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Is it possible to remain friends after an emotional affair/flirting?

candycane0116

By candycane0116
in General Relationship Discussion

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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

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Do you want a 'real' translation of this post?

 

"I LOVE being adored by two men. It really makes my juices flow. And I'm not going to pretend that I'm naive - I KNOW that I'm lying to my boyfriend and I KNOW that I'm leading the married man on. BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD I DON'T WANT IT TO STOP.

 

I'll deal with the moral implications later - but ONLY if I get caught."

 

So I'll ask you. Have you told your mother the truth? (or whomever else in your life whose respect you crave)

 

It was never nothing like that on my part. I genuinely enjoyed the convo about some of our different hobbies & he's even talked to me about my boyfriend and gave me neutral advice about some issues we've ran into & said he'd always be there for me and this was MONTHS after our flirting.. As I said, I don't plan to contact or respond to his texts or calls again.. i don't like feeling the way I do so I came to the conclusion it is not worth my well being to keep it going because at times it's an undertone of more than friendship & if we were really friends I would have been introduced to the wife and family or he would have told me his married when we first began to text in which he didn't I had to ASK... So I'm over it... My parents have also said he's up to no good

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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say if you had an emotional affair with an older man... You don't know his wife or family but he wants to continue being friends minus all the flirting... Do you think it could work?

 

Especially if both people know the attraction is still there? The man even let the woman know that the desire was still there and even after he made it known he didn't want it to get physical but he still continued to contact her... Doesn't make sense especially if he continues to say things to her like he know's she's happy in her relationship but she still has an "appetite" for more... and many other things that are way too long and in depth to mention

 

No, won't work...

 

Cuz one party always wants more - and trust me, the only one who doesn't want more is the married guy. Well, lemme correct that. He wants more - but more for "him".

 

He's not worried one ounce of you getting emotionally attached. As long as he can say/do whatever to keep you coming around and giving him attention (even if it's not physical) then he gets his ego stroked and to hell with you. I mean, he's having sex and laying up to his wife every nite - so of course he can sustain a non-physical RL with any woman...works out just perfect for him.

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starpower Member

starpower

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I also now remember that when I first met him, I didn't find out he was married until 3 months after texting! AND i had to ASK!

 

Once he also said he felt I was a challenge and he liked challenges... But it seems like he may have had a change of heart down the line? Perhaps?

 

It seems you wanted and want him to peruse you? Also you barely mention your boyfriend at all, don't you feel a little guilty? How would you feel if the situation was reversed and it was your bf having the same kind of a relationship as you with a married women.

 

Another thing, why not delete and block his number? easily done.

Edited by starpower
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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

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It seems you wanted and want him to peruse you? Also you barely mention your boyfriend at all, don't you feel a little guilty? How would you feel if the situation was reversed and it was your bf having the same kind of a relationship as you with a married women.

 

Another thing, why not delete and block his number? easily done.

 

Honestly, I think I became too close and too comfortable with the "friendship". I did delete his number.. Sure I did/do feel guilty, that's why I plan to not converse with him anymore.. I care greatly for my boyfriend I just fooled myself thinking me and this other individual could really be friends.. I guess we live and we learn.. And I want to and am going to do better...

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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

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No, won't work...

 

Cuz one party always wants more - and trust me, the only one who doesn't want more is the married guy. Well, lemme correct that. He wants more - but more for "him".

 

He's not worried one ounce of you getting emotionally attached. As long as he can say/do whatever to keep you coming around and giving him attention (even if it's not physical) then he gets his ego stroked and to hell with you. I mean, he's having sex and laying up to his wife every nite - so of course he can sustain a non-physical RL with any woman...works out just perfect for him.

 

You're right.. In which is a waste of my time and energy. Exactly one of the reasons I am choosing to do the right thing before my head and emotions become too far gone

merrmeade Established Member

merrmeade

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You're right.. In which is a waste of my time and energy. Exactly one of the reasons I am choosing to do the right thing before my head and emotions become too far gone
Agree with everything you've been advised and wondering about your ages: How old is he (MM)? And how much older than you?
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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

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Agree with everything you've been advised and wondering about your ages: How old is he (MM)? And how much older than you?

