with him for 2 years and it took me at least that long and longer to be completely over him. I dated during that time, but nothing serious or substantial as I still could not get the ex out of my mind. The most recent ex left me four months ago and I can't even think about dating or another guy. I don't really care to ever date or be in another relationship again. What he did hurt me more than I've ever been hurt before and I'm just drained. I'm done for now and possibly forever as far as I'm concerned. He was supposed to be my "the one." I felt it the first moment I met him and I vowed if things didn't work out I did not want anyone else. I feel dizzy and in shock as I still don't understand how I could have been so wrong about him. He on the other hand apparently has no problem moving on. Guess I just wasn't that special to him and that just hurts my heart and makes me so sad 1
Author Apparition Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 So sorry to hear it, Cora. I can completely relate to you with regards to finding "the one" - I never believed in such a thing until my recent ex. We were together four years, practically. We spoke of marriage, and I have never given my heart to another woman like I did with her. She, I still believe, was my soul-mate. I just don't think I'm hers. I cannot contemplate having a relationship now, either. I'm sure yours will always have a special place in your heart - as mine will. I hope you're doing okay. MiniMariah, are you with someone now or still going through the break-up process? 1
minimariah Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 MiniMariah, are you with someone now or still going through the break-up process? i'm with someone new now, with the amazing men from the dinner! it's by far the most craziest & passionate relationship i've ever had and sometimes i don't even know is that a good or a bad thing... but we enjoy one day at a time and we're happy. that's all that matters. i've been a mess after my X & me broke up. & i honestly couldn't even imagine meeting someone who will suit me the way my X did but life surprises you... oh, yes. it surprises you! so grieve. and go through all the emotions you have to go. you might think now it's the end of the world and that you'll never feel what you felt for this woman but heart is one strong muscle and you'll recover - full time & that heart will beat faster & more joyful than ever for someone new.
Cora Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 So sorry to hear it, Cora. I can completely relate to you with regards to finding "the one" - I never believed in such a thing until my recent ex. We were together four years, practically. We spoke of marriage, and I have never given my heart to another woman like I did with her. She, I still believe, was my soul-mate. I just don't think I'm hers. I cannot contemplate having a relationship now, either. I'm sure yours will always have a special place in your heart - as mine will. I hope you're doing okay. MiniMariah, are you with someone now or still going through the break-up process? Thanks! I'm sorry you are having to endure this pain as well. It's never easy especially when that person seemed so right for you and really and truly felt like a soulmate. So I can definitely relate to what you and many others on here are going through. It does help me to know that I'm not alone even though it can seem that way at times. When I start to feel that way I just come on here and read all the heartbreaking posts by many others. I'm doing ok...it hurts like hell and I imagine it's gonna hurt for quite some time, but I know it has to eventually get better. I'll never forget him and like you said he'll always hold a special place in my heart just like she will hold a special place in yours, but in time we will heal and it won't be as bad as it feels today. In the meantime I'm just trying to keep my mind busy on other things. I truly hope you will find happiness again.
erikah18 Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 That happened to me a few times during a break me nd my "lil yeah" took a break. Everyone talked wayyy to much to me and I was just like "omg I'm never gonna find someone as mellow and chill as my baby":mad:
BonerFide Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Of course! I think it's normal too, especially if the relationship went south. I mean, you're going to have a better idea of what you're looking for after a BU from a long term relationship, and that's going to involve you comparing people to your ex, even if not much at all. I had a BU a month ago and am well on my way to being moved on, but when I went on a date the other night, I was just thinking about he was not as good looking as my ex, not as tall, not as sweet etc. I'm not looking for a copy of my ex but I'm also consciously aware that I don't want to downgrade. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe.
Winesar21 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I am experiencing the same thing. Even if I just go out to a bar I compare everyone to him and how they wouldn't treat me like him. When does this go away? I guess I need to give people more of a chance.
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