There aren't enough single men for single women - article

October 2, 2015

The point is that if women can disregard men as potential mates based on that criteria, then men can do the same when assessing women. I've dated women who were not as ambitious or intelligent as I. Needless to say, it didn't go well.

What could a woman who isn't on the same level as I in terms of income, ambition, and success offer me? I want a partner, not an obligation.

I'd rather be single than with a woman who isn't up to my standard.

My point is that I'm a little bothered by anyone who treats dating like grocery shopping for the best deal listing out qualities instead of finding that person who you just connect with, and I'm clearly not alone. Most people- men and women- are turned off by that and those lists of must be this high (ly educated, wealthy, other external quality that has nothing to do with who a person is or how you interact) to ride.

I would rather be single than be with someone I didn't love, too. That's what standards are... Some are just more shallow than others.

October 2, 2015

My point is that I'm a little bothered by anyone who treats dating like grocery shopping for the best deal listing out qualities instead of finding that person who you just connect with, and I'm clearly not alone. Most people- men and women- are turned off by that and those lists of must be this high (ly educated, wealthy, other external quality that has nothing to do with who a person is or how you interact) to ride.

I would rather be single than be with someone I didn't love, too. That's what standards are... Some are just more shallow than others.

Fair enough. But just because you view them as shallow doesn't alter the fact that I have them in place for a reason. You don't have to like the reason. Heck, you don't even have to understand the reason. Other people's opinions don't enter into the equation, as well they shouldn't.

If I were coming on LS lamenting the fact I couldn't get a date, and then listed my standards, that'd be one thing. But I'm not. I'm stating "These are my standards, and I'm cool with being single until I meet a woman who meets them." Your opinion doesn't alter those basic facts.

If a woman doesn't have what I'm looking for, then she doesn't have what I'm looking for. I'm not obligated to date anyone. I only date women I choose to date, and those are the women who meet my criteria.

You don't have to like it. But you do have to accept it.

October 3, 2015

to accept it.

Ah, I don't care what standards you have. They are irrelevant because I'm not wanting today's you. I was talking more of it on philosophical terms than personal.

Your standards could be you will only date 5'10 dark skinned very slim brunettes with PhDs who drive a Zonda and drink microbrews without it effecting me. . Everyone is entitled to choose what they want or don't, men or women.

I was speaking to my opinions, and what I see in general, and how it effects people's dating outlooks.

I've never struggled to find relationships, and am not looking now, so no one's standard matters specifically to me. It is something that would turn me off in a dating scenario, is what I meant, and would turn off several of the guys I've dated who have met the standards sought.

October 3, 2015

The point is that if women can disregard men as potential mates based on that criteria, then men can do the same when assessing women.

Of course you can do the same if you like. Has anyone said otherwise?

The trouble with this is that it's not related to the article that the OP posted, which notes that both men and women have these standards. A lot of people are glossing over this, possibly not actually reading it, and instead just using this as an opportunity to post something they already believe fervently (usually about women being too picky, which is basically a trope at this point). But the article doesn't say women are pickier than men.

It's more interesting when you read the article and think about what it's trying to say and comment on that. Just saying. Otherwise it's just a random rant.

Exactly! I'm very curious as to how many of the guys who posted in this thread actually read at least PART of the article, or if they just went off of the opening post (or worse yet, the title ).

October 3, 2015

Ah, I don't care what standards you have. They are irrelevant because I'm not wanting today's you. I was talking more of it on philosophical terms than personal.

Your standards could be you will only date 5'10 dark skinned very slim brunettes with PhDs who drive a Zonda and drink microbrews without it effecting me. . Everyone is entitled to choose what they want or don't, men or women.

I was speaking to my opinions, and what I see in general, and how it effects people's dating outlooks.

I've never struggled to find relationships, and am not looking now, so no one's standard matters specifically to me. It is something that would turn me off in a dating scenario, is what I meant, and would turn off several of the guys I've dated who have met the standards sought.

You say that now because it isn't too bad an issue for you. One man has those standards, who cares. 4, 5, 10 or even half of all single men, well...you still have the other half. Okay, now imagine all single men with that same standard, even the ones who weren't ideal, or even subjectively attractive.

Then you'll be on the same boat as the men posting in this thread.

