turnera Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I want to leave her but I love her. I want to beat his ass for it. So you're married to someone who CONTINUALLY cheats on you, with whomever looks good at the moment, CONTINUALLY lies to you about them and ONLY admits to what you already know about, who does it because (1) she uses your money and (2) you make life so easy for her by agreeing by your silence...and you want to beat HIM up? Dude, your wife is the lying, sneaking serial cheater. Try being mad at HER. 2
HereNorThere Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Anyone who tells you that you should stay with her doesn't have your best interest at heart. Cheating multiple times is bad enough, but to rub it in your face by allowing the other man into your life makes it so much worse. It honestly doesn't sound like you have the strength to leave, so you probably need to find a professional therapist to help get your confidence up. And it wasn't 6 years ago, man. She's a cheater and that's just part of who she is. She will cheat until the day she dies and there's no getting around that. It's just part of her psychological make-up. If you can live with her having boyfriends, fine, but that's your only choice except leaving. You already know that she isn't going to ever stop and she keeps proving that time and time again. Sadly, the first time was her fault, but every time it's happened since then was yours. You allowed this to continue to happen, but you can stop it by leaving. Just don't think she's ever going to stop because she isn't, but you already knew that.
nightmare01 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 A person leaves a marriage when they are ready. And no amount of brow beating here will make a difference - all that will do is drive the OP away. Some people hold out hope longer than others, some want the marriage so much that they twist and contort themselves to do it in a self destructive way. Some BS are still in love with their WS when Dday hits, and it takes a while to first realize that they are the only one in love in the relationship, then to give up that love and move on. Everyone is different. Some go for divorce on Dday. Others don't. It takes time to process and eventually accept what happened. It takes time to let go. OP will choose what he chooses when he chooses it. Not a minute before. 1
Try Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 @OP: Here is the rub. Studies show that most affairs go completely undetected by the spouse, and that even if detected only 7% of cheaters ever admit to it no matter the evidence. In other words, if you base how much cheating she has done on what she admits to, you only have a small slice of how much cheating has really gone on. In your case your wife's' inappropriate behavior with the neighbor was enough for you to move out for a week. In light of the fact that you now know that she slept with your friend when you did him the favor of letting him live with you, and in light of the fact that she slept with someone else during that one week you were gone, logic tells you that that she likely cheated with the neighbor. BTW, stop being a sucker. You staying somewhere else for a week as you think things over does not get her off the hook for cheating with someone else. Thinking things over for a week is not the same thing as deciding to move your stuff out as you definitively state that you are ending the relationship. There is no technically about the fact that she cheated when you were gone for a week, especially when you consider that you stayed elsewhere for a week because of her inappropriate behavior with the neighbor. When you move the excuses aside, she is a proven liar and a serial cheater. If you stay married to her, regardless of if you acknowledge it or not, you are in fact accepting that she will most likely cheat on you again. You accepting this, is how many serial cheaters make their husband's into unwilling cuckolds. You do not become a cuckold by saying that you are a cuckold. You become a cuckold when you stay in such a relationship. I feel for you. With 3 children you have it tough. Good luck to you.
Author Jacobclassified Posted October 7, 2015 Author Posted October 7, 2015 Jesus christ guys! I get it. She is a cheater. That I am well aware of. 6 years ago...I have no suspicion of anything since then. Other then sexting on kik. Am I pissed off about it? Of coarse I am. The question I had was can you forgive someone for that? 1, I didn't move out for a week. I made her leave. I wouldn't let her come back for almost 4 months. So it'snot like she jumped on the first peice of meat she met. 2, it would of never let the my friend who was banging my wife move in with me knowing what they already did. read the post before you get an oppinion. 3,in what world is any of this my fault? What the **** is wrong with you people? I came here asking for advice and your giving me sick and twisted ideas of what you think happend.and even say I caused it....seriously! What kind of bull**** is that? Are we here to talk about fix relationships, weight options and actual moral advice on what someone should do.. or are we here to get fixated on just what peice of furniture she used? We had a very rocky relationship towards the middle of our marriage . "People do have ups and downs in marriage btw." and she had a short affair. 6 -years- ago. I'm mad about how long it took to get the truth. People make mistakes I understand that but above all they must admit and face whatever happens for that. As soon as possible. That's my situation... I appreciate -some of you people's- advice it was truly helpful, for the rest of you. I'm sorry you got burnt in your relationships. I know how it feels obviously, but I can tell you haven't got over your situation either and hold a great amount of hatred you wish to spread around.
