Liono84 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) So, I had a minor set-back today. I was on FB, and a mutual friend posted a few pictures of a recent bday this past weekend where I saw pictures of my ex. I don't want to delete/block this mutual friend because she's done nothing wrong to me and I've known her longer than my ex. Anyways, it really set me back today as I started dwelling on her again. I think what made it worse is she also looked as good as I remember her looking. Perhaps it's all in my head, but she did look better. It's been 2 months and even though I still think about her, it's not too bad since it's mostly just thoughts that come and go. However, today was worse. I know iin the end, it's just a minor hic-cup, but right now it stings quite a bit. =( This all got me thinking; Why do we tend to remember the good times when it comes to our ex's? During the past 3.5 weeks prior to our breakup my ex had drastically changed. In hindsight, the writings were all over the wall that the end was near, yet I refused to acknowledge it. She had become very distant towards me, and I really hated how she was treating me. Yet, whenever I do have thoughts of her, it's always during the good times we shared together. I really have to remind and force myself to remember those last few weeks. Usually, it's only about the day we broke up and/or the good times, but not those 3.5 weeks. Edited October 1, 2015 by Liono84
Nep2112 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I hear ya on this one! I remember the last 6 mos of my breakup was really rough. I noticed a major change in our interactions and was very close on a few occasions to ending it myself. Its not like the relationship ending was out of nowhere but it still rocked me and I am still trying to get over it. I try to remember these tough times when I am feeling bad but I am haunted by the good times. I think in my situation at least I remember how happy I was during those good times and its depressing to face the fact that those times are gone for good 1
sparkles_and_me Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I wish I can answer that question as well. It's been 17 days post BU and 2 weeks of NC and whenever I have flashback, they are all about the happy moments that we had whick make me miss him more. I hope we can just focus on the last days/weeks/months that the relationship is getting bad or falling apart or the times our exes treated us badly so dealing with the breakup and moving forward will be much easier.
dumbass2 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Yep, i think we've all been there. When my ex got back in contact with me that's all she ever talked about were the good times. As time went on after that I could see why we weren't together any more. I will still always remember the good times and know that we just weren't meant to be together long term. It was what it was and I'm happy for the time we had together.
Draper Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I suppose it's that 'love is blind' thing coming into play again. We love(d) these people, so naturally it's a lot harder for us to focus on the good times then the bad. In time, as you let go of these people, I think the bad times become a lot clearer and easier to see. When you are stuck thinking on the good times, you have to remember this: just as those good times passed, so will these bad times.
louxor Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 It goes the same with most things in life really - You remember the good things because well why would you wanna remember the bad stuff that makes you feel sad? That trip overseas you took - You remember the fun cultural experience and the great weather. You don't remember how your wallet got stolen or how you were stuck at the airport for 12 hours. The only difference in this case is that it's the opposite - the good memories make you sad and the bad memories make you happy, in a way anyway. So you have to force yourself to remember the bad whenever you remember the good. In the end you did break up, so it can't have been all good.
Meli22 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I think it's normal to be like that. With my last break up though I only seem to remember the bad things of the relationship. I think because I was so unhappy deep down but had my rose tinted glasses on the whole time.
contel3 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I think it's normal to be like that. With my last break up though I only seem to remember the bad things of the relationship. I think because I was so unhappy deep down but had my rose tinted glasses on the whole time. Same for me. I actually wish I could remember the good things too.
Meli22 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Same for me. I actually wish I could remember the good things too. I sometimes do remember the good times but then I remember how I was always walking on eggshells and wondering when the next argument would be. I used to wake up constantly feeling nervous. So even when things were good or we had good times, I could never predict how the next day would be because even during the best times my ex could wake up one morning with ridiculous paranoia and cause a huge argument. 1
Otter2569 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 The good times were amazing BUT the bad times took over and ultimately ended things for one reason or another. I do the same thing believe me. When I focus on a few specific bad instances it helps me remember why Ii walked out...even though I wish it was different...almost every hour of every day!
Hell Yeah Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Remembering the good times personally makes it harder for me. I accept them but that can keep me in the past pining over them and not moving on. I personally prefer to remember the bad times which forces my emotions and state of mind to reflect, and accept that I do not want to be with that person nor contact them. Helps me move on and acknowledge the person they are rather than be the person I want them to be. Peoples reactions and actions in certain situations and events shows their true colours
Nep2112 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Its funny because when I try to remember some of the bad times and arguments where I was "right" (in my opinion) I now in hindsight always give my ex a pass. My freaky mind has now painted them as a saint even though I know thats not true (trust me). I think its becauSe, and all dumpees must be guilty of this to some extent, the bad times dont register an emotional response anymore but now that the person is gone the good times register a strong response emotionally. I think it all comes down to fear. If I knew for a fact I would find that love again, I wouldnt get sad while thinking about previous lost love.
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