bngo16 Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Well, I've only posted once on this forum, but here's my story. I'm a freshman in college and I live in the dorms. When school first started, I met a girl (who happens to live next door to me, let's call her D) and through spending time with each other, we eventually hooked up. We stayed together from November to last April, when we broke up (I initiated the break up). The reason I broke up with her was because I found out that half way through the relationship, I wasn't in love with her. I only liked her as a friend. On top of that guess I still had feelings for my ex girlfriend (I'll call her N) and I knew that staying in a relationship with D I would be lying to the both of us. The thing is, D and I didn't click and it was hard to have to break up with her. I told her how I felt and tried to bring the relationship to a closure and further told her that if she needed anything she can come to me. Everything was fine so far and we remained good friends. However, N started to call me again and we talked about old times. The thing is, I don't have feelings for N anymore, but we're really close friends. So here's the problem: A couple of days ago (a month after breaking up with D) , my friend S and I were sitting down for dinner. S and I talked about what was going on and eventually I mentioned N on the topic of what I did last weekend (I went home for the weekend and met up with N). S is single, so I offered to try and hook him up with N. So we go down to my room (remember D lives next door to me) and I showed him pictures I had left of N to see what he thought about her. I guess the walls in my room are paper thin, because D heard me talk about N to my friend S. I found out last night that the day before, D was crying because she somehow got the idea that i went home last weekend to see N and on top of that D thinks I left her for N and D also thinks I slept over at N's place (I have no idea how this rumor got out, but I went home and slept at home to go to a banquet and to visit my family and meet up with N because I still owe her a birthday present from last FEB). D's really upset and at the same time mad at me. I feel like such a jerk for hurting her feelings. I wish she would have come to me to ask what was going on (or she could feel that I might lie to her), but I also want to confront her about this issue ( I don't know how I can though). Thank you for listening.
Merin Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Well.. Why not just leave D alone N alone AND let S find his own dates.
johan Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by bngo16 ...on top of that guess I still had feelings for my ex girlfriend (I'll call her N)... ...and on top of that D thinks I left her for N... It appears you did to some extent, so she's not totally wrong. Originally posted by bngo16 ...and I knew that staying in a relationship with D I would be lying to the both of us. And you weren't completely honest with her on your way out. Originally posted by bngo16 ...I went home for the weekend and met up with N... ...I went home ... to visit my family and meet up with N... ...she somehow got the idea that i went home last weekend to see N... It appears you did to some extent, so she's not totally wrong. Have you continued to have physical relations with D since the breakup? Did she hear you say you had physical relations with N while you were there? I think you're trying to walk a thin line between honesty and dishonesty with her. She's putting the pieces together, because you can't really hide your life from her. Maybe you're just trying to protect her feelings, but you don't seem to be making clean breakups. You keep them around instead of really breaking up with them. Then feelings get hurt. I don't understand staying friends with exes. Who needs the complication? how could you do that if you really valued the relationship you had? Maybe more than you asked for, but I had some extra time.
greenhorn Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Well I have seen numerous threads and just can't understand how love goes off suddenly like the fizz out of coke. If someone is not sure of being in love then don't fall in love so quick, take your time to decide whether you really love or not and then commit. I don't think that love ever goes off like this, if there is some solid reason then it is acceptable. Well what D is thinking is quite normal for anyone to think in that situation. I don't know for sure but I think you should make this clear once again to D for some reason that you didn't dump her for N. Getting dumped is more detrimental than love just going off as the fizz
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