Idk if I'm just driving myself crazy or my ex was a piece of work

October 1, 2015

Hey everyone, I have been having a few bad days and have been on here for the past few weeks again. My story my ex and i were together for about 5 years, started dating at 15/18 and we're now 20/23. Its going to be a year since the break up next month and it sucks cuz I'm still not over it.

I keep having all these thoughts these past few days about her and its all driving me crazy. I know I need to just cut my loses and move on with it but I just want to msg her and clear my mind of all this bs.

Long story short, we broke up cuz she said we don't have a future because her parents will never accept me due to us being from different religious backgrounds, even though her parents met me and do like me, but they did have their reservations about the religion. Only thing is she started dating another guy shortly after us breaking up (and sadly they're still together).

We had made contact again 6 months after and she had told me that she still loved me and all these "bad" things in her new relationship, but i saw that she carried a picture of them in her purse (which she never did with us, partly cuz our relationship was hidden from her family).

Anyways alot of things are coming back to me and idk why, these things are driving me crazy. I remember she would tell me to go and look for other girls while we were in the relationship but I think she only did that cuz she knew we wouldn't work out in the long run and she didn't want to hold me back but also probably cuz she wanted to do the same. Although she says she never did any of that, and I know she didn't because we both had eachother's social media info, etc. I know these were all red flags to tell me to get out of this relationship or not be so emotionally invested in it but I couldnt help myself, to me she was perfect and since we were both eachother's first love, i thought it would last.

Another thing that drives me crazy these days is the fact that people on this forum and other random people who I have talked to about my rs have said that she is probably having sex with this guy. (Her and I never had sex because she said she wanted to wait till marriage). I respected that and didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to. My close friends say that people who want to save it till marriage will keep it that way but almost everyone else is saying that she probably didnt have sex with me cuz we were young or that she wasn't ready but now she is since she's older. She did mention that nothing had happened between them sexually the last time we spoke, which was in May/June but things could have changed by now.

I know I shouldn't care cuz she is no longer my gf and I need to let it go and move on but its just so hard I can't seem to do it. I keep thinking about her all the time and its not that i want her back, cuz I know there would be way too many trust issues there for anything real to happen, but i kinda still do want her. All these thoughts make me feel so unwanted and are killing me cuz i feel like she just used me for whatever reason and now that she doesn't need me, and found something "better" she left and moved on. a;sldfka;flak fml.

sorry for the ranting, im just losing it over here.

October 1, 2015

You are letting obsession get the better part of you. You don't seem to have a good handle on dealing with your feelings about this girl... in some ways, that's perfectly understandable if you're young, because everything seems so much more intense when you're a teenager.

Nevertheless, you should be able to report some progress. In addition, you need to avoid contact at all costs. No knowledge whatsoever and no sightings whatsoever. The second thing is you have to put a name to all of your emotions, and you have to dissect them, and understand why you feel that way, and then you have to subject your reasons to logic.

If you break up the link between the way you feel and the way you think, this "conflictedness" is the first step to healing. For example, obviously this is not the greatest girl in the world... you just have to see that for yourself and believe it. So, what would the greatest girl in the world be like, and how much does your ex vary from that standard?

Start with those two things, and become an expert in them. Also, you should run long distance, or walk long distance until you can run long distance. You need to squash these breakup brain chemicals you've been nursing for so long.

Do something different, because whatever you're doing doesn't work.

October 1, 2015

Hey everyone, I have been having a few bad days and have been on here for the past few weeks again. My story my ex and i were together for about 5 years, started dating at 15/18 and we're now 20/23. Its going to be a year since the break up next month and it sucks cuz I'm still not over it.

I keep having all these thoughts these past few days about her and its all driving me crazy. I know I need to just cut my loses and move on with it but I just want to msg her and clear my mind of all this bs.

Long story short, we broke up cuz she said we don't have a future because her parents will never accept me due to us being from different religious backgrounds, even though her parents met me and do like me, but they did have their reservations about the religion. Only thing is she started dating another guy shortly after us breaking up (and sadly they're still together).

We had made contact again 6 months after and she had told me that she still loved me and all these "bad" things in her new relationship, but i saw that she carried a picture of them in her purse (which she never did with us, partly cuz our relationship was hidden from her family).

Anyways alot of things are coming back to me and idk why, these things are driving me crazy. I remember she would tell me to go and look for other girls while we were in the relationship but I think she only did that cuz she knew we wouldn't work out in the long run and she didn't want to hold me back but also probably cuz she wanted to do the same. Although she says she never did any of that, and I know she didn't because we both had eachother's social media info, etc. I know these were all red flags to tell me to get out of this relationship or not be so emotionally invested in it but I couldnt help myself, to me she was perfect and since we were both eachother's first love, i thought it would last.

