h0000 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Fashion model means she knows how to model clothes. She's most likely tall and very thin.... Had she been a face model or cover girl, her attitude would make more sense. But hey, good for her for rating herself a 9. Having confidence is fabulous. But when someone starts making blanket statements claiming to be a 9 or 10, as if it's FACT.... that sounds a bit presumptuous (arrogant) IMHO!! I agree on everything but one: "being confident and call herself a 9". I would think 7 or something is confident and 9 is plain stuck-up and over-estimating herself. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I've dated really good looking men but just as many average looking ones. A man's looks aren't of that much importance to me. It's become an issue here because this man keeps talking about the disparity between us in terms of physical attractiveness. I just saw this ^^.... missed it earlier. Actually, that's not what you said (in your original post). You said: >>On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better... Why do you presume he meant better as far as physical attractiveness? How do you know he didn't mean better as far as personality or financially? Just sayin... Link to post Share on other sites
MoreAmore Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Have you reached a point now where you feel completely confident in your relationship? xx I am completely confident he is attracted to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Fascinating meta-discussion of modeling and subjective rating systems but let's get back to the thread starter and her paramour. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better. That was very off putting. That's what has made me post this question. Can this relationship work out? Why are you with him? If you can easily and confidently respond to his question then you're on the right track. Why was his question off putting? I interpreted your reaction as you seeing truth in his comment (which is why I added the comment about you considering your options, better options) Link to post Share on other sites
poofitsgone Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I think the title is what put so many people in "attack mode". Can you imagine if the BF saw that she wrote that? Whether it works out depends on no one but you two. Let him know that in your eyes hes 9, and that you feel lucky to be the one going out with him(which hopefuly you do). And make sure he knows that you don't like him thinking like that. If his self-confidence issues stay long term, he might have some deeper issues he needs to work on. If it does or doesn't work out, it won't be because your better looking than he is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 This has sexless relationship written all over it Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 BTW OP if you're not a mainstream model, you're probably highly overrating yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr1oyalty Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Can this relationship work? As far as looks go I'm about a 9, he's about a 4. I find him sexy. In terms of career and education we're in a similar place. He's very socially awkward, I am introverted too but quite socially confident. On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better. That was very off putting. That's what has made me post this question. Can this relationship work out? If you both want it to. When I first met my wife she was a 9 or 10 as far as the social status quo and I was probably a 5 thinking I was a 8 lol. That said sometimes the attraction math does not add up. A 9 and a 4 may produce sparks two 10's never could. About 6 years later I was taller and leaner, my face went from round to super chiseled and I didn't really notice, but my wife did! I did notice women were nicer to me in general but it didn't hit me until I noticed my wife was jealous of the extra attention. Socially being in the same "league" physically could have been a problem if we made it one. Two 10's may try to compete with each other, so anything can work, or not work. My wife did need reassurance that I still wanted her and not all these other women. She asked more Q's like what was it I love about her and things like that because for most people looks are the #1 factor and they just don't admit it. So he may wonder what you see, especially if he has money. If the attraction or bond # is high then that's all that will determine if it can work. If he keeps bringing it up though he may value looks too much, and maybe its you who should be wondering why he is with you? If he feels lucky because of your looks that's not good IMO. I never felt lucky because of my W's looks, even me being a 5 and all because where I live a beautiful woman is a dime a dozen. To be honest its to the point where when I see a woman who has a gap in her teeth or something I actually find it beautiful and refreshing because everyone's trying to look "perfect"/the same IMO. Off topic there but anyway my wife was one of a kind in who she was morally and personality wise and understood me which to me set her apart. Hopefully if you guys have a good thing you don't end it to please on lookers, and end up a plastic smile for Facebook but miserable in your soul/real life couple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Let me ask you this. How often does he see you checking yourself out in the mirror. Knew a very beautiful girl a long time ago that was dating my buddy. She knew how good looking she was and made no bones about it and it made him very uneasy and it