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Is it possible to remain friends after an emotional affair/flirting?

candycane0116

By candycane0116
in General Relationship Discussion

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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

Posted
Posted

say if you had an emotional affair with an older man... You don't know his wife or family but he wants to continue being friends minus all the flirting... Do you think it could work?

 

Especially if both people know the attraction is still there? The man even let the woman know that the desire was still there and even after he made it known he didn't want it to get physical but he still continued to contact her... Doesn't make sense especially if he continues to say things to her like he know's she's happy in her relationship but she still has an "appetite" for more... and many other things that are way too long and in depth to mention

pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted

No, this is a bad idea all the way around.

 

If both people had gotten PAST the flirting/attraction, maybe. But keeping this friendship would just be choosing to play with fire.

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Spectre Established Member

Spectre

Posted
Posted

Even if she got past those other stages she still had an affair with him..so no she should never ever be friends with him.

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autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

Posted
Posted

No

 

And that is all that needs to be said, IMO

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Mrs. John Adams Established Member

Mrs. John Adams

Posted
Posted
say if you had an emotional affair with an older man... You don't know his wife or family but he wants to continue being friends minus all the flirting... Do you think it could work?

 

Especially if both people know the attraction is still there? The man even let the woman know that the desire was still there and even after he made it known he didn't want it to get physical but he still continued to contact her... Doesn't make sense especially if he continues to say things to her like he know's she's happy in her relationship but she still has an "appetite" for more... and many other things that are way too long and in depth to mention

 

 

The short answer...NO

The long answer...Hell NO

 

NO NO NO NO NO

 

it will not work...it is wrong...only bad things will happen for all involved

 

Now is this going to go on for a hundred pages everybody saying NO but someone's not listening?

  • Like 7
Spectre Established Member

Spectre

Posted
Posted

May I ask why you still feel an attraction to a married man willing to have an affair? Is it the fact he betrayed his partner that does it for you or just the overall scumbag-ness of the guy?

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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

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May I ask why you still feel an attraction to a married man willing to have an affair? Is it the fact he betrayed his partner that does it for you or just the overall scumbag-ness of the guy?

 

But he said sex is not what he wanted he was just INTRIGUED by me... He decided it was too risky and inappropriate to be like that with one another... BUT continues to texts me and vice versa....

Mrs. John Adams Established Member

Mrs. John Adams

Posted
Posted

there are no buts, ands or excuses....the answer is NO

It doesn't matter what he said....the answer is no

 

it doesn't matter what you want to do...the answer is no

  • Like 5
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted

No

 

 

If that word is to hard let me break it into manageable parts, N O

 

 

As in:

 

 

No

No way

No how

No sir

 

 

That man sounds as a predator that wants to just get into her pants. So he will patiently use the I just want to be friends angle.

  • Like 1
autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

Posted
Posted
But he said sex is not what he wanted he was just INTRIGUED by me... He decided it was too risky and inappropriate to be like that with one another... BUT continues to texts me and vice versa....

 

You're continuing to be involved in the cheating. You are knowingly doing something wrong. You know this. Stop it.

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Lion Heart Established Member

Lion Heart

Posted
Posted
But he said sex is not what he wanted he was just INTRIGUED by me... He decided it was too risky and inappropriate to be like that with one another... BUT continues to texts me and vice versa....

 

EXACTLY THIS ^^^^^ THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IN DOUBLE BOLD AND LETTERS 50 MILES HOW SERIAL CHEATERS

 

GROOM

 

THEIR

 

NEXT

 

VICTIM

 

Everyone here who knows almost EVERYTHING about infidelity is telling you NO.

 

So no!!!!!!

 

I will tell you this about my current WH.

Spoken by a Psychologist / Psychiatrist "you GROOM women".

 

Your AP will say all the right things that 'switch' you on!

 

My WH said to his OWs and I know because I've spoken with them, it's the same approach EVERY SINGLE TIME!

 

HE SAID HE WASNT INTERESTED IN SEX..... at first.

