Northwestern1011 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Just had a general question about this. I've been single a long time (like in between my last relationship and now, I've dated, obviously, but not actually had a legitimate boyfriend who I involved in my day to day life over an extended period of time). Since I've been single for the last couple years, I've gotten really good at enjoying my hobbies by myself, and myself only. To the point where I think it would be hard to involve someone else. I go places by myself, I go to events by myself, I've literally climbed a mountain by myself. If I want companionship, I take my dog! I love the fact that when I enjoy MY hobbies by myself, I don't have to worry about entertaining someone else or factoring them into my plans (how many people have invited someone to something, only to find out person 2 can only go at x or y times and only on THIS day, and only for THIS long, and suddenly what started out as a fun idea is limited, constrained and anything but?) Anyways, I'm going to an animal show soon, and I'm debating if I should invite the guy I've been seeing. It's my thing, and I know he would probably go, but it's not really HIS thing. And frankly I'm not sure I wouldn't enjoy it more by myself (I also have a friend from college who lives in the area and he might stop by to say hi, so it's not like I'll be alone all day anyways). So, people, where do you draw the line? DO you involve your significant other in your hobbies? Or keep them to yourself?
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 If my hobby involved going somewhere, sure I'd invite DH. It doesn't mean your SO has to go or even enjoys but does enjoy spending time with you 2
carhill Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Two of mine, travel and cars, I would involve my exW in, to a degree anyway. I did go off to other countries alone and do car stuff alone but I viewed marriage as a partnership and sharing my interests, and sharing hers, were part of the deal. My other stuff, more blue collar greasy inventing stuff, I pursued alone. That stuff was pretty hard to explain to someone who didn't have the background and I wouldn't expect them to be interested. I got my first taste of the hobby alone stuff from being taught to fish by the 'wrong' parent, going off and fishing with the farm girl who was my mother. Dad wasn't the outdoors type, so she went off and did the outdoors stuff alone. It worked for them. 1
blackcat777 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I love sharing my hobbies with my man!! I had a friend who spun poi and I was always so enchanted by it. (Poi is Maori fire dancing, with kevlar wicks the size of fists, attached to chains, and you spin them while burning. Fun!) It turned out that my boyfriend is a poi god. He taught me how to spin, and now, whenever ethere's a concert, we take our LED poi (can't take fire to the indoor venues, anyway ) and dance together. We have partner moves where we literally spin entangled together. People stop us all the time and tell us how amazing we are. I've been doing yoga since I was 14... It was something my boyfriend always had an interest in, but never tried himself (like with me and poi). We started going to classes together, and we do partner yoga together. We're still in the beginner stages, but it's so much fun and we like having goals to work toward. We also both play music. Different instruments... and we usually don't play together. But because our styles are so completely different, we both love each other's taste in music, it's the best treat when we play for each other. I could listen to my boyfriend sing for hours. We're both oldschool videogame nerds. We're starting a collection of games we can play cooperatively. We're currently on a run through Seiken Densetsu 3 (SNES)... I'm a wizard and he's a ninja. I love how protective he gets when the bosses start wailing on me. We have our hobbies that we love, and we can both do them together or apart. Boyfriend is really big on jamming with his friends, too. I do yoga everyday, regardless. But it's soooo much fun that we can share our hobbies and take them to a new level together. I think it's important to share some kind of passion with your significant other that makes you both feel alive. I used to work at a bar where they played live music every weekend. An older couple (that totally inspired me) used to tell me that the secret to them staying in love with each other for more than 25 years was dancing. My boyfriend and I tend to tear each other's clothes off after a long night of dancing... I also think sharing hobbies with a person is a great way to learn about them. My boyfriend is obsessed with a certain travel show (*won't say it and out him )... and I love it when he invites me into his secret world of guilty pleasures. Like me and expensive chocolates. 1
Els Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I enjoy sharing hobbies, but not 100% of the time. One of the things I love about my R is that there is a balance - we both have alone time with separate hobbies but we also have shared ones that we can enjoy together.
MoreAmore Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) Our hobbies are tied very much together. We met through them. We camp, hike, run, bike, even read out loud to each other. On a hobby he has and I don't, I take an interest and sometimes join and sometimes don't, based on whether I feel like it. With exes, I would invite them along but wouldn't change what I was doing and would continue alone happily. Edited October 2, 2015 by MoreAmore
road Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 Too many affairs have happened because the spouses did not share hobbies. The quality us alone time that should be spent between spouses wound up being quality time with an opposite sex friend/hobbyist. Which led to many an affair.
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