thejabberwocky Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Ok so this is super weird, but the past week, I've been completely obsessed with this guy that is very successful in my industry but that I've never met personally. He is one of the leading people in my field, so I was researching him as a means to motivate myself to work harder, and although I've always known a lot about him, the info I found made me very interested in him. Which is weird because again, I have never met this guy. So then I started comparing my ex to him. Like, OMG, this guy did xyz by age 25! My ex is such a loser, he can't even show up at work on time. Or, wow he is a talented musician too!? And my ex would rather spend all day high on the couch! Etc. It's making me realize what a loser my ex is - I could be dating guys like this instead! I almost got stuck with someone who has no motivation and is only interested in drug use. Just a week ago, I couldn't even imagine dating again without feeling completely sick. We'd been together 6 years and being single was too much for me to bear. But now, I'm like, oh my God, have I dodged a bullet! I'm finally seeing my ex so clearly. I haven't missed my ex at all since this happened, which may be a great thing, but I think I'm just redirecting all this energy to obsessing over this other guy - who again, I DON'T EVEN KNOW. The problem with it is that my field is actually really small, and there is a huge possibility I will eventually meet or even work with this guy. I don't want to be creepily obsessed with him, especially considering I don't know anything real about him. I think I'm just making up who I think he is as a means to help me cope with losing my ex... almost like an emotional rebound. I would like it to stop but I don't know how. I keep plotting in my head ways to meet him. Help?
Satu Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Snip I haven't missed my ex at all since this happened, which may be a great thing, but I think I'm just redirecting all this energy to obsessing over this other guy - who again, I DON'T EVEN KNOW. The problem with it is that my field is actually really small, and there is a huge possibility I will eventually meet or even work with this guy. I don't want to be creepily obsessed with him, especially considering I don't know anything real about him. I think I'm just making up who I think he is as a means to help me cope with losing my ex... almost like an emotional rebound. I would like it to stop but I don't know how. I keep plotting in my head ways to meet him. Help? Sounds like Projective Identification to me. Projective identification.
Author thejabberwocky Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Snip Sounds like Projective Identification to me. Projective identification. Ok, I don't really know what that means and the link doesn't seem to have anything very helpful, am I missing something?
Author thejabberwocky Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 Am I the only person this has happened to? No one can offer any advice? I've been trying not to think about this other guy, but then I start to miss my ex. It's like they've been blended together in my mind and I can't seem to shake it off. I need help so I can move on? I don't want to continue this fictitious emotional affair, I want to just move on from my breakup.
mightycpa Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Try LinkedIn. Why wouldn't you want to really meet him? What's the worst thing that can come of it?
Author thejabberwocky Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Try LinkedIn. Why wouldn't you want to really meet him? What's the worst thing that can come of it? Because it's not really about him, I don't think. I've never really been single and I think I'm just forcing an emotional rebound because I'm lonely. I just want to move on in a healthy way but I'm floundering between my ex and this pretend relationship. If and when I do meet this guy, I'd rather be completely over my ex and mentally prepared to see what kind of person he is, not just who I think he is.
Oregon_Dude Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Well, you know what you're doing is unhealthy. You need to force yourself to sit with the loneliness right now. Feel it. Realize that you can handle it. Love who you are, with or without a partner. Easier said than done, I know. Right now you are grasping at straws. Breathe, and know that it's OK and normal to be alone for a good while.
Author thejabberwocky Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 Well, you know what you're doing is unhealthy. You need to force yourself to sit with the loneliness right now. Feel it. Realize that you can handle it. Love who you are, with or without a partner. Easier said than done, I know. Right now you are grasping at straws. Breathe, and know that it's OK and normal to be alone for a good while. I just don't know how to stop. I'm alone most of the time so the breakup has really rattled me.
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