artemisfowl26 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) Hi Guys, I'm basically at sea when it comes to dating and relationships. I'm a 26 year old female and Ive been in only one serious relationship. When that ended i was an utter mess and swore never to be used again. Long story short, I started going out with a co worker 2 years later. We would go out to parties and for drinks which usually ended in sex. Eventually I asked him where this was going, he admitted that he had never had a relationship which last longer than 3 months and he couldn't be in one. As time went along he eventually became distant. I called him out on it and it ended. I struggled for a few months to get over it. Even though we dated for a short period of time, I had no idea why it ended.... I felt blindsided. Months later he asks me out again and against my better judgment we went out. I never stopped liking him, we had fun together and he is the smartest guy I know. This time felt different, we went on dates, I slept over at his place, he was extremely affectionate and we texted daily even if to just say hello. i asked him why we were going out and his response left me a little confused. He said he liked me and I was cool but sometimes he felt like he was taking advantage of me. He didnt want me to feel that every time we went out or spent time together we had to have sex or be physical. I brought the relationship conversation up a few days later and he basically said that while he isn't sleeping with anyone else we aren't exclusive. He still sees us as casual. I asked what would a real relationship entail and he said he would have more of a commitment to text me every night and over the weekend. I was pretty disappointed. He said he feels as if hes damaged from past relationships. I told him I couldn't do casual ..I already really care about him. Anyway since then our discussions have been strained and I feel at a stand still again. During a discussion a few nights ago he called me buddy and i freaked abit... i told him id prefer he not call me that because im not seeking friends with benefits. I guess i just need some advice. Do i bring up this conversation for the final time and walk away or should I wait till he contacts me again and just let it play out. Patience has never been my strong suit. Thanks Edited October 1, 2015 by artemisfowl26
PegNosePete Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I would walk away. He's clearly not looking for the same thing as you. What's the point in dragging it on any longer? Might as well start searching for Mr. Right, and stop wasting time with Mr. Right Now. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Hi Guys, I'm basically at sea when it comes to dating and relationships. I'm a 26 year old female and Ive been in only one serious relationship. When that ended i was an utter mess and swore never to be used again. Long story short, I started going out with a co worker 2 years later. We would go out to parties and for drinks which usually ended in sex. Eventually I asked him where this was going, he admitted that he had never had a relationship which last longer than 3 months and he couldn't be in one. As time went along he eventually became distant. I called him out on it and it ended. I struggled for a few months to get over it. Even though we dated for a short period of time, I had no idea why it ended.... I felt blindsided. Months later he asks me out again and against my better judgment we went out. I never stopped liking him, we had fun together and he is the smartest guy I know. This time felt different, we went on dates, I slept over at his place, he was extremely affectionate and we texted daily even if to just say hello. i asked him why we were going out and his response left me a little confused. He said he liked me and I was cool but sometimes he felt like he was taking advantage of me. He didnt want me to feel that every time we went out or spent time together we had to have sex or be physical. I brought the relationship conversation up a few days later and he basically said that while he isn't sleeping with anyone else we aren't exclusive. He still sees us as casual. I asked what would a real relationship entail and he said he would have more of a commitment to text me every night and over the weekend. I was pretty disappointed. He said he feels as if hes damaged from past relationships. I told him I couldn't do casual ..I already really care about him. Anyway since then our discussions have been strained and I feel at a stand still again. During a discussion a few nights ago he called me buddy and i freaked abit... i told him id prefer he not call me that because im not seeking friends with benefits. I guess i just need some advice. Do i bring up this conversation for the final time and walk away or should I wait till he contacts me again and just let it play out. Patience has never been my strong suit. Thanks I had no idea why it ended.... I felt blindsided. -- You should not have been blindsided because he told you -- he had never had a relationship which last longer than 3 months and he couldn't be in one. He still sees us as casual -- a few nights ago he called me buddy swore never to be used again -- He said he liked me and I was cool but sometimes he felt like he was taking advantage of me Do i bring up this conversation for the final time - he had never had a relationship which last longer than 3 months and he couldn't be in one. -- THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR FINAL CONVERSATION. Men don't use women, women allow themselves to be used. Patience has never been my strong suit -- All evidence to the contrary in this thread. 2
MoreAmore Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Walk away. If he was going to want to be with you it would have happened by now. Guys aren't really subtle or slow with girls they really see something with, and it doesn't develop slowly. If you ever have to doubt with a guy, you might as well walk. It's not changing. 1
losangelena Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I vote walk away. This isn't going to get any better. 1
Toodaloo Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 You need to be a bit more like your name sake and not take any crap from anyone (cool books by the way! Holly was fab and I adore Butler but I digress). He is basically telling you that he is using you for sex and company while he plays the field to find someone else. Don't walk. RUN. Keep reading these boards as they will show you and teach you how to install boundaries etc and how to look for the signs so you do not waste time on guys like this. If he tries to call you tell him to F off and hang up or even better ignore his calls. Do not respond to text messages etc either. Delete, block and ignore. Learn how to find guys who are better than this. 1
Author artemisfowl26 Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 thanks for your responses. I was difficult but i bluntly told him we need to go our separate ways. I'm pretty hurt but I put myself in this mess after all. 4
MzLady Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 I know you like this guy, but walk away while you can do so without becoming a heartbroken mess. He has been pretty up front with you about how he is... he's told you he's not relationship material. It's hard to hear, but believe me when I say it's better to walk away before your feelings get even more invested. Best of luck
mystikmind2005 Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 There is a little light flashing on my neediness detector here! I think he likes you, but you pushed him on commitment too soon. I have seen women do this because they have difficulty with the moral issue of sex in a non committed relationship.... so they act on this negative motivation to try and move things along. Negative motivations rarely encourage positive results.
Toodaloo Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 thanks for your responses. I was difficult but i bluntly told him we need to go our separate ways. I'm pretty hurt but I put myself in this mess after all. It will pass. I know it feels sucky now but it will pass. Chin up chook. Its the weekend!
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