Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 The OP is a nine. I have two good female friends who are a 9. .. One of them has amazing luck with dating. Her boyfriend is objectively less attractive than her, about a 6.5 or a 7 to most people if he's lucky. But he had a great job and a charismatic personality and treats her like a princess. He jokes about punching about his weight on instagram.. But he's secure and very happy with her. ........ He also doesn't like who wearing too tight clothes because she is so attractive that he knows hair about every man will fall for her if they get the chance. I am a universal 7 and I have pics up here. A nine is notably better looking than me but 7s still don't exactly look like ogre's compared to nines either. Some men even prefer us. I think the difference between me and women like the op, is that, as a 7, I easily find men who are enamoured with me ( men of average looks who are decent) BUT -- a nine will have the men with more confidence, a higher income and who are more desirable... If I go out with my 9/10 mates, a lot more men will prefer them to me look wise. But as a 7, I'll just have SOME men in the bar think I am gorgeous. ....... The difference between me and my 9/10 friends...Their noses. I have nice features aside from my nose. My 7/10 mates both have tiny nose. So the difference between a 7 and a 9 is sometimes minuscule.... 6s and 7 s have no issue finding men who drool over us and think we are ranked higher.. And we aren't too intimidating to approach....Model good looking women don't have as many men who approach aside from the wealthy and or hottest guys with the most popularity in women behind them. It is true then, that mostly hot, wealthy men approach her. Her partner knows how the world works. Women like her hey the most desirable men with the best incomes... That's just how the world works. He has every right to feel mismatched. But end of the day, women have the capacity to fall head over heels for non gorgeous men. Men don't have that ability to be enamoured unless the woman really lights their fire. I'd have a frank discussion. If you're crazy about the guy, why do you see him as a 4? Just curious. My boyfriends just a 10 to me because I am so into how that I have no idea what others think...... Doesn't love make you blind???????? I don't see him as a 4 - the world at large would do. The 9 and 4 refer to how we're generally seen in life, not to how we see each other. One time he came to meet met at work and one of my colleagues commented the next day "he seems nice but he's punching above his weight isn't he?" I hadn't asked her for her opinion or enquired what she thought of him. 1
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) >>>If you're crazy about the guy, why do you see him as 4?<<< ----- Leigh, in a later post, she said she actually sees him as a 9. In her OP, she rated herself a 9, but in a later post, rated herself a 7. Jasmine, if you see him as a 9, and you rate yourself a 7, then seriously girl, what's the problem? What am I missing here? You said you find him adorable snd sexy. Fabulous! Have you told him how hot and sexy you think he is? Sounds like he needs a bit more reassurance from you, tis all. And for some reason, isn't feeling/getting that from you. That can be easily remedied IMO. If it becomes a recurring theme in your relationship, then *that's* a problem. But you just started dating him ....so if it were me, I would build him up a little bit. Let him know how sexy you think he is .... and show by your actions as well. As I said in an earlier post, since YOU see him as a 9, then you are pretty much on equal footing here (with him actually being a bit higher since you later rated yourself a 7) ... and therefore you have every reason to believe this RL *will* succeed. No need to concern yourself with what others or society thinks. They're not dating him, YOU are. So just stroke him a bit (to me that just comes naturally anyway when I am really into a guy) ...and enjoy! Good luck.... Edited October 1, 2015 by katiegrl
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 >>>If you're crazy about the guy, why do you see him as 4?<<< ----- Leigh, in a later post, she said she actually sees him as a 9. In her OP, she rated herself a 9, but in a later post, rated herself a 7. Jasmine, if you see him as a 9, and you rate yourself a 7, then seriously girl, what's the problem? What am I missing here? You said you find him adorable snd sexy. Fabulous! Have you told him how hot and sexy you think he is? Sounds like he needs a bit more reassurance from you, tis all. And for some reason, isn't feeling/getting that from you. That can be easily remedied IMO. If it becomes a recurring theme in your relationship, then *that's* a problem. But you just started dating him ....so if it were me, I would build him up a little bit. Let him know how sexy you think he is .... and show by your actions as well. As I said in an earlier post, since YOU see him as a 9, then you are pretty much on equal footing here (with him actually being a bit higher since you later rated yourself a 7) ... and therefore you have every reason to believe this RL *will* succeed. No need to concern yourself with what others or society thinks. They're not dating him, YOU are. So just stroke him a bit (to me that just comes naturally anyway when I am really into a guy) ...and enjoy! Good luck.... Nope, I did not rate myself as a 7 later in the thread. You seem overly concerned with my level of attractiveness. Like really quite obsessed. Why? It seems this is an area of insecurity for you that you might do well to explore further, offline. I'm not trying to be mean, you genuinely seem to have a bit of a problem in this area. Good luck.