 

I'm 25 and he is 40

Morro72 Established Member

Morro72

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I'm 25 and he is 40

What this means is that he has had at least 15 years to learn how to manipulate women your age. If he had been playing high-stakes poker for 15 years, would you want him to deal you in to his next game? And bet your life on the outcome?

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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

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What this means is that he has had at least 15 years to learn how to manipulate women your age. If he had been playing high-stakes poker for 15 years, would you want him to deal you in to his next game? And bet your life on the outcome?

 

You're right, good analogy. I have been thinking long and hard about this situation and it's not right even if there hasn't been any PHYSICALLY as I said before even when I converse with him something feels off and I have PLATONIC guy friends and this feeling has never came over me before. I a lot of the time feel overall confused and other emotions I can't explain... It's like a never-ending game and I rather not play it because I have no idea what is on this individual's mind.

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turnera Established Member

turnera

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If you want to understand better, just Google "grooming" and "affairs." It'll tell you everything you need to know.

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Spectre Established Member

Spectre

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anymore.. I care greatly for my boyfriend I just fooled myself thinking me and this other individual could really be friends.. I guess we live and we learn.. And I want to and am going to do better...

 

If you cared for your boyfriend you wouldn't of had an emotional affair and you sure as hell wouldn't even consider not telling him.

 

You say "oh we live and we learn" but you have NOT LEARNED since you are keeping this from your boyfriend.

 

If you care about your bf, respect him, and have even a shred of love for him you wouldn't be keeping this from him. But since you have no problem keeping this from him..what does that say? You actually spouted the "live and learn" cliché without actually having learned anything.

 

You can't do better unless you stop lying. So I assume you will read this and rush right out to be honest with your boyfriend right? After all you did say you cared about him so why not prove it via behaving like an adult?

 

But you of course won't say a word..will you? You will continue to allow him to tell you he loves you, to kiss you, to sleep with you, all the while knowing you betrayed him in the worst possible way and being perfectly content to not say a word. Actions speak louder then words and Candy you want nothing but to have your candy and eat it too. Wanna be able to have the emotional affair, act shady, worry more about sleezy married man then your boyfriend..but still totally have the boyfriend be there for you emotionally and physically.

Edited by Spectre
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nightmare01 Established Member

nightmare01

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People who actually love someone don't demonstrate that love by lying to them.

 

Lying is manipulation. Manipulating someone is disrespectful. If you don't respect someone then you don't really love them.

Spectre Established Member

Spectre

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Biggest issue I see is the OP seems to more or less be patting herself on the back for figuring out the married guy was a manipulative prick she doesn't need in her life. Which is certainly a good thing to know, but certainly only half the equation here.

 

This is probably going to sound hurtful to you so I am sorry but: you figured out the MM is shady. It is time for your bf to figure out that *you* are shady. It doesn't mean he'll for sure dump you..some guys probably don't mind when their girl has an affair with a married man.

 

Let me give you some advice I fear you will never actually need: if you do decide to be a good girlfriend and tell your bf do not ever utter any form of the following: "it was only an emotional affair!" or "at least I didn't have sex with anyone". Just don't do it.

Edited by Spectre
Mr Mind of Shazam Established Member

Mr Mind of Shazam

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say if you had an emotional affair with an older man... You don't know his wife or family but he wants to continue being friends minus all the flirting... Do you think it could work?

 

Especially if both people know the attraction is still there? The man even let the woman know that the desire was still there and even after he made it known he didn't want it to get physical but he still continued to contact her... Doesn't make sense especially if he continues to say things to her like he know's she's happy in her relationship but she still has an "appetite" for more... and many other things that are way too long and in depth to mention

Of course not. Keep your distance.

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