There aren't enough single men for single women - article

October 1, 2015

This article I'm linking to below is mainly targeting the single women, but as a single, college-educated, gainfully employed man, living in NYC, it is one of the harshest place for any single person. The article touches on the topic of educated single women that are unwilling to cross the education lines, as there are men as well. But from my observation, there are many single women in NYC that have graduate or doctorates, that are even unwilling to date a man that just has a Bachelor's degree. Of course, dating in China is far worse, because there are material expectations as well.

I really liked how the book author, which the article is about, explains that dating someone across educational lines or even across salary lines should not be considered "lowering your standards".

It's Not Your Imagination, Single Women: There Literally Aren't Enough Men Out There | VICE | United States

October 1, 2015

What I have learnt is that people are all individual and exceptional in their own right.

I have taught and been involved with people with learning disabilities for many years and I can tell you now that each and every one is exceptional.

One chap, who has now sadly passed on, knew all there was to know about Dr Who. If you showed him an episode he could tell you all the actors names, details, dates of recording, directorship details, camera crew involved, dates of release, dates of showings on TV, popularity of each episode and how many viewers it received on both the first showing and repeats...

But he couldn't cook a meal nor clothe himself properly...

I don't have a degree of any shape nor form. No man I have ever dated has ever chastised me for it. If I was "rejected" for that well, as far as I am concerned, if they can be so petty then they simply are not the type of person I would want to be with anyway so I consider myself lucky.

I know many highly successful people who only have very basic education. Equally I know some rather pathetic losers and wasters that are highly educated but never completed a full days work in their life... I guess its what you make out of your life rather than what you expect others to put into it for you...

October 1, 2015

Men of the older generations, mine and prior, dated across educational and economic boundaries because, well, we wanted, in general, to find life partners and wives. Back when I was a kid, living in a white collar neighborhood, the women were housewives and the men, most college graduates like my dad, worked white collar jobs. Most got married young, while the husband was in college or shortly thereafter. This was normal. Times have changed.

Even though my graduating class was roughly equal male to female and we graduated at a 98.5% college acceptance rate, the women went on to other collegiate pursuits and I rarely even saw a woman, much less had one for a classmate, in engineering school. They simply weren't around and most I knew from high school could easily have handled my curriculum, probably better than myself. Most I knew went to business or law school and joined their parent's businesses or accounting or law firms. Times have changed there to, with more women these days going into the sciences.

In my generation and demographic, fuggetabout a woman marrying down in education or income or socio-economic status. It rarely happens. For them, all we lesser men are simply invisible and their dating/mating issues are quite real to them. They perceive a shortage of men and that shortage is their reality. Myself, I perceive a shortage of single women and generally always have, regardless of similar parameters. Those who choose to view men like myself as invisible are simply unavailable, single or not. Years of rejections created that dynamic and, personally, I find it healthier to ride the bear rather than have the bear on top of me and having me for lunch. Women who find a shortage of men can also glean some wisdom from that little ditty coined by Steve Balmer back during the IBM wars. Adapt and overcome. We men have been doing it throughout time.

October 1, 2015

Yeah on the East coast there are more single women and on the West coast there are more single men.

October 1, 2015

This article is spot on about women considering a lot of men undateable. The single men are out there for sure but they go unnoticed for some reason. For example on OKCupid, women rated 80% of men as below average. Dr. Helen: "As OK Cupid has demonstrated, women rate 80 percent of men below average." 80%, below average. Talk about a distorted view of reality, on a massive scale.

What I don't agree with though is this: There Literally Aren't Enough Men Out There. The men are out there, women just don't even notice them because there's a variety of things "wrong" with them: they are too small, don't have an academic degree, don't have a lot of money, are not as sociable or whatever.

October 1, 2015

This article is spot on about women considering a lot of men undateable. The single men are out there for sure but they go unnoticed for some reason. For example on OKCupid, women rated 80% of men as below average. Dr. Helen: "As OK Cupid has demonstrated, women rate 80 percent of men below average." 80%, below average. Talk about a distorted view of reality, on a massive scale.
What I don't agree with though is this: There Literally Aren't Enough Men Out There. The men are out there, women just don't even notice them because there's a variety of things "wrong" with them: they are too small, don't have an academic degree, don't have a lot of money, are not as sociable or whatever.

I have to wonder if the internet has caused many of us to have an inflated perception of ourselves. I mean, honestly, the expectations I read about from, well, basically average people (and according to Bell's curve 77% of us are average) blow my mind.