Another thing that drives me crazy these days is the fact that people on this forum and other random people who I have talked to about my rs have said that she is probably having sex with this guy. (Her and I never had sex because she said she wanted to wait till marriage). I respected that and didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to. My close friends say that people who want to save it till marriage will keep it that way but almost everyone else is saying that she probably didnt have sex with me cuz we were young or that she wasn't ready but now she is since she's older. She did mention that nothing had happened between them sexually the last time we spoke, which was in May/June but things could have changed by now.

I know I shouldn't care cuz she is no longer my gf and I need to let it go and move on but its just so hard I can't seem to do it. I keep thinking about her all the time and its not that i want her back, cuz I know there would be way too many trust issues there for anything real to happen, but i kinda still do want her. All these thoughts make me feel so unwanted and are killing me cuz i feel like she just used me for whatever reason and now that she doesn't need me, and found something "better" she left and moved on. a;sldfka;flak fml.

sorry for the ranting, im just losing it over here.

None!!! It is quite normal for dumpees to put their exes on pedestal!!! seriously it is neither you nor her, your mind is playing a dirty game on you that's all.... as time passes by you will understand she was not the best and the most beautiful girl on the planet, let me tell you about first love who broke up with, I always thought she was the most beautiful girl on the planet, the story goes back to 6 years ago...when she broke up with me, I was devastated, after 6 years I accidentally ended up in her facebook page...God she was REALLY ugly! and what was the picture I had in my mind, I don't know....Now my 2nd love of my life broke up with almost 2 months ago, and well like the first one I thought well she was the most beautiful girl on the planet 10/10! no doubt! last week I was with a group of my friends who did not know I had broken up with her, out of curiosity, I asked them to rate my girl, there were 3 of them, one said 5/10 the other said 6/10, the other one said I wanna be generous 6.5/10 .... the problem is that we were not really into these guys because of the way they looked like, nor were they perfect! but our emotions had made us overlook all their shortcomings, and that's the whole story.... it won't take me another 6 years to realize that, because right now I know what my mind is doing to me! she was at best a 6.5/10... and all my friends and her friends can't be wrong to say that I deserved a lot better than that

October 1, 2015

I'll help you get a clear grasp on your situation. You probably have some self-healing in order to change your bad behaviors in order to attract the type of women you want, or to get her back.

Long story short, we broke up cuz she said we don't have a future because her parents will never accept me due to us being from different religious backgrounds, even though her parents met me and do like me, but they did have their reservations about the religion. Only thing is she started dating another guy shortly after us breaking up (and sadly they're still together).

She was letting you down easy, which means you were doing something wrong in the relationship. Trust me, if a woman wanted to be with you, she would do everything in her power to stay with you. Read what you just typed. She broke up with you because of your religious background, her parents liked you, but started dating someone else when you broke up? Doesn't sound like someone that still has feelings for you.

We had made contact again 6 months after and she had told me that she still loved me and all these "bad" things in her new relationship, but i saw that she carried a picture of them in her purse (which she never did with us, partly cuz our relationship was hidden from her family).

Remember what I said about a woman would do anything to be with you regardless of what people thought? As soon as things started going badly with this other guy, she went back to you because you made yourself unavailable to her which made her re-attracted to you. It's also easier to go back to someone that you were emotionally attached to before. This tells me you were doing something to turn her off which was probably pursuing her too much.

Another thing that drives me crazy these days is the fact that people on this forum and other random people who I have talked to about my rs have said that she is probably having sex with this guy. (Her and I never had sex because she said she wanted to wait till marriage).

Whether she is or not doesn't matter. In my opinion, if she was able to hide your relationship from her parents, then she would probably be willing to go against their religious prospects and have sex before marriage.

I respected that and didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to.

That's cool, but if that's not what you want, then you have no place staying with her. It sounds like to me that you weren't being straightforward with her, which goes a long way(not standing your ground, which again probably lead to the breakup). You could have said something along the lines of: "Hey, I respect that you don't want to have sex before marriage, but I like to have that deep emotional bond. I care about you and want to be with you, but if this is something you're not willing to do since our mindsets aren't mutual, then we'll have to part ways". Like I said, if you were comfortable waiting until sex before marriage, then that's fine. It sounds like to me that it's something you require from a partner as soon as that connection is created, and waiting for marriage until sex isn't something that you want.

She did mention that nothing had happened between them sexually the last time we spoke, which was in May/June but things could have changed by now.

It sounds like to me that she did but didn't want to hurt your feelings. I know that the truth hurts, but women will avoid giving direct answers on questions like that in order to ease their guilt. It mostly has to due with women speaking with their emotions and not their logical side.