m.snow Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 Jacob what I can suggest for you for now is to enter into some counseling. You will need professional help in your situation. Relationship battered by affairs can be fix. But both parties must be willing. I believe that if your WW, is initiating steps to repair you relationship by seeking counseling that is a good sign. There are many articles regarding healing from affairs. You must read through them. If your wife is truly remorseful she would initiate NC with OM. You have to look at her attitude regarding what happened. Is She sad because she committed an affair against you. OR Is she sad she got caught. You must ask your wife what she feels right, does she still want to be in a monogamous relationship with you? You must tell your Wife that she must be honest and transparent moving forward. Once both of you have decided to enter into the process of healing then I can suggest Marriage Counseling. Best to Remove password from phone and email. And no deleting of messages. 3
Author Jacobclassified Posted October 10, 2015 Author Posted October 10, 2015 Thank you for the advice.
turnera Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 And make that individual counseling, first. Just you. It will help you get centered on what matters in YOUR life. 1
bigman1 Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 In your situation, I'd say counseling is needed. It does not sound like a solid relationship. You got together way too young. IMHO. Your relationship is plagued by infidelity. Physical and emotional. Sexting 6 men is hugely problematic. Love is not enough. Marriage is commitment. She lacks it and you seem to be tied to the fact that you have 11 years invested. Honestly, it looks really bleak. If both want to work, it might be fixed. I think that based don your actions of no sex and loss of attraction, you are done. 1
turnera Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 Jacob, I hope you can see that the REAL issue here is why do you stay with a serial cheater? This isn't about her. It's about YOU. What it is about you that lets you give up your self respect and dignity to stay with someone who isn't invested in you? And that's where the therapy will come in. 3
Spectre Posted October 11, 2015 Posted October 11, 2015 (edited) First off most teens don't cheat, it is no excuse to be a teen. I am 30 and I have just as easy a time keeping my pants on as I did when I was a teen, so lets scratch that right there. Female pants aren't complicated either and are no harder to keep on. Second..dump her. She doesn't love you. Her having one affair should of shown that. If you love your spouse you DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Nope, not even if you are young or drunk or happy or sad or depressed or any of the other excuses people give. It just flat out doesn't happen. Why surrender your manhood to be with this nasty woman? Bangs your friends? Sexts with multiple men? I'm sorry to say you married a whore, but don't let her walk all over you man. Do not go to therapy, or at least do not go to couples therapy. Do not make any attempt to save this marriage because why would you unless you legitimately hate yourself? I mean seriously, your wife can't have a shred of love or respect for you so what is there to save? You have a son, right? Show him a real man doesn't let a woman walk all over him like this. Edited October 11, 2015 by Spectre 1
spanz1 Posted October 14, 2015 Posted October 14, 2015 sexting with 6 guys at once? she must have a nice body!! obviously she has a very high libido! she is living an open marriage, but just forgot to tell you about it. if you are ok with that, it sounds like you have a sexy vixen on your hands. if you are not ok with that, it is time to run for the hills--no chance of getting that genie back into the bottle.
Author Jacobclassified Posted October 15, 2015 Author Posted October 15, 2015 I have absolutely no intention of seeking therapy not individual,couple,marriage etc. I know I'm not the problem. She can seek that on her own. I live a normal life, not a double life like her. I'm in the process of moving out of my home and talking with a divorce lawer. I'm not fighting her for any of it. We had nothing when we moved in together and I can start over,. Fresh. I'm taking my dog,guns and atv she can have everything else. And yes I have thaught about it. I truly just don't want to fight over it.. I guess it is possible to forgive. I have and just want to move on with my life. 3
turnera Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Well, to be fair, the reason we were pushing for therapy was so you'd decide to leave her, so...moot point! Good luck! 2
Chi townD Posted October 15, 2015 Posted October 15, 2015 Dude, this isn't only 6 years ago! This has been your entire relationship! Let's take stock. She cheated on you with a ONS with a "friend" of yours while you were dating. Hooked up with someone else while you were separated for a short time. Had to get a shot and go on medication for an STD. Had an affair with other "Friend" while he was living with you for a short time and you were away. NOW, you catch her sexting 6 GUYS! I say the chances that she already met up with 1 out of 6 is pretty strong! And that's happening NOW! Dude, she is a serial cheater. When is enough for you? 1
ShatteredLady Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 Out of interest does she consider sexting 'innocent fun'? Does she think that's she's been faithful to you for 6 years & you're overreacting to the sexting? Some people see it like a computer game, titillation, no worse than porn. Just to be clear I think it's betrayal & cheating. 1
Spectre Posted October 16, 2015 Posted October 16, 2015 I have absolutely no intention of seeking therapy not individual,couple,marriage etc. I know I'm not the problem. She can seek that on her own. I live a normal life, not a double life like her. I'm in the process of moving out of my home and talking with a divorce lawer. I'm not fighting her for any of it. We had nothing when we moved in together and I can start over,. Fresh. I'm taking my dog,guns and atv she can have everything else. And yes I have thaught about it. I truly just don't want to fight over it.. I guess it is possible to forgive. I have and just want to move on with my life. This is good and yeah therapy is a waste of money because this is all on her. Move out and move on. Forgiveness is possible, but you won't ever forget. Plus either way she has no respect for you so it is moot. 1
Author Jacobclassified Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 We have since seperate. My divorce lawyer has sent her papers for court. He said it won't help much but I can somewhat prove infedelity with the pictures and messages I screen shot off her tablet. He said if those won't hold up he is requesting that the court allow us the recived the texting and mms messages that our Internet carrie. I told her the day we moved into together if we should seperate she can have it all. So I'm keeping my word on the house. And bank account. I just want to start over completely fresh with nothing to remind me of the physiological torture she has inflicked on me except my kids. I was a fool who thaught time could change people. It's obvious it doesnt. She is as much as a whore as the day I first discovered it and I resent her just as much for it all. I should have taken my exit years ago. I'm responsible for my own misery.
