I'm a 9. He's a 4.

[JasmineJones]

Can this relationship work?

 

As far as looks go I'm about a 9, he's about a 4. I find him sexy. In terms of career and education we're in a similar place. He's very socially awkward, I am introverted too but quite socially confident.

 

On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better. That was very off putting. That's what has made me post this question.

 

Can this relationship work out?

[BluEyeL]

Relationships are built by two people. It's up to the two of you if this relationship will work out.

[d0nnivain]

Probably not because you aren't looking at him with your heart.

[JasmineJones]

Probably not because you aren't looking at him with your heart.

 

I am starting to really care for him. It is early days in the relationship. His lack of confidence does put me off though and the fact that more than once he has said I am 'out of his league' feels like a turn off.

[GorillaTheater]

On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better. That was very off putting.

 

I can see where it would be; it was a pretty bone-headed move on his part.

 

But assigning these numbers to yourself and this guy is fairly off-putting as well.

[Redhead14]

Can this relationship work?

 

As far as looks go I'm about a 9, he's about a 4. I find him sexy. In terms of career and education we're in a similar place. He's very socially awkward, I am introverted too but quite socially confident.

 

On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better. That was very off putting. That's what has made me post this question.

 

Can this relationship work out?

 

People with this mindset are often difficult to have an emotional connection with. Their self-esteem is very low. They don't like themselves and will always question. You will likely find yourself "bolstering" him often and dealing with insecurity as the relationship "develops" and the development of it will be very slow if at all.

 

And, basically, they are saying that if you want a guy like me, there's something wrong with you too.

[JasmineJones]

I can see where it would be; it was a pretty bone-headed move on his part.

 

But assigning these numbers to yourself and this guy is fairly off-putting as well.

 

Assigning numbers is not something I'd do offline. But on here nobody knows me or him or what we look like so I am just being brutally honest. I am an ex fashion model, now in my 30s. I don't think looking a certain way makes me a better person or a worse person. But again being brutally honest it has sometimes had an impact on my relationships, sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a bad way.

[JasmineJones]

People with this mindset are often difficult to have an emotional connection with. Their self-esteem is very low. They don't like themselves and will always question. You will likely find yourself "bolstering" him often and dealing with insecurity as the relationship "develops" and the development of it will be very slow if at all.

 

And, basically, they are saying that if you want a guy like me, there's something wrong with you too.

 

This is happening already. I don't understand why he doesn't realise that if I didn't find him adorable and sexy and interesting I wouldn't be dating him.

[kendahke]

Can this relationship work?

 

As far as looks go I'm about a 9, he's about a 4. I find him sexy. In terms of career and education we're in a similar place. He's very socially awkward, I am introverted too but quite socially confident.

 

On the last date he asked me why I was with him and he told me I can do better. That was very off putting. That's what has made me post this question.

 

Can this relationship work out?

 

No. He's on his way out.

 

Any time a man tells you that you can do better than him, believe him and bounce.

[autumnnight]

If I was him and I read your thread title? Nope.

[BluEyeL]

I disagree with most of the other posters that it 'can't" work, it really depends on the guy and on you. I wouldn't bounce now, I'd give it time to see if he continues to be insecure and to what extent. For now, I'd just let it go. In time, he won't be so amazed by your beauty anymore and he'll just get used to it.

 

I would tell him that honestly, his persistence in putting himself down doesn't make you feel good and ask him to stop expressing himself that way.

[JasmineJones]

I disagree with most of the other posters that it 'can't" work, it really depends on the guy and on you. I wouldn't bounce now, I'd give it time to see if he continues to be insecure and to what extent. For now, I'd just let it go. In time, he won't be so amazed by your beauty anymore and he'll just get used to it.

 

I would tell him that honestly, his persistence in putting himself down doesn't make you feel good and ask him to stop expressing himself that way.

 

Thanks. I would like to try and make it work.

[Redhead14]

This is happening already. I don't understand why he doesn't realise that if I didn't find him adorable and sexy and interesting I wouldn't be dating him.

 

He doesn't see himself that way and won't believe anyone else who tells him he is. Like I said, he is wondering what's wrong with you for wanting him. There will be a lot of push/pull here. If someone doesn't love themself, they don't think they are lovable.

 

What is his relationship history? This could be a temporary state of mind for him if it didn't start in childhood. What kind of childhood did he have?

