Guyouthere Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Would you forgive someone if they said "F-You" and some other mean things in an argument? What if they (due to their own ego) can't see that they contributed in any way to what led up to it? How would you handle it?
cessna Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Yes. People say things they don't mean in arguments. I've had it directed at me as well as direct it at others many times.
Jacobclassified Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 People say things they don't mean in anger.
Author Guyouthere Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Would you forgive someone if they said "F-You" and some other mean things in an argument? What if they (due to their own ego) can't see that they contributed in any way to what led up to it? How would you handle it? Of course, we all do that. I believe the problem is if someone can't be mature enough to let it slide.
No_Go Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Depends what provoked the anger. If it is related to the same 24 yo that you're talking about... Let her be. She is not interested. As simple as that. I was in a similar relationship with much older guy at 27. I got tired of it and broke it off. No other reason. I had to tell him multiple times lies (that I'm dating others etc), so he can stay away. The naked truth was I was NOT interested in him, but he couldn't even conceive that this explanation is real. Would you forgive someone if they said "F-You" and some other mean things in an argument? What if they (due to their own ego) can't see that they contributed in any way to what led up to it? How would you handle it? 1
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Guyouthere -- me thinks you need to stop obsessing about your ex... and analyzing each and every little detail of your RL, from beginning to end... it's time. You had a fight, got angry and said F*ck You.... you apologized. That's all you can do. Please..... try and move on for your own emotional health and well being. Take care.... 2
Jinx01 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 It's an argument. Sometimes you just have to let it go.
kendahke Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) Would you forgive someone if they said "F-You" and some other mean things in an argument? What if they (due to their own ego) can't see that they contributed in any way to what led up to it? How would you handle it? I would forgive because we are all commanded to do so. I would also never allow that person in close proximity to my person again. They'd go on block on all communication devices and social media. Life is too short for BS I dont' argue with anyone. I leave them alone. Forever. I am one who believes that you say what you mean and you mean what you say. Don't say things that you later have to walk back--that's a lack of discipline. Edited October 1, 2015 by kendahke
neowulf Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Forgiveness and compassion. People are flawed. They make mistakes. They say things in the heat of the moment. They're flawed. We're *all* flawed. If you love someone, part of that love has to be the understanding that sometimes, we just screw up. Holding grudges is a pointless waste of energy. 1
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Of course, we all do that. I believe the problem is if someone can't be mature enough to let it slide. I think saying the problem is with the one who won't "let it slide" rather than the one who lacked self-control enough to curse in the first place is a bit off. If someone has a habit of hurling ugly words at me when angry and then blames ME for not just blowing it off isn't going to be in my life very long. The mature one is the one who can control their actions while angry. 5
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 ...If someone has a habit of hurling ugly words at me when angry and then blames ME for not just blowing it off isn't going to be in my life very long... Yup, yup. When it happens in my relationships, I let the other person know: there's two ways to handle this...either you can stop doing it, OR I'll remove your ability to do it AT me, by leaving. Either way works for me.
Author Guyouthere Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 Guyouthere -- me thinks you need to stop obsessing about your ex... and analyzing each and every little detail of your RL, from beginning to end... it's time. You had a fight, got angry and said F*ck You.... you apologized. That's all you can do. Please..... try and move on for your own emotional health and well being. Take care.... This isn't about the ex, its general questions for chat. These topics are relevant for all dating purposes.
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Been with my guy for over 25 years and we never say that to each other. We have our little spats but not to the point of hurting each other with words like that. 2
kilgore Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Been with my guy for over 25 years and we never say that to each other. We have our little spats but not to the point of hurting each other with words like that. **** you isn't a mean thing; it's an expression of frustration; that's it
MzLady Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 People say things they don't mean in arguments all the time.. choose your battles wisely... this shouldn't be one of them. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I have never in my life used the F word at a partner, or any other bad word for that matter. Because even though they may hurt me or offend me etc etc, i still have a high degree of respect for them. Respect does not simply vanish and return according to mood, so if a partner uses the F word at you, then it means they do not have much respect for you, ,,,, FACT. 1
Popsicle Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 People who shout out "F-You" usually end up with other people who shout out "F-You" at times too, because they think it's nothing, or forgivable. People who don't like that will not be with someone like that because it's a bit too much for them, and they'd rather be with someone who'd never say that. So, like ends up attracting like. 2
todreaminblue Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Forgive if you want to be forgiven is a good rule......people sin differently....some curse...explaining how you really dont like it or appreciate being sworn at when fighting.....might be a start develop compromise and effective techniques during disagreements..... strategies maybe during conflict............deb
