No_Go Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 For me lack of confidence is a turn off big time. If it is the case for you... it will be hard to move on with the relationship. Do you think something provoked his comments? E.g. situation in which someone commented on your looks? Then it is maybe not a big deal. P.S. Can you post pictures of people that you consider 4s and 9s (not you of course, just random e,g, actors). I never got the meaning of this scale Can this relationship work? As far as looks go I'm about a 9, he's about a 4. I find him sexy. In terms of career and education we're in a similar place. He's very socially awkward, I am introverted too but quite socially confident. On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better. That was very off putting. That's what has made me post this question. Can this relationship work out?
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Although I don't like number-rating, I can totally understand why OP did it here to give us the perspective. Some people are really traditionally good looking and some aren't. OP seems really sweet and to genuinely care about this guy and be attracted to him although he's not beautiful or hot. As a woman, I get why she's turned off. The main thing that turns me off in a man is lack of self confidence. But I get why her guy would genuinely ask her why she's with him and that she can do "better". Society and most people mainly care about looks, so he's surprised such a beautiful girl would be with him. I get it. If it was a oce time thing though (haven't read past page one), and he does have self confidence in general, I don't see why it can't work out. . Yeah, OP I'd be the most worried/checking into that he has the capacity to see past your looks and love you for all of you so that you are more than just a pretty face to him. I think at beginning and for a simple-ish guy at first they are going to be focused on looks and consider the relationship through that filter. I'd definitely make sure you get that bonding from your personality--where you get to express that part of you (your humor, quirkiness whatever). A lot of pretty or beautiful people get adored and even put on a pedestal by their partner but not really "known"/understood and it can be lonely. Just doing that will probably level the field--the why are you with me field. Because the more you bond through things beyond just pure attraction then he will feel more in his element and you will probably feel more cherished because it won't just be about your looks. It will be because you are best friends, etc etc. 1
RedRobin Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I dunno. Could be a passive aggressive way for him to be uncommitted or act like a jerk. I have heard similar from guys who didn't have my education or financial sense. I wasn't dating them for that reason. At all. I don't care about those things... But I learned that THEY do, and they were going to find a way to prop up their ego at my expense in some way... If a guy thinks he's not good enough for me, I shrug and say, you are right... 2
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 JasmineJones, for the life of me, I cannot understand why some people are offended that you posted yourself to be a nine when it's relevant to the issue you posted. Can you imagine a wealthy person coming on LS to try to get answers as to how to deal with aspects of being in a R with a person who has little money and is sensitive about the disparity in your financial situations and being criticized for mentioning they have a lot of money, when that's actually the fact that's causing the dilemma they're trying to work out by posting on LS? To your question, in your place I would have already lost interest in the bf. To me, a lack of confidence is such a turn off that at first mention of being out of your league, I'd have been out of there. Just to inject a bit of humor, even what is wealth to someone may not qualify as wealth to another. I mean, wealth is subjective. Really 2
HereNorThere Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Also... if: Christy Turlington was married to Billy Joel Marilyn Monroe to Arthur Miller Paulina Porizkova to Ric Ocasek... Why can't OPs relationship work? I think people are more weirded out when beautiful hot guys are with ugly and/or fat girls to be honest. I must have missed the post where OP said the "4" was rich, famous and/or powerful. That would completely change the game. For a lot women, those things can absolutely trump good looks. 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Is the OP a 9 ??? Who knows...it doesn't really matter. Many studies have shown people tend to go with people similar to them. So done a 7 will likely date someone 6, 7, or 8. It's rare for someone to go beyond 2 steps from them. It does happen. Usually it's because and attractive woman goes with a lesser man because she is someone who is a jealous type so if she dated a guy similar she has gotten divi of not trusting him or him cheating. He may provide other qualities like financial stable or of a high economic class. He would go with a woman who looked less for similar reasons of cheating jealous or there are other qualities they have that s/he likes such as intellectual, sense of humor, common interests/beliefs.
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 well anyway you had a point. If those marriages can work, why can't OP's. Unless she's constantly telling herself (or her bf) that she's a 9 he's a 4. Hmm being wealthy is objective and being a 9 is subjective (and arguably full of herself). So there is a difference. It seems to me it's not subjective at all if a person is getting plenty of feedback from others that they're good looking. The poster, for instance, is a model. That can hardly be considered subjective. And, imo, because a person is aware that they're good looking is no indicator of being full of oneself. 3
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Just to inject a bit of humor, even what is wealth to someone may not qualify as wealth to another. I mean, wealth is subjective. Really Good point! When I posted the term "wealthy" I was thinking on the order of 50 mil or more. Give or take a few;)To some people that would be peanuts but to me, it's a lot! 1
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Good point! When I posted the term "wealthy" I was thinking on the order of 50 mil or more. Give or take a few;)To some people that would be peanuts but to me, it's a lot! But is a 50 really a 50? I mean..... (in light of "numbers" discussion, lol) 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 But is a 50 really a 50? I mean..... (in light of "numbers" discussion, lol) lol, you got me there. :laugh::laugh: 2
h0000 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 It seems to me it's not subjective at all if a person is getting plenty of feedback from others that they're good looking. The poster, for instance, is a model. That can hardly be considered subjective. And, imo, because a person is aware that they're good looking is no indicator of being full of oneself. and in MY opinion, "im a 7" is "Im good looking. comfortable with myself and confident" "Im a 9" is " Yeah I am that great Ya all can't even compare."
