aeiya Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Four months ago, I broke up with my verbally abusive boyfriend and ended that terrible relationship. Even though I feel like that breakup still affects me, what happened two months ago really changed things in dating for me. Two months ago I was raped by a man I was on a date with and I completely fell apart. I am still trying to piece things back together. I met those two men online as well as the man that I am dating now. Its in the very beginning of our dating, we started talking about 2-3 weeks ago and we have seen each other 4 times. I enjoy spending time with him a lot and I can tell that I am developing feelings for him already. But in my heart I am sometimes terrified. We haven't kissed or anything yet (haven't even held hands) and I wonder if hes reading something off of me or perhaps he is waiting for me to initiate. I worry that he could be another heart break or something. I am also worried that perhaps he just isnt that interested in me in that way. I am receiving mixed signals from him. I'm conflicted when I am with him because I want him to hold my hand or kiss me but I feel paralyzed and unable to initiate it myself. And I am afraid that if he does try to kiss me I will remember bad things. Things that happened two months ago... What should I do? Is this something I can even talk to him about when our dating is so new?
LostOnes05 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Did you file a police report on either man? Sorry for my language, but I get really heated when pieces of S*it do this to people. I thank you for having the courage to share your experience. My advice would be not to tell him until you are in an exclusive relationship. Instead, seek therapy so that you can talk about it with a professional. This will help you better understand your feelings and develop ways to move beyond it. Don't let these two scumbags dictate the rest of your life for you. You deserve to be happy and have a loving relationship. Live the life you've dreamed of. My best wishes to you.
Author aeiya Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 I filed a police report for the rape but i just left the first guy and i havent spoken to him since. I have a therapist i see regularly and i have been trying to gather up the courage to talk to her about it (ive told her that it happened but thats really it). You make a really really good point though, i dont want what they did to control or dictate my life. Not sure how to not let it yet. Baby steps I suppose. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I wish you the best as well.
Buddhist Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 You should see a therapist, and probably tell him that's what you're doing and why. At least then he'll have a basis of understanding and may stick around instead of just assuming a lack of interest from you.
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