AugustSnow Posted July 3, 2015 Posted July 3, 2015 I hope this is the right forum to post this thread. So there's this janitor at my job who is 53, and I'm 31. I've had a crush on him for the past few weeks now. The messed up thing is, I've had a crush on him before I even knew how old he was. I've joked with him and he's been pretty receptive to my joking with him, or at least that's what he's conveying. As time goes on, my crush for him seems to intensify as I ask for more information about him, and he has no problem giving it. He has asked things about me, here and there, such as do I live alone, what area do I live in, and other little questions I can't quite remember at the moment. Over the past few weeks, has has asked me what time I get off work, and we get off at the same time most of the time, just about, but he times out a few minutes before me because he times in a few minutes before I do at a different building. All of this but he hasn't asked for my number yet, but at the same time, it's only been a few weeks that we've truly talked to one another so I don't expect him to rush and ask for my number right away, and I am also considering that he is an older gentleman. Anyways, him asking what time I get off work and such made me think he may wanting to know my schedule. Last Saturday I was outside getting something, and I saw his car pull up and he parked it right next to mine. Now let me break this down for you. There is a certain side of the parking lot I park on during the week, but on Saturdays, I park on in the back because when I get there, there are a lot of customers already there and parked in the spot I usually park in during the week (I work for a library). Usually on Saturdays, he parks his car in the middle of the lot, but this past Saturday, he parked his car right next to mine, out of all the possible spaces he could have parked his car. He has been parking his car next to mine during the week to on the other side as well. I hope that makes sense. Today, however, when I drove by because I was running an errand, I have noticed that the spot that I usually park in during the week, he parked in today (It's my day off and I don't go back to work until Monday). I dunno if the parking thing has any significance to it, but I wanted to mention it in case it did. We has a storm recently that knocked out power and I asked him how he's dealing with it and he told me about his frustration with the phone company and showed me a picture of his neighbor's damage and I felt good to know he could talk to me about things that are NOT work related. When we go on break, sometimes he offers me some of what he's eating. Not sure if I said this earlier, but he jokes with me some. One of the security guards who works there told him that there are a lot of women who think you're a nice guy especially one in particular (he was hinting that it was me) and he (the security guard) told me that the janitor looked over at me and smiled and said "I have a feeling who". I've complimented him, called him handsome, gave him a phone number to a church that will help with debris cleanup free of charge that he he obviously doesn't need to use because the city can come and pick up the stuff. He says he still has the phone number though, which confuses me of why he would still keep it if doesn't really need it. Yesterday I worked, and when he was leaving for the day, I told him to have a good weekend, because I won't be back until Monday. He was jokingly saying that I won't know what to do with myself the next few days with the 4th of July coming up and everything. I told him that I will know what to do with myself and laughed at him. He then told me that I will probably come up there today because I normally would come up there on my days off (which tells me he's paying attention). I definitely want to break the predictability and not come up there until AFTER he has left for the day, but anyways, after he said that, I jokingly him that he knows that he will miss me, and he laughed and then he left for the day. I asked the security guard what he thought that statement meant with him saying that I'll probably show up the next day on my day off, and he says that he probably was saying that I will come up there just to see him, which to be honest, is what I did last week. I came up there just to talk and flirt with him for a few minutes. It was truly the highlight of my day. There are some days, however, where he doesn't talk to me much, like recently, the past few days, he seem to not have much to say. I still managed to joke with him to hide my worry of him not saying much, but at the same time, I understand he's a janitor and he has to get things done on a scheduled time and sometimes he don't have time to talk, so I don't take it personal and go on about my business. I've tried to make this as condensed as possible because there's a lot more that has happened. With the information given here, do you guys think he is interested in me? Why or why not? Here's what I do know about him so far. He's single, has an adult son that lives in Florida and his sister lives with him and he owns his house or is in the process of buying it rather. He appears to be a homebody (go to work and go home type of guy). If you have any questions, feel free to ask if that will help you guys for a more solid opinion. Thank you.