I think of the show Seinfeld, and all the reasons he broke up with girlfriends: she's too good, she eats her peas one at a time, she has man hands, she's a virgin....it was funny in the show because it was so ridiculous. It's not funny anymore because the modern dating generation actually thinks that is valid. They want 100% compatibility, no effort required, and an instant guarantee of sex and happiness. No, not want, they feel ENTITLED to it.

Life doesn't work that way.

October 1, 2015

I don't have a degree of any shape nor form. No man I have ever dated has ever chastised me for it. If I was "rejected" for that well, as far as I am concerned, if they can be so petty then they simply are not the type of person I would want to be with anyway so I consider myself lucky.

Men tend not to dismiss a woman just because of her education. If she is a good person, honest, shows initiative in her life aside from pursuing a degree, and is attractive, a man will accept that if that is what he is looking for. Women on the other hand tend to have, for a lack of better term, "higher standards" for a man. But I do agree with you that if someone is not willing to get to know you due to a lack of proper level of education, then it is a good thing because that's a fundamental issue of incompatibility.

October 1, 2015

Men tend not to dismiss a woman just because of her education. If she is a good person, honest, shows initiative in her life aside from pursuing a degree, and is attractive, a man will accept that if that is what he is looking for. Women on the other hand tend to have, for a lack of better term, "higher standards" for a man. But I do agree with you that if someone is not willing to get to know you due to a lack of proper level of education, then it is a good thing because that's a fundamental issue of incompatibility.

... or if they don't accept that ball scratching in the morning while making the tea is mandatory for men to wake up...

... or if he doesn't accept that toothpaste really does need to be squeezed from the end rather than the middle...

October 1, 2015

Men tend not to dismiss a woman just because of her education. If she is a good person, honest, shows initiative in her life aside from pursuing a degree, and is attractive, a man will accept that if that is what he is looking for. Women on the other hand tend to have, for a lack of better term, "higher standards" for a man. But I do agree with you that if someone is not willing to get to know you due to a lack of proper level of education, then it is a good thing because that's a fundamental issue of incompatibility.

Well, no. In the article he says that men do it too; they just have a bigger pool to choose from.

I found the bit about affirmative action for men applying for college to be quite interesting. Anyone pick up on that?

On another note, I have to say that as a highly-educated woman (PhD) I have consistently dated men of less education than me. In fact I've never dated someone with a PhD. Hasn't been a requirement at all, and I prefer to take people as they come - BUT I have found wildly varying attitudes among those men with regard to feeling anxious about that disparity. My exH was initially drawn to me being successful and then decided it made him look bad, which was quite a bait and switch. My current H loves it, however, bless the man. So the issue there is not always about the women not wanting to date "down", if you get my drift. A lot of -- but thankfully far from all -- men have trouble with the idea of dating a woman who has more education than he does.

Edited October 1, 2015 by serial muse

October 1, 2015

Well, no. In the article he says that men do it too; they just have a bigger pool to choose from.

I found the bit about affirmative action for men applying for college to be quite interesting. Anyone pick up on that?

On another note, I have to say that as a highly-educated woman (PhD) I have consistently dated men of less education than me. In fact I've never dated someone with a PhD. Hasn't been a requirement at all, and I prefer to take people as they come - BUT I have found wildly varying attitudes among those men with regard to feeling anxious about that disparity. My exH was initially drawn to me being successful and then decided it made him look bad, which was quite a bait and switch. My current H loves it. So the issue there is not always about the women not wanting to date "down", if you get my drift. A lot of -- but thankfully far from all -- men have trouble with the idea of dating a woman who has more education than he does.

Yes, I got out of the article what you did AND I had similar thoughts about the phenomenon, as well (the man being just as uncomfortable when she dates "down" as she is).

Also, aside from Mr. Birger's silent-but-deadly intimation that women should learn to settle lest they die old maids, it appears a growing number of women have found another workable solution to the shortage of [academically/financially/whateverly] compatible men:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sax-sex/201004/why-are-so-many-girls-lesbian-or-bisexual

"...If a teenage girl kisses another teenage girl, for whatever reason, and she finds that she likes it - then things can happen, and things can change. If a young woman finds her soulmate, and her soulmate happens to be female, then she may begin to experience feelings she's never felt before.

Especially if all the guys she knows are losers..."

From the article, mind you, NOT my personal opinion. But, as the article states, it IS easier for females to explore/embrace homo- or bi-sexuality (physically, psychologically, physiologically, and socially) than it is for males. If these women are finding more women to be their academic (and all that goes along with that) equals than they are men, then it may, very well, be a contributing factor to the rise in lesbianism.

