I'd like a proper conversation with the ex. A lot of unspoken words

[Simon Phoenix]

Its very easy to say right? If she is angry about this and feel there is no closure, she shall go for it. This is NOT about him this is about her, and if she feel that something must be done, she should do it. For her NOT for him :-)

 

Ugh at this. The chances of her being more conflicted, confused, and distraught from this type of thought process are much greater than finding fictional "closure".

 

If it's simply about getting her thoughts out of her mind, then she should write a letter venting and NEVER SEND IT. If it's truly for her, there's no reason to involve him, is there? All involving him does is give him the opportunity to s--t all over her, whether it's through ripping her apart again or completely dismissing it through ignoring (most likely outcome). People should earn the right to hear your thoughts.

[BC1980]

Yeah... when he says he's "sorry" that OP felt terribly hurt, he really means that it is quite unfortunate that she had to experience this unavoidable pain, and there was nothing he could do about that.

 

Which is 100% true. Even telling the whole truth wouldn't have spared her what she's feeling right now.

 

You're right. Even if he says he is sorry, it likely won't be for his actions but for the fact that she is experiencing pain. And I don't think he will wholeheartedly take a lot of responsibility for the pain. So that kind of apology is hollow and does no good.

[stillafool]

 

A friend suggested to me I ask for 10 minutes of his time to simply get on

the phone and get everything out, have a very honest conversation with eachother

and I can tell him exactly how he made me feel. She thinks it's because I never

actually got it all out, he doesn't know how badly it hurt me so he was able to

get away with it guilt-free. She also said she thinks it's perfectly reasonable

to have a conversation since we were together for a long time.

 

He knows he hurt you really bad and that's why he tried to soften the blow. There is no soft way to break up with somebody.

 

 

People might say 'forget it' 'move on' 'he won't care now' etc but he isn't a

bad guy. He hates to feel it has bad blood with people - he's a people pleaser

and I'm not sure there's anyone who he dislikes. I just feel there's a lot of

unresolved tension and unspoken words and maybe a open conversation is needed.

 

Of course there are unspoken words because you are broken up. There shouldn't be tension because you aren't around each other. An open conversation will only last for a moment and then he will still be with her.

 

 

It's like he jumped in to this new relationship so he didn't have to feel any

guilt about me and I was left in the dust.

 

 

 

No he was waiting to enter into this relationship and that's why he broke up with you. He does/did feel guilt because he hurt you.

 

 

What does everyone else think?

 

Continue NC and time will heal you.

[lost55]

No! All this will accomplish is giving the guy an ego boost that his ex is still this torn up months after the breakup.

 

 

Sometimes ITS BETTER to it for you ( herself), and show him thats its not ok. It would perhaps feel better if she had some of his stuff, and dropped it outside his door, and say something about him...I agree that its no use talking herself in to him, but for sure, it will feel better for her, to just let it out, telling what a jerk he is. That can help the selfesteem to grow!

[greenleaves54]

I also want to write my ex. Every few days I realize something she said during the last weeks that I now think was really disrespectful and rude. Another day I realize things I now find totally unacceptable that she did during the relationship.

 

But during the relationship and break-up we are so blinded by our feelings. It is only afterwards that we can think rationally about it. Now I feel anger! How could she do that to me? Bitch.

 

BUT, writing a letter to her would be counter-productive. She wouldn't feel bad about her actions at all. I would only look bad and she might feel some pity for me. I know the best "revenge" I can give her is complete disappearance and moving on with my own life. There will always be unanswered questions, and they probably treated us badly in some way, but there are no answers to get. Many times they are confused and their emotions change in the blink of an eye.

 

Write down your feelings in a journal. Be as angry as you want! And then move on. You will be the winner in the end!

[Simon Phoenix]

Sometimes ITS BETTER to it for you ( herself), and show him thats its not ok. It would perhaps feel better if she had some of his stuff, and dropped it outside his door, and say something about him...I agree that its no use talking herself in to him, but for sure, it will feel better for her, to just let it out, telling what a jerk he is. That can help the selfesteem to grow!

 

No it won't, especially when he doesn't react to it, ignores it, or mocks her for doing it. If I had an ex come out of the blue just telling me how wrong I was for breaking up with her, it wouldn't make me feel bad. It wouldn't make me reconsider. All it would do is reinforce that I made the right decision to break up and make me think that she was out for lunch.

 

It's a horrible, horrible, horrible idea.

 

If it was truly for her, he wouldn't need to be involved. She's doing it to try to get a reaction and she's going to be shattered again when that reaction isn't the one she wants it to be.