avintagegirl Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 It sounds like he definitely considers you to be a friend, but he might be cautious given that you work together and the age difference. If you are really interested in him, why not ask him to meet you for a cup of coffee after work? 1
mystikmind2005 Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 Lets see, i am 43 and i definitely would not be inclined to trust a 30 year old woman very easily at all. But also it would not be impossible either. It is a good sign that he is smarter than his hormones - which allot of older men are definitely NOT. You might have to do some more effort to convince him you won't break his heart if he allows himself to get close to you? Exactly what you can do i don't know? 1
Author AugustSnow Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Lets see, i am 43 and i definitely would not be inclined to trust a 30 year old woman very easily at all. But also it would not be impossible either. It is a good sign that he is smarter than his hormones - which allot of older men are definitely NOT. You might have to do some more effort to convince him you won't break his heart if he allows himself to get close to you? Exactly what you can do i don't know? A lot has happened since. First off I have complimented him. Told him he was handsome. I even let him listen to a piano piece I practiced and he called me "rusty", saying "How often do you practice? Once a week"? Which really hurt my feelings because I have done what I could to show interest in him. Then I find out some other stuff about him that makes me consider keeping my distance. But he also said he has a 'friend' that he isn't serious about and he likes it that way. So I backed off since. Here's the weird part though. He says hi to me, but doesn't to anyone else at work. Don't get me wrong, he talks to them still. On my days off sometimes, I come to work because I have stuff to do and if I do see him there, he would say hi to me, but also ask me if I work that day. I mean what's it to him whether or not I work that day? I dunno why he would ask that when it's apparent that he has no interest in me. Oh I forgot to mention. I asked him also, prior to when I found out that he had a "friend", if he thought I was pretty. He told me I was nice looking. Since you are a male and a little older, maybe you can enlighten me on what the difference between nice looking and pretty is just for my information. Sorry for the late reply. Edited July 17, 2015 by AugustSnow
preraph Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Have you asked him if he's married or living with a woman? Because I bet anything that is the case and that he is being faithful. He might not be married, but he could have been with her forever and have kids. At his age, it's unlikely he is not with someone. So just make sure you've found that out before going any further. He asked about you, so you get to ask about him too. How many kids? Wife? Still see mother of the kids? 1
Author AugustSnow Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Have you asked him if he's married or living with a woman? Because I bet anything that is the case and that he is being faithful. He might not be married, but he could have been with her forever and have kids. At his age, it's unlikely he is not with someone. So just make sure you've found that out before going any further. He asked about you, so you get to ask about him too. How many kids? Wife? Still see mother of the kids? Yes, I've asked him if he's married. He isn't married, but he has a "friend" that he talks to. He says he isn't serious. But it was enough for me to back away a little. I know that the term "friend" means (friends with benefits).
newmoon Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 it seems like you're letting a crush get out of hand and allowing yourself to think he likes you when all he's doing is being friendly. you're reading way too much into everything because you like him and want his reactions to correspond to how you're feeling. if you have to prompt him to give you compliments about your appearance you're also showing huge insecurities, and the fact you have to chase him and read into everything isn't cool, you need some other entertainment. back off and quit making a fool of yourself. he isn't interested, if he was you'd know it. a single 50+, 60+ man knows how to ask a girl out, even one significantly younger. and as an "older" man he's probably old-school as well, and won't respond the way a 20 or 30 something would to your flirtations. at least know your audience if you want to pursue. 3
loveflower Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I don't understand...WHY you like someone is so much older than you? I am a woman, do you think guys 10 years younger will want to marry me? (yes, I have had younger guys like me, but they don't know my age...if they knew, I wonder what their reactions will be)
S_A Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I don't understand...WHY you like someone is so much older than you? I am a woman, do you think guys 10 years younger will want to marry me? (yes, I have had younger guys like me, but they don't know my age...if they knew, I wonder what their reactions will be) Finding out your age would only make them think you're even hotter. 1
Author AugustSnow Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 it seems like you're letting a crush get out of hand and allowing yourself to think he likes you when all he's doing is being friendly. you're reading way too much into everything because you like him and want his reactions to correspond to how you're feeling. if you have to prompt him to give you compliments about your appearance you're also showing huge insecurities, and the fact you have to chase him and read into everything isn't cool, you need some other entertainment. back off and quit making a fool of yourself. he isn't interested, if he was you'd know it. a single 50+, 60+ man knows how to ask a girl out, even one significantly younger. and as an "older" man he's probably old-school as well, and won't respond the way a 20 or 30 something would to your flirtations. at least know your audience if you want to pursue. I am not chasing after him or have let it get out of control. I asked him if he thought I was pretty because I thought we were comfortable talking to each other enough for me to ask him that question. Has nothing to do with being insecure or anything of that nature. I know that every guy has their own type and I wanted to see if I was his type, but after he said he has a "friend", it didn't matter if I was his type or not, because I don't mess around with guys who are "separated" or has a "friend". I am just not about that life. I have come to terms that the feelings weren't mutual after that, but I also wonder what's it to him when I work, since he has no interest in me. I'm over the crush on him. I have since met someone else who is more of MY caliber, and in MY profession, during a conference I went to a couple of weeks ago, and we hit it off quite well. Too bad, he lives in another state, but we talk quite a bit. He plans to come back out here very soon since we have a conference a few times a year in my profession. So we shall see what comes of it, even if it's nothing more than just a friendship.