October 3, 2015

I always get very irritated when some married person is telling single women to lower their standards. I want to find a man I can love and whether I can love a man or not has to do with certain criteria such as education, how physically attractive he is to me, whether his financial situation will not make my life poorer.

Since my life as a single woman is not too bad apart from the fact that I miss the companionship and intimacy that comes with a relationship, why on earth would I get together with a guy I am not in love with. And NO, you cannot fall in love with just some man.

October 3, 2015

You say that now because it isn't too bad an issue for you. One man has those standards, who cares. 4, 5, 10 or even half of all single men, well...you still have the other half. Okay, now imagine all single men with that same standard, even the ones who weren't ideal, or even subjectively attractive.

Then you'll be on the same boat as the men posting in this thread.

Nah, she'd just be in the same imaginary boat that men THINK they are in. That isn't actually how it is. Men who can't get the one out of his league woman he WANTS, THINK it is this way so they won't have to look in the mirror. I call it bitterness bias

October 3, 2015

Men tend not to dismiss a woman just because of her education.

Oh yes they do when a woman has a high education!

October 3, 2015

So I guess I'm not seeing the point of your post. People absolutely should date people they are attracted to regardless of what the parameters for their personal attraction are. If there aren't enough people in their pool then they can choose to be single or reexamine themselves and the reasons why they find these people attractive. The worst thing they could do is just try to convince themselves that that person is 'okay' and that they 'should be' willing to date him/her.

That is what I was saying in my initial post. I'm not arguing against a person dating someone they are attracted to.

That being said, I'm reading something different out of the article compared to what you're saying in your opening post.

I was drawing from a few personal experiences but it is still in line to the article's message.

Oh yes they do when a woman has a high education!

Fair enough. Some men do that of course. Just as some men are intimidated by a woman earning more than him. I personally do not, unless the woman throws it in my face. Then it becomes a problem.

October 3, 2015

I always get very irritated when some married person is telling single women to lower their standards. I want to find a man I can love and whether I can love a man or not has to do with certain criteria such as education, how physically attractive he is to me, whether his financial situation will not make my life poorer.

Since my life as a single woman is not too bad apart from the fact that I miss the companionship and intimacy that comes with a relationship, why on earth would I get together with a guy I am not in love with. And NO, you cannot fall in love with just some man.

Fantastic post. Simply replace "man" with "woman", and this is exactly how I feel. How educated is she? Is she attractive, and will she not let herself go after some time together? Will she make me poorer by expecting me to provide for her, and heaven forbid, any kids she's got in tow?

I'm not going to fall for just any woman. She's got to be valuable and special. And contrary to popular social thought, women aren't special just for being female. (This is not a dig against you, Pink. I'm speaking in broad societal terms)

October 3, 2015

Nah, she'd just be in the same imaginary boat that men THINK they are in. That isn't actually how it is. Men who can't get the one out of his league woman he WANTS, THINK it is this way so they won't have to look in the mirror. I call it bitterness bias

Likewise, when women say "there are no good men left", they simply THINK it's that way, when in reality they don't want to look in the mirror and realize that maybe they're still single because they don't have anything to offer a man. Instead, they're entirely focused on what a man can bring HER instead.

We can do this all day.

October 3, 2015

Likewise, when women say "there are no good men left", they simply THINK it's that way, when in reality they don't want to look in the mirror and realize that maybe they're still single because they don't have anything to offer a man. Instead, they're entirely focused on what a man can bring HER instead.

We can do this all day.

Relax; you're both right.

Anyone who places the blame for their own failures externally would not be hurt by some introspection. Anyone who presumes to judge an entire gender, or close to it, needs to reconsider his or her myopic generalizations.

People are individuals, and any would be better off encountering them as such.

October 3, 2015

Nah, she'd just be in the same imaginary boat that men THINK they are in. That isn't actually how it is. Men who can't get the one out of his league woman he WANTS, THINK it is this way so they won't have to look in the mirror. I call it bitterness bias

I've got an idea. What do you say we find out?

October 3, 2015

Basically, the article is saying that, while both men and women look for educational peers, there are more educated women than men creating a shortage in the educated man dept.

This is good information for women. I don't personally see anything wrong with dating someone of a different educational or professional level, although pitfalls can occur. The pitfalls are more about the character and interest of the people involved than the educational or professional differences. Where there is insecurity and lack of respect, of course it will fail. But with mutual security and respect, there is no problem. After all, security and respect are FAR more important than educational or professional similarity in the long run. And educational similarity certainly doesn't guarantee security and/or respect, either.

