Mizz Layta Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) I'm single and sometimes I attract guys who just want to hook up.I'm just not cut out for Fwb or No strings attached sex .I get attached and start feeling resentful and rejected overtime over the fact that he doesn't want to date me.So I realized that its just not for me and I would rather be single and have nothing than any part time man. with that being said, the last guy I met turned out to be only interested in sex.he wanted to come over at my house in the middle of the night the first time. I declined his offer and I suggested we go for a walk in the morning with his dog since we don't live too far from each other. He declined the offer and asked if my car has tinted windows. I realized that we're just not on the same page so I told him I'm not looking for a random hook up.I'm looking for someone to date and go out to do things with.I want to keep our interactions outside our homes as we get to know each other first.I then asked him if he wants the same things as me or just a hook up?he just said "It is what I want"I then asked him to confirm if he is referring to hooking up or taking it slow?He never responded back and disappeared.Haven't heard from him since I now wonder if I came he felt pressured to commit to me by my heavy texting. I didn't intended it to come off as me demanding relationship right away.I was open to go out for a coffee and see where it leads. so my question is how can i handle this situation again when I spot a guy who is only after sex, without making the guy feel pressured for committement. I normally just go with the flow and see how it goes but this guy was giving signs that he's only after sex.Not sure if I came on too strong Edited October 1, 2015 by Mizz Layta
kendahke Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I think that the way you handled it was on point. You told him that you were not ready to screw him and suggested doing things outside of the house to both spend time with him and get to know him better. He was looking for a wet, warm hole and that's it. He needed to leave and you didn't need a guy like him if quick hooks ups aren't what you're after. This isn't pressuring any guy into a commitment--it's stating what you are comfortable with upfront so he can decide if he feels you're worth taking that ride or not. He decided you weren't so he vaporized. Good. Good riddance. Next! 4
Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I'm single and sometimes I attract guys who just want to hook up.I'm just not cut out for Fwb or No strings attached sex .I get attached and start feeling resentful and rejected overtime over the fact that he doesn't want to date me.So I realized that its just not for me and I would rather be single and have nothing than any part time man. with that being said, the last guy I met turned out to be only interested in sex.he wanted to come over at my house in the middle of the night the first time. I declined his offer and I suggested we go for a walk in the morning with his dog since we don't live too far from each other. He declined the offer and asked if my car has tinted windows. I realized that we're just not on the same page so I told him I'm not looking for a random hook up.I'm looking for someone to date and go out to do things with.I want to keep our interactions outside our homes as we get to know each other first.I then asked him if he wants the same things as me or just a hook up?he just said "It is what I want"I then ask him to confirm if he is referring to hooking up or taking it slow?He never responded back and disappeared.Haven't heard from him since I now wonder if I came he felt pressured to commit to me by my heavy texting. I didn't intended it to come off as me demanding relationship right away.I was open to go out for a coffee and see where it leads. so my question is to handle this situation again without making the guy feel pressured for committement. I normally just go with the flow and see how it goes but this guy was giving signs that he's only after sex.Not sure if I came on too strong They guy only wanted sex PERIOD. If a guy is giving signals, and wanting to come to your house in the middle of the night is a huge one, you don't try to pursue a relationship with him. He doesn't want a relationship. He's not going to change his mind. Next time a guy gives you a big signal like that, you tell him you're looking for a long term committed relationship for yourself and not to call you again. Whether you came on too strong or not is irrelevant. Even if he called you again or you went to coffee, he still just wants sex and when he gets it he will bail. Plain and simple. I declined his offer and I suggested we go for a walk in the morning with his dog since we don't live too far from each other. He declined the offer and asked if my car has tinted windows. That was disrespectful. Why are you even entertaining this? 5