loveflower Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Finding out your age would only make them think you're even hotter. Seriously? I thought all men prefer younger women? also if a man wants children he will aware that older women's bio clock is ticking away...
spiderowl Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I think you've given him enough hints that you like him. It looks like it is obvious to his colleagues. Is this guy married? Have you tried to find out? If not, he may be shy, may not be interested, or may be confused about your interest as you are much younger than him. All you can do is carry on being friendly but don't overdo it and come across as a stalker woman.
Author AugustSnow Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 I think you've given him enough hints that you like him. It looks like it is obvious to his colleagues. Is this guy married? Have you tried to find out? If not, he may be shy, may not be interested, or may be confused about your interest as you are much younger than him. All you can do is carry on being friendly but don't overdo it and come across as a stalker woman. He says he's single. Either way, you're right. I've given him hints. I'm sure not going chase/stalk him. I will however, be cordial to him like I've been doing. Here's the funny thing though. Yesterday, we were chatting a bit, and I told him I was moving in a couple of months and he asked me if I was moving with someone or by myself. Long story short, he thought all this time I was living with a "friend", but come to find out he assumed wrong. Maybe thats why he's been acting weird. Either way, we shall see. I'm in no rush to get involved with anyone anyway. 1
preraph Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Yes, I've asked him if he's married. He isn't married, but he has a "friend" that he talks to. He says he isn't serious. But it was enough for me to back away a little. I know that the term "friend" means (friends with benefits). Yeah, I love the way people toss the word "friend" around these days when what they really mean is a bf or gf I'd happily cheat on. He has a woman. He may have kids with her and always be in her life. Just find out more and if he's being vague, you don't want him!! Because he'd just do that to you too. 2
Author AugustSnow Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Yeah, I love the way people toss the word "friend" around these days when what they really mean is a bf or gf I'd happily cheat on. He has a woman. He may have kids with her and always be in her life. Just find out more and if he's being vague, you don't want him!! Because he'd just do that to you too. He's been very upfront when I do ask him stuff. He has a son, who is grown and lives in Florida and that's all. He told me he isn't in a serious relationship. He probably isn't interested in one either. So it's all good.
preraph Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Well, if that's the case, why hasn't he asked you out if he is interested? Because he has a woman already and figures it would be hard to get it past her. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 A lot has happened since. First off I have complimented him. Told him he was handsome. I even let him listen to a piano piece I practiced and he called me "rusty", saying "How often do you practice? Once a week"? Which really hurt my feelings because I have done what I could to show interest in him. Then I find out some other stuff about him that makes me consider keeping my distance. But he also said he has a 'friend' that he isn't serious about and he likes it that way. So I backed off since. Here's the weird part though. He says hi to me, but doesn't to anyone else at work. Don't get me wrong, he talks to them still. On my days off sometimes, I come to work because I have stuff to do and if I do see him there, he would say hi to me, but also ask me if I work that day. I mean what's it to him whether or not I work that day? I dunno why he would ask that when it's apparent that he has no interest in me. Oh I forgot to mention. I asked him also, prior to when I found out that he had a "friend", if he thought I was pretty. He told me I was nice looking. Since you are a male and a little older, maybe you can enlighten me on what the difference between nice looking and pretty is just for my information. Sorry for the late reply. Nice looking means a man does not want to expose his feeling that you are hot! Too me, it seems like this guy wants to hold on to what he has and trusts and not throw it away for some temporary fling, he has probably done it before in the past and learnt his lessons the hard way.
