lakerman34 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I've been seeing this girl since June. Really cute, love her personality, have really great talks, all that stuff. However, I can't get myself to jump from that "like" to "love" platform. To me, our relationship is kind of falling flat and feels forced. I have a feeling that she does love me, but feels as if we are falling apart emotionally as well (or, at least she senses that I am -- she continuously mentions how she is confused & nervous about me). I am having trouble pinpointing the exact problems in our relationship, but what I can definitely say is that I used to trust her, and I don't anymore. Anyways, she's definitely still invested in me, that much is obvious. BUT, she talks about some of the boys in her past, and she sort of seems to keep tabs on them. There is one boy in her friend group (we'll call him Alex) that she was not really into in any way but sexually last year. Apparently, he's gifted in the bedroom. As a person, she doesn't seem to care much for him. She used to get annoyed at the amount of Snapchats he'd send her, and always would try to avoid him (he's not really her friend, but in her friend group), but she spoke about him an awful amount. Lately, she's coming around saying he's alright, and they hang out (once in a while, by themselves). This morning, she and I had sex, and then she went to walk her dog. I cracked and did something terrible. I searched her phone, looked at the text messages, and what I saw I didn't particularly like. Nothing egregious, but general friendliness. And then, he sent her a picture of her breakfast. She responded, "mmm.....that's really turning me on." And then, he said something to her, and she said, "if you want me to come over, you could just ask." And then, they went out to lunch together (which I heard nothing about). And then, at about 3:30 in the morning THIS MORNING, he sent a text that asked if she was still awake. A couple of things: I couldn't figure out how to make the messages unread (if she puts 2 and 2 together, she could probably figure out that I looked at her messages), and I told her I needed to go home to do laundry and a couple of things at my house. I feel terrible for invading her privacy, I've never done ANYTHING like that before to anyone. I'm going to go along with this "relationship" and act as if I didn't see anything, but should I have reason to be seriously nervous, or is it possible that she just sees this guy as a friend and hanging out at 3:30AM is socially acceptable to them?
Author lakerman34 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 They're having sex. Kick her to the curb and run. I know that's what it seems like, but I don't think she'd do that. Sex is a very spiritual thing for her, she wouldn't just do it for the sake of doing it. She lives with Rasta lifestyle, and to have sex with someone that is meaningless is a degradation to her spirit (as Rasta says). But, at the same time, it is very curious. Also, she does have many more guy friends than girl friends.
SoThatHappened Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Just get out. It's a 4-month-old relationship with a horrible foundation. She's obviously having an inappropriate "side relationship" with someone who can bang her senseless. Cut bait and run. She doesn't want to date him, but it sounds like she'd bang him at the drop of a hat. Next. 1
Author lakerman34 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 (edited) Just get out. It's a 4-month-old relationship with a horrible foundation. She's obviously having an inappropriate "side relationship" with someone who can bang her senseless. Cut bait and run. She doesn't want to date him, but it sounds like she'd bang him at the drop of a hat. Next. That's the thing, I bang her senseless too. Early stages in our relationships, we spoke about who we banged, who was the best, how they made us feel, and she told me that he was incredible in bed but an awful human being and that she avoids him at all costs. I need to be clearer--they hang out with other friends, but on 2 occasions (that I know of), they were alone (but usually in public). Also, she has his glasses from a night where they (a couple of friends) had a movie night, and he left them. That was weeks ago, and she STILL has them. I WANT to believe that is evidence that she hasn't seen him, but also, I feel as if it could kind of be a decoy. I don't know when she'd have time to bang him either. She works 7-5AM on weekdays, I usually see her after work, and I'm with her essentially the entire weekend. Also curious, she tells me on a daily basis that "all she wants from our relationship is more honesty and trust." Maybe she thinks I'm banging a side-girl? Edited October 3, 2015 by lakerman34
SoThatHappened Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Believe me. If a person wants to have sex with someone they have contact with, they will make a way. Regardless of their work schedule. Who cares what she says. It's what she DOES. She texts him, sees him, and flirts with him. My last ex also told me she couldn't stand how much her coworker complained. That was 2 weeks before she cheated on me with him. Her statements about honesty and trust likely are due to her own issues of not having them. Again, just get out. This is a horrible foundation for a relationship. 1
mightycpa Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Here's how I read your situation: 1) You're not particularly enamored with her, but you like her OK. 2) You bang her senseless 3) You're concerned that somebody else might be doing that too. Solution: Explain to her that while you would like to continue seeing her, you think it would be a good idea to see other people too. Explain how she's a lot of fun, and you have a good time, and unparallelled in the sack. But even with all that going for her, you think that both of you could benefit from seeing other people, and that by doing that, it might help you clarify the nature of your feelings for each other. Outcome: 1) She refuses, in which case, you're done because she likes you a lot more than you like her. After that, you start seeing other girls. or 2) She agrees, you get to bang her and you get to bang other girls too. One way or another, you've got to stop investing so much time and energy into somebody who you're just not that interested in.
