rch Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) I don't know if I should consider my GF for the past 4.5 years as to cheating on me or going behind my back. every relationship has ups and downs, sometimes people say things but don't mean them. We got into an argument and she thought in her mind it was the last string and thought i didnt want to be with her since we were going through rocky times. she decides to start seeing another guy within 1-2 weeks based on the fact that in her mind she wanted to forget about me and supposedly thought we were over. The caveat is that she was still seeing me but she says she thought we were just hanging out. She might have made a remark about seeing another guy but i didnt take it seriously because: 1) previously she said it to see how i would react, thats why i brushed it off 2) we had been together for 4.5 years and i would never expect someone to get in a relationship within a week of getting out of a LTR 3) we were still hanging out and seeing each other anyways he wasnt a good influence on her and i wouldnt expect her to have acted the way she did. Since I thought she was bluffing, after that 2 week window she says its official and when we meet to talk she says she made out with him but doesnt feel guilty because she told me. However they made out prior to her actually telling me it was official and i couldn't assess the situation because i thought she was bluffing, so is that a red flag as if she cheated on me? Previously, I tried explaining to her I just needed time but in her mind she thought otherwise and I also warned her not to do anything she regrets becuz girls at that stage are vulnerable and will later regret what they do but she didnt listen. (P.S. , i am not the type of guy that would breakup with a girl to hookup with another) our relationship is unique in that I would never expect her to have acted like this or actually do such a thing. at first, i could see her point of view but the more i think about it i feel cheated on and betrayed becuz out of respect and the meaning of the relationship i would really talk to my partner before trying to hook up with someone in that short amount of time. on one side i can see her point but i am not sure about that. we are together now and i bring it up because it bothers me because the story is like "the boy who cried wolf" she bluffed in the past and i didnt take it seriously only to find out that she wasnt bluffing Edited October 1, 2015 by rch
PegNosePete Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 You need to stop thinking about the technicalities of whether it's cheating or not. The fact is, after a fight, she considered your relationship over and went off with another guy. Is that something you are prepared to let her get away with? Whether she thought it was cheating or not, what does it matter? She chose to go off with another guy rather than stay with you and patch things up. For me, that would mean the end of the relationship, no ifs, no buts, no excuses or explanations. She chose to go with someone else. That means we're over. 3
Toodaloo Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Drama. Drama is to be avoided at all costs in relationships. Yes they have their ups and downs but not like this. I think that you are young. I think you need to cut your losses and concentrate on other things. School work, friends, sports, getting a job and saving for college etc... You don't need to have bad feelings towards this girl or anything like that but if its not clear if you are together or not??? I'm confused just reading this... Get out of this situation.
Author rch Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) thanks, sorry for the confusion so basically 1) we argued 2) she told me she was met another guy but i brushed it off as if it werent true because she has pulled that before 3) things escalated seriously because she said they kissed but it wasnt legit 4) in realization she wasnt lying, i talked to her openly and told her i didnt know what i want and just wanted time but we were intimate at the time so i thought she understood 5) after a few days she tells me its official between them and they were more intimate 7) she realizes i was right about him being a rebound and that she doesnt really like him 8) we get back together, i accept what happened but still disappointed with her 9) at first i don't think about it as much but later on wonder why she continued to see him when i asked her not to and that i needed time. She replies to her things were over and it was ok for her to continue to see him when i didnt consider it was official. she also claims she doesnt remember us kissing when we met to talk things over I keep telling her that it was the shadiest thing she has done and i would never have expected her to act the way she did but she doesnt consider it going behind my back nor cheating. i question the actions i would like to also mention that in the past she has been a loyal gf Drama. Drama is to be avoided at all costs in relationships. Yes they have their ups and downs but not like this. I think that you are young. I think you need to cut your losses and concentrate on other things. School work, friends, sports, getting a job and saving for college etc... You don't need to have bad feelings towards this girl or anything like that but if its not clear if you are together or not??? I'm confused just reading this... Get out of this situation. Edited October 1, 2015 by rch
Author rch Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 i see your point, our relationship was rocky and we had fought in the past but it was never like this, she says she thought it was over and that there was no way we would get back, i may have contributed to her thought, she has been loyal before.. You need to stop thinking about the technicalities of whether it's cheating or not. The fact is, after a fight, she considered your relationship over and went off with another guy. Is that something you are prepared to let her get away with? Whether she thought it was cheating or not, what does it matter? She chose to go off with another guy rather than stay with you and patch things up. For me, that would mean the end of the relationship, no ifs, no buts, no excuses or explanations. She chose to go with someone else. That means we're over.
autumnnight Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 She sound emotional and manipulative. You fought and she dangled some other guy in front of you? Honestly, unless you actually broke up, I would consider this cheating. And Pete has a point, even if it isn't....a week later she is with someone after 4.5 years?
Author rch Posted October 2, 2015 Author Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) She sound emotional and manipulative. You fought and she dangled some other guy in front of you? Honestly, unless you actually broke up, I would consider this cheating. And Pete has a point, even if it isn't....a week later she is with someone after 4.5 years? im not trying to defend her but nothing like this has happened, we have fought before and not talked but this felt different cuz of the leading events that came before and she thought it was done... thats her argument she says she tried talkin to me and i will admit i pushed it off but she says the fling with the guy just happened; she was upset and wanted to forget about me at the same time admitted she didnt want him to be rebound but was ok making out with him etc Edited October 2, 2015 by rch
road Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 she decides to start seeing another guy within 1-2 weeks based on the fact that in her mind she wanted to forget about me and supposedly thought we were over. The caveat is that she was still seeing me but she says she thought we were just hanging out. Does not make sense you tell you need a separation then continue to still see her. This is why when in a relationship you never tell the other person you want a break because dollars to doughnuts your GF/BF will hook up with someone else during that separation. However they made out prior to her actually telling me it was official Makes no sense, you wanted the break, so why would sell tell you it was official and what was it that was official? so is that a red flag as if she cheated on me? Did she cheat? That depends on if she hooked up with the OM before you separated or after you separated. If before she cheated, if after she did not cheat.
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