ascendotum Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 I know that every guy has their own type and I wanted to see if I was his type, but after he said he has a "friend", it didn't matter if I was his type or not, because I don't mess around with guys who are "separated" or has a "friend". I am just not about that life. I have come to terms that the feelings weren't mutual after that, but I also wonder what's it to him when I work, since he has no interest in me. From what you wrote its not conclusive to me that he has no interest in you. While someone said he is an older man so should have the upper hand confidence wise, I would not say that is necessarily true when it comes to a young attractive woman who may also have a more accomplished career. Its not all that often that this scenario goes down for an older man. He could very easily like you a lot but wonder what you see in him to consider anything might happen. You have done a good job flirting though. As for him having a friend, I'd say you are likely right in assuming its an FWB, but I think you are wrong in assuming that's the end of it as far as him being interested in you. An FWB is different from having a gf. Lots of people will see someone not seriously purely for the company and regular sex. They will have an FWB in the meantime while they keep searching for someone to fall in love with. Just because someone has an FWB dont dismiss them by thinking they wont drop that and get involved with someone they are attracted to more. Lots of people who are in an FWB wont mention it to a prospect, as they want to been seen as fully available. I guess he could have kept his mouth shut in that regard though he did say some he talks to not someone he hooks up with. You are there doing the 1 on 1 chatting so you should be able to pick up his interest.
Author AugustSnow Posted July 28, 2015 Author Posted July 28, 2015 (edited) From what you wrote its not conclusive to me that he has no interest in you. While someone said he is an older man so should have the upper hand confidence wise, I would not say that is necessarily true when it comes to a young attractive woman who may also have a more accomplished career. Its not all that often that this scenario goes down for an older man. He could very easily like you a lot but wonder what you see in him to consider anything might happen. You have done a good job flirting though. As for him having a friend, I'd say you are likely right in assuming its an FWB, but I think you are wrong in assuming that's the end of it as far as him being interested in you. An FWB is different from having a gf. Lots of people will see someone not seriously purely for the company and regular sex. They will have an FWB in the meantime while they keep searching for someone to fall in love with. Just because someone has an FWB dont dismiss them by thinking they wont drop that and get involved with someone they are attracted to more. Lots of people who are in an FWB wont mention it to a prospect, as they want to been seen as fully available. I guess he could have kept his mouth shut in that regard though he did say some he talks to not someone he hooks up with. You are there doing the 1 on 1 chatting so you should be able to pick up his interest. Well last week, I finally asked him why has he been acting so cold toward me lately, and he told me that he has been feeling crowded and that he doesn't like to feel crowded by people at work, so I think i got my answer. Whether or not he has any interest in me, he doesn't want to deal with anyone from work, and I'm cool with that. And to top it off, the past couple of days, when I was in the breakroom with him I have seen him constantly on his phone texting, so I don't talk to him for real. HE has noticed that I don't talk to him either. Edited July 28, 2015 by AugustSnow
Author AugustSnow Posted July 28, 2015 Author Posted July 28, 2015 Nice looking means a man does not want to expose his feeling that you are hot! Too me, it seems like this guy wants to hold on to what he has and trusts and not throw it away for some temporary fling, he has probably done it before in the past and learnt his lessons the hard way. Totally understand that too.