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Nothing wrong with rating yourself. I am a 7. I don't view myself as above or below aside from if I have an obvious hot guy that girls fawn over which I find annoying.... I agree, and if I had rated myself as a 5 none of these people here would have displayed all this faux outrage. I'm taking their ridiculous response with a pinch of salt. Thanks for your reply.
PegNosePete Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I would say that a relationship based on whether you are compatible looks-wise, is probably doomed to failure. No matter whether you're a 3 or a 9, or he's a 9 or a 3. If that's how you're judging compatibility, you're doing it wrong. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Blushes. You're so sweet. But yeah a few men have been nasty to me about my looks so looks will always be subjective to an extent... Some men think I am stunning ( I've been called an 8 and 9 by plenty of men) where as others had told me I am ugly or plain or bad looking....... The thing is, fashion models and certain people will always be hot and attractive and beautiful to MORE people than the average person experiences..... If the op was a fashion model, I can see why he's intimidated and feeling insecure. Who wouldn't? She's obviously a type of woman who has a higher than average number of men who look twice at her and find her gorgeous...... I dated a guy prior to my current boyfriend and he'd tell me how many women would hit on him. Gross. So long as the OP doesn't rub it in that she's desirable! I don't rub in that a lot of men look at me and I make my boyfriend feel like he's the only guy around me. He doesn't need to know that other men look. The OPS boyfriend may hate how men state at her when they are out. My boyfriend personally hates it so he actually averts people gazes before he just doesn't want to look at all the guys staring. Yes, non fashion models get stared at allllll the time in front of their boyfriends...... Why doesn't the OP just never talk about other men and do everything she can to make him feel secure? If she never mentions other men and she is attentive and affectionate to his taste and desire level, and she doesn't hang out one on one with " male friends ", then nothing short of therapy will help...... I never, ever talk about other men to him. When we're out and other men stare at me neither of us talk about it. I don't like being stared at anyway, some women love that sort of attention but plenty don't and I'm one who doesn't. The comments from various people saying women can't be that attractive once they hit their 30s (I'm 31 next month) are very telling and have a misogynistic tone to them. It's been very interesting to see the insecure way some people have reacted to me being bold enough to call myself a '9'. And as I said in a previous post had I called myself a '5' there would not have been any of this laughable vitriol in certain replies. 3
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 I just saw this ^^.... missed it earlier. Actually, that's not what you said (in your original post). You said: >>On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better... Why do you presume he meant better as far as physical attractiveness? How do you know he didn't mean better as far as personality or financially? Just sayin... Erm, because he's told me he thinks I am too attractive to date somebody who looks like him. His words. 2
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Oh common people, get over the fact that she dared to rate herself as a 9! Why do you care so much? She probably is objectively more attractive than the guy she's with, I don't care that she said she's a 9 and maybe she's a 7 or whatever ( I think number ratings are silly anyway), and she doesn't care about that, but he does, and that was her question. Stop giving her so much grief. Thank you for your post. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Nahhhhh. The posts here on The New Topic have been quite emphatic...and I quote: "... If you're in your 30's, you're not a 9." "...Also you can't be a '9' and be 30f[emale]..." "...woman age worse than men usually so..." Other than the fact that OP mentioned she used to be a model, the consensus is quite clear: women over 30 are *never* able to be 9s, regardless of their [previous] profession. Who knew?!? OP also mentioned that it is the guy, himself, who has told her "[she] can do better than [him]" (looks-wise); it is he who has created the attention / potential mismatch over their differences in physical attractiveness...NOT her. Her question - which most (for some *odd* reason) have overlooked in their haste to quick-like put the female OP back in her place was: "Can this relationship work out?" She actually asked it twice, in the OP. Quite a few didn't notice the question, when replying. Thank you so much for this post. I feel quite sorry for the people who've indulged in such an extreme almost hysterical reaction to me saying I'm considered physically attractive. Why does a woman daring to call herself a '9' upset them quite so much, to the point where they become unable to even read the thread in its entirety? 2
David87 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 What happened to”Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?” Op says she's a 9 but maybe if I see her she barney is a 5....in my eyes. Relationships aren't supposed to be based on looks but the conection between the two people. I dont think this one will work because you consider yourself so great an you look down on the guy...he's a 5....your words not mine.....maybe if I see him he's a 7 or an 8 in my eyes...you never know.... This is so shallow ...I'm out:sick: 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Let me ask you this. How often does he see you checking yourself out in the mirror. Knew a very beautiful girl a long time ago that was dating my buddy. She knew how good looking she was and made no bones about it and it made him very uneasy and it got to the point where he let her go and met another girl who knew who she was and accepted it. Please don't take my comment as a rub. It wasn't meant to be taken lie that. Just remembering something from the past. He doesn't see me checking myself out in the mirror at all. I tend to do my grooming (brushing teeth, cleansing, applying makeup, styling hair) in front of the bathroom mirror and he's not in the bathroom with me during that time.