StocksnBlondes Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 (edited) People who shout out "F-You" usually end up with other people who shout out "F-You" at times too, because they think it's nothing, or forgivable. People who don't like that will not be with someone like that because it's a bit too much for them, and they'd rather be with someone who'd never say that. So, like ends up attracting like. Totally agree ^^^^ I also agree with kendahke and autumnlight and a few others who share the same philosophy. Ultimately it comes down to "does it work for me" and the swearing and loss of control while having an argument don't work for me. I'll curse at some*thing* a few times a year (sh*t etc) but not at some*one* To do otherwise hurts me at some level and therefore I feel it would hurt others so just don't go there. Besides ... using other more colorful words is comical. One of my favorites "holy peanut butter and jelly" In direct response to the OP (and I have followed your posts on the scam artist ...I meant "girl" you were "dating") no I wouldn't use those words with anyone because doing so degrades me ...I don't want that behavior in my memory bank/prefer to live without the regret. Would I forgive someone who said that? Yes as long as forgiving that person leads to action by the forgiven that that behavior gets worked out and doesn't get repeated. Not into a cycle of a person's continued offenses and asking forgiveness (I think that's called enabling/co dependent and ya not a healthy relationship dynamic) Your best bet with anyone you feel that much frustration with is to walk away with a clean conscience. What's done is done and said with that person ...let it go and don't let it define you ...you'll do better next time:) Edited October 3, 2015 by StocksnBlondes 3
Author Guyouthere Posted October 3, 2015 Author Posted October 3, 2015 Totally agree ^^^^ I also agree with kendahke and autumnlight and a few others who share the same philosophy. Ultimately it comes down to "does it work for me" and the swearing and loss of control while having an argument don't work for me. I'll curse at some*thing* a few times a year (sh*t etc) but not at some*one* To do otherwise hurts me at some level and therefore I feel it would hurt others so just don't go there. Besides ... using other more colorful words is comical. One of my favorites "holy peanut butter and jelly" In direct response to the OP (and I have followed your posts on the scam artist ...I meant "girl" you were "dating") no I wouldn't use those words with anyone because doing so degrades me ...I don't want that behavior in my memory bank/prefer to live without the regret. Would I forgive someone who said that? Yes as long as forgiving that person leads to action by the forgiven that that behavior gets worked out and doesn't get repeated. Not into a cycle of a person's continued offenses and asking forgiveness (I think that's called enabling/co dependent and ya not a healthy relationship dynamic) Your best bet with anyone you feel that much frustration with is to walk away with a clean conscience. What's done is done and said with that person ...let it go and don't let it define you ...you'll do better next time:) I only said to once,,, and that was after I found her hiding the guy, deliberate deception…. and she knew too that I hd been cheated on and it definitely struck a bone.
smackie9 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 **** you isn't a mean thing; it's an expression of frustration; that's it Yes it is mean, it's rude, and it's very hurtful. F uck YOU is NOT an expression of frustration it is an expression of contempt. contempt:the attitude or feeling of a person towards a person or thing that he considers worthless or despicable; scorn There are better ways to express discontent that isn't so hostile. Saying that to someone you are supposed to love is disrespectful. If you have to say that to them, then you better check your attitude and how you treat people or you are with someone that is pushing your buttons so bad you shouldn't be together. 2
autumnnight Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 I only said to once,,, and that was after I found her hiding the guy, deliberate deception…. and she knew too that I hd been cheated on and it definitely struck a bone. Here it is in a nutshell. Are you accountable for YOUR actions and words, or will you blame someone else for your choices?
mrldii Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Thank you, smackie. That's probably why I've never said "F*** You" to someone I love. Now that you've explained that it's an expression of contempt, I've definitely said it about some men (F*** him), but that's after I've determined he's worthy of my contempt and have found him "worthless and despicable", so I'm no longer pining over him and trying to figure out how to get him back. Falls back to having integrity: Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you don't mean "F*** you", don't say it. If you said it, mean it...and stick with it. 1
katiegrl Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Thank you, smackie. That's probably why I've never said "F*** You" to someone I love. Now that you've explained that it's an expression of contempt, I've definitely said it about some men (F*** him), but that's after I've determined he's worthy of my contempt and have found him "worthless and despicable", so I'm no longer pining over him and trying to figure out how to get him back. Falls back to having integrity: Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you don't mean "F*** you", don't say it. If you said it, mean it...and stick with it. Exactly, which is why if anyone said that to me ...I'd take them at their word, and dismiss them from my life, pronto!! Fortunately no one, man or woman, ever has, I can't even imagine. But if they did, the only response they get is me walking out the door, would not even dignify it with a verbal response. Just get up and leave. Forever. 1
BluEyeL Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Would you forgive someone if they said "F-You" and some other mean things in an argument? What if they (due to their own ego) can't see that they contributed in any way to what led up to it? How would you handle it? I think it really depends of many things, how long have we been together, how many good gestures have they put in their "positive bank". In general, if someone said "f you" to me and told me mean things, no, I would not forgive them. If we were together for a few months or less, definitely not. I don't care they mean it or not or they're angry or not, nobody talks to me that way, ever.
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