fitnessfan365 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Youre a 9? Did you assign that number to yourself? I hope you never tell him you think youre a 9 and he is a 4. It makes you sound super shallow. If you think he is attractive then date him. If not then let someone else who thinks so date him. You literally want to be with this man because of his career? How about you build yours up? I was thinking the same thing. People with a high opinion of themselves that have a "I'm better than and settling" mentality aren't attractive at all IMO.
guest569 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 His confidence must be incredibly low. As most here know, i am seriously lacking in it but I've never had that sort of mentality in dating or relationships. I agree that it is offputting but so is superiority
Art_Critic Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 it won't work if you really think he is a 4 and you really think of yourself as a 9... you need to stop the number rating system and look at a person as someone with value, rating someone a 4 shows you have no value for them and too much value for yourself. 1
Art_Critic Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I dated out of my league and married up.. cool for me.. but does that mean my wife suffered.. no way... as someone in their 50's I have learned that age has a way of leveling the playing field... last years 4 is todays 8 and so on... 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Who knows if it will work or not. That's up to the two of you. All I will say is that I had a similar experience and it can be very off putting when you're with someone who constantly questions your attraction for them and who doesn't believe they deserve to be with you. In the end, it didn't work out with this guy because it became draining having to convince on a daily basis. And if I'm being really honest, his insecurity got the better of me and eventually made me question my attraction - something I wouldn't have done otherwise. Good luck. 1
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 What he said would really bother me but only because i would find it insulting. I dont believe in leagues and if he started questioning my decision to be with him he would get a kick up the backside. It sounds like your interest level is pretty low though. Assigning a ranking to each of you and wondering what else you could find is not a good sign. . Where did I wonder what else I could find?
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 It's not going to work because you've already admitted to us that you think he is beneath you. I realize there is a scale when it comes to looks, but it does take a rather self important person to call themselves a 9 and refer to their partner as a 4. A healthier, more modest person would simply state they are more physically attractive. It's not so much that you are more attractive, it's your narrow scope of view. Honestly, you won't be happy until you find someone who you think meets your standards. The paradox is that any "9" male has his pick of girls in their twenties, which stastically most men prefer. It is what it is, but until you admit yourself that he doesn't meet your standards, you're just setting him up failure. It already sounds like you are shifting the blame around a little bit so you don't look like the bad guy when this implodes. I've dated really good looking men but just as many average looking ones. A man's looks aren't of that much importance to me. It's become an issue here because this man keeps talking about the disparity between us in terms of physical attractiveness. 2
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 Who knows if it will work or not. That's up to the two of you. All I will say is that I had a similar experience and it can be very off putting when you're with someone who constantly questions your attraction for them and who doesn't believe they deserve to be with you. In the end, it didn't work out with this guy because it became draining having to convince on a daily basis. And if I'm being really honest, his insecurity got the better of me and eventually made me question my attraction - something I wouldn't have done otherwise. Good luck. I understand what you are saying. Thank you for wishing me luck.
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 I was thinking the same thing. People with a high opinion of themselves that have a "I'm better than and settling" mentality aren't attractive at all IMO. So neither of you read the post. I said that he and I are in a similar position in terms of career and education. We both have successful careers. Very strange to post such a judgmental and off base response without even having read the original post. Do you do this often?
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 it won't work if you really think he is a 4 and you really think of yourself as a 9... you need to stop the number rating system and look at a person as someone with value, rating someone a 4 shows you have no value for them and too much value for yourself. I just know that I'm physically attractive. That has nothing to do with value. It's for the most part just a random genetic thing you have little control over. You're the one who attached value to it.
PaperCrane Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I used to be severely overweight. Like "daaaaaaaamn". I was a 5 at best. No self putdowns here. I didn't dress super well and physically I'm not the best put together. It's just what it was. I met a girl who by all accounts was a 9/9.5. She did yoga, was tall and long legged. Perfect slight tan, college student going for her masters, sharp as a tack and overall was gorgeous as a person and in body. The whole time we spent together before she had to leave she would always say how she loved my laugh, how I made her smile, the way I would kiss her and when we pulled away how I'd smile. I always would think "What the the hell is she doing?". I kept it to myself and she went on her way after the summer. I would think on what I thought and I realized what was wrong. My perception of what makes a person 'enough' for someone else was so skewed. It's up to them, not me. Why should I have the gall to think another person isn't smart enough to know what they want? If you really do like him, reinforce that. If his life was anything like mine, he's had a life of putdowns and being rejected by typical pretty girls, most likely, and it will take a short time for him to come around. 5
lollipopspot Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 If his life was anything like mine, he's had a life of putdowns and being rejected by typical pretty girls, most likely, and it will take a short time for him to come around. Maybe a short time, maybe not. If his lack of self worth is very ingrained and entrenched - maybe he even gets some psychological pay-off for it when people try to reassure him that he's worthy - it may not go away so easily. 3
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 I used to be severely overweight. Like "daaaaaaaamn". I was a 5 at best. No self putdowns here. I didn't dress super well and physically I'm not the best put together. It's just what it was. I met a girl who by all accounts was a 9/9.5. She did yoga, was tall and long legged. Perfect slight tan, college student going for her masters, sharp as a tack and overall was gorgeous as a person and in body. The whole time we spent together before she had to leave she would always say how she loved my laugh, how I made her smile, the way I would kiss her and when we pulled away how I'd smile. I always would think "What the the hell is she doing?". I kept it to myself and she went on her way after the summer. I would think on what I thought and I realized what was wrong. My perception of what makes a person 'enough' for someone else was so skewed. It's up to them, not me. Why should I have the gall to think another person isn't smart enough to know what they want? If you really do like him, reinforce that. If his life was anything like mine, he's had a life of putdowns and being rejected by typical pretty girls, most likely, and it will take a short time for him to come around. You've really hit the nail on the head. I 100% agree.