Author lakerman34 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Last night at dinner, there was something she wanted to tell me. I asked her what was it? She responded, "nevermind." I said, "how about you write it down?" She responded, "are you going to read it?" I responded, "obviously." She said, "No. I'll tell you in, like, 5 years." Lately, there is something she wants to tell me. I thought it was "I love you," but now, I think she may be feeling guilty for doing something.
mightycpa Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Trust me, when the news comes out, you want to be the first one who says that it's ok to be with other people. You don't want to be the cuckold. Then if she spills the beans after you change the relationship, say "See? That's what I'm talking about. That's what we need to do." You want to use the power of least interest that's currently on your side.
Rejected Rosebud Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 You already said you like her but don't love her and she is nervous about you so what are you salvaging by staying involved when she is doing whatever she is doing with this guy???:confused:
ExpatInItaly Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I've been seeing this girl since June. Really cute, love her personality, have really great talks, all that stuff. However, I can't get myself to jump from that "like" to "love" platform. To me, our relationship is kind of falling flat and feels forced. I have a feeling that she does love me, but feels as if we are falling apart emotionally as well (or, at least she senses that I am -- she continuously mentions how she is confused & nervous about me). I am having trouble pinpointing the exact problems in our relationship, but what I can definitely say is that I used to trust her, and I don't anymore. Anyways, she's definitely still invested in me, that much is obvious. BUT, she talks about some of the boys in her past, and she sort of seems to keep tabs on them. There is one boy in her friend group (we'll call him Alex) that she was not really into in any way but sexually last year. Apparently, he's gifted in the bedroom. As a person, she doesn't seem to care much for him. She used to get annoyed at the amount of Snapchats he'd send her, and always would try to avoid him (he's not really her friend, but in her friend group), but she spoke about him an awful amount. Lately, she's coming around saying he's alright, and they hang out (once in a while, by themselves). This morning, she and I had sex, and then she went to walk her dog. I cracked and did something terrible. I searched her phone, looked at the text messages, and what I saw I didn't particularly like. Nothing egregious, but general friendliness. And then, he sent her a picture of her breakfast. She responded, "mmm.....that's really turning me on." And then, he said something to her, and she said, "if you want me to come over, you could just ask." And then, they went out to lunch together (which I heard nothing about). And then, at about 3:30 in the morning THIS MORNING, he sent a text that asked if she was still awake. A couple of things: I couldn't figure out how to make the messages unread (if she puts 2 and 2 together, she could probably figure out that I looked at her messages), and I told her I needed to go home to do laundry and a couple of things at my house. I feel terrible for invading her privacy, I've never done ANYTHING like that before to anyone. I'm going to go along with this "relationship" and act as if I didn't see anything, but should I have reason to be seriously nervous, or is it possible that she just sees this guy as a friend and hanging out at 3:30AM is socially acceptable to them? I don't think so. I am a woman too and I would never send a message like that to a friend. It's not appropriate for opposite-sex friends, in my opinion. You've only been seeing each other a short time and you already feel it's falling flat. I think this latest discovery is just icing on the cake, so to speak - time to move on,
Author lakerman34 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 You already said you like her but don't love her and she is nervous about you so what are you salvaging by staying involved when she is doing whatever she is doing with this guy???:confused: I've got ego & pride that is way too large for my own good. The more I think about it, the more I think something is up.