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I'm single and sometimes I attract guys who just want to hook up.I'm just not cut out for Fwb or No strings attached sex .I get attached and start feeling resentful and rejected overtime over the fact that he doesn't want to date me.So I realized that its just not for me and I would rather be single and have nothing than any part time man. with that being said, the last guy I met turned out to be only interested in sex.he wanted to come over at my house in the middle of the night the first time. I declined his offer and I suggested we go for a walk in the morning with his dog since we don't live too far from each other. He declined the offer and asked if my car has tinted windows. I realized that we're just not on the same page so I told him I'm not looking for a random hook up.I'm looking for someone to date and go out to do things with.I want to keep our interactions outside our homes as we get to know each other first.I then asked him if he wants the same things as me or just a hook up?he just said "It is what I want"I then asked him to confirm if he is referring to hooking up or taking it slow?He never responded back and disappeared.Haven't heard from him since I now wonder if I came he felt pressured to commit to me by my heavy texting. I didn't intended it to come off as me demanding relationship right away.I was open to go out for a coffee and see where it leads. so my question is how can i handle this situation again when I spot a guy who is only after sex, without making the guy feel pressured for committement. I normally just go with the flow and see how it goes but this guy was giving signs that he's only after sex.Not sure if I came on too strong Good god, dating must've really changed since I last dated (almost six years ago) cause I never experienced such bull crap from guys.... sheesh. Miss Layta, you keep doing exactly what you're doing -- it's NOT you. The guys you meet are assh*oles (sorry no other way to put that)... this is not your fault. Keep dodging these bullets hun, you'll find a keeper one of these days. Where do you meet these a-holes by the way? 3
JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 You don't need to feel apologetic for wanting something a bit more serious than one night of sex. You handled that guy fine. 1
MoreAmore Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 If a guy acts like that, don't even suggest you need to get to know him first. Completely ghost on him. He is not worth your time. Investing a month with a guy for him to have sex and bail would just feel worse, and he has made himself clear with that behavior 2
stillafool Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Keep responding to them the way you did that last guy as you were completely correct. When the right guy comes along for you he will have no problem with taking the time to get to know you before sex. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 If a guy gives you the impression he only wants sex, your impression is most likely correct. A guy who has intentions for a genuine relationship will treat you with respect from the get-go, and you won't have to wonder. I think it's getting harder to find anybody who wants something real, but we are still out there, women and men. Shallow involvements add nothing of value to my life, so I avoid them completely. As soon as a guy reveals his intentions for just sex, cut him out of your life and move on. Any interaction with these guys is just wasted time and energy. Even the sexiest men who drop hints about me being their little playmate come across like a black cloud of death to me. I just go the other way. Save your precious time and energy for getting to know good men who want something real. 2
mrldii Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 ...the last guy I met turned out to be only interested in sex.he wanted to come over at my house in the middle of the night the first time. I declined his offer and I suggested we go for a walk in the morning... IMHO, this is where you went "wrong". A guy, whom you've never met, decides the best time TO meet for the first time is in the middle of the night AND at your house and you tell him no but then suggest an early morning walk, instead?!? When he declines going for a walk but asks if the car you'll be driving to meet him has tinted windows, you then proceed to explain to him how the two of you aren't on the same page, you're looking for more, you want to know a guy before having sex, blah...blah...blah. ?!? The nanosecond a guy whom you've never met calls/texts that he'd like to come to your house (or you to his) in the middle of the night to meet for the first time you hang up, block, and disconnect. You owe him nothing...not even the wasted breath to explain that the two of you are not on the same page and most assuredly not the suggestion of an alternative, more appropriate date/outing!!! Doing anything else suggests to him that your self-esteem and self-respect might NOT be as well-developed as you profess and that under the *right* circumstances, you might just give it up with enough continued minimal effort and interest. Best of luck to you... 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Who cares if you came on too strong? If you're not down for NS sex, you're not down with it. No apologies necessary. This guy was giving you all the signals of someone who is just looking for a good time. I've met these guys many times and have "tried" (sad but true) to convince them of having more with me. You know what? It's futile. A sincere waste of time and energy. If the guy bolts because you're a woman who holds herself to a different standard then it's his loss. These guys are not worth chasing or converting. Consider this an excellent way to vet the bad boys from the better boys. Good luck. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 The nanosecond a guy whom you've never met calls/texts that he'd like to come to your house (or you to his) in the middle of the night to meet for the first time you hang up, block, and disconnect. You owe him nothing...not even the wasted breath to explain that the two of you are not on the same page and most assuredly not the suggestion of an alternative, more appropriate date/outing!!! Doing anything else suggests to him that your self-esteem and self-respect might NOT be as well-developed as you profess and that under the *right* circumstances, you might just give it up with enough continued minimal effort and interest. I totally agree. The problem here is that you're allowing disrespectful treatment, when you should be immediately rejecting any guy who talks to you this way. When you allow this kind of treatment, you're telling the guy you don't have much of a backbone and are an easy target for his shallow advances. 1
siriusp Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I'm single and sometimes I attract guys who just want to hook up.I'm just not cut out for Fwb or No strings attached sex .I get attached and start feeling resentful and rejected overtime over the fact that he doesn't want to date me.So I realized that its just not for me and I would rather be single and have nothing than any part time man. with that being said, the last guy I met turned out to be only interested in sex.he wanted to come over at my house in the middle of the night the first time. I declined his offer and I suggested we go for a walk in the morning with his dog since we don't live too far from each other. He declined the offer and asked if my car has tinted windows. I realized that we're just not on the same page so I told him I'm not looking for a random hook up.I'm looking for someone to date and go out to do things with.I want to keep our interactions outside our homes as we get to know each other first.I then asked him if he wants the same things as me or just a hook up?he just said "It is what I want"I then asked him to confirm if he is referring to hooking up or taking it slow?He never responded back and disappeared.Haven't heard from him since I now wonder if I came he felt pressured to commit to me by my heavy texting. I didn't intended it to come off as me demanding relationship right away.I was open to go out for a coffee and see where it leads. so my question is how can i handle this situation again when I spot a guy who is only after sex, without making the guy feel pressured for committement. I normally just go with the flow and see how it goes but this guy was giving signs that he's only after sex.Not sure if I came on too strong I think what you did is perfectly fine. It sounds like he just wanted sex and didn't want to be up front and direct about it. I really respect your actions. Well done. I wouldn't really waste anytime thinking about him when you obviously wanted different things. If he wanted a relationship - he would have stuck around and you'd know it!
siriusp Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I totally agree. The problem here is that you're allowing disrespectful treatment, when you should be immediately rejecting any guy who talks to you this way. When you allow this kind of treatment, you're telling the guy you don't have much of a backbone and are an easy target for his shallow advances. OH LOL.... I thought she told him that she want's a relationship and then he left. I thought that was good..... but yes - maybe she should have told him sooner!
thecrucible Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I say stick to your guns but be straightforward about it and don't act like you care too much, as in that's your opinion and you won't change it. I did this with a guy and it was crap that our interactions never got going anywhere serious but he was the embarrassed one to bump into me afterwards, not me. I don't think you came on too strong either. It's good to be honest about the fact that you are looking for something real. Having the ability to do this I think will attract the right guy when he does come along. I mean just think, the right guy would have liked to hear that. You weren't wrong by questioning him either. I wish I'd been ballsy enough to do that sooner with certain guys. It saved you a lot of time and potential heartache and he obviously knew the jig was up! 1
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Hi OP. I think you're doing everything right: - You are setting boundaries and expectations - You are recommending the right things to do - You are not caving in to suit their needs Just stay strong and don't cave You sound like a woman with a great head on her shoulders and a high sense of self-esteem. Stick with your boundaries and you will meet a like minded man. When you meet him, you will know because he will meet your boundaries and expectations. 3
Guyouthere Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Good god, dating must've really changed since I last dated (almost six years ago) cause I never experienced such bull crap from guys.... sheesh. Miss Layta, you keep doing exactly what you're doing -- it's NOT you. The guys you meet are assh*oles (sorry no other way to put that)... this is not your fault. Keep dodging these bullets hun, you'll find a keeper one of these days. Where do you meet these a-holes by the way? I think the real question here too is…. "where are the good and stable women"? Coz quite honestly, there aren't too many of them out there anymore either.