Food for thought, men!

October 1, 2015

From the article, mind you, NOT my personal opinion. But, as the article states, it IS easier for females to explore/embrace homo- or bi-sexuality (physically, psychologically, physiologically, and socially) than it is for males. If these women are finding more women to be their academic (and all that goes along with that) equals than they are men, then it may, very well, be a contributing factor to the rise in lesbianism.

The thing is that in the current younger generation there seems to be some strange "battle of the sexes" going on. Women get overly picky because they've been taught they can be anyone and get anything they would ever want, leaving them without partners once they reach a certain age (because younger women are just more attractive) while the men they reject become bitter after years of rejection and participate in the "sexodus". When they then finally become a bit older, finish education, get a decent job and basically become more attractive, they can start dating but bitter as they are they won't settle but are misogynistic and will just sleep around with and ditch girls afterwards (can't really blame them!). They have experienced that they don't need a relationship because that's the way they have lived for years.

October 1, 2015

Men and women want to blame each other for the state of modern relationships instead of looking at themselves. If everybody you meet is a loser maybe they aren't the problem.

October 1, 2015

The thing is that in the current younger generation there seems to be some strange "battle of the sexes" going on. Women get overly picky because they've been taught they can be anyone and get anything they would ever want, leaving them without partners once they reach a certain age (because younger women are just more attractive) while the men they reject become bitter after years of rejection and participate in the "sexodus". When they then finally become a bit older, finish education, get a decent job and basically become more attractive, they can start dating but bitter as they are they won't settle but are misogynistic and will just sleep around with and ditch girls afterwards (can't really blame them!). They have experienced that they don't need a relationship because that's the way they have lived for years.

The "Battle of the Sexes" has been raging since Eve brought about Adam's eviction from the Garden of Eden; it's been very alive and well since the advent of The Pill and the Pandora's Box that little invention opened.

People (i.e., mostly men) have been told since the inception of this country that they can grow up to be anything they want; the fact that women are slowly being invited to that party and *suddenly* believing the same opportunities are theirs, shouldn't surprise anybody in 2015.

A sidebar to the "women becoming more educated...and attending Universities in higher percentages than men" is that women, too, are learning they, too, can live - happily, securely, and with fulfillment - without an opposite-sexed partner...just as men have discovered.

"Equality" would include the concept that women can be equally as disinterested in committing to just one person as men can be, for whatever each person's reason may be.

October 1, 2015

I found the bit about affirmative action for men applying for college to be quite interesting. Anyone pick up on that?

I'm not surprised if that is the case. Men often pursue blue collar jobs right after high school. Many see fulfillment by working immediately rather than just pursuing a degree, in hopes of landing a nice white collar job.

Plus then there is the pressure to work that is placed on a young man. Often times that pressure is placed on them by family members. My father owned his own locksmith business, and even as young as 10 years old, I was working after school with him and my mom. I would finish my homework at work, and we all go home together at closing. This went on until I finished high school. It was expected of me to continue the family business, but luckily my parents divorced, because I wanted to go to college. Even during college, my mom pressured me to get a job. Working full time and attending college, was a lot of pressure and stress. I managed to balance that by cutting back by classes, taking longer to finish college, but I stuck it out. I can understand why many young men end up quitting school and just focus on working.

October 1, 2015

"Equality" would include the concept that women can be equally as disinterested in committing to just one person as men can be, for whatever each person's reason may be.

To be honest I've yet to meet such women. Maybe this is something that is happening in the US but here in Europe I have never met a woman past her 20s saying she is happy being single. All of them are either together, divorced or want to have a guy and start a family. Sure I know tons of girls who are IN their 20s saying they want to persue a career and don't need or even want men and whatever, my university is filled with these. But judging from the amount of almost desperate 30ish year old women I meet whenever I go out in Amsterdam this "I can be happy without a man" phenomenon is either very recent or most women can't keep this mindset up once they pass their 30s and their biological clocks start ticking.

October 1, 2015

I have to wonder if the internet has caused many of us to have an inflated perception of ourselves. I mean, honestly, the expectations I read about from, well, basically average people (and according to Bell's curve 77% of us are average) blow my mind.

I think of the show Seinfeld, and all the reasons he broke up with girlfriends: she's too good, she eats her peas one at a time, she has man hands, she's a virgin....it was funny in the show because it was so ridiculous. It's not funny anymore because the modern dating generation actually thinks that is valid. They want 100% compatibility, no effort required, and an instant guarantee of sex and happiness. No, not want, they feel ENTITLED to it.