Author AugustSnow Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 From what you wrote its not conclusive to me that he has no interest in you. While someone said he is an older man so should have the upper hand confidence wise, I would not say that is necessarily true when it comes to a young attractive woman who may also have a more accomplished career. Its not all that often that this scenario goes down for an older man. He could very easily like you a lot but wonder what you see in him to consider anything might happen. You have done a good job flirting though. As for him having a friend, I'd say you are likely right in assuming its an FWB, but I think you are wrong in assuming that's the end of it as far as him being interested in you. An FWB is different from having a gf. Lots of people will see someone not seriously purely for the company and regular sex. They will have an FWB in the meantime while they keep searching for someone to fall in love with. Just because someone has an FWB dont dismiss them by thinking they wont drop that and get involved with someone they are attracted to more. Lots of people who are in an FWB wont mention it to a prospect, as they want to been seen as fully available. I guess he could have kept his mouth shut in that regard though he did say some he talks to not someone he hooks up with. You are there doing the 1 on 1 chatting so you should be able to pick up his interest. I forgot to add something else that I find rather perplexing. I have noticed that when I don't talk to him, like I said in my last post, not only does he notice, but he comes off like he has an attitude. It it hard to explain it but I will try. Yesterday, for example, I wanted to try something different, (i.e. not being as attentive to what he says such as his typical "Good mornings" and "How are you doings") and what do you know? He later on that day, asked me if I knew whose cup was on the table at work and I told him whose it was, and that was the end of the conversation. Then when I was shifting books on the shelves later on that day, he asked me what I was doing, and I kept my answer very succinct. During break, I talked to another co-worker that was in there, but not HIM and he was there, shaking his head, like he acknowledged what I was saying, but he looked pissed that I wasn't talking to him, and when I did ask him a question, I asked him a "yes" or "no" question... and he answered "mmhmm" and that was it. And when he left for the day, normally he would say "see you later". He didn't say sh** to me. He just walked out, and didn't say a word. Today, I tried something different. I made a little joke about something and sure enough he was talking to me more and he even told me to go on Google and look up the subject he told me about that was funny that he found when I get a chance. And he told me that he will see me later. Maybe I shouldn't be perplexed, but I am sort of.
Author AugustSnow Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) I know it has been so long, but a lot has happened since I last posted about the janitor. There was a girl who worked there, who was also a security guard, who ALSO worked for the same janitorial company as he does. She told him that I liked him and he told her that I am too young for him and she said age is nothing but a number. He then said that if I wasn't working at the same branch as he, then maybe he'd asked me out. What's even more embarrassing was that he told her that he KNOWS that I like him. She also said that he was smiling the whole time when they were talking about me. It may sound cute and all, but it created awkwardness between him and I when we next saw each other. I gave him the opportunity to tell me himself what him and her talked about and he refused to tell me and told me to "let it go", so I did. All he said was she started the conversation, not him. I had to tell him in a way, so I don't look like a fool that I Like him as far as working with him and that I do not want to weird him out. He was very quiet when I said that to him. The awkwardness eventually wore off after a couple of weeks, and the security guard who told him that (that pissed me off by the way because I didn't tell her to tell him that, but it is what it is) is no longer working at the branch I'm at, thank God. He has confided deep things in me though that has happened to him. He recently shared some of his snack with me and I do the same for him, so it no longer feels awkward. I left him the rest of a bag of chips that I knew that he liked because he did ask for some and he has them, and that was last week. Another strange thing happened today actually. During one of our conversations we have had, as I was recounting something that happened between me and some friends, a few weeks ago, I told him the nickname that they normally call me. He has NEVER and I do mean NEVER until today called me that. I thought he forgot or wasn't even paying attention. I am not sure what to make of that, but just in case someone doesn't read this and tell me what that could be, I am going to make a small thread about it. Part of me still likes him, but that other part of me is logical and realizing that because we work in the same place, that's most likely why he hasn't went out of his way to get my number or anything, and I can't blame him. Edited August 24, 2015 by AugustSnow
Author AugustSnow Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) The guy I've wrote about that I've had a crush on at work (it's died down quite a bit, but I still kind of like him), has called me by a nickname that only my friends call me. I have only told him once what my friends call me and that was a few weeks ago, and I am surprised he remembers. This morning, I was showing him something and he said "That's nice [my nickname]" it really caught me off guard to where I asked him "Did you just call me [my nickname]?" and he said yes and that he didn't mean to catch me off guard. He was laughing and I was smiling. Does this mean ANYTHING if your crush out of nowhere calls you by your nickname by any chance? Thanks! No this has never happened to me before, especially someone who I've had a crush on. I also have a request: Can the moderator change my thread title to "Your Crush Calling You By Your Nickname" instead of what it's titled now? Thanks. Edited August 24, 2015 by AugustSnow
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Sorry but it doesn't mean much. It's a positive sign but unless he asks you on a proper date, there is nothing between you except work.
stillafool Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 It means he has a good memory. I do the same thing to people when I hear their nicknames, I just start calling them that name.
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