Lois_Griffin Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 ... the last guy I met turned out to be only interested in sex.he wanted to come over at my house in the middle of the night the first time. I declined his offer and I suggested we go for a walk in the morning with his dog since we don't live too far from each other. He declined the offer and asked if my car has tinted windows. THAT was more than enough to tell you ALL you needed to know. Don't waste your time and energy trying to engage a mouth-breather like him in actual dialog about how you're looking for a relationship and ask him if that's what HE'S looking for when he already MADE it very clear what he wanted. Just because he chose not to take advantage of you and tell you what you wanted to hear in order get sex, that doesn't mean the next one won't. When they show you who they are, BELIEVE them. so my question is how can i handle this situation again when I spot a guy who is only after sex, without making the guy feel pressured for committement. I normally just go with the flow and see how it goes but this guy was giving signs that he's only after sex.Not sure if I came on too strong Why would you waste your time with an a*sshole whose only looking for sex? These aren't the types of guys that are looking for a relationship of ANY kind - committed or not. They just want to get laid. So why bother with them at all? You don't have to tell them anything. Except to get lost. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 PS - did you meet this douche bag on a dating site? You don't own him SQUAT if your profile clearly said you were looking for dating or a relationship. The ONLY scenario where his scumbag behavior would be acceptable is if he met you on AdultFriendFinder - and I'm guessing that's NOT where your profile is.
Buddhist Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 so my question is how can i handle this situation again when I spot a guy who is only after sex, without making the guy feel pressured for committement. I normally just go with the flow and see how it goes but this guy was giving signs that he's only after sex.Not sure if I came on too strong Why do you care if you come on too strong? These guys aren't what you want anyway. You won't turn a hookup seeker into a boyfriend, they are two completely different people. So the instant he lets you know he's just in it for sex is the instant you jump in a taxi and lose his number. Be honest and upfront about wanting a relationship. if he bolts then he's not for you. You can't tactic a guy into a relationship, he either wants one or he doesn't.
Author Mizz Layta Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 PS - did you meet this douche bag on a dating site? You don't own him SQUAT if your profile clearly said you were looking for dating or a relationship. The ONLY scenario where his scumbag behavior would be acceptable is if he met you on AdultFriendFinder - and I'm guessing that's NOT where your profile is. I actually met him at the beach while I was walking my dog in the morning. He approached me strike up a conversation with me. I thought he was just being friendly at first until he told me , he would like to get to know me and gave me his number
joseb Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 If you are looking for a serious relationship, then you just dont deal with guys just looking for sex. On the plus side, this guy was so obvious that at least you knew and didnt waste time going out. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 he wanted to come over at my house in the middle of the night the first time. I declined his offer and I suggested we go for a walk in the morning with his dog since we don't live too far from each other. He showed the type of guy he is. So why would you still leave an opening to go for a walk instead? Since you want more than just sex, you need to start walking away from guys like this immediately. All a guy like this will do is play along for a few dates telling you what you want to hear, and then use you for sex until he gets bored. ALWAYS judge someone based on their actions. If a guy shows he just wants sex immediately, just stop talking to him plain and simple. No alternate "date" ideas, or second chances at all. 3
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 . ... the last guy I met turned out to be only interested in sex.he wanted to come over at my house in the middle of the night the first time. I declined his offer and I suggested we go for a walk in the morning with his dog since we don't live too far from each other. He declined the offer and asked if my car has tinted windows. When I first read this idiocy ^^, my thought was that this bozo's got to be real loser to think, for one second, that any women would fall for that crap. I mean really dude? Do you REALLY think this is how you go about getting a chick into bed? But then I thought about it more - and started wondering that maybe there are women who would go for this..... or fall for this crap. Maybe even more than I think!! I'm in my 30's and my single female friends are also in their 30s and this doesn't happen to them....but maybe with the younger 20ish crowd? To the younger guys (or even older guys).... is this true? Are there women you meet that just want no-strings sex? And would be totally cool with what this asshat proposed? I can't relate so I honestly don't know....
fitnessfan365 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Well look at it this way Katie. She actually offered to go for a walk with him instead, so on a subconscious level she was still leaving the door open. If women would start taking actions at face value and stop thinking that they can change guys they meet, they'd be better off IMO. I mean I still can't get over that. He says he wants to come over to her place in the middle of the night. But instead of simply never dealing with him again, she offers to go for a walk with him instead? Seems like she's kind of a glutton for punishment..LOL 2
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