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 I agree with you BluEyeL. OP, tell him in a real heart-to-heart what you think of him, the good things of why you are attracted to him and then say it bothers you when he puts himself down etc and try to clear it up for once and all with some reassurance toward him and a nudge of telling him you don't like it when he puts himself down OR needs to get reassurance from you--when the fact that you're dating him says you believe you are in the same league (for variety of reasons not just looks). Then see if he can rise to your level.....of security! I agree in time when he feels good about being with you and not that it's likely to slip away any minute because it's too good to be true. So on your end if you continue be cautious--sometimes guys with true inferiority complexes once they cross the threshold of being comfortable with you turn into jerks who take you for granted. But there are an equal number of guys who just can't believe their good luck, think you're amazing and just need a some reassurance and guidance (ie you won't stand for his personal put downs and they r a turnoff) to get over the hump. And then turn into amazing bf's. OP i also think it's fine that you stated your "number" about your appearance on here. It's anonymous; you're being brutally honest and your reasons for liking your bf go beyond just his looks and then you feel like you ARE in same league, right? You have been one of the most normal people on here who is talking about her good looks in a totally neutral, fact way rather than some of the other kookoo stuff that goes on when similar subjects come up. I'm assuming what you are saying in the title of this post is to sum up what his insecurities are based in, right? To me, it just seems like you are calling it like it is and disappointed that he is not see you as more than looks and not himself as more than looks. Talk to him, good luck Yes, exactly! Thank you for understanding. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 JasmineJones, for the life of me, I cannot understand why some people are offended that you posted yourself to be a nine when it's relevant to the issue you posted. Can you imagine a wealthy person coming on LS to try to get answers as to how to deal with aspects of being in a R with a person who has little money and is sensitive about the disparity in your financial situations and being criticized for mentioning they have a lot of money, when that's actually the fact that's causing the dilemma they're trying to work out by posting on LS? To your question, in your place I would have already lost interest in the bf. To me, a lack of confidence is such a turn off that at first mention of being out of your league, I'd have been out of there. Thanks for your reply. I understand why you would end the relationship as it is true, lack of confidence is a huge turn off. It was making me start to lose my feelings of attraction towards him. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Author Posted October 1, 2015 Just to inject a bit of humor, even what is wealth to someone may not qualify as wealth to another. I mean, wealth is subjective. Really Yes wealth is subjective. Even height is to an extent. A 6ft or 6ft 1 man might describe himself as tall or taller than average but if he's in a room full of basketball players he's going to look like a midget in comparison. And somebody on a six figure salary is poor compared to Jay-Z 1
Lalasita Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Relationships aren't supposed to be based on looks ..just my 2 cents
Leigh 87 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 For me lack of confidence is a turn off big time. If it is the case for you... it will be hard to move on with the relationship. Do you think something provoked his comments? E.g. situation in which someone commented on your looks? Then it is maybe not a big deal. P.S. Can you post pictures of people that you consider 4s and 9s (not you of course, just random e,g, actors). I never got the meaning of this scale The OP is a nine. I have two good female friends who are a 9. .. One of them has amazing luck with dating. Her boyfriend is objectively less attractive than her, about a 6.5 or a 7 to most people if he's lucky. But he had a great job and a charismatic personality and treats her like a princess. He jokes about punching about his weight on instagram.. But he's secure and very happy with her. ........ He also doesn't like who wearing too tight clothes because she is so attractive that he knows hair about every man will fall for her if they get the chance. I am a universal 7 and I have pics up here. A nine is notably better looking than me but 7s still don't exactly look like ogre's compared to nines either. Some men even prefer us. I think the difference between me and women like the op, is that, as a 7, I easily find men who are enamoured with me ( men of average looks who are decent) BUT -- a nine will have the men with more confidence, a higher income and who are more desirable... If I go out with my 9/10 mates, a lot more men will prefer them to me look wise. But as a 7, I'll just have SOME men in the bar think I am gorgeous. ....... The difference between me and my 9/10 friends...Their noses. I have nice features aside from my nose. My 7/10 mates both have tiny nose. So the difference between a 7 and a 9 is sometimes minuscule.... 6s and 7 s have no issue finding men who drool over us and think we are ranked higher.. And we aren't too intimidating to approach....Model good looking women don't have as many men who approach aside from the wealthy and or hottest guys with the most popularity in women behind them. It is true then, that mostly hot, wealthy men approach her. Her partner knows how the world works. Women like her hey the most desirable men with the best incomes... That's just how the world works. He has every right to feel mismatched. But end of the day, women have the capacity to fall head over heels for non gorgeous men. Men don't have that ability to be enamoured unless the woman really lights their fire. I'd have a frank discussion. If you're crazy about the guy, why do you see him as a 4? Just curious. My boyfriends just a 10 to me because I am so into how that I have no idea what others think...... Doesn't love make you blind???????? 1
David87 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Your bf is a 10 to you, but what is he for others? Just curious. 2
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