jen_r Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 About to commit to my first date from an online site. My friend talked me into it after dealing with some bs from my ex. He said he had met two girls on there and they were great. So I thought "what the hell...Ill try." However, I am SO awkward (or at least in my head i am...not sure if other people think i am.) And I find it hard to have decent flowing conversations (with even people i know!). And I messaged him first! As soon as I signed up I was bombarded with people messaging me and I just thought "ugh...". So I looked around and found someone who I thought was pretty cute and liked similar things. Is it bad for the girl to message first? :-/ This is my first date! I mean like, seriously, my first date with someone I've never met. All of my past boyfriends I had met through other people and we hung out in groups so I always go to know them before we actually started going out - so we had things in common to talk about. How does this work?? lol. Do you hug? Shake hands? Say "Hey I'm Jen..nice to meet you." We've already been talking - so he knows my name obv. I haven't given him my number yet, I'm about to though, I told him I'd text him to confirm for tomorrow. What if I'm not having fun on the date - how do I escape? This whole things just seems crazy and awkward to me.
mrldii Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Suggestions? Hmmmm...some may be a little after the fact. There should be no such thing as a 'First Date First Meet'; there should only be a 'Meet and Greet', where you meet each other for the first time for a limited amount of time (coffee at Starbucks? ice cream at Baskin Robbins? stroll around a local - and busy - park?) and from which you both decide if you like each other well enough TO go on a first date. First meets/first dates should always be in public places, with plenty of people around...not only are they witnesses, they provide good fodder for conversation. When you meet, do what feels natural while following/responding to his body language. Say "Hi!" and sit down, say "Hi!" and shake hands, say "Hi!" and fist-pump, say "Hi!" with a quick hug...whatever feels natural to both of you. What if it's NOT going well? That depends on how self-assured YOU are and how comfortable you are asserting yourself. Personally, while getting up and pushing my chair back, I say, "It was great meeting you. Sorry there wasn't a connection. Best of luck to you, though!" and then I continue with the motions of leaving and just leave. No, I'm not going to discuss it with him; no, I'm not going to debate it with him; no, I'm not going to be talked into changing my mind. If you're not comfortable with/can't do that, arrange for a friend or relative to call you 20 or 30 minutes into it; the purpose of the call is for them to check and see if all is going well. If it is, all's good...you're there, he's arrived, and you're having a lovely time. If it's not going well, then you'll let him know you've just been informed of an urgent matter (NOT an emergency), which requires you to wrap this up and get on your way, soon. Always have your cell phone, fully charged, on you. Always have money/the ability to get money on you. Always make sure at least one other person knows where you will be and then be there...DON'T change/allow a change in venues at the last minute without notifying your contact OF that change. Most important part of a first meet/first date? Relax. Have fun. Have enough faith in yourself that you can and will read danger signs/pick up on negative behaviors or traits/recognize a guy who's a jerk/recognize a guy who's a good guy. Be yourself...he's either going to like you or he's not...best that he likes - or dislikes - the real you and not a fake you. And, know that he's hoping he'll like you and you'll like him, too...OR he's hoping he can move on to the next phase (having sex) real soooooon...OR he's hoping he can get the hell out of there, real sooooooon. In other words, he's going to be going through the same sh*t you are, 'cuz he's human, too. Best of luck... 2
Guyouthere Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Pack an uzi under your trench coat and if he asks for sex, pull it out and open fire. Have accomplice waiting in getaway car with full tank of gas and escape route. End of date. 1
Author jen_r Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Suggestions? Hmmmm...some may be a little after the fact. There should be no such thing as a 'First Date First Meet'; there should only be a 'Meet and Greet', where you meet each other for the first time for a limited amount of time (coffee at Starbucks? ice cream at Baskin Robbins? stroll around a local - and busy - park?) and from which you both decide if you like each other well enough TO go on a first date. First meets/first dates should always be in public places, with plenty of people around...not only are they witnesses, they provide good fodder for conversation. When you meet, do what feels natural while following/responding to his body language. Say "Hi!" and sit down, say "Hi!" and shake hands, say "Hi!" and fist-pump, say "Hi!" with a quick hug...whatever feels natural to both of you. What if it's NOT going well? That depends on how self-assured YOU are and how comfortable you are asserting yourself. Personally, while getting up and pushing my chair back, I say, "It was great meeting you. Sorry there wasn't a connection. Best of luck to you, though!" and then I continue with the motions of leaving and just leave. No, I'm not going to discuss it with him; no, I'm not going to debate it with him; no, I'm not going to be talked into changing my mind. If you're not comfortable with/can't do that, arrange for a friend or relative to call you 20 or 30 minutes into it; the purpose of the call is for them to check and see if all is going well. If it is, all's good...you're there, he's arrived, and you're having a lovely time. If it's not going well, then you'll let him know you've just been informed of an urgent matter (NOT an emergency), which requires you to wrap this up and get on your way, soon. Always have your cell phone, fully charged, on you. Always have money/the ability to get money on you. Always make sure at least one other person knows where you will be and then be there...DON'T change/allow a change in venues at the last minute without notifying your contact OF that change. Most important part of a first meet/first date? Relax. Have fun. Have enough faith in yourself that you can and will read danger signs/pick up on negative behaviors or traits/recognize a guy who's a jerk/recognize a guy who's a good guy. Be yourself...he's either going to like you or he's not...best that he likes - or dislikes - the real you and not a fake you. And, know that he's hoping he'll like you and you'll like him, too...OR he's hoping he can move on to the next phase (having sex) real soooooon...OR he's hoping he can get the hell out of there, real sooooooon. In other words, he's going to be going through the same sh*t you are, 'cuz he's human, too. Best of luck... Thank you! That was very helpful lol! I think thats what i need to do "relax" and maybe realize he's a tad nervous too!
mystikmind2005 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Guys definitely like it when the lady messages them first! I will tell you why,,,, when i message women, i know they must be getting too many messages and i do not expect to get noticed, and even if i do get noticed, i still have that pressure knowing all these guys are wrestling in the line behind me..... honestly, i feel like that wall around Jerusalem in the movie world war Z!!!! lol However, if a woman messages me, that is completely different, immediately i sit up and take notice!
LilaMarie Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 What Mrldii said <- always provides the best advice I let guys know I will meet them for the first time for 15 minutes. Why? I don't want to torture myself if it's not going well or not attracted to him. When it comes to dating I freeze up bc I'm nervous so the 15-minute meetup helps me relax me a bit (knowing that it will be over soon). Of course feel free to extend it if it goes well. Hope this helps you. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1340868/Basic-instinct-Women-just-minutes-make-mind-Mr-Right.html
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