October 3, 2015

Well I didn't read this whole thread so maybe it's been said before but I am relieved to unlearn that 20% of the men are dating 100% of the women which seemed to be the accepted wisdom on here for awhile!! :)

October 3, 2015

Well I didn't read this whole thread so maybe it's been said before but I am relieved to unlearn that 20% of the men are dating 100% of the women which seemed to be the accepted wisdom on here for awhile!! :)

Finally you get it!

JK

It does hold a little bit of water when you only look at singles though.

October 3, 2015

I'm not going to fall for just any woman. She's got to be valuable and special. And contrary to popular social thought, women aren't special just for being female. (This is not a dig against you, Pink. I'm speaking in broad societal terms)

I don't perceive it as a dig, toolforgrowth. As a matter of fact, I think I understand what you mean. My impression is that a lot of dating gurus give older women a message that since the statistics are not in their favour, they should be happy with no matter what man and they preach how we should be broadminded. Because since there are more single women than men after a certain age, how dare we still have standards.

So I can also understand that the simple fact of being a woman is not sufficient for a man to want a relationship with her, as a matter of fact I would hope to meet a man who is more picky than that and fancies me for the particular unique features I possess.

The thing is that I now know very well what works and what does not work in a relationship for me, that comes with experience. And yes you have to be flexible and think out of the box. But you can't push a circle into a square shape.

Maybe it is asked too much but how low should I put my standards:

- I want a guy my age. Not interested in 10 years older, I don't want to be stuck with an 80 year old in 20 years and I certainly want to live the life of a retired person in a couple of years and that is how it is with these older guys.

- I want a guy with a decent financial situation. He should have his own house just like I have my own house. He should have a job.

Reason: I don't want to live a poorer life because of my partner and I certainly don't want situations where after splitting up the guy has a right to what I own or earn.

- No addictions, whether it is booze, drugs, porn, religion, food... I want a guy who is sane. I don't want to be dragged down by a guy who has no grip on himself. Keeping a bit in shape, doing a bit of sport is also part of that. Not looking for a guy with a Chippendale body or some ultrasporter, just someone who knows that as we grow older we have to keep moving.

- I want a guy who is a grown-up. Meaning: can take care of himself. Showers every day, brushes his teeth, has good overall personal hygiene. Knows how to dress for different occasions. Can buy his own clothes. Can put his clothes in a washing machine. Can bake an egg and put his dish in the dishwasher afterwards.

I am mentioning this because time and time again I see women who start relationships with guys who seem totally helpless as long as there is no woman in their life to take care of the practical things in their lives. I have never felt the need to take on me the role of caretaker/maid/mother for a man and now that I am 50 I certainly am not looking to do that.

- I want a guy with a higher education, preferably university. Can be replaced by being a succesful self-made man. But degree or not, he has to be intelligent. I cannot negociate intelligence. I have a high IQ myself and I need to have meaningful conversations in my relationship. No way I could dumb myself down just to be able to talk to my partner, that would really make me miserable.

- I want a guy can appreciate an urban environment; shops, restaurants, concerts, architecture; Reason: I live and work in a city so I don't want a guy who only wants to be in some quiet corner on the country side. I am not asking he comes to live with me and become as urban as me. And I don't mind spending time in his country side on a regular basis. But it's got to be give and take. I can like your country side if you like my city.

The reason I am emphasizing this is because I am fed up to get messages on dating sites of guys who hate the city and don't seem to get that if they want something to have to do with me they will have to spend time in the city! No they kind of hope that I am going to leave everything and bury myself in the middle of nowhere. Why don't they get that if you have a job in the city you can't live far away from that job ?

I can't see how I could be happy with a guy who does not at least fulfill these criteria.

October 4, 2015

Pink, I think you're right on. You realize that you bring a lot to the table in a relationship because your life is set. You've worked hard to make it that way all on your own, and you want a man who can approach you on that level.

That's exactly what I'm looking for in a woman!

What gets me about expectations are the female equivalent of the guys you rightly criticize in your post. I'm talking about women who haven't kept their bodies in reasonable shape (I don't expect a supermodel by any means, but someone who's proportional based on their height and weight); who don't have good career prospects, or who, like you said, would reduce my quality of life by taking a bunch of my money/assets in a breakup or who need me to pay for everything; and who have a gaggle of kids in tow, sometimes by more than one man. These kind of women still expect, and sometimes demand, a man who is considerably out of their league. What successful guy with options would go for that? She doesn't have anything to offer him. All she's concerned with is what men can offer her.

