lost55 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Im a from Swedenso I hope Ive put things right for you to be able to understand my english. It really take much of my energy to be in this state of mind I broke up this five years relationship, living together, for four. He had never felt so strong before and he said that it felt like winning a million dollar on lottery. It really sparkled between us. The last year of living together, I slowly started loose interest in him. Our cats didn’t get along and that was very stressfull too. He was much of a “Mr nice gue”, and a pleaser. He didn’t even have the ability to talk about our problems, and he often said, “it doesn’t matter what I say it just come out wrong when I try”. I started treating him bad, lost my respect somehow ( not cheating, but bitchy) , even nagged on him about his look LI lost my sex interest in him and he “exepted it”, too, and never confronted me. He have had three relationships. So I mowed out, last sept ( he didn’t want this ). During the time, we kept contact quite often, he helped me with everything, when I was in hospital, and when my cat died in cancer, my mother died I was devastated. Krises. But I didn’t even think of, “going back together ” there was a lot of negative things going on in my life so I think I didn’t sat down and think clearly, or: I just saw him as I kind of a friend, but neverthougt I would loose him. And NEVER had any one else in mind during this year. He didn’t show his heart broke during this time. So I suppose he kept everything inside. He didsome attempts to show me he wanted me back. I was not open for it then….. Wellone year of therapy now, hopefully made me a better woman. there has been a lot of crying from me something he never seen before as much( because im a pretty “tough”one) , Because of a lot bad thingshappened as I said. . he was there for me. i was in therapy because i felt a depression,so that made me more of an unstable person ( during the time). Lots of hugs from him when Ive been crying. Changing of moods and taking it out on him sometime.So i really have not in ANY circumstances showed the best of me. therapy , just finished . I really don’t know when he stopped loving me but yes he had have a long time to get use to “NOT US”… on the other hand we kept in contact this whole year ( sept 2014 moved –sept now)., He feels better now he says. I have shown him the new better me the last meetings we have had. I m “certain” he wanted me back untill at least april this year. Well one time he said, i just want to be friends when I asked to see “where he was in his mind” ( Mars), and i just respond, “well i accept that” (because we havnt been even intimate for a long time as far as hugs . And my feelings where not there. Not then anyway) his body langugage ( eyes) said something else sometimes well in april for sure , when he gazed at me when me dressed up for example. but at the time, i didn’t think about it i was not receptfull for him at all, then. he Always showed up nice dressed, and as he growed a bear ( something I waanted him to do when where were togher…), he wanted ME to be the fisrt to say if i liked or not ( april/May) Came to me at easter with flowers. he Have saved some voice messeges from me, me “being silly” and plaid it for me when we was joking at my place. Well i had a lot of chances (I THINK) to take him back… then in may or june i started “waking up”. He moved in mars to a nearbytown, the one he came from before. and got back to his “old self” so to speak, felling well, and I know he feels good being back, he don’t like Malmoe he says. He helped me when my mother died in may, adopted her bodgie as i didn’t know what to do with three cats at home…, cleaning her appartment with me etc One appointment in May that he forgot about, we should have met up at my mothers to clean, he didt come so i called him and went “angry”,( he had been drinking the night before forgot our appontment), and then he came three hours later after I called him)… so I just said when finished” thank you for helping me, I let you know if i need/want anything else, bye” , I was angry so therefore i wanted him to know that i was the one to contact him, not the opposite one week later it was my birthday in june, he showed up unexpecedly with roses ( well not red ones) was very pleasant/amusing and even fun. I hugged him when he left and told him “i miss you sometimes”, i asked if he misses me he said: only the good parts. I think the roses was just because he had a bad consience forforgot last appointment right? After the roses i texted him Three weeks later ( not needy): “Hope you will have a nice holiday!” And I think it was there i started to woke up and miss him. He responded at once : “It will probably be ok..How are you?” I texted, “oh everything is good, jogging every day,have ended the therapy with new insights, got some tools for my “escape behaviors”( yes i think i have some problems with that in realtionships)and other patterns that was not good” and send him a picture of me, “so you don’t forget me”. I wrote that“I hoped he will be there for me as a friend as [/i]he said once before we should be” . ( hope he had a