Jinx01 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, we live together, and I would love to keep him forever. However after having "the talk" with him a year ago about getting engaged I realize that it's never going to happen. He's 18 years older than me and has never been married, I'm not expecting him to change. His family is nothing but nice to me, I host thanks giving dinner every year and invite them, I also invite them to other such events...So yes I am nice and civil with them. We got to visit his parents from time to time. However he wants me to be more close with his family and go to family events with him. I feel that I am not family, I never will be. I don't want to get to know these people that well or get attached. Is it unacceptable to refuse to act like I'm family and go with him to family reunions and such things. We are apparently going to be just boyfriend and girlfriend and that's it, do I really need to do more?
kpl Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I don't think its acceptable but only b/c it seems like your real issue is that he won't marry you and it is not about his family. Resentment is a relationship killer. 2
pteromom Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 If you are living with him, you are already integrated fully into his life. So why not go to family events too? I agree that it seems the real issue is you wish he would want to marry you. Is it something you've discussed with him? Have you told him that since you aren't part of his family, you feel like an outsider at family events? If so, what does he say to that? 1
Author Jinx01 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 The issue isn't that he won't marry me. It's that there is an expiration date on our relationship and I'm not sure how close it is. His answer to major disagreements is to pack his stuff and leave. Since he's just living at my house I do most the adult responsibilities like pay bills... We have had this discussion. He doesn't want to break up but doesn't want any sort of obligation to stay. Is there really a point to getting to know his extended family? Aside from the immediate effect of making him happy? I feel it's a huge waste of time.
kpl Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 The issue isn't that he won't marry me. It's that there is an expiration date on our relationship and I'm not sure how close it is. His answer to major disagreements is to pack his stuff and leave. Since he's just living at my house I do most the adult responsibilities like pay bills... We have had this discussion. He doesn't want to break up but doesn't want any sort of obligation to stay. Is there really a point to getting to know his extended family? Aside from the immediate effect of making him happy? I feel it's a huge waste of time. also may be a huge waste of time to stay with him 5
Gaeta Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 The issue isn't that he won't marry me. It's that there is an expiration date on our relationship and I'm not sure how close it is. His answer to major disagreements is to pack his stuff and leave. Since he's just living at my house I do most the adult responsibilities like pay bills... We have had this discussion. He doesn't want to break up but doesn't want any sort of obligation to stay. Is there really a point to getting to know his extended family? Aside from the immediate effect of making him happy? I feel it's a huge waste of time. Anthony Robbins in his book 'the Giant Within' said it's not the answers that are important but the questions. You are not asking yourself the real and important question which would be in my eyes: Why are you accepting to be in this type of relationship? 1
d0nnivain Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 If you two were on the same page about the rest of your relationship & moving towards a deeper commitment, I would encourage you to go to these family events with your BF. But since it seems like he has one foot out the door & his car keys in his hands at all times, what's the point? 2
pteromom Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 He doesn't want to break up but doesn't want any sort of obligation to stay. What do YOU want? And is he willing and capable of giving it to you? Is there really a point to getting to know his extended family? Aside from the immediate effect of making him happy? I feel it's a huge waste of time. It seems you are wasting your time already though. If you know there is an expiration date to the relationship, what the hell are you doing? 1
Redhead14 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 The issue isn't that he won't marry me. It's that there is an expiration date on our relationship and I'm not sure how close it is. His answer to major disagreements is to pack his stuff and leave. Since he's just living at my house I do most the adult responsibilities like pay bills... We have had this discussion. He doesn't want to break up but doesn't want any sort of obligation to stay. Is there really a point to getting to know his extended family? Aside from the immediate effect of making him happy? I feel it's a huge waste of time. You two are at best friends with benefits. The second paragraph above indicates no investment on any level on his part. Why wait for expiration date? He doesn't want to break up because he has it easy and sex. Throw his ass out now.
xcupid Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Sounds like you're delaying the inevitable. If you want marriage and he doesn't then you need to find someone who does.
wb1988 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 You two live together, love each other and seem to want to be together indefinitely, and he seems to want you to consider his family as yours as well. Sounds like basically married to me.
avintagegirl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 The issue isn't that he won't marry me. It's that there is an expiration date on our relationship and I'm not sure how close it is. His answer to major disagreements is to pack his stuff and leave. Since he's just living at my house I do most the adult responsibilities like pay bills... We have had this discussion. He doesn't want to break up but doesn't want any sort of obligation to stay. Is there really a point to getting to know his extended family? Aside from the immediate effect of making him happy? I feel it's a huge waste of time. This post is very telling. Do you want to be married to someone who is always looking for the out? You deserve someone who wants to be all in! He doesnt want an obligation to stay. When are you an obligation? You are supposed to be the reason he wants to be there, not has to be. We are obligated to pay bills, not to live with someone. As I see it there is no point in getting close with his family. It sounds like you two are already in opposing places. Best of luck to you.
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