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 **Nope, I did not rate myself as a 7 later in the thread. *** You seem overly concerned with my level of attractiveness. Like really quite obsessed. Why? It seems this is an area of insecurity for you that you might do well to explore further, offline. I'm not trying to be mean, you genuinely seem to have a bit of a problem in this area. Good luck. Hmmm, I could have sworn I read that. Oh well, guess I got you mixed up with Leigh, sorry. No hun, I am not obsessed with your level of attractiveness. As I said earlier, I think it's fabulous you rate yourself a 9. What turned me off earlier, was your *attitude* about your level of attractiveness ...big difference. But I got over that and decided instead to try to be helpful ... hence my above post. To which you responded by attacking me. Good luck right back at ya ...hope it all works out.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Hmmm, I could have sworn I read that. Oh well, guess I got you mixed up with Leigh, sorry. No hun, I am not obsessed with your level of attractiveness. As I said earlier, I think it's fabulous you rate yourself a 9. What turned me off earlier, was your *attitude* about your level of attractiveness ...big difference. But I got over that and decided instead to try to be helpful ... hence my above post. To which you responded by attacking me. Good luck right back at ya ...hope it all works out. As others in this thread have pointed out, I don't have an 'attitude' about my looks. I feel neutral about it. I don't think being perceived as attractive and having made a living from my physical appearance makes me "better" than anybody else but I also don't think it makes me worse than anybody else or that acknowledging my looks means it's ok for insecure people to get on the defensive. If I had come here and said "I'm generally regarded as a '6' and I'm really average looking" I bet you wouldn't have had any issue at all with my 'attitude' - and that my dear is very telling. 2
Leigh 87 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I don't see him as a 4 - the world at large would do. The 9 and 4 refer to how we're generally seen in life, not to how we see each other. One time he came to meet met at work and one of my colleagues commented the next day "he seems nice but he's punching above his weight isn't he?" I hadn't asked her for her opinion or enquired what she thought of him. Wow that's lame. My friends would never talk like that about someone's partne:sick: 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Wow that's lame. My friends would never talk like that about someone's partne:sick: I'm not sure if I made it clear....it was a colleague at work who made this comment, not somebody I've chosen as a close friend. Even so, you are right. The comment is completely uncalled for and I found it upsetting and intrusive. Strangely this colleague is always complaining at work about how she can't find a boyfriend and never gets asked out on dates. So seems odd she would be so discouraging when she sees a couple get together. At the time I'd only just started dating him.
casey.lives Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 he just wants you to make him feel better. Do it but tell him you want a healthy relationship and you can see how this can become an issue. 2
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 As others in this thread have pointed out, I don't have an 'attitude' about my looks. I feel neutral about it. I don't think being perceived as attractive and having made a living from my physical appearance makes me "better" than anybody else but I also don't think it makes me worse than anybody else or that acknowledging my looks means it's ok for insecure people to get on the defensive. If I had come here and said "I'm generally regarded as a '6' and I'm really average looking" I bet you wouldn't have had any issue at all with my 'attitude' - and that my dear is very telling. No of course you don't think you have an attitude about it ... but clearly many others do (or did), and I think it is important to be cognizant of how you come across to other people, whether it be on a message board or in real life (assuming you are here seeking answers /help with an issue you're having).... as it is very difficult to be 100% objective about oneself ...and how you are perceived by others (not just looks). I am entitled to perceive you in any way I wish, and therefore would appreciate your not arguing with me about my own personal perceptions. Thank you. Anyway, like I said, I have moved past that, and gave what I thought might be helpful advice... do you have a response addressing that? About building him up a bit, and not caring what society thinks?