good memory this was in mars he said like this but im not sure he really ment it..) He texted: , “oh nice picture looking good!. i wont forget us”. But didt mention the friend part. So three days later i texted back:“hey are you on a holiday?” Him: “Oh… sorry i forgot to answer, the other part, yes we can“keep in contact” Then I texted, “you have been there for me for better and for worse times. I am sorry for my behavior. You are the bestJ! And some day you will find the best for you ( in swedish “you will find someone”). STUPID of me… He wished me “ a better furture to”, and said that he be there when he was able to with a smiley with a gloria above. the day after I texted to have a reason to meet up later sometime in tha next week,, and texted “well im going to a wedding in the country over the weekend, , spend a fortune on a dress! ( i usually never wear a dress) Shall we see eatch other next week we can probably do something then”? No answer,the weekend went by.he answered on monday (After the wedding weekend):. No I cant next week. I wroteback “well just say if you don’t want to see me anymore??!! but i do think wecan have some benefits out of it as we don’t have many friends “ No answer… Called him a week later, and he went : oh, i thought about calling you bla bla…there was a concert, but then iforget about it, so i said “well i can come to your place for dinner”. Spoke for an hour. So i did, but then again it was me who had to call again the same day to say what train i would be on…( so no interest i think…) and he was cold as i fish, well as a friend he acted, but very distant. ( im sure he felt what i was up to?) . And he did a very clear point in that by saing on thephone” i drive you home later “( that was i nice way to say “we will not drink alcohol, and this is JUST dinner and me not sleeping over) So on our way to the car after visiting him/dinner, I took his hand, and when saying goodbye i kissed him…Approached him, hugged him and he didn’t back off but no good response either. I called one week later, and try to ask things. He said it didn’t feelright to kiss. and that conversation was not in my favour. said some stupid things about how good sex we used to have…, he sounded interested in that conversation some way…. He asked if i don’t like being alone and i said i miss nearness i asked him: if he didn’t want us to have contact, you would say that to me? He said yes i would. And as he was honest about that he also said that it didn’t feel right to kiss , I said i miss him sometimes, do you miss me? Well your body, he said. I said WHAT and what do you mean by that? And he said i don’t know what i meen, i was joking and i asked “why roses on birthday”, he said I don’t know, he is not the person who have sex “out of the blue” not even with me. .I know him. my sex interest has woke up after being onEcitalopran for 1, 5 years. I said that to him too, he knows. He came the week after, after work, BUT I had to remind him by calling Again ( in that call above when I said that I miss him, “do you miss me”? …as he had promised me, to put a lamp up. I was just having dinner,and he was not hungry so he said, “i laydown on the sofa” so there he was on his back…( he did that often after workbefore) . i didn’t react on the sofa thing ( i saw that as in invation im sure on that one)…, as he had said that there was not feelings for me on the phone, He was kind of teasing me... When standing on the chair to hit the roof for putting the lamp up, he took the screwdriver in front of his fly“joking”….i didn’t do anything.He also started to teesing me by “put up a fight tuching me and i “stroke” back (as we use to). Havent seen that for a longtime… And when we went down to the cellar to place the old lamp , he NOW it seems as was the dumper, i have become the dumpee?? He have had along time to getting use to “not us”. But as I said I know he wanted us back togheter in some form, at least untill April. I don’t know where his feeling isnow, but as I said he acted strange when the lamp was fixed. Does NC do anything for “uS”. He is use to( the latest month,s) that we at least talk in about three weeks. NOW three weeks has gone. I guess my questions is: Can he start to miss me even if he is use not having me, as time goes, or is to late, as he have had a long time to get use to us not being a couple? But not to NC. Im so confused, thinking he instead i will drive him further away. So: I know he was very much in love with me. I know I had a chance untill at least mars april, (then the roses in 27 june.) I know he still like my look. But im not sure, if he would give me a second chance…Mabye this is where NC get to “work”? What would his ( just guesses I understand) feelings tell “him” if I stay out of our ways for more than a month? Me myself havE allready start to miss him BAD…..I don’t understand“the “invitations” last time I saw him,when he was teasing me, laid on the sofa etc…? I don’t know what to do! I want him back for a second chance, is it tolate?I have change a bit to since therapy, and he knows because ive told him . Guess I am the dumpee now....But want him back. Regards Anne
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