Am I an annoying girlfriend?

[BellyBumper]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now. He still lives with his family (parents, sister, her husband and a ton of cats) and I live with my dad. Before you jump on me about that let me just say we are both working and saving money to move out. So I'm over at his house with him 70% of the time and his parents are totally cool with me spending the night since we don't live very close together. Our time together is always amazing, we laugh a lot, hardly ever argue, we play video games together, always cuddling. But at times his family will get upset over something I did unknowingly or something they THINK I did and each time my boyfriend will stand up and take their crap for me. They can be nice people but they're not above jumping down your throat if they get upset with you. A long time ago he actually sat them down and told them to never raise their voices at me because I'm so sensitive. I really really am. If someone yells at me I start crying but if things are really bad i start shaking and have a panic attack. I don't know why I'm like that. I'm generally really happy but when a person raises their voice it just really hurts my feelings.

It's amazingly sweet that he wants to protect me and make me feel comfortable at his house but I feel like he gets tired of always taking the blame for me and defending me. There is only a couple of times his family actually did make me cry and I just ran to my boyfriend and told him what happened. I feell like I put him in an awkward position. It's like ok does he just let it slide so that the drama ends there OR does he be a good boyfriend and confront the people who had me all shaken up, who happen to be his family? See what I mean? I wish I could just not get upset and stand up for myself and save my bf the trouble of choosing a side and fighting.

 

He generally doesn't get along with his family and I feel like I make it worse. There was one time his mom blamed me for him being angry one day even though it was his job that had him upset. She didn't raise her voice or anything but just being blamed by someone who I thought loved me like family hurt so much. My boyfriend just comforted me and his sister told me not to take it personally because "that's how she is." Later that night my boyfriend was in his moms room talking for a really long time and I knew it was about what happened earlier. I wasn't sure if there was a conflict going on or if they were just talking about it.

Edited October 3, 2015 by BellyBumper

[Gaeta]

Their house is full, they don't need you to shack up there 70% of the time. You live alone with your father so your boyfriend should be the one visiting you.

[clia]

It's excessive for you to be spending 70% of your time at his parents' house. No wonder they are getting annoyed with you. I agree with Gaeta that he needs to start going to your place. Or better yet, one of you should move out and get your own place.

 

What exactly are you doing to upset his parents so frequently?

[BellyBumper]

Not totally sure. It doesn't happen often or get that bad usually but they usually get upset if they think I took a certain food from the kitchen or took too long of a shower. But usually it's over stuff they think happened that really didn't

[Gaeta]

Not totally sure. It doesn't happen often or get that bad usually but they usually get upset if they think I took a certain food from the kitchen or took too long of a shower. But usually it's over stuff they think happened that really didn't

 

You have posted about this 10s of time under different names. The answers are always the same. What more do you want from us?

[BellyBumper]

This is my only account..

[clia]

Not totally sure. It doesn't happen often or get that bad usually but they usually get upset if they think I took a certain food from the kitchen or took too long of a shower. But usually it's over stuff they think happened that really didn't

 

You shouldn't be showering at their house or helping yourself to food in their kitchen. Shower at your own house and eat your own food.

 

They are clearly annoyed with you. Why exacerbate the situation? Stop doing things that upset them and stop acting like their home is your home. It isn't. They don't want you there.

[ExpatInItaly]

Not totally sure. It doesn't happen often or get that bad usually but they usually get upset if they think I took a certain food from the kitchen or took too long of a shower. But usually it's over stuff they think happened that really didn't

 

Why is he not coming to stay at your house more often?

 

Yes, they are annoyed. Being there 70% of the time is too much. Are you contributing, either financially or by helping out with housework or cooking?

[Buddhist]

I'm not weighing in on the 'annoying' bit, but sooner or later you are going to have to learn to deal with confrontation yourself. Life is full of it and if you cry and have a panic attack every time someone confronts you, then you will be debilitated in life.

 

Seek help for your anxiety issues and commence exposure therapy so you have a chance at being a functioning adult in the world. Expecting others to shield you from life is abdicating responsibility and yes absolutely it will end your relationships every single time. It's no-ones job to be your full-time parent forever and others will get sick of it.

 

And in case you imagine I have no idea what your anxiety may be like or what a panic attack is....I have panic disorder, so I'm well aware. I also know that running away from the problem will only escalate it and create bigger problems in your life. Avoidance is not the way to go with anxiety disorders.

[travelbug1996]

How old are you? Also you sound extremely passive and need to work on that. Usually passive people are also passive aggressive. When you get angry do you stay in the shower on purpose to make other late for work etc?

 

Me personally, don't care much for non assertive people. sorry. Also give his family some space.

[BellyBumper]

Oh no I wouldn't do that. I'm not angered easily and if they did make me mad I would never do something to hurt the person that upset me. I'm more of a cryer than a yeller or revenge seeker lol. If I know I shouldn't use the shower at a certain time or do something then I wont but sometimes I just have no idea and then without warning people start getting all worked up

[BellyBumper]

I am 22 also