got to the point where he let her go and met another girl who knew who she was and accepted it. Please don't take my comment as a rub. It wasn't meant to be taken lie that. Just remembering something from the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I disagree with most of the other posters that it 'can't" work, it really depends on the guy and on you. I wouldn't bounce now, I'd give it time to see if he continues to be insecure and to what extent. For now, I'd just let it go. In time, he won't be so amazed by your beauty anymore and he'll just get used to it. I would tell him that honestly, his persistence in putting himself down doesn't make you feel good and ask him to stop expressing himself that way. I agree with you BluEyeL. OP, tell him in a real heart-to-heart what you think of him, the good things of why you are attracted to him and then say it bothers you when he puts himself down etc and try to clear it up for once and all with some reassurance toward him and a nudge of telling him you don't like it when he puts himself down OR needs to get reassurance from you--when the fact that you're dating him says you believe you are in the same league (for variety of reasons not just looks). Then see if he can rise to your level.....of security! I agree in time when he feels good about being with you and not that it's likely to slip away any minute because it's too good to be true. So on your end if you continue be cautious--sometimes guys with true inferiority complexes once they cross the threshold of being comfortable with you turn into jerks who take you for granted. But there are an equal number of guys who just can't believe their good luck, think you're amazing and just need a some reassurance and guidance (ie you won't stand for his personal put downs and they r a turnoff) to get over the hump. And then turn into amazing bf's. OP i also think it's fine that you stated your "number" about your appearance on here. It's anonymous; you're being brutally honest and your reasons for liking your bf go beyond just his looks and then you feel like you ARE in same league, right? You have been one of the most normal people on here who is talking about her good looks in a totally neutral, fact way rather than some of the other kookoo stuff that goes on when similar subjects come up. I'm assuming what you are saying in the title of this post is to sum up what his insecurities are based in, right? To me, it just seems like you are calling it like it is and disappointed that he is not see you as more than looks and not himself as more than looks. Talk to him, good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Although I don't like number-rating, I can totally understand why OP did it here to give us the perspective. Some people are really traditionally good looking and some aren't. OP seems really sweet and to genuinely care about this guy and be attracted to him although he's not beautiful or hot. As a woman, I get why she's turned off. The main thing that turns me off in a man is lack of self confidence. But I get why her guy would genuinely ask her why she's with him and that she can do "better". Society and most people mainly care about looks, so he's surprised such a beautiful girl would be with him. I get it. If it was a oce time thing though (haven't read past page one), and he does have self confidence in general, I don't see why it can't work out. If he keeps being insecure even after you have a chance to tell him about the things you admire in him, then I am not sure it can work as you'll get annoyed with him in no time as he'll get jealous and paranoid anytime you speak with another guy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 In a way I agree, only models are 9s. Ugh hate system rating though ugh ugh ugh! BTW OP if you're not a mainstream model, you're probably highly overrating yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Although I don't like number-rating, I can totally understand why OP did it here to give us the perspective. Some people are really traditionally good looking and some aren't. OP seems really sweet and to genuinely care about this guy and be attracted to him although he's not beautiful or hot. As a woman, I get why she's turned off. The main thing that turns me off in a man is lack of self confidence. But I get why her guy would genuinely ask her why she's with him and that she can do "better". Society and most people mainly care about looks, so he's surprised such a beautiful girl would be with him. I get it. If it was a oce time thing though (haven't read past page one), and he does have self confidence in general, I don't see why it can't work out. If he keeps being insecure even after you have a chance to tell him about the things you admire in him, then I am not sure it can work as you'll get annoyed with him in no time as he'll get jealous and paranoid anytime you speak with another guy. But everyone has insecurities about one thing or another. As long as they are not crippling, you make allowances Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 In a way I agree, only models are 9s. Ugh hate system rating though ugh ugh ugh! Is that only if you are basing on looks and nothing else? Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Also... if: Christy Turlington was married to Billy Joel Marilyn Monroe to Arthur Miller Paulina Porizkova to Ric Ocasek... Why can't OPs relationship work? I think people are more weirded out when beautiful hot guys are with ugly and/or fat girls to be honest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Nah when people use numbers here they are specifically talking about looks. Is that only if you are basing on looks and nothing else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Also... if: Christy Turlington was married to Billy Joel Marilyn Monroe to Arthur Miller Paulina Porizkova to Ric Ocasek... Why can't OPs relationship work? I think people are more weirded out when beautiful hot guys are with ugly and/or fat girls to be honest. But that should not be weird either, right? Of course I can't think of an example. Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Nah when people use numbers here they are specifically talking about looks. Kind of a bummer. Especially because it is likely based in a conventional/boring standard of beauty 1 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 But that should not be weird either, right? Of course I can't think of an example. Hugh Jackman and his wife? Aaron Johnson and his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Wow never seen this guy Aaron in my life but checked and his wife is 23 years older and they still managed to have kids. Interesting. Maybe I should go for a 20 year old after all haha. Sorry derailing the thread * running ashamed * Hugh Jackman and his wife? Aaron Johnson and his wife? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I am not sure Hugh is a fair example 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Oh common people, get over the fact that she dared to rate herself as a 9! Why do you care so much? She probably is objectively more attractive than the guy she's with, I don't care that she said she's a 9 and maybe she's a 7 or whatever ( I think number ratings are silly anyway), and she doesn't care about that, but he does, and that was her question. Stop giving her so much grief. I see good-looking people of various ages all day long. It DOES make sense that some of them are right here too posing their own questions, making posts. The threads with less interesting titles don't get looked at as much. So even if this one is becoming polarizing at least it got people's attention. Hopefully she is getting some of the advice she needed to solve her dilemma. I don't think she came on here to debate or defend her looks. The title's just an attention-grabber. She explained herself WELL in the first post. The ratings were for looks only; as objective as one can make them and are her bf's issue not hers. She is only having a problem with his insecurity about it. She hasn't even mentioned what "other people" think of them as some other poster did a while back (that's shallow). I haven't seen an indication that she cares what others think of them. I think she just wishes he believed he had every right to be in the relationship. Objectively, rating looks only, I see 9's with 4's all the time so obviously, as we all do, people decide to be with their partners for a variety of reasons. It still doesn't remove the fact that on some sort of subjectively scale, one partner can be much better looking than the other and it causes some problems in the relationship. This is a relationship problem same as all the others posted here. She deserves advice, just like other posters do. She hasn't at all had an arrogant tone or vibe posting about her looks, in fact quite the opposite. I think she is sincerely looking for advice. And she can't post about her situation being that it involves her looks vs his and HIS feelings about it without giving us those facts. The "9" and "4" are points of reference and of course subjective if we all were in a room together. But probably even then we could/would objectively say: she's much better looking than him. And we could all be thinking her bf is charming and funny and immediately understand why they are a couple. The 'issue" is why doesn't he understand it???? And how to make him understand or will he never believe it and thus is the relationship doomed? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 JasmineJones, for the life of me, I cannot understand why some people are offended that you posted yourself to be a nine when it's relevant to the issue you posted. Can you imagine a wealthy person coming on LS to try to get answers as to how to deal with aspects of being in a R with a person who has little money and is sensitive about the disparity in your financial situations and being criticized for mentioning they have a lot of money, when that's actually the fact that's causing the dilemma they're trying to work out by posting on LS? To your question, in your place I would have already lost interest in the bf. To me, a lack of confidence is such a turn off that at first mention of being out of your league, I'd have been out of there. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Wow never seen this guy Aaron in my life but checked and his wife is 23 years older and they still managed to have kids. Interesting. Maybe I should go for a 20 year old after all haha. Sorry derailing the thread * running ashamed * well anyway you had a point. If those marriages can work, why can't OP's. Unless she's constantly telling herself (or her bf) that she's a 9 he's a 4. Can you imagine a wealthy person coming on LS to try to get answers as to how to deal with aspects of being in a R with a person who has little money and is sensitive about the disparity in your financial situations and being criticized for mentioning they have a lot of money, when that's actually the fact that's causing the dilemma they're trying to work out by posting on LS? . Hmm being wealthy is objective and being a 9 is subjective (and arguably full of herself). So there is a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
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