 

One woman took 2 months to coerce. But he got her. Hook line and stupid sinker.

 

Don't BE so dumb as to fall for ANY of it! Seriously.

 

Do you really want a woman like ME phoning you up and asking every minute detail of your affair with her husband? It's already an affair.

 

Yep I even phoned the ones he had on the back burner. The emotional affair "victims". Loosely put. They all knew he was married too. Just like you. Thought he was a REALLY NICE KIND AND CARING BLOKE. Yep. He had his wife, children and son-in-law thinking so too...... somewhat. There was something "weird" going on. Affair Fogs. We know now.

 

However they appear it's all a facade. It's fake. You don't know him at all.

 

Look up NPD. These people lie to manipulate to GET what they want. Maybe you are NPD too. Who knows but don't be a chump.

 

I'd expose him to his wife and I hope you're not in a relationship because BOY that backfired on WHs OWs too. No I didn't tell them. They did.

 

Lion Heart.

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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

Posted
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Posted (edited)

I am in a relationship. Almost a year and a half. My boyfriend knows about the situation & he thinks he is up to no good as well... He's met my boyfriend before due to us being in the same vicinity but has never introduced the wife... He has also said he prefers to not converse with me over the phone if my guy is around... He said not that we have anything going on but I prefer to talk to you when he's not around

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
HereNorThere Established Member

HereNorThere

Posted
Posted (edited)

No one is going to tell you that two affair partners with this much sexual tension between them can be "just friends" but you already knew that. It makes about as much sense as getting out of rehab and moving into a crackhouse. Surely this is hypothetical because no one is this naive unless they are trying to find a way to rationalize something they know they shouldn't be doing.

 

It's totally unfair to call anyone in this situation a victim if they are actively participating in it. You aren't a victim if you're a willing participant.

Edited by HereNorThere
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Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
I am in a relationship. Almost a year and a half. My boyfriend knows about the situation & he thinks he is up to no good as well... He's met my boyfriend before due to us being in the same vicinity but has never introduced the wife... He has also said he prefers to not converse with me over the phone if my guy is around... He said not that we have anything going on but I prefer to talk to you when he's not around

 

Your BF knows you've had an overlapping emotional affair? How does that work?

 

Mr. Lucky

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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

Posted
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Your BF knows you've had an overlapping emotional affair? How does that work?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

He doesn't know the extent of the flirting... but that was before he was in the picture...then tHe guy would contact me here and there but about 8 weeks ago the contact became consistent again... He told me he wanted to give me space since I was in my 1st year of the relationship... but he would always make a point to say at the end,, not that there is anything going on... I mean I don't think a friend would give another friend "space" if it was purely platonic:confused:

kgcolonel Established Member

kgcolonel

Posted
Posted
I am in a relationship. Almost a year and a half. My boyfriend knows about the situation & he thinks he is up to no good as well... He's met my boyfriend before due to us being in the same vicinity but has never introduced the wife... He has also said he prefers to not converse with me over the phone if my guy is around... He said not that we have anything going on but I prefer to talk to you when he's not around

 

I am curious, with the vast majority of the replies being "stay away", and your BF also feeling the MM is up to no good, the MM doesn't want to converse while your BF is around and the MM has proven by actions that he is willing to betray his wife, why would you:

 

Believe anything he has to say?

Jeopardize your relationship with your BF?

Compromise your morals by engaging in a R under these circumstances?

 

Just curious about your reasons?

  • Like 2
MightyPen Established Member

MightyPen

Posted
Posted

To the OP,

 

 

Trust me, I understand the pull if you have developed a close emotional bond to another person, even if (or especially if) you've sprinkled some inappropriate sexual or romantic interactions into the mix.

 

 

It is very tempting to brainstorm ways to "transform" or "reset" the relationship to one that can be more open and healthy for both participants, as well as their significant others. I've been doing that myself.

 

 

I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted to say that I understood and could sympathize with your situation.

