lainey595 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I've known this guy Darren for 3 years, we've been best friends for all of that time, we have fun, we laugh, we joke about, and we're there for eachother at our hard times, we're like brother and sister. We did get together for 3 months back in 2012, but it didn't work out, because he still had feelings for his (was) ex, and didn't feel anything more for me than a best friend, so we ended it and i respected and accepted that and moved on, and he got back with his ex who he's been with since then to this day on. anyway, i recently ended an 8 month emotionally abusive relationship, and Darren was there for me every step of the way, and he helped me see sense to put my foot down and end it, and about 3 weeks ago, he was having small issues with his girlfriend which were resolved, and he came to me for advice, and i was there for him, and they're both doing so well now. And up until last week, everything was fine, then he started acting distant, i didn't think much of it at first, until he stopped hugging me, stopped texting me to say hello, or to ask how i'm doing, and stopped responding to my texts asking how he's doing and how his day is going. This brought alot of anxiety on, and i got very paranoid that i had done something to upset him, but i was pretty sure that i didn't, because the day before he started acting this way, we were fine, we talked and had a laugh like normal. Since then, this week he's been blowing hot and cold, he says hello to me one day and has a little laugh here and then, but then another day he ignores me completely, or gives short answers that i then can't reply to, as if he doesn't want to have a conversation with me. He hugs everyone else but he's stopped hugging me, he has fun with everyone else, and has stopped having fun with me, some days he has a little laugh when i make a joke, but that's it. What has happened with him? and what should i do on my part? i don't want to annoy him by confronting him, but this is really messing with my anxiety, and i don't know where i stand with him now.
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I would be willing to bet his GF thinks you're standing between him and her.
Author lainey595 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Thank you for your reply Why would she think that way though? there's no reason to as we never take it too far when we're having fun, and it's NEVER flirty, not even close, he's the same with every other one of his friends, female friends included, and i'm the only one he's stopped talking to...
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Thank you for your reply Why would she think that way though? there's no reason to as we never take it too far when we're having fun, and it's NEVER flirty, not even close, he's the same with every other one of his friends, female friends included, and i'm the only one he's stopped talking to... Are they all as good a friend as you are? Probably not. Has he had relationships with them too? I wouldn't think so. She doesn't trust the same thing to happen again. Admittedly it may not be her at all. But I just suspect that to her, you're just a little bit too close for comfort. Everywhere on this forum, members advise against so called 'platonic' relationships, particularly those between exes. It doesn't matter that you are 'just a friend'. You had sex with him (I'm assuming) so, yeah. You're a risk.
Author lainey595 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Are they all as good a friend as you are? Probably not. Has he had relationships with them too? I wouldn't think so. She doesn't trust the same thing to happen again. Admittedly it may not be her at all. But I just suspect that to her, you're just a little bit too close for comfort. Everywhere on this forum, members advise against so called 'platonic' relationships, particularly those between exes. It doesn't matter that you are 'just a friend'. You had sex with him (I'm assuming) so, yeah. You're a risk. I'm gonna agree with you on the part that we may be "a little bit too close for comfort" to be honest, thank you for putting that there. and oh god no, we didn't have sex... after 3 months it's surprising i know, but he didn't feel enough for me to go on to that stuff, he said that he had feelings for me back then but it wasn't enough, so we never got that intimate. I accepted this, and we both moved on, and now we're supposed to be like brother and sister, and i must add that he gets on with my family and he loves my mother to bits too. i don't know, maybe you're right, maybe she picked up on it and took it all the wrong way and sort of asked him to back off a little, which i can understand if it's making her feel insecure or jealous, but there's honestly no need to be though. I don't want to lose him over this, he's my best friend, like a brother to me =/ , what should i do?
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I'm gonna agree with you on the part that we may be "a little bit too close for comfort" to be honest, thank you for putting that there. and oh god no, we didn't have sex... after 3 months it's surprising i know, but he didn't feel enough for me to go on to that stuff, he said that he had feelings for me back then but it wasn't enough, so we never got that intimate. I accepted this, and we both moved on, and now we're supposed to be like brother and sister, and i must add that he gets on with my family and he loves my mother to bits too. i don't know, maybe you're right, maybe she picked up on it and took it all the wrong way and sort of asked him to back off a little, which i can understand if it's making her feel insecure or jealous, but there's honestly no need to be though. I don't want to lose him over this, he's my best friend, like a brother to me =/ , what should i do? Make friends with her, and convey she has nothing to worry about. That's if she's orchestrating this 'separation'. IOt may be him. he may be feeling as if he's piggy-in-the-middle, he may want to make sure he keeps his GF, so he thinks backing off from you will clarify his intentions towards her. Maybe the best thing to do would be to send him a note telling him you've noted his withdrawal, you suspect you understand why, and that's ok, but you're always there for him as his friend, if ever he needs you. And leave it at that.
Author lainey595 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Make friends with her, and convey she has nothing to worry about. That's if she's orchestrating this 'separation'. IOt may be him. he may be feeling as if he's piggy-in-the-middle, he may want to make sure he keeps his GF, so he thinks backing off from you will clarify his intentions towards her. Maybe the best thing to do would be to send him a note telling him you've noted his withdrawal, you suspect you understand why, and that's ok, but you're always there for him as his friend, if ever he needs you. And leave it at that. Yeah that's what i was thinking about doing at first, but i wasn't sure if it was the best thing to do, but you guys on here know best lol, thank you for listening and understanding and for the good advice
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I don't know that it's good advice. I'm just giving you my best shot, and hoping it goes well for you. Good luck, for what it's worth.
Author lainey595 Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 I don't know that it's good advice. I'm just giving you my best shot, and hoping it goes well for you. Good luck, for what it's worth. Well to me it was good advice , and thank you
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