organizedchaos Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I've been seeing this girl since June. Really cute, love her personality, have really great talks, all that stuff. However, I can't get myself to jump from that "like" to "love" platform. To me, our relationship is kind of falling flat and feels forced. I have a feeling that she does love me, but feels as if we are falling apart emotionally as well (or, at least she senses that I am -- she continuously mentions how she is confused & nervous about me). I am having trouble pinpointing the exact problems in our relationship, but what I can definitely say is that I used to trust her, and I don't anymore. Anyways, she's definitely still invested in me, that much is obvious. BUT, she talks about some of the boys in her past, and she sort of seems to keep tabs on them. There is one boy in her friend group (we'll call him Alex) that she was not really into in any way but sexually last year. Apparently, he's gifted in the bedroom. As a person, she doesn't seem to care much for him. She used to get annoyed at the amount of Snapchats he'd send her, and always would try to avoid him (he's not really her friend, but in her friend group), but she spoke about him an awful amount. Lately, she's coming around saying he's alright, and they hang out (once in a while, by themselves). This morning, she and I had sex, and then she went to walk her dog. I cracked and did something terrible. I searched her phone, looked at the text messages, and what I saw I didn't particularly like. Nothing egregious, but general friendliness. And then, he sent her a picture of her breakfast. She responded, "mmm.....that's really turning me on." And then, he said something to her, and she said, "if you want me to come over, you could just ask." And then, they went out to lunch together (which I heard nothing about). And then, at about 3:30 in the morning THIS MORNING, he sent a text that asked if she was still awake. A couple of things: I couldn't figure out how to make the messages unread (if she puts 2 and 2 together, she could probably figure out that I looked at her messages), and I told her I needed to go home to do laundry and a couple of things at my house. I feel terrible for invading her privacy, I've never done ANYTHING like that before to anyone. I'm going to go along with this "relationship" and act as if I didn't see anything, but should I have reason to be seriously nervous, or is it possible that she just sees this guy as a friend and hanging out at 3:30AM is socially acceptable to them? And then you said this: I know that's what it seems like, but I don't think she'd do that. Sex is a very spiritual thing for her, she wouldn't just do it for the sake of doing it. She lives with Rasta lifestyle, and to have sex with someone that is meaningless is a degradation to her spirit (as Rasta says). So sex is so spiritual for her she wouldn't have meaningless sex as it's a degredation to her spirit...yet you said above he was a guy she wasn't in to but just for sex. And that she didn't really care for him. She's banging him dude. That's what she wanted to tell you but couldn't. It's been 4 months. Too much drama already. Move on. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Last night at dinner, there was something she wanted to tell me. I asked her what was it? She responded, "nevermind." I said, "how about you write it down?" She responded, "are you going to read it?" I responded, "obviously." She said, "No. I'll tell you in, like, 5 years." Lately, there is something she wants to tell me. I thought it was "I love you," but now, I think she may be feeling guilty for doing something. Now there's a true mark of optimism...! She'll tell you in 5 years because by then it will be too far down the line for you to logically lose your temper or dump her for the transgression. Yup. She's having sex elsewhere. You my dear, for all your ego and pride, are being cuckolded.... (even though, obviously, you're not married, that in essence is what she's telling you NOW.) She will confirm in 5 years' time. Now, of course, if your Ego and Pride are willing to wait that long....
Simon Phoenix Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I've got ego & pride that is way too large for my own good. The more I think about it, the more I think something is up. Who cares? You don't even really like her, or so you say.
LostOnes05 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Tell her "Bye Felicia"...if you stay, you're asking for trouble
Meli22 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 That's the thing, I bang her senseless too. Early stages in our relationships, we spoke about who we banged, who was the best, how they made us feel, and she told me that he was incredible in bed but an awful human being and that she avoids him at all costs. I need to be clearer--they hang out with other friends, but on 2 occasions (that I know of), they were alone (but usually in public). Also, she has his glasses from a night where they (a couple of friends) had a movie night, and he left them. That was weeks ago, and she STILL has them. I WANT to believe that is evidence that she hasn't seen him, but also, I feel as if it could kind of be a decoy. I don't know when she'd have time to bang him either. She works 7-5AM on weekdays, I usually see her after work, and I'm with her essentially the entire weekend. Also curious, she tells me on a daily basis that "all she wants from our relationship is more honesty and trust." Maybe she thinks I'm banging a side-girl? That's why you shouldn't discuss your partners pasts. You find out things you don't want to hear and things get messy. My ex literally begged me to tell him about my past, every detail and when I did he hated it and held it against me. Curiosity ALWAYS kills the cat. Anyway back to your question. You've said you don't love her, so here's your perfect opportunity to get out.
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