Because of that, she never stops to consider "What is it that I as a woman have to offer HIM?"

That internal conversation rarely happens amongst that demographic of women.

October 4, 2015

I live in NYC as well and I feel like the opposite is true.

I have way to many single male friends but all my female friends are taken! Granted these are still college kids.

October 4, 2015

However, when it comes to marriage age women. Say 25-45 they are looking for men who are more alpha than they are.

Oh please

:rolleyes: stop it. What does that even mean?? If it means what I think then No, that is not what "they" are looking for. Some of "them" are. It's not even worth bringing into a conversation. Ask the women on this thread we're right here for ya!

:bunny:

October 4, 2015

Oh please :rolleyes: stop it. What does that even mean?? If it means what I think then No, that is not what "they" are looking for. Some of "them" are. It's not even worth bringing into a conversation. Ask the women on this thread we're right here for ya! :bunny:

What does that even mean. It is a fact that people mate assortatively. People date all over the compass but on average people marry those who are more like them than unlike them.

Within that there are certain gendered norms and expectations.

i.e. The male can be taller, older, and heavier than the female in a relationship and no one notices.

The female an be shorter, smaller, and younger than the male and no one notices.

Many highly educated, accomplished, progressive women... in their own personal lives... want a man who is something more than she is. Taller, stronger, a better money earner (breadwinner), smarter, more educated, or just older and more experienced.

Women and men will date and LTR with anyone that is good looking enough. However, when it comes down to brass tax and gold rings women marry up and men marry down. (Only within certain limits.)

Every woman wants to say she is the exception to this can answer me this.

Would you date a well read, cleanly as possible, hardworking but not well paid...homeless man?

October 4, 2015

This is it. Illusion of endless choice has made people, especially women, incredibly picky to the point where they will serially date for years, passing on perfectly good men who don't meet every criteria of their unreasonable checklist, next, next, next, searching for that perfect man who doesn't exist, because they are somehow entitled to him, despite being incredibly imperfect themselves.

No one is ever good enough, men are mockable, women are above reproach and carry themselves with an unearned sense of ego. Good men are being treated like sh*t because of the brainwashing we have done as a culture, telling young women they can, nay, SHOULD have it all, deserve nothing but the best and shouldn't settle for anything less than money, good looks, etc etc etc.
.

Hi fellow Oregonian! I don't understand your gripe against women in this post though.

:confused: First of all whether the woman is an entitled princess or a normal nice girl she doesn't have to accept a partner just because he is a "perfectly good man" she gets to LIKE him and be EXCITED by him and all that if she cares about that stuff and the same goes for you guys too!!

:bunny: What do you care?? If she is unrealistic the result will be that she ends up alone right??

:confused: Also if you are being honest this "brainwashing" is not only happening to young women, EVERYBODY is getting messages that they "DESERVE" this and that.

October 4, 2015

Would you date a well read, cleanly as possible, hardworking but not well paid...homeless man?

Sorry but that is just ... spurious!

:eek: A person choosing not to date a homeless person is not some kind of statement about the gender of that person for heaven's sake!! Are you dating homeless people and if not how are you attributing that to your own gender?? No, I would not date a homeless man and I probably don't know any men who date homeless women either, to answer your question!!

October 4, 2015

I don’t consider it bad for people to not want a relationship or to choose not to have a relationship with the people available to them. I know of a few successful single women who have had babies or adopted because they wanted children but didn’t find a partner. I don’t see anything bad or wrong about that either.

October 4, 2015

Interesting article. That said, I think the picture at the top of the article is somewhat misleading. I think many guys are getting the impression that dating "should" be easy for them just because they have a degree. That just isn't the case.

Women (people actually) are going to date those whom they are attracted to and feel chemistry with--degree or no degree. I don't think that many women are going to settle for someone they aren't into just because the number of guys in their demographic isn't in their favor.

So it is about attraction, chemistry and connection, which has surprisingly little to do with degree status and even looks. What I do find really interesting is the guys on here saying that women have impossibly high standards related to looks, income, and education level, which is not true at all.

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