Author Lilac Love Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 (edited) I doubt you have no part, had you cut contact when you dumped him he would of gotten over his issues by now you held his healing back greatly made it worse even hopefully now you've cut contact so this person can recover from his anger he shouldn't be this upset three years later unless you've helped the process along. I'm not trying to insult you many people don't know how to break up but often when the dumper keeps in contact the person who did not want to break up jumps between this "love" and "anger" you speak of how one minute he's saying your an amazing woman the next he really hates you it's because over the years your contact has offered hope and shutdowns, he won't get better till you go away and I mean truly not be there like you never existed then he can start to let go of some of the stuff he's built up. I did cut contact when I ended the relationship. As I mentioned previously: I changed my number and went No Contact for two years. He continued to talk about me. The only reason I eventually broke No Contact last year is that I was tired of the animosity and wanted to make peace. In retrospect, it was a bad decision. Lesson learned. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought it was the mature thing to do. I take full responsibility for my bad decision. I realize there's absolutely nothing I can do to eradicate the animosity. All I can do is focus on remaining dignified and peaceful. His anger is not my problem. How did I offer him hope and shutdowns? I made it clear that I am not interested in rekindling the relationship. I was never ambiguous about that. Besides, the guy has a girlfriend. You would think that is enough for him to get better and let go of the "stuff he has built up." I know you are not insulting me. All perspectives are appreciated. Edited February 20, 2016 by Lilac Love
Alamo657 Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I did cut contact when I ended the relationship. As I mentioned previously: I take full responsibility for my bad decision. I realize there's absolutely nothing I can do to eradicate the animosity. All I can do is focus on remaining dignified and peaceful. His anger is not my problem. How did I offer him hope and shutdowns? I made it clear that I am not interested in rekindling the relationship. I was never ambiguous about that. Besides, the guy has a girlfriend. You would think that is enough for him to get better and let go of the "stuff he has built up." I know you are not insulting me. All perspectives are appreciated. And that's why you don't keep in touch with exes who still have feelings. You are his reminder of a failed relationship with you, by allowing him to stay in contact with you, you do him a disservice. It seems that both of you don't understand the mechanic at work here : he's frustrated, sad, and angry that you're not together anymore, and will remain so as long as you remain in contact. So, now that you know this, it is your responsability to tell him that it doens't work and that starting today, you'll stop contacting each other, you will block him, you won't answer him anymore.
Author Lilac Love Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 And that's why you don't keep in touch with exes who still have feelings. You are his reminder of a failed relationship with you, by allowing him to stay in contact with you, you do him a disservice. I seriously doubt that he still has feelings for me after all these years. It doesn't make sense. I do agree with you on possibly being a reminder of the failed relationship, though. It seems that both of you don't understand the mechanic at work here : he's frustrated, sad, and angry that you're not together anymore, and will remain so as long as you remain in contact. So, now that you know this, it is your responsability to tell him that it doens't work and that starting today, you'll stop contacting each other, you will block him, you won't answer him anymore. We are not in contact anymore.
mmmike Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 I seriously doubt that he still has feelings for me after all these years. It doesn't make sense. I do agree with you on possibly being a reminder of the failed relationship, though. We are not in contact anymore. Can I ask you why are you continuing with this thread? You seem quite obsessed with this guy. Like, OK, we get it. He's angry at you still. You've made that clear. You wonder why he's angry. Well none of us know him so couldn't possibly understand why he is still angry at you. Maybe for your own peace of mind and since everyone has tried to help you already a hundred times... maybe just move on...? Like really. It's over.... move on. Feel better. 1
Author Lilac Love Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 Can I ask you why are you continuing with this thread? You seem quite obsessed with this guy. Like, OK, we get it. He's angry at you still. You've made that clear. You wonder why he's angry. Well none of us know him so couldn't possibly understand why he is still angry at you. Maybe for your own peace of mind and since everyone has tried to help you already a hundred times... maybe just move on...? Like really. It's over.... move on. Feel better. ! I was merely responding to the kind members who took time out of their day to provide their advice and opinions.
stillafool Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 You clearly aren't over him. If you were you would ignore and not come to LS and continue to make threads about him. You would be indifferent by now if you were over him. I hope you reach that state soon.
Author Lilac Love Posted February 20, 2016 Author Posted February 20, 2016 You clearly aren't over him. If you were you would ignore and not come to LS and continue to make threads about him. You would be indifferent by now if you were over him. I hope you reach that state soon. If you look at my profile statistics, you will notice that I only made one thread about it. This one. You're entitled to your opinion. I am wholeheartedly over him, although I can understand why you believe the opposite to be true. It's just difficult for me to wrap my head around prolonged anger and bitterness. I am a very calm, peaceful and resilient person. The longest I have been angry with someone is approximately a few hours. Even then, it takes a lot to trigger my anger. I can't imagine being angry with anyone for years, especially when the person hasn't done anything to deserve that.
mmmike Posted February 20, 2016 Posted February 20, 2016 You clearly aren't over him. If you were you would ignore and not come to LS and continue to make threads about him. You would be indifferent by now if you were over him. I hope you reach that state soon. I agree. An almost five page thread rehashing the same point over and over and over and over. "I'm over him." Please Lilac, kindly move on and let some others that need some help and attention have their questions answered. Have an amazing 2016 and I hope you meet a nice new guy that takes your mind off your Ex.
Author Lilac Love Posted February 21, 2016 Author Posted February 21, 2016 I agree. An almost five page thread rehashing the same point over and over and over and over. "I'm over him." Please Lilac, kindly move on and let some others that need some help and attention have their questions answered. Have an amazing 2016 and I hope you meet a nice new guy that takes your mind off your Ex. I am not preventing anyone from receiving help, attention and having their questions answered. Furthermore, you are also contributing to this thread with your assumptions. If you have an issue with this thread's existence and my responses, leave it alone and focus on the threads you deem worthy of attention and help. Thank you to everyone who tactfully provided advice, opinions and constructive criticism. I appreciate you all. Have a wonderful 2016.
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