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 It seems like people attach a lot of emotion and even pain to physical attractiveness (or lack thereof) Some seem outraged that I came out with it and said I am about a '9'. I said this on the basis of having worked as a model and general feedback from others both through work and in my personal life. It's no different from me saying something like "I'm tall" or "I'm blonde." There will always be somebody taller than me or blonder than me and it's also somewhat subjective, ie some people might not consider me tall or attractive. One's looks are not an achievement. None of it has anything to do with who I am inside, what my dreams and fears are or what makes me laugh or cry. 2
katiegrl Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 This is happening already. I don't understand why he doesn't realise that if I didn't find him adorable and sexy and interesting I wouldn't be dating him. If you truly find him so adorable, sexy and interesting, then why did you label him a 4? Would that not be more in line of an 7, 8 or even 9? In YOUR eyes? But yet you labeled him a 4. Why, can you clarify? 3
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 If you truly find him so adorable, sexy and interesting, then why did you label him a 4? Would that not be more in line of an 7, 8 or even 9? In YOUR eyes? But yet you labeled him a 4. Why, can you clarify? The '4' is based purely on physical attributes. In my eyes he is a '9'. 1
Imajerk17 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 This is such a strange thread. OP, you may not like the responses, but YOU were the one who titled your thread "I'm a 9 he's a 4", and so your title is what is coloring the responses that are calling you shallow. I mean, who decided you were a 9 and he was a 4? Sounds like YOU did, hence your title. Anyway, moving on here. How did you meet this guy, and what attracted you to him? Relationships with insecure people can work out. Can this relationship work? As far as looks go I'm about a 9, he's about a 4. I find him sexy. In terms of career and education we're in a similar place. He's very socially awkward, I am introverted too but quite socially confident. On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better. That was very off putting. That's what has made me post this question. Can this relationship work out? 3
deadelvis Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) Physically she's hot. But he's not. She still likes him and sees him as a viable partner Edited October 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 This is such a strange thread. OP, you may not like the responses, but YOU were the one who titled your thread "I'm a 9 he's a 4", and so your title is what is coloring the responses that are calling you shallow. I mean, who decided you were a 9 and he was a 4? Sounds like YOU did, hence your title. Anyway, moving on here. How did you meet this guy, and what attracted you to him? Relationships with insecure people can work out. I don't think it's really strange. It's no different from somebody titling a thread 'I'm 5'11 and my bf is 5'5' or 'I'm 25 and my bf is 65.' It's just to give really quick background relevant to the question. My bf's issue is simply the fact I'm widely perceived to be a lot better looking than him and he keeps telling me I can do better than him. I could have chosen to be coy and tactful in this thread and pretended not to be attractive but that would not give a very honest background to the issue.
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 This is such a strange thread. OP, you may not like the responses, but YOU were the one who titled your thread "I'm a 9 he's a 4", and so your title is what is coloring the responses that are calling you shallow. I mean, who decided you were a 9 and he was a 4? Sounds like YOU did, hence your title. Anyway, moving on here. How did you meet this guy, and what attracted you to him? Relationships with insecure people can work out. I met him through OLD. I was initially attracted to his photo (taken 10 years ago he later told me). And quickly it was his intelligence and gentleness that attracted me.
lollipopspot Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 If you truly find him so adorable, sexy and interesting, then why did you label him a 4? I can understand why she did. I was with a guy who objectively was not seen as attractive as I am. I can acknowledge that. But to me he was plenty handsome and beyond or separate from his "number." So there's the external way of seeing someone, and then my own internal way of seeing someone. Both can both be "true" as far as that goes. 3
mrldii Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 OP, I agree with the others who've indicated it can (not necessarily will) be a problem. It is always easier to drag someone down off a ladder than it is to pull someone up one. Since you both obviously agree that - at least in some [important] aspects - you are 'better' than him...and especially since he's already making noises about it ('You can do better than me...), there's a strong indication that it'll be *easier* for him to tear you down rather than it will be for you to build him up, for you to be on the *same* level. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do... 2
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 I can understand why she did. I was with a guy who objectively was not seen as attractive as I am. I can acknowledge that. But to me he was plenty handsome and beyond or separate from his "number." So there's the external way of seeing someone, and then my own internal way of seeing someone. Both can both be "true" as far as that goes. I'm so happy that somebody gets it!
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 OP, I agree with the others who've indicated it can (not necessarily will) be a problem. It is always easier to drag someone down off a ladder than it is to pull someone up one. Since you both obviously agree that - at least in some [important] aspects - you are 'better' than him...and especially since he's already making noises about it ('You can do better than me...), there's a strong indication that it'll be *easier* for him to tear you down rather than it will be for you to build him up, for you to be on the *same* level. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do... No, I am not "better". I am just generally viewed as quite a lot more physically attractive. That is not the same thing as being "better." Ted Bundy was good looking!
Author JasmineJones Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 OP, I agree with the others who've indicated it can (not necessarily will) be a problem. It is always easier to drag someone down off a ladder than it is to pull someone up one. Since you both obviously agree that - at least in some [important] aspects - you are 'better' than him...and especially since he's already making noises about it ('You can do better than me...), there's a strong indication that it'll be *easier* for him to tear you down rather than it will be for you to build him up, for you to be on the *same* level. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do... I really hope that doesn't happen.
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