I know I shouldn't care cuz she is no longer my gf and I need to let it go and move on but its just so hard I can't seem to do it. I keep thinking about her all the time and its not that i want her back

You're right, you shouldn't care and you should move on. See other people, and stop being hung up on one person. Take the time that you have apart from her to better yourself and accomplish your goals in life. Do not contact her under ANY circumstances. She tossed you aside like trash, and she should be the only one contacting you from this point on. Your time is valuable, and she wasted that valuable time with you, so she must prove that she's willing to give that valuable time of yours back. If she does get back to you, don't bring up anything about a relationship. She needs to be the one that creates the term of your relationship whether it be platonic or as lovers(you already know which one you don't want). The best thing you can do is to just walk away and enjoy what life has to offer. All the best.

Edited October 1, 2015 by MrReborn

October 2, 2015

None!!! It is quite normal for dumpees to put their exes on pedestal!!! seriously it is neither you nor her, your mind is playing a dirty game on you that's all.... as time passes by you will understand she was not the best and the most beautiful girl on the planet, let me tell you about first love who broke up with, I always thought she was the most beautiful girl on the planet, the story goes back to 6 years ago...when she broke up with me, I was devastated, after 6 years I accidentally ended up in her facebook page...God she was REALLY ugly! and what was the picture I had in my mind, I don't know....Now my 2nd love of my life broke up with almost 2 months ago, and well like the first one I thought well she was the most beautiful girl on the planet 10/10! no doubt! last week I was with a group of my friends who did not know I had broken up with her, out of curiosity, I asked them to rate my girl, there were 3 of them, one said 5/10 the other said 6/10, the other one said I wanna be generous 6.5/10 .... the problem is that we were not really into these guys because of the way they looked like, nor were they perfect! but our emotions had made us overlook all their shortcomings, and that's the whole story.... it won't take me another 6 years to realize that, because right now I know what my mind is doing to me! she was at best a 6.5/10... and all my friends and her friends can't be wrong to say that I deserved a lot better than that

I really hope you're right man, she def is on a pedestal atm and I know it, but its because I have been so attracted to this girl ever since we met, and the attraction got deeper as we got into the relationship. My friends all think I can do better but idk I still think i wont be able to find a girl as beautiful as her. BUT this probably means that I'm blinded just like you said, hopefully I can get over this and look back like you did and be thankful for everything that happened. but that all seems so far away if not impossible to ever happen atm.

October 2, 2015

I'll help you get a clear grasp on your situation. You probably have some self-healing in order to change your bad behaviors in order to attract the type of women you want, or to get her back.

Long story short, we broke up cuz she said we don't have a future because her parents will never accept me due to us being from different religious backgrounds, even though her parents met me and do like me, but they did have their reservations about the religion. Only thing is she started dating another guy shortly after us breaking up (and sadly they're still together).

She was letting you down easy, which means you were doing something wrong in the relationship. Trust me, if a woman wanted to be with you, she would do everything in her power to stay with you. Read what you just typed. She broke up with you because of your religious background, her parents liked you, but started dating someone else when you broke up? Doesn't sound like someone that still has feelings for you.

We had made contact again 6 months after and she had told me that she still loved me and all these "bad" things in her new relationship, but i saw that she carried a picture of them in her purse (which she never did with us, partly cuz our relationship was hidden from her family).

Remember what I said about a woman would do anything to be with you regardless of what people thought? As soon as things started going badly with this other guy, she went back to you because you made yourself unavailable to her which made her re-attracted to you. It's also easier to go back to someone that you were emotionally attached to before. This tells me you were doing something to turn her off which was probably pursuing her too much.

Another thing that drives me crazy these days is the fact that people on this forum and other random people who I have talked to about my rs have said that she is probably having sex with this guy. (Her and I never had sex because she said she wanted to wait till marriage).

Whether she is or not doesn't matter. In my opinion, if she was able to hide your relationship from her parents, then she would probably be willing to go against their religious prospects and have sex before marriage.

I respected that and didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to.

That's cool, but if that's not what you want, then you have no place staying with her. It sounds like to me that you weren't being straightforward with her, which goes a long way(not standing your ground, which again probably lead to the breakup). You could have said something along the lines of: "Hey, I respect that you don't want to have sex before marriage, but I like to have that deep emotional bond. I care about you and want to be with you, but if this is something you're not willing to do since our mindsets aren't mutual, then we'll have to part ways". Like I said, if you were comfortable waiting until sex before marriage, then that's fine. It sounds like to me that it's something you require from a partner as soon as that connection is created, and waiting for marriage until sex isn't something that you want.

She did mention that nothing had happened between them sexually the last time we spoke, which was in May/June but things could have changed by now.

It sounds like to me that she did but didn't want to hurt your feelings. I know that the truth hurts, but women will avoid giving direct answers on questions like that in order to ease their guilt. It mostly has to due with women speaking with their emotions and not their logical side.