qubist Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 We have since seperate. My divorce lawyer has sent her papers for court. He said it won't help much but I can somewhat prove infedelity with the pictures and messages I screen shot off her tablet. He said if those won't hold up he is requesting that the court allow us the recived the texting and mms messages that our Internet carrie. I told her the day we moved into together if we should seperate she can have it all. So I'm keeping my word on the house. And bank account. I just want to start over completely fresh with nothing to remind me of the physiological torture she has inflicked on me except my kids. I was a fool who thaught time could change people. It's obvious it doesnt. She is as much as a whore as the day I first discovered it and I resent her just as much for it all. I should have taken my exit years ago. I'm responsible for my own misery. never too late to start all over, i did you have any contact with her since you moved out?
m.snow Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 It is very important to follow your legal counsel. Specially when deciding to leave the marital home. Leaving the marital home before divorce can and may impact your custody of the children. As leaving the marital home before divorce can be considered an Intent to Abandon the children. (You must speak about this with your attorney.) Sometimes the decision of the court are not fair or with common sense. Be careful leaving her the house or houses or even a large bank account does not stop her from chasing you with Alimony. (As one Canadian Business found out the hard way.) The house in monetary value should be deducted from an future alimony and agreed upon. Even with evidence most Judges will not ever consider Adultery as a crime and will not punish anyone for it. Best Pursue an Amicable divorce. 1
Try Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) I told her the day we moved into together if we should seperate she can have it all. And she told you that she would be faithful to you. So I'm keeping my word on the house. And bank account. Why does she as the cheater get to keep the house, the bank account, and everything else and you get nothing? Why are you handicapping yourself in your quest to rebuild your life by not having your fair share of the financial resources that you have worked so hard to earn? Why do you need to keep any agreement with her, when she broke the most basic terms of your marriage agreement (said publicly in your vows) when she cheated? Stop trying to impress her with your false macho pride. She broke the faith with you when she cheated. You are not bound by anything after that. With child support you are already going to be tight on cash, do not be a chump and give her a financial reward for cheating that she will spend in her pursuit of other men. Your next significant other, and the children that you may have with her, will be denied financial benefits that you may have been able to afford had you not made this foolish decision that you will later feel stupid for making. Edited October 22, 2015 by Try
flowergirl14 Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 I'm glad your journey on the infifelity train has ended. I am still married to a piece of Sh*t serial cheater. Its a hard road to hoe. No trust. It takes some people longer than others to get away from this toxicity. I'm just happy for you that you want something better for yourself! 1
josh451 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 lol you're a simp if you'll stay with someone who cheats that much
Author Jacobclassified Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 Sorry it took so long to respond everybody. We are divorced. I was granted custody of the kids. We moved into an apartment. It's not a matter of kicking her on the street. I didn't want the house. And I took enough out of the bank for attorney, court and deposits for apartment. I make almost 3 times what she does and I won't have child support. She can keep the house... if she can keep it financially. I been busy. Got my identification cards changed, will,titles ..etc changed already. Just to spite her.. I sold my wedding ring on face book for the amount of $ 1.00 and tagged her in it so she knew what I sold it for lol.. just to let her know what's she's worth. I profited 99 cents in the deal. He lost a true friend and she lost a devoted husband. That's their or loss. I'm moving on. I have lived with mental issues over the years because of this woman. I wanted nothing from her when I left. My children is the only trace at my new house of her and her picture in their rooms. They are bummed but adjusting well Givin the circumstances. Just because I opted for divorce doesn't mean it's best for everyone. Mine just wasn't salvageable. We all make mistakes as we are human. But if your s.o. can't learn from them and perpetuate lies, cheating. Drug use... use your common sense and make a swift exit. 4
Clay Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Your still hurt and that is completely understandable but I can tell you in time you are going to see you did the right thing. I also got custody of my kids and I walked away from her. She is still 9 years later a complete wreck. She is still cheating on other men in her life and she also looks like hell. My kids have had there issues with her but in the end I still feel it was the best thing I ever did for them and myself. Take your time and learn to enjoy your new life with your kids. It was so worth it for me and I am sure it will be worth it for you. C 1
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