BluEyeL Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 But honestly, even if they don't tell you they only want sex, an experienced woman figures it out pretty quickly. There are only so many tricks in the book and they only work on the naive and/or the ones with low self-esteem. I know when I just started dating and a guy invited himself to my house for coffee in the morning (when I had suggested going for a coffee at a coffee shop) and said "I promise no sex", I believed him because he was the first guy I ever met on a dating website and my first and only relationship at that point had been my ex-husband. I was SHOCKED that he came onto me! Really? I was completely clueless. But now, a man who just wants sex has no chance with me. I actually made my personal mission to never get fooled by this type. I consider them my personal enemies, I take it very personally. I like to make them suffer and I do find enjoyment in knowing they'll never get it and if they pay for dinner and not get any, that's even better. At least if a guy was honest, I'd be able to say no, i'm sorry we're looking for different things go find someone else. But try to trick me? I get so angry and all "who the eff do you think I am? I may have been born at night but not last night"...all it goes like that in my head Well not anymore, I'm not on the market but while searching that was my mindset. 1
RoseVille Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Didn't read the responses. 1. Because they know saying that they just want sex would likely result in not getting sex; or, 2. They don't realize at the time that with that particular woman, all they're interested in is sex, until they have sex with her (usually fairly soon in the "relationship" before they even really know her), and once they get to know her, realize they don't want more.
carhill Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Why? It works. If it didn't work, they wouldn't do it. The difficult part is discerning the social hacks from the sincere guys. I don't envy you in that task.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 But honestly, even if they don't tell you they only want sex, an experienced woman figures it out pretty quickly. There are only so many tricks in the book and they only work on the naive and/or the ones with low self-esteem. I know when I just started dating and a guy invited himself to my house for coffee in the morning (when I had suggested going for a coffee at a coffee shop) and said "I promise no sex", I believed him because he was the first guy I ever met on a dating website and my first and only relationship at that point had been my ex-husband. I was SHOCKED that he came onto me! Really? I was completely clueless. But now, a man who just wants sex has no chance with me. I actually made my personal mission to never get fooled by this type. I consider them my personal enemies, I take it very personally. I like to make them suffer and I do find enjoyment in knowing they'll never get it and if they pay for dinner and not get any, that's even better. At least if a guy was honest, I'd be able to say no, i'm sorry we're looking for different things go find someone else. But try to trick me? I get so angry and all "who the eff do you think I am? I may have been born at night but not last night"...all it goes like that in my head Well not anymore, I'm not on the market but while searching that was my mindset. I like your style :D
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Why? It works. If it didn't work, they wouldn't do it. The difficult part is discerning the social hacks from the sincere guys. I don't envy you in that task. Who does it work on? Certainly not on me or any other woman with half a clue
Guyouthere Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Men are going to do what works best for them. Asking a girl via text to come over and blow you doesn't work so well. Inviting that same girl over for Netflix and a pizza works better. Pepperoni pizza works best
Guyouthere Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 One thing is for sure, it is sad to see that so many women already assume the guy just wants them for sex and are suspicious of him right off the bat. That creates a tension that doesn't need to be there. For once, I don't do this. I don't go after any woman for just sex. I am looking for the long term relationship and don't care to be grouped into the stereotype that women have of men. And it ends up being their loss, because if a woman is cold and reserved, she will send the guy away. And she will never realize the guy never wanted to just have sex with her. It wil be her loss.
MissBee Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) I am seeing someone now but in the recent past when I've dated I've met men who are very sheepish about admitting they just want sex and not dating or even friendship. If they are mature enough to have sex why aren't they mature enough to be upfront and open about the fact they just want sex? Instead several of them have said stuff like 'let's just be spontaneous and chill' and 'I want to have fun and see how it goes' or some outright lie and say they are looking for a meaningful dating relationship and then try to schedule the first date to take place at their home at 1am. Because a lot of women won't be open to it (or at least they think so), so they try to increase their odds of getting what they want by misrepresenting it. But you have to learn to read the coded language essentially. It's a sensitive subject and I guess most people don't want to or know how to say it's just about sex but in the examples you gave, we learn the language/phrases/expressions people use to mean the same thing. I think it's less important that they outright say "I just want sex" than it is to learn what means the same thing when they use other language or by their actions. You just have to be firm about what you want, pay attention and realize when the guy doesn't want what you want or just wants sex/casual because most times IME it's obvious. Like the other example you gave, if on the first date they are trying to get you to go to their house at 1am...is it REALLY important they spell out wanting sex in words? It's not...their actions have spelled it out, so you see for yourself and can then choose where to go from there. Edited October 2, 2015 by MissBee 1
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Pepperoni pizza works best Nope....get a veggie supreme.