I know I shouldn't care cuz she is no longer my gf and I need to let it go and move on but its just so hard I can't seem to do it. I keep thinking about her all the time and its not that i want her back

You're right, you shouldn't care and you should move on. See other people, and stop being hung up on one person. Take the time that you have apart from her to better yourself and accomplish your goals in life. Do not contact her under ANY circumstances. She tossed you aside like trash, and she should be the only one contacting you from this point on. Your time is valuable, and she wasted that valuable time with you, so she must prove that she's willing to give that valuable time of yours back. If she does get back to you, don't bring up anything about a relationship. She needs to be the one that creates the term of your relationship whether it be platonic or as lovers(you already know which one you don't want). The best thing you can do is to just walk away and enjoy what life has to offer. All the best.

I honestly want to thank you so much for this response. The way you broke everything down makes so much sense to me now and I really appreciate it.

You're right, she knew that I was really into her and that mixed with a long term relationship and things not being as fun and exiting anymore probably drove her away coupled with me still pursuing her too much, like you said.

After we broke up I went into strict NC after a couple months, blocked her off of everything and pretty much left her in the past, until May of this month when she contacted me again. I don't want to get into that story cuz I'm an idiot for falling for her trap and meeting up with her again but from the way you broke it down, i f*cked up hard. I was cool in the beginning and didn't show her I was interested but after a few times of seeing her and talking to her, i broke and told her that I still loved her and wanted to be with her. But it was her fault too cuz she made it seem like she was into me again and wanted to be with me again. Maybe me pursing her too hard turned her off.

I know I shouldn't want her back since she was my first gf and I should go out and experience what else is out there, along with the fact that she just left me for another guy without even thinking twice, but a part of me still wants her back really badly. Is there any advice you can give me that I can follow which can possibly make that happen? I'm currently NC but after our meeting in May we added eachother back on Social Media and I don't want to delete her again and make myself seem weak or whatever.

Thanks again man I really appreciate it.

October 2, 2015

I really hope you're right man, she def is on a pedestal atm and I know it, but its because I have been so attracted to this girl ever since we met, and the attraction got deeper as we got into the relationship. My friends all think I can do better but idk I still think i wont be able to find a girl as beautiful as her. BUT this probably means that I'm blinded just like you said, hopefully I can get over this and look back like you did and be thankful for everything that happened. but that all seems so far away if not impossible to ever happen atm.

It is very normal man! it is very normal I am on day 51 of NC today... And I am still not ready to move on. The initial days were bad, I was pushing myself to move on, and this made me frustrated, I kept saying no one is like my ex, she was something else blah blah... Thanks to the wisdom of people of LS I understood what I was doing was absolutely wrong, because I was not ready to move on, I used to compare everyone with my ex even the more attractive women, even super models and actresses but I did not find them attractive either...Today things are better, I find other women attractive too. However, I am still not ready to move on... I am yearning to see my ex again, because if I do, then this time I will see what she actually looks like, because I have lost a lot of emotions. Listen to people around you, they can't be all wrong! we were blinded, they saw them the way, they in realistic terms were

Good luck and be patient, '' Maybe there was pain in the night, Joy came in the morning.''

October 2, 2015

broke and told her that I still loved her and wanted to be with her.

You were right in the money until you did this. You should have waited until she said I love you first, and you pressured her by saying that(You shouldn't have. Remember she tossed you aside not the other way around, so you let your emotions get the best of you when youknow you shouldn't have done it). Women like to be in a love story, so they want to be the ones to provide to you first with their emotions. Sadly, the media says the opposite, which women really don't want(which is what you did due to what media teaches men).

I know I shouldn't want her back since she was my first gf and I should go out and experience what else is out there, along with the fact that she just left me for another guy without even thinking twice, but a part of me still wants her back really badly. Is there any advice you can give me that I can follow which can possibly make that happen?

You have to remember, there is literally nothing you can do to get her back. She has to come back on her own terms, and begging or trying to reason with her(remember, women think with their emotions, not with their logical sides). Don't use no contact in order to get an ex back. Use no contact as a form of self- healing and to see what other women are out there. I can't stress this enough, think about your actions and what you did to push her away, then correct them. I know it's hard, but you just have to push yourself. Try online dating as you'll be able to find people who share common interests with you, there isn't much pressure, plus it's a lot more easier than going out and asking out other women in public(although I recommend it). The reason why you still want her back is that you're still emotionally attached. That will start to fade away in time, and the reason why you can't move on like you want to is that you're not seeing what's out there. You're limiting yourself to one woman because she was your first, when in fact there are 1/2 billion women in the world today. Trust me, you'll find someone better than your first girlfriend.

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Idk if I'm just driving myself crazy or my ex was a piece of work

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