No_Go Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Hm, I'm still not sure that I understand the scale yet, but thanks for the explanation. I'm still curious to see a "9" woman and "4" guy picture... Quite frankly, from your explanation & pictures, seems like you're putting a lot of emphasis in the scale on facial features (nose etc) + weight +wealth -Attraction, I think for straight guys is rarely in direct correlation with facial cuteness. Many women that I know that guys "drool over" IMO have plain to ugly facial features, and dress clownish... Apparently something else make them "10s" in the eyes of the guys. -Weight IMO is a factor to guys if excessive, out of proportion. Guys tend to detect a feature - e.g. square figure, no waist - and conclude about the weight based on that... I have no idea what is considered an attractive weight for guys - e.g. is thin attractive? -Also, how wealth comes as a factor in this scale? Let's not focus on guys wealth but on the one that can be a variable - our own. Is a bigger bank account going to raise my "rating"? Also - dating success & attractiveness... Are not directly correlated either. E.g. what is dating success? E.g. for me almost all my dates led to relationship/desire for one from the guy. However, I have very small number of dates with different guys in total. Quite honestly, it is my attitude towards flirts - if a guy makes open compliments to my looks only - e.g. you look gorgeous, I like your (feature, clothing...), I am not flattered, and tend to ignore... Just random thoughts. Oh, even style. E.g. woman in sports clothes to me usually looks ridiculous, no matter the body gorgeous-ness, because of the compression of the clothes etc, i know many guys that love that look/style. The OP is a nine. I have two good female friends who are a 9. .. One of them has amazing luck with dating. Her boyfriend is objectively less attractive than her, about a 6.5 or a 7 to most people if he's lucky. But he had a great job and a charismatic personality and treats her like a princess. He jokes about punching about his weight on instagram.. But he's secure and very happy with her. ........ He also doesn't like who wearing too tight clothes because she is so attractive that he knows hair about every man will fall for her if they get the chance. I am a universal 7 and I have pics up here. A nine is notably better looking than me but 7s still don't exactly look like ogre's compared to nines either. Some men even prefer us. I think the difference between me and women like the op, is that, as a 7, I easily find men who are enamoured with me ( men of average looks who are decent) BUT -- a nine will have the men with more confidence, a higher income and who are more desirable... If I go out with my 9/10 mates, a lot more men will prefer them to me look wise. But as a 7, I'll just have SOME men in the bar think I am gorgeous. ....... The difference between me and my 9/10 friends...Their noses. I have nice features aside from my nose. My 7/10 mates both have tiny nose. So the difference between a 7 and a 9 is sometimes minuscule.... 6s and 7 s have no issue finding men who drool over us and think we are ranked higher.. And we aren't too intimidating to approach....Model good looking women don't have as many men who approach aside from the wealthy and or hottest guys with the most popularity in women behind them. It is true then, that mostly hot, wealthy men approach her. Her partner knows how the world works. Women like her hey the most desirable men with the best incomes... That's just how the world works. He has every right to feel mismatched. But end of the day, women have the capacity to fall head over heels for non gorgeous men. Men don't have that ability to be enamoured unless the woman really lights their fire. I'd have a frank discussion. If you're crazy about the guy, why do you see him as a 4? Just curious. My boyfriends just a 10 to me because I am so into how that I have no idea what others think...... Doesn't love make you blind????????