katiegrl Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 One thing is for sure, it is sad to see that so many women already assume the guy just wants them for sex and are suspicious of him right off the bat. That creates a tension that doesn't need to be there. For once, I don't do this. I don't go after any woman for just sex. I am looking for the long term relationship and don't care to be grouped into the stereotype that women have of men. And it ends up being their loss, because if a woman is cold and reserved, she will send the guy away. And she will never realize the guy never wanted to just have sex with her. It wil be her loss. Please, read the thread, specifically the original post. No women are not *assuming* anything. We are discussing men who flat out announce from the get-go that they want sex, to bang, f*uck or however they want to phrase it. I am happy for YOU that you "don't do this.". Good for you. But this thread is not about you and/or what you want ... nor is it about how cold and reserved a woman is... 1
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 One thing is for sure, it is sad to see that so many women already assume the guy just wants them for sex and are suspicious of him right off the bat. That creates a tension that doesn't need to be there. For once, I don't do this. I don't go after any woman for just sex. I am looking for the long term relationship and don't care to be grouped into the stereotype that women have of men. And it ends up being their loss, because if a woman is cold and reserved, she will send the guy away. And she will never realize the guy never wanted to just have sex with her. It wil be her loss. This actually has a point. If a normal man is attracted to me, sex is probably going to enter his mind fairly soon. To me, there is a difference between a man who is "out for sex" and a man who wants sex WITH ME because he likes ME. I still wouldn't just put out on the first meeting, but I wouldn't group the latter type of man in with the former. 2
Guyouthere Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 This actually has a point. If a normal man is attracted to me, sex is probably going to enter his mind fairly soon. To me, there is a difference between a man who is "out for sex" and a man who wants sex WITH ME because he likes ME. I still wouldn't just put out on the first meeting, but I wouldn't group the latter type of man in with the former. Finally
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I think maybe the reason I get the distinction is because I married the consummate gentleman who didn't push for sex.....and there was a reason. He was basically asexual. Honestly, I'd rather have to ask a man to slow down than go through THAT ever again.
Guyouthere Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I think maybe the reason I get the distinction is because I married the consummate gentleman who didn't push for sex.....and there was a reason. He was basically asexual. Honestly, I'd rather have to ask a man to slow down than go through THAT ever again. how long did that last?
Toodaloo Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Both are idiots. Just one of the idiots is more honest! and probably better educated...
carhill Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Who does it work on? Certainly not on me or any other woman with half a clue It works on enough women that it becomes part of their MO. With some 3+ billion women on the planet, well, any one woman with 'a clue' is an infinitesimally small sample size. We men work in volume, approaching thousands of women in our lives if not married for life. We're pragmatists and goal oriented and focus on getting what we want the way we want it and on our own terms as much as is possible. The most successful of us use their assets and learned social hacks to do that. Of course we wrap it up in pleasantries and self-effacing patter. Again, part of the deal. Want to see who a man really is? Watch him go at other men. That's real. Women get the sanitized version from the sexual pleasure organ side. Heh.
BluEyeL Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Who does it work on? Certainly not on me or any other woman with half a clue It does work on a lot of women. they don't care what kind of woman anyway.
BluEyeL Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 One thing is for sure, it is sad to see that so many women already assume the guy just wants them for sex and are suspicious of him right off the bat. That creates a tension that doesn't need to be there. For once, I don't do this. I don't go after any woman for just sex. I am looking for the long term relationship and don't care to be grouped into the stereotype that women have of men. And it ends up being their loss, because if a woman is cold and reserved, she will send the guy away. And she will never realize the guy never wanted to just have sex with her. It wil be her loss. We don't assume anything at all. It's all in his words and behavior and his intentions, relationship or no strings sex, reveal themselves, are not assumed. And btw, I never lost a guy because I was reserved, or the ones I might have lost are still fishing to this day and it's called dodged a bullet and not 'lost". 1
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I do think most experienced women, when they can be objective, have pretty good "out for a hookup" radar. However, radar can be clouded when we get jaded, bitter, or begin to over-generalize. Then again, just like most women don't want a guy who is just out for booty, I assume most men wouldn't want to go out with a woman who had already chosen to assume the worst about him. 2
BluEyeL Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I think maybe the reason I get the distinction is because I married the consummate gentleman who didn't push for sex.....and there was a reason. He was basically asexual. Honestly, I'd rather have to ask a man to slow down than go through THAT ever again. That is one danger, but you don't have to go for either extreme, there are "normal" men who like sex but don't jump on strangers or at least are trying not to deceive anyone.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I've met a few very good-looking men who just came right out with it. And this one guy I was talking to on OLD earlier this year, during our second phone call before meeting, asked if I wanted to get together and enjoy an entire day of lovemaking I didn't accept any of the invitations, but I did appreciate that they were totally transparent with their intentions. It saved me (and them, I'd guess) time and energy. 1
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Respect doesn't make the erection go away. WHAT??????? Are you sure about this...... 2
Oregon_Dude Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 If a man comes right out and says "I'm just looking for sex", he's a major creep. If he's looking for sex, but hides that agenda so as to not scare you off, he's manipulative and creepy. If he's looking for a relationship and not necessarily sex, he's "beta", passive, weak.. and creepy. Good times out there. 2
Guyouthere Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 We don't assume anything at all. It's all in his words and behavior and his intentions, relationship or no strings sex, reveal themselves, are not assumed. And btw, I never lost a guy because I was reserved, or the ones I might have lost are still fishing to this day and it's called dodged a bullet and not 'lost". Well women look at me coz I'm better looking than average and they assume I have been with 100 women prior to them. Not true, I am only up to 87 hehehe
kilgore Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I've met a few very good-looking men who just came right out with it. And this one guy I was talking to on OLD earlier this year, during our second phone call before meeting, asked if I wanted to get together and enjoy an entire day of lovemaking I didn't accept any of the invitations, but I did appreciate that they were totally transparent with their intentions. It saved me (and them, I'd guess) time and energy. A guy really did w/o ever having met you?? Creepy
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