Bryanp Established Member

Bryanp

Posted
Posted

How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your boyfriend was involved with an older woman? In addition, you have not been honest with your boyfriend about the extent of your flirting. You clearly are self-destructing your relationship with your boyfriend. He has my sympathies.

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Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

Posted
Posted
But he said sex is not what he wanted he was just INTRIGUED by me... He decided it was too risky and inappropriate to be like that with one another... BUT continues to texts me and vice versa....

And this delusion and naivety is EXACTLY why the older letch likes them young. Because youngin's don't have enough life experience to recognize a dirt bag when they see one.

 

But you'll learn.

  • Like 3
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
say if you had an emotional affair with an older man... You don't know his wife or family but he wants to continue being friends minus all the flirting... Do you think it could work?

 

Depends on the person. At a younger age, it was difficult for myself because the mating urge was still powerful. There was always an undertone of sex.

 

Especially if both people know the attraction is still there? The man even let the woman know that the desire was still there and even after he made it known he didn't want it to get physical but he still continued to contact her... Doesn't make sense especially if he continues to say things to her like he know's she's happy in her relationship but she still has an "appetite" for more... and many other things that are way too long and in depth to mention

 

Yeah, that pretty much describes it. Healthy friendship isn't likely an option with that kind of stuff in play.

 

I got a chance to experience both with someone I had the opportunity to 'grow old' with. As a young man, her H was the enemy. As an older man, and growing the former attraction to friendship, her BF was also a friend and someone I did business with. That's the difference that time and age and life experience can promote. Does it always? Nope! It's very individual. However, based on your posting, my opinion is that friendship is not in the cards right now, a healthy friendship anyway, meaning partner transparency and being a friend of each other's marriages or relationships. Anything is possible though. Probable? IMO, nope.

CaliGypsy Established Member

CaliGypsy

Posted
Posted

This is not a friendship.

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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

Posted
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I am curious, with the vast majority of the replies being "stay away", and your BF also feeling the MM is up to no good, the MM doesn't want to converse while your BF is around and the MM has proven by actions that he is willing to betray his wife, why would you:

 

Believe anything he has to say?

Jeopardize your relationship with your BF?

Compromise your morals by engaging in a R under these circumstances?

 

Just curious about your reasons?

 

You have really good points and honestly I don't know, maybe because I enjoyed our conversations and we had a few common interests... He also said I was his type, if he WASN'T married. Just seemed like a decent guy but everyone around told me he wasn't after telling them the stories. One of my closest friends felt that he wanted me, sexually....

 

One day he asked me if sex is what I wanted? I said that was not my intention.. but before this even came up he made it clear he didn't want to go that far... I don't get it so I think it's best I keep my distance, almost every time I talk to him I feel confused about his real intentions so I guess thats a sign to KEEP MY DISTANCE :confused:

  • Like 1
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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

Posted
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Posted
To the OP,

 

 

Trust me, I understand the pull if you have developed a close emotional bond to another person, even if (or especially if) you've sprinkled some inappropriate sexual or romantic interactions into the mix.

 

 

It is very tempting to brainstorm ways to "transform" or "reset" the relationship to one that can be more open and healthy for both participants, as well as their significant others. I've been doing that myself.

 

 

I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted to say that I understood and could sympathize with your situation.

 

You may be right. Glad you gave me some insight because honestly I don't understand my reasoning when it comes to him or the situation... Usually I am a pretty reasonable person

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
He doesn't know the extent of the flirting... but that was before he was in the picture...then tHe guy would contact me here and there but about 8 weeks ago the contact became consistent again...

 

Since you're still in the early phase of the relationship with your BF when all is shiny, new and good, why are you so desperate for the attention of another man?

 

Mr. Lucky

  • Like 1
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candycane0116 Member

candycane0116

Posted
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Posted
This is not a friendship.

 

My gut has been saying the same thing... I'm trying to learn to listen to it... But sometimes the reason I think I kept the contact going because I was curious... But I think I need to chill... Everyone on here and people in real life are saying RUN & keep your distance!

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