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 No of course you don't think you have an attitude about it ... but clearly many others do (or did), and I think it is important to be cognizant of how you come across to other people, whether it be on a message board or in real life (assuming you are here seeking answers /help with an issue you're having).... as it is very difficult to be 100% objective about oneself ...and how you are perceived by others (not just looks). I am entitled to perceive you in any way I wish, and therefore would appreciate your not arguing with me about my own personal perceptions. Thank you. Anyway, like I said, I have moved past that, and gave what I thought might be helpful advice... do you have a response addressing that? About building him up a bit, and not caring what society thinks? Do I care what society thinks? No. Do I feel it is my responsibility to 'build him up' -- honestly no, not really. Obviously I don't want to tear him down either. But I'd like to be with a man who is already quite secure in who he is and that is who I thought he was at first, and hopefully that is who he actually is. To give an example in a different setting and different sort of relationship....if I was working with a co-worker who kept saying 'I don't know how I managed to land this job, I'm just not good enough,' it would not be my responsibility to continually reassure him or her that they have every right to be in that job. We all have our moments of insecurity. But if one person is expected to constantly bolster the other one up it would make for a very unbalanced relationship. 2
PegNosePete Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Do I care what society thinks? No. Then why did you even start this thread? If you don't care what anyone thinks then just get on with either dating him or not dating him based on your own opinion of whether these numbers matter or not. 2
MoreAmore Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Hm, I'm still not sure that I understand the scale yet, but thanks for the explanation. I'm still curious to see a "9" woman and "4" guy picture... that look/style. Google Dennis kusinich and wife And I have only ever heard the scale to be looks not total package It's a superficial rating... Kindness, intellect, etc do not apply 2
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Do I care what society thinks? No. Do I feel it is my responsibility to 'build him up' -- honestly no, not really. Obviously I don't want to tear him down either. But I'd like to be with a man who is already quite secure in who he is and that is who I thought he was at first, and hopefully that is who he actually is. To give an example in a different setting and different sort of relationship....if I was working with a co-worker who kept saying 'I don't know how I managed to land this job, I'm just not good enough,' it would not be my responsibility to continually reassure him or her that they have every right to be in that job. We all have our moments of insecurity. But if one person is expected to constantly bolster the other one up it would make for a very unbalanced relationship. Yeah I agree, that would be tough.... So if I am hearing you correctly, the issue here is not how the world at large rates you or him, it's mostly about HIS own demons and insecuritues within himself .....and feeling inferior or less than in comparison to you. Ugh, not sure if you or anyone can fix that for him. He needs to work that out within himself...perhaps with the help of a good therapist. Also, wanted to say I may have perceived you incorrectly and for that I apologize.. You posted here,, got attacked by many, and became defensive as a result, which is understandable. I think it was your defensiveness that caused me to think you had *attitude* ....again my apologies.... :) 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Then why did you even start this thread? If you don't care what anyone thinks then just get on with either dating him or not dating him based on your own opinion of whether these numbers matter or not. If you can't see my question stated clearly twice in the original post then I'm sorry but I can't be bothered to explain it to you. Why post here without reading the original post? Seems a bit suspect. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Yeah I agree, that would be tough.... So if I am hearing you correctly, the issue here is not how the world at large rates you or him, it's mostly about HIS own demons and insecuritues within himself .....and feeling inferior or less than in comparison to you. Ugh, not sure if you or anyone can fix that for him. He needs to work that out within himself...perhaps with the help of a good therapist. Also, wanted to say I may have perceived you incorrectly and for that I apologize.. You posted here,, got attacked by many, and became defensive as a result, which is understandable. I think it was your defensiveness that caused me to think you had *attitude* ....again my apologies.... :) I did ask him whether he had similar feelings or fears in his marriage (he got divorced quite a long time ago) and he says he didn't. He's not divulged why that marriage ended. I'd like to know but I feel awkward asking. He did claim that his ex wife is "average looking" (his words not mine before you start having a go at me!) I though that was a slightly strange comment but I didn't discuss it with him any further.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Yeah I agree, that would be tough.... So if I am hearing you correctly, the issue here is not how the world at large rates you or him, it's mostly about HIS own demons and insecuritues within himself .....and feeling inferior or less than in comparison to you. Ugh, not sure if you or anyone can fix that for him. He needs to work that out within himself...perhaps with the help of a good therapist. Also, wanted to say I may have perceived you incorrectly and for that I apologize.. You posted here,, got attacked by many, and became defensive as a result, which is understandable. I think it was your defensiveness that caused me to think you had *attitude* ....again my apologies.... :) Thank you for your apology. I apologise too. My issue with the responses was how little they had to do with the question I was asking. I detected a very misogynistic tone with the comments saying that a woman aged 30 is automatically not that attractive. I've already said this more than once but nobody would have had a problem if I'd said something like "I'm not particularly attractive."
