Have I accepted or am I going through the motions?

[Helz87]

Hi all

 

I posted yesterday about how me and my ex have been split for 18 months I moved home we have still seen each other all the way through and slept with each other now and then. I was the dumper he's gone through the whole grief process for a long time and I think he's only just accepting and has admitted to me he isn't over us but I think he now knows he doesn't want us to be together.

 

We had a bad relationship I would say 1 year from 8 was good he has an addiction to weed anger issues etc so I am fully aware the relationship was extremely toxic. I've felt very down the past 3 days but before this I was plodding along in life but I felt somewhat numb neither happy or sad just going through the motions of life. Now my ego has been knocked knowing I no longer have a hold on the situation I'm experiencing mild effects of a break up I don't feel the total hopelessness depression but I definitely feel sad and it's on my mind all day.

 

I had a bit of a revelations today and realised this is happening because I need to mourn my past a bit but let new love in which is what I want to be happy I'm also full of guilt for how my ex has felt for so long but I'm working on that, do you think I'm in the stage of acceptance? I always thought once you get to this stage you feel happiness but I feel sad I don't know if that's just fear of change.

 

I'm NC unless it's something to do with our son so unfortunately I will still need to see him on occasions I'm just trying to make some sense of why I feel like this I don't want to bargain with him or get back together I feel no anger towards him just happy that he wants to move on but also sad because it's been a big chunk of my life.

 

Thanks for reading it probably makes no sense but would love to hear from people feeling similar or have been through the same.

 

Thanks xx

[Shock148]

Just like we said yesterday the fact that you ended things but still would go and sleep with him and whatnot means thats you really never went through the motions at all. 3 days is a good sign that you are entering the acceptance stage, but of course its basically like things ended 3 days ago so it is still way too early for you to start feeling happy. You will not have that for a while because you technically broke things off with your bf 2 years ago but official ended things 3 days ago. Ending a relationship means its the end, not occasional **** buddies or emotional support. That's just going from a formal relationship to an informal one. You need a lot of time by yourself to heal before you find happiness again. However do not worry about it. It will come in time. Just keep it NC with him unless it has to do with your son and when you see him keep it strictly platonic. Keep the conversations short. If he asks you how are you doing? Say I am doing well hope you are as well. Even if it's a front do it. If he asks if you want to hang out or talk tell him no that you are busy or have plans. Only talk to him about your son. If anything talk about your son right away if there is anything that is needed (money wise, time with his son, etc.) and then leave once that conversation is over. Don't linger around, don't talk about anything else, just see him for however many minutes, get what you need to get from him for your son, and leave.

 

And it is fear of change. You havent had anything different in 8 years. However, once you meet a man who treats you better you will realize that you should have moved on a long time ago. Trust me, it will happen.