Life doesn't work that way.

This is spot on. Everyone wants someone who is perfect, regardless of their own faults. Expectations are at an all-time unrealistic high. People are dating serially, moving on at the first minor sign of imperfection, and endlessly searching for the incredible and flawless person who does not exist.

The illusion of endless choice has made potential partners into commodities. In order to maintain your sanity you sometimes just have to bow out of the whole thing. I'm not sure I agree with MGTOW, but I do understand the reasoning for it.

October 1, 2015

To be honest I've yet to meet such women. Maybe this is something that is happening in the US but here in Europe I have never met a woman past her 20s saying she is happy being single. All of them are either together, divorced or want to have a guy and start a family. Sure I know tons of girls who are IN their 20s saying they want to persue a career and don't need or even want men and whatever, my university is filled with these. But judging from the amount of almost desperate 30ish year old women I meet whenever I go out in Amsterdam this "I can be happy without a man" phenomenon is either very recent or most women can't keep this mindset up once they pass their 30s and their biological clocks start ticking.

I wasn't even considering women (or men) in their 30s (or beyond) who are desperate for babies; the cited article was focusing on the gap in the genders in regards to education, so I was referring primarily to college-aged people...typically in their early to mid 20s. I also wasn't even thinking about the women (or men) in the 50+s, who are done raising their kids and go through a "midlife crisis" or 'men-o-pause'.

October 1, 2015

The thing is that in the current younger generation there seems to be some strange "battle of the sexes" going on. Women get overly picky because they've been taught they can be anyone and get anything they would ever want, leaving them without partners once they reach a certain age (because younger women are just more attractive) while the men they reject become bitter after years of rejection and participate in the "sexodus". When they then finally become a bit older, finish education, get a decent job and basically become more attractive, they can start dating but bitter as they are they won't settle but are misogynistic and will just sleep around with and ditch girls afterwards (can't really blame them!). They have experienced that they don't need a relationship because that's the way they have lived for years.

Also by the time this happens they don't have the social skills it takes to get a woman because they have no experience.

October 1, 2015

I don't live in the area so I can't comment but I wonder how they gauge accurate figures for the number of singles in the area?

October 1, 2015

Men tend not to dismiss a woman just because of her education. If she is a good person, honest, shows initiative in her life aside from pursuing a degree, and is attractive, a man will accept that if that is what he is looking for. Women on the other hand tend to have, for a lack of better term, "higher standards" for a man. But I do agree with you that if someone is not willing to get to know you due to a lack of proper level of education, then it is a good thing because that's a fundamental issue of incompatibility.

I find the opposite is true. There are plenty of men who don't want women who are "too smart" or really more accomplished than they are.

Personally, I want my partners to have life goals and be financially self-sufficient. It is OK if you aren't as educated as I am, but I want you to be intellectually curious.

Unfortunately I have dated men that didn't like the idea of me making more money. It was emasculating for them.

Or other I have gone on dates with guys who just wanted to prove they were "smart" and tried to "outsmart" me. They would try to show superior knowledge on topics I am well informed in. Or try to prove to me they knew as much about my field as I do. I unfortunately went to a "top tier university" and other people falsely assume I am snooty because of it. I don't even tell people and as soon as I do, the true colors come out and I am treated differently. "OH you think you are really smart!"

So I do think it is tricky if you are a relatively educated or successful woman. You want someone more accomplished or smarter because the men can't always handle the reverse. I generally just find it easier to deal with someone at a similar level because there is less chance of resentment.

October 1, 2015

I think all people are looking for something different and some quite frankly don't know what they are looking for.

Some people are looking for an equal, others want someone higher or lower on the totem pole than they are to replay a power-struggle dynamic.

October 1, 2015

Off topic:

I am for one is sick of these dating articles that are written in NYC, let me you thats definitely a haven for singles to die. Why has NYC become the central viewpoint of dating? Modern love by the New York Times. We get it NYC is full of undeseriable weirdos.

October 1, 2015

In reality educated women for the most part are doing fine in the relationship department. Statistics show that they get married more often and get divorced less. It's the lower classes that are struggling to hold relationships together.

October 1, 2015

I have read interesting stats focused on the black community that suggest educated, successful black women find it harder to find equally educated, successful black males for marriage. I don't know the validity of these but it's interesting also.

October 2, 2015

i have read interesting stats focused on the black community that suggest educated, successful black women find it harder to find equally educated, successful black males for marriage. I don't know the validity of these but it's interesting also.

olivia pope

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There aren't enough single men for single women - article

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