[JasmineJones]

He doesn't see himself that way and won't believe anyone else who tells him he is. Like I said, he is wondering what's wrong with you for wanting him. There will be a lot of push/pull here. If someone doesn't love themself, they don't think they are lovable.

 

What is his relationship history?

 

He was married for about 10 years. He's been divorced since 2009 and he says he and his ex wife get along fine now.

[kendahke]

He was married for about 10 years. He's been divorced since 2009 and he says he and his ex wife get along fine now.

 

He may still be hung up on her.

[JasmineJones]

He may still be hung up on her.

 

what makes you say that?

[JasmineJones]

He doesn't see himself that way and won't believe anyone else who tells him he is. Like I said, he is wondering what's wrong with you for wanting him. There will be a lot of push/pull here. If someone doesn't love themself, they don't think they are lovable.

 

What is his relationship history? This could be a temporary state of mind for him if it didn't start in childhood. What kind of childhood did he have?

 

So far he has told me that he was not a popular kid at school. He did not have a happy childhood and did not enjoy school.

[Redhead14]

He was married for about 10 years. He's been divorced since 2009 and he says he and his ex wife get along fine now.

 

Hmmm, it's unlikely then that this "condition" came with him into adulthood, but not impossible. Do you know why it ended?

[Redhead14]

So far he has told me that he was not a popular kid at school. He did not have a happy childhood and did not enjoy school.

 

Yeah, ok, but he was married. I'd have to wonder about the quality of the relationship overall aside from the fact that it ended. I wonder how it started and whether the wife "overlooked" this same attitude for the same reason you are and finally got to the point where she just couldn't keep him propped up.

[JasmineJones]

Hmmm, it's unlikely then that this "condition" came with him into adulthood, but not impossible. Do you know why it ended?

 

I don't know why it ended. I thought it rude to ask. I did look at his ex's Facebook page (I know I shouldn't have).

[Photofinish]

Youre a 9?

 

Did you assign that number to yourself?

 

I hope you never tell him you think youre a 9 and he is a 4. It makes you sound super shallow.

 

If you think he is attractive then date him. If not then let someone else who thinks so date him.

You literally want to be with this man because of his career? How about you build yours up?

[JasmineJones]

Youre a 9?

 

Did you assign that number to yourself?

 

I hope you never tell him you think youre a 9 and he is a 4. It makes you sound super shallow.

 

If you think he is attractive then date him. If not then let someone else who thinks so date him.

You literally want to be with this man because of his career? How about you build yours up?

 

You haven't read my original post or the rest of this thread.

[Redhead14]

I don't know why it ended. I thought it rude to ask. I did look at his ex's Facebook page (I know I shouldn't have).

Yeah, I'm not saying you should at this point. Wait it out a little. If you are enjoying time spent with him, go ahead and date him. Just observe him and how he relates to you. If over a period of time he's just superficial with conversations and not very attentive or expressive toward you emotionally, it's not very likely to change.

 

If this develops and you don't feel as though you can go into those kinds of things, he's just not opening up. Sure, it takes time for some people to do that, but there should be other things that are coming forth to offset that for a while. In other words, if he's not making you feel special or cared for overall on top of not being able to open up, he's completely shut down.

 

Give it a little time. Date other guys too. Don't get too invested in this one too soon. You don't need a "project"

[guest569]

What he said would really bother me but only because i would find it insulting. I dont believe in leagues and if he started questioning my decision to be with him he would get a kick up the backside. It sounds like your interest level is pretty low though. Assigning a ranking to each of you and wondering what else you could find is not a good sign. .

[HereNorThere]

It's not going to work because you've already admitted to us that you think he is beneath you.

 

I realize there is a scale when it comes to looks, but it does take a rather self important person to call themselves a 9 and refer to their partner as a 4. A healthier, more modest person would simply state they are more physically attractive.

 

It's not so much that you are more attractive, it's your narrow scope of view. Honestly, you won't be happy until you find someone who you think meets your standards. The paradox is that any "9" male has his pick of girls in their twenties, which stastically most men prefer.

 

It is what it is, but until you admit yourself that he doesn't meet your standards, you're just setting him up failure. It already sounds like you are shifting the blame around a little bit so you don't look like the bad guy when this implodes.