Apparition Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I do think NC is beneficial for some circumstances and certain people. However, how do you go NC when you have to see them everyday at work and HAVE to speak to them? How can you let go when they are in your face constantly, almost like they never left?
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I do think NC is beneficial for some circumstances and certain people. However, how do you go NC when you have to see them everyday at work and HAVE to speak to them? How can you let go when they are in your face constantly, almost like they never left? The NC Guide was actually originally written by a man who worked in close proximity to his ex. She dumped HIM at a particularly vulnerable and sensitive part of his life (a very close family bereavement), and I believe (although I could be incorrect) that she cheated on him too. Bit don't quote me on that part.... In the end, through implementing the main salient points of the NC Guide - it was she who was climbing the walls in frustration, not him. you behave in such a way that relegates her to being a mere colleague. An Acquaintance. Someone with whom you happen to work. You keep every single bit of contact on a professional, 'distant' formal level. Nothing more. And you mean it. You 'fake it 'til you make it'. As little eye contact as possible, and cold and distant when it's unavoidable. Read the Guide, and bear in mind this guy absolutely nailed it. By the time he left, she felt like the dumpee. And all he had to do was to look to his own needs and feelings, first and foremost. 4
Author Apparition Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 BC, that's not possible. I love my job and cannot leave it. However, she has been saying for a year now that she wants something new, yet hasn't bothered to look for it. You'd think cutting me out would give her all the more reason to leave. Tara, that's interesting. Although, it would be hard as hell to actually put those words into actions. I still have "hope" we can actually be friends, how do I get rid of that?
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 ....Tara, that's interesting. Although, it would be hard as hell to actually put those words into actions. I still have "hope" we can actually be friends, how do I get rid of that? Funnily enough, here's something I posted in this thread: Hope contains an 'o'. Also known as 0. Zero. No hope. False Hope. Hope in vain. Hope for the best but fear the worst. I don't honestly believe I have ever heard the word 'hope' mentioned in any phrase or sentence concerning a good, positive and beneficial or optimistic outcome. Hope is a crap sentiment. I always point this out to people, because they fail to see the salient point: Remember the story of Pandora, and that 'box' or more accurately, amphora, she was given to safeguard? When she took the lid off, she caused mayhem. She snapped the lid down shut again. Pandora Trapped Hope in the box, but initially the box held all the Evils and Ills of the World. Hope was included in this number, it wasn't an exception. There was no mention of 'All the Evils and Ills of the World, except one.' So Hope may well 'spring eternal in the human breast', but not for nothing is it constantly associated with 'vain' or despair. Forget Hope. It's Hype. There is a possibility of friendship, but you need to get to 'benign indifference'. You need to be able to witness her in the arms and life of another guy, and really feel nothing. And she would need to be okay with that....
Author Apparition Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Yeah, I would need to feel nothing except platonic feelings for her as a friend if we were going to be friends, BUT, with that said, I feel like this one will always have a special place in my heart compared to anyone else I've been with and I have never said this about a woman before. However, our relationship ended due to circumstances that both of us could not control (traumatic experience for her). So, being her friend one day only peaks my interest because I care too much about her to never speak to her again and I would enjoy seeing her happy and healthy again. It's different from any other woman I have been with because I always cut ties and never want to be in their life again. With that said, I cannot force her to be my friend, but I can focus on trying to separate my love for her to a platonic emotion. Our last contact was yesterday, where she told me about the death of her friend. I couldn't really tell her not to talk about it because that would have been mean, but luckily, she had to go before I could say anything about it. I am the type of person who would hug someone, and feel bad so the fact she had to go stopped me from doing that. I agree with you about hope.
BC1980 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 (edited) BC, that's not possible. I love my job and cannot leave it. However, she has been saying for a year now that she wants something new, yet hasn't bothered to look for it. You'd think cutting me out would give her all the more reason to leave. Changing jobs is a last resort, but, if you have to see her everyday, I wouldn't completely dismiss the possibility. I work with my ex, but I rarely see him. Maybe once every several months I might pass him in the hall or see him from afar. So it might be more accurate to say that I work at the same place he does. Your only choice is to follow the NC guide that Tara suggested. I followed that same guide when I saw my ex at work, and I did find it somewhat difficult. You need a very strong resolve because seeing someone in person can stir up emotions or catch you off guard. However, the NC guide works wonderfully if you follow it to a tee. I only had a few slip ups in the beginning when he caught me off guard. I think that the next time you see her, it might be helpful to tell her that you would appreciate it if she only spoke to you when it involved work. Edited October 3, 2015 by BC1980
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