No_Go Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Thanks! Got the visual now! In this particular example she's much much younger and taller, makes sense to rate them disproportionately... But funnily I do not find her attractive facially - if I saw her alone, she'd be no higher than average/a bit above average on the scale ... It is interesting how attractiveness levels depend on the context. Google Dennis kusinich and wife And I have only ever heard the scale to be looks not total package It's a superficial rating... Kindness, intellect, etc do not apply 1
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Thank you for your apology. I apologise too. ** My issue with the responses was how little they had to do with the question I was asking. I detected a very misogynistic tone with the comments saying that a woman aged 30 is automatically not that attractive. *** I've already said this more than once but nobody would have had a problem if I'd said something like "I'm not particularly attractive." Quote in asterisk, you're new, but that's pretty much par for the course around here for some. Ya just gotta let those roll off.... 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Thanks! Got the visual now! In this particular example she's much much younger and taller, makes sense to rate them disproportionately... But funnily I do not find her attractive facially - if I saw her alone, she'd be no higher than average/a bit above average on the scale ... It is interesting how attractiveness levels depend on the context. I agree No Go. They both look fine and a similar level of attractiveness. She's just loads taller than him and she looks maybe 30 years younger than him?
No_Go Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Checked it - 31 years younger! Also 3 inch taller but I doubt the latter is the true value. I agree No Go. They both look fine and a similar level of attractiveness. She's just loads taller than him and she looks maybe 30 years younger than him?
Redhead14 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 If this guy's esteem is really so damaged, this really isn't about looks at all. He will have said what he said to any woman who shows interest in him. He doesn't deserve anyone, let alone a beautiful woman. When a man says "I don't know why you want a guy like me" or "you can do better", it really implies that there is something wrong with her for wanting him. It's a rejection of sorts and, yet, he will date her because down deep, since he thinks there is something wrong with her, he deserves her. A woman who continues in this kind of a relationship, often actually has an issue of her own. It's a co-dependent relationship essentially. She isn't sure that he's that down on himself yet though. He may be experiencing a period of situational depression, etc. Since she does like him enough, she can just continue to observe. If the bolstering is necessary all the time, she should move on. 2
MoreAmore Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Thanks! Got the visual now! In this particular example she's much much younger and taller, makes sense to rate them disproportionately... But funnily I do not find her attractive facially - if I saw her alone, she'd be no higher than average/a bit above average on the scale ... It is interesting how attractiveness levels depend on the context. Really? I saw one where she didn't look her best but in the majority of photos she is gorgeous. Much more attractive than many posters here who claim themselves or who others assure them are rated much higher. She was known as gorgeous in the UK even before Dennis. People are harsher in some circumstances than others. If I shared a photo of myself and called myself a 3 or 4 where I would rate myself, people would disagree but if she's a 5 or 6, I really am more a 2.
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I did ask him whether he had similar feelings or fears in his marriage (he got divorced quite a long time ago) and he says he didn't. He's not divulged why that marriage ended. I'd like to know but I feel awkward asking. He did claim that his ex wife is "average looking" (his words not mine before you start having a go at me!) I though that was a slightly strange comment but I didn't discuss it with him any further. Yeah, he is intimidated by you for sure. I have experienced that with a few men I have dated as well, and for me it's a bit of a turn off. And some of those guys were very good looking! I have the opposite problem. My fiance (still feels weird calling him that ...lol) is super good looking and sexy (to many women not just me)..... he gets so many looks and attention from women, sometimes I wish he weren't so hot! LOL 2
MoreAmore Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 If this guy's esteem is really so damaged, this really isn't about looks at all. He will have said what he said to any woman who shows interest in him. He doesn't deserve anyone, let alone a beautiful woman. When a man says "I don't know why you want a guy like me" or "you can do better", it really implies that there is something wrong with her for wanting him. It's a rejection of sorts and, yet, he will date her because down deep, since he thinks there is something wrong with her, he deserves her. A woman who continues in this kind of a relationship, often actually has an issue of her own. It's a co-dependent relationship essentially. She isn't sure that he's that down on himself yet though. He may be experiencing a period of situational depression, etc. Since she does like him enough, she can just continue to observe. If the bolstering is necessary all the time, she should